A brilliantly written piece in the Independent today about sums up how I feel about the ‘Monster-in-law e-mail saga’
Carolyn Bourne may not be my idea of the idea mother in law, but she does spell out some home truths to the future daughter in law, Heidi Withers which she should perhaps take note of.
She’s right, you should never insult the future family in public no matter what you think about them. Not only does this reflect on the type of person you are, but it also reflects badly to your future husband or wife, after all if this is what you think of their mother or father what might you think about them in years to come?
And of course if you are in someone else’s home you should abide by their rules in the same way as you would expect them to abide by yours when they visit you in your home. It’s basic manners.
And as for them marrying in a castle, Christ even us working class types have a bit of taste and realise that is something outlandishly tacky unless you actually own the place!
Putting it all down in an e-mail however is in itself tacky and crass, but in a day and age when people only seem to communicate by text and e mail perhaps it was the only way to get the message through.
What is crass however is the reaction of the future daughter in law. E mailing what was intended to be a private communication to her friends makes you wonder what kind of PA she really is. If she cannot keep confidential information regarding her own behaviour how can any manager trust her with the information they have given to her in trust? Worse than that is the fact that she evidently thinks her behaviour so right that she audacity to pronounce it to the world by forwarding on this e mail without stopping to think about how she would look first.
Then there is the bridegroom to be, he is the man stuck in the middle of this after all, stuck between his family and his fiancé in an unwinable war. With these two women either side of him you have to feel sorry for the poor lad.
His mother may well not like his fiancé, but it’s the fiancé who has put him into this publicly embarrassing position by forwarding on the e mail without thinking of the consequences first and thinking only of herself and her image.
Perhaps her future mother in law is right, she should see some assistance in her etiquette ‘with the utmost haste’
