Fear does not determine value.
I once thought that because I fear losing something, that must mean I value it greatly. I thought that someone who feared losing me must think me so special. Recently, while combing through my Bible, I came across this one text that I had highlighted before. I do not remember when or why I highlighted it, but it was there: 1 John 4:18. Today, as I was watching a popular relationship-centered reality show, it hit me. These people were so desperate and hung up on the fear of losing each other that they were hurting each other. The only reason they were hurting and inflicting pain on each other is because they feared - feared losing the other, feared the amount of pain the other could possibly inflict of them, feared.
Fear is erratic. In some cases, fear is irrational. In all cases, fear incites anxiety or panic. Neither of these things can be or should be called a product of love. It is not something to be glorified. I remember my first relationship. Because he was so scared I might do something to betray him, it caused him to act out in such a way that caused me great pain to the point that I realized - this was not love. If he loved me, he would find peace in me. In my love, he would find joy patience, faith, kindness... (Galatians 5:22-23) Instead, he feared. This caused our relationship great suffering. It was a love that was damaged. And we were so overcome by fear that we could not make the necessary repairs.
Today, I am married to a man who, when we agreed to tie ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives, there was no fear. And on our wedding day when the car broke down on the way to get made up and dressed for our appointed wedding, there was no panic - only peace. Someone who, when I think about my future with him, our love helps me overcome some of that fear that starts creeping in.
I will not say that my love with my husband is perfect. I will not say that I do not still fear some aspects of our future. I do. Sometimes I worry about our financial future and how much of what we want to do we can really accomplish. However, I will say that our love is something that helps me battle that fear, not something that incites it. I do not want to live my life in fear. I do not want the people I love to believe that fear is caused by or enhances love. I want to continue practicing my love by casting out fear and getting to the point where it shall be made perfect in the absence of it.
With God, I fear. I will come out and say it right now. I fear. I fear the future. I fear my judgment. I fear my sin. Yet, I hope. I recognize the wrong in my fear and I am willing to work on my love for Him until I get to the point where I fear no more. I long for the day in which I can face each day so connected to Him that I do not fear anything that may come in our way or attempt to break that connection. I long for the day in which I look at His Word and hear His Voice and do not fear it. I long for the day my love for Him is made perfect.
Perfect love inspires confidence, not fear.
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"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 (NKJV)
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