I went to The World's End in Camden last night to meet Suzanne, a new friend I've inadvertently made through work. What was supposed to be a quick drink and a first chat turned into 5 hours of conversation and laughter. We discussed everything from existential dread to my Chinese zodiac sign and horoscope both being goats (what's with that, by the way?).
She's a climber - that's how we sort of came together. We also work in the same field, have the same interest in music and books, are the same age... and both very much partnered. I was really worried the whole thing would feel super awkward. I'd even suggested a last minute alteration to the plan to join other colleagues of mine. She insisted it's better being just the two of us. I'm so glad it was. I don't remember the last time I'd felt so at ease with someone.
Not sure how we even got onto the topic but I told her how I so envy people who can be their unfiltered self in all situations. I never can. My personality and character changes depending on who I'm with. I adapt to the energy and the people in the room. Some think that's quite an important social skill. I think it's because of my constant fear of being judged or disliked. I told her that this issue has caused me problems for as long as I can remember, and it means I really struggle with my sense of self.
Suzanne told me that perhaps my "thing" in life - my only constant - is that I've never really known who I am. I've not stopped thinking about it since. Hmm.
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