Another reason the "socialization" argument is bullshit is that this demand to uphold the contract goes ALL ways.
If you are a man, you must be the MANLIEST man, and you must PROVE it by punishing those Less Manly Men for their "failure".
And if you are a woman, you must be the PERFECT woman, and you must demonstrate it by punishing other women for their "failures". We just don't tend to see it as being equivalent thanks to...you guessed it, misogyny!
We don't see girl-on-girl gendered bullying for the abuse it is, because "girls are too weak to do serious harm" - it's just "cattiness", it's just "chick fights", it's just what girls do (because they're just all a bunch of overemotional harpy bitches, right?).
It's mothers, not fathers, who are the primary purveyors of "sweetie don't get your dress dirty" "when are you going to get married and give me grandkids?" "it's just ONE dinner please just wear the dress" "you'll never get a boyfriend if you go out looking like that" and all that other bullshit.
You say you don't want kids while being perceived as a woman, and who shows up to INSIST that you're wrong and you'll DEFINITELY change your mind some day? Mostly women - it often feels like the simple phrase "I don't want kids" is a summoning call for every damned tradwife or wannabe tradwife in a 50-mile radius.
Women aren't immune to patriarchal ideology by virtue of being harmed by it - in fact, they have a key role in upholding it.
This said, I would argue that it's not entirely true that the punishment that men get for failing at their role is necessarily worse. It's stricter, how far you can deviate before "punish the freak" kicks in at full force, in some respects (I've never known a 5-year old girl to be smeared as a probable sexual predator for wanting to play with trucks, but MANY kindergarten-age boys being treated as such for wanting to play with Barbies, for example) but more forgiving in others (see: how the threshold for being considered "fat (derogatory)", for women, is "letting it be visible that you have any subcutaneous fat at all like some kind of human"), but once you deviate far enough, it's been my observation that we all kind of meet at the bottom - that is to say, you have the Men, who are valued more than the Women, but BOTH of them are valued more than the freaks, the faggots, the dykes, the trannies, the hermaphrodites, the failures.
But, society at large will dangle a carrot on a string for us. "Just be cisgender", they say. "You can't hack it as a man but you made a perfectly fine tomboy, nothing wrong with that," people say. "You'll never be a real woman, just admit you're a man who likes pink," they say-
Hoping that we forgot that they didn't fucking like that either.
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