if you were wise enough to know that this life would consist mostly of letting go of things you wanted, then why not get good at the letting go, rather than the trying to have? these exotic revelations bubbled up involuntarily and i began to understand that the sleeplessness and vigilance and constant feedings were a form of brainwashing, a process by which my old self was being molded, slowly but with a steady force, into a new shape: a mother. it hurt. i tried to be conscious while it happened, like watching my own surgery. i hoped to retain a tiny corner of the old me, just enough to warn other women with. but i knew this was unlikely; when the process was complete I wouldn’t have anything left to complain with, it wouldn’t hurt anymore, i wouldn’t remember.
— miranda july
