Today is August 8th. The last time I made an entry it was March 28th. While I was fine for a while, I am back to where I was back then. Sad again, with no explanation for why. Loneliness that has become ever consuming. I can't even begin to think of how to feel better, what to do to alleviate the sadness. But it's always at night when I'm alone with my thoughts that they run rampant and I think about every little possible thing. Making this entry because I told myself this would be how I unload and release my thoughts and feelings that are becoming too heavy to carry. Unfortunately, that's where I am right now. It feels like too much. I want this sadness to stop. Work, sleep, work, sleep. not having enough time or energy to finish a show or read a book. but plenty of time to just be overwhelmed by thoughts of how lonely I am and trying so hard to deny it, but I guess therein lies the issue. I've been trying so desperately to deny that i've been feeling this way in the hopes that it will go away on its own but it hasn't. Sometimes I just want to turn off my thoughts, to stop feeling. And no not in that way. I would never hurt myself but the idea of never waking up seems so peaceful to me. I've said it before, I want, need an escape, away from everyone and everything. Everything has become a reminder of how sad and lonely I feel. And I don't want to feel this way anymore. Maybe I need to start therapy? Maybe this journaling isn't enough? I am so desperate for comfort and solace but I don't have anyone for that. I have my friends but they can't give me the love that I am looking for. Will I ever have that love again? Do I deserve that kind of love again? I am trying so so so hard to just be and that is getting to be exhausting. When will it end? When will I feel happy again?
theartofmadeline
discoholicmusic
germansingergirl
kaledo-art
dailybridgerton
annaxmalina
titsay
stormborns