Look What You Did To Me

Rest In Peace Olivia Penpraze ♥♥ 2nd February 1993- 3rd April 2012. We all miss you more than you will ever know. "I didn’t realize it, but the days came along one after another, and then two years were gone, and everything was gone, and I was gone"

[elegyforadream]

[elegyforadream]

[elegyforadream]

[elegyforadream]

[especially]

[everythingcanbenothing]

I wish life had worked out differently.

It’s been a very long time since I’ve written a post on here. So much has happened it’s hard to even believe I am still here.

The past few years have been a whirlwind. Up and down. Confusing. Angry at the world. Confused with myself and who I even am as a person. All them years that I found myself attached to one person so desperately and clinging onto them.. I finally had the answers I needed. I wasn’t mad or crazy. I was diagnosed with BPD only a few months ago. All my emotions I feel so intensely, so deeply. So deep they hurt. It feels every part of my body will break.

Many a time I’ve been close to the end. A few failed attempts. The darkness that has consumed me for more years than I could even count, finally came to a head. I didn’t want to do life anymore. I thought of all the people I had hurt in my time and how much happier they would be without me. Even now, most days are hard to get through. I live with Suicide ideation always. And yes, over the years I’ve learnt to mask my pain with a smile, I’ll never forget all the good people I was lucky enough to have had in my life. Each one, left a mark and a memory. I still miss them now. The pain is still there but now I have a new pain. A pain I live with everyday. And I’m just waiting for that next person in my life to leave me too.. Everyone says I have become stronger but I don’t think that’s true. They don’t know how much it hurts me to breathe.

I guess I’m not sure why I’ve written on here but as it always used to be, it’s my escape. Life hasn’t worked out the way I thought it would. I mean, I never thought I’d make 19, let alone 26. Here’s to all those who have still survived 🤍

[opryskliwe]

[darkphotographs]

Dark

[darkphotographs]

Dark

[astral-terrorist-reruns]

“The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd — The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.”

— Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet, trans. Richard Zenith 

[solucja]

[darkphotographs]

Dark

[wielkiimarzyciel]

[lovelysuggestions]

You have survived every moment of your life, even the ones you swore you wouldn’t. This time is no different; you will last.

[janasojka]

Meadow in my head.

[resilient-cherub]

I’m too sensitive for this earth. I wasn’t made to exist.

[pancze]