blogging like it’s 2012

just writing it out because the internet is too loud and my head is too full.

[everything-under-the-sol]

ENTRY 3: Life Update

Started new at work, and it has been good so far.

I truly accept that I love people, socializing, and randomly talking to everyone. I don't restrain or isolate myself anymore. I have finally accepted it, and that is one of the greatest reliefs I have ever felt.

Anxiety is still taking a toll on me, especially when all eyes are on me. But I'm not pretending anymore. I am accepting that I like being the light source in the room, making people feel welcome, warm, and seen.

I started taking care of myself too! I hit the gym every other day, and I am loving every second of it.

I'm still showing up and getting better than the last blog post.

[everything-under-the-sol]

Entry 2: back to square one

My life right now is so fucking idk what i am doing.

All i want to do is not work. I just want to have enough money to explore the world and be just a girl in the world... u know that feeling? Just existing without the "adulting" part.

I had a rest of two weeks and hahahahaha, i have pasok nanaman this coming May 8. I literally got rehired to the company i resigned a year ago. It feels like i’m coming back to this kasi... I don't know, do i always make bad choices?

I don’t want to have a victim mindset, okay? I don’t want to sound ungrateful. But I am getting so pissed at my life right now.

EVERYONE around me is getting better. Better skin. Better jobs. Better salaries. BETTER BUT NOT ME. They’re out here romanticizing their lives while I’m here with debts I need to pay hanggang November.

They got the large salaries. Meanwhile, ako ito bumalik sa old company ko kasi yung company na pinasukan ko was a JOKE. Literally, the fuck.

Honestly, even my skin right now is not good. My hair is frizzy. I’m broke. I’m just... idk.

I hope this life gets better naman. Because honestly? I’m tired of trying so hard just for nothing "best" to happen. I’m doing the work, I’m showing up, but I’m still waiting for the part where it finally feels worth it.

Until then, I guess I’m just here. Waiting for November. Waiting for the shift.

Maybe tomorrow feels different.

Yun lang ulit.

[everything-under-the-sol]

The Weight of the "Undo" Button

Traffic nanaman kasi. It’s in these long, slow moments that your mind just starts to wander. I wanted to write this down, old-school blogging style, just to get it out of my head.

Lately, my feed has been full of the fallout between Chezka Carandang, Kath, and Clare Inso. We’ve watched the journey—the heartbreak of 2025, the finding of oneself, and eventually, the calling off of an engagement. Now, the "ship has sailed" for a new couple, and while there’s so much kilig online because two hearts are finally happy, I can’t help but look at the one left behind.

I saw a post of Clare Inso recently. She’s smiling, focusing on her business, doing everything possible not to look like the "kawawa" ex. But eyes don’t lie. Looking at her, I felt this heavy realization: "replaceable" ka pala talaga, no?

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying cheating or making mistakes is okay. Maybe this is just the weight of consequences. But I still feel a pang of sympathy.

Kung ako siya, I don’t know how I’d survive the pain. The hardest part is the realization that wala kang karapatan masaktan kasi ikaw ang may kasalanan. You just have to suck it all up. You have to learn from your mistakes and carry that weight for the rest of your life.

It’s a painful reality. With just one mistake, you can’t undo what has been done. The worst part isn't just the loss—it’s knowing you hurt the person you loved the most. You’re happy that they are happy now, but it stings because you’re forced to realize that happiness no longer includes you.

It’s a quiet kind of sad.

Yun lang. [ Currently Listening To: Ang Pag-ibig - Kanibalismo ]

[everything-under-the-sol]

To Chak,

C, dito ko na lang sasabihin lahat.