What Lies Ahead
"What lies ahead?" I asked her
"Second word of your question" she answered.
Her name is Ai, she told me it's a Chinese word which means love. It fits her perfectly because Ai is a girl you can easily fell inlove to. Like there's nothing about her one cant love. She has a picturesque face, which features a very kissable lips, well pointed nose and a set of starry eyes. I love everything about that face but i love more her eyes, they feel like home every damn time i looked at her. Almost everything about her physical features is perfect if not only for that broken smile.
I found what Adam Levine was looking for, a girl with a broken smile. I found her on a place Rihanna described as a hopeless one. I found love in a hopeless place. I found Ai in a hopeless place.
Behind her beautiful face is a dark tragic story. She grew up on a broken family, what's worse was, she was the reason behind the falling or that's what she keeps on saying. Although for me, a family could only be broken if the couple who swear to God to stay together forever, broke that oath. But I can't convince Ai that she's not the reason. She's embraced already what other people called her, the "0own home wrecker".
It happened when her father who was then high on drugs almost raped her. Her mom was working abroad by that time. When Ai escaped she told her uncle about the incident but he didnt believe her, no one in his father's side did. So she decided to go on the run till she reached Manila where some of her mother's relatives live. They believed her so they went back to Batangas to get her other siblings. That was when everything turned sour, she was painted by her father's side as a liar, a whore, and a story-maker. That she only made up the story so she can go on the run with her boyfriend by that time, Kram. He betrayed Ai by siding with the father's version of story. To make it short, her siblings continue to live with her father, while her mother who went back home chose to just move on and live with another man.
The suffering went all to Ai. She blamed herself for what happened. She keeps on thinking that if she only let her father, her family will still be whole, which is of course straight bullshit. Now Ai hate herself especially with the thought of what her father couldve done to her youngest sister. But she cant do anything, she's still studying and living with her mom and stepdad. She doesnt have the money to get back her siblings and provide them their needs. All she has was her past.
I got to know almost everything about her when I met her on a support group for suicidal people. Months ago, Ive been so stressed and depressed I thought of ending my life. I told my most trusted friend about it and she set me up immediately for consultation. Then my psychiatrist told me to join this support group. I couldnt have been more thankful, because it's been 9 months and Im doing better than I ever was. Ive found new friends within the group, most especially, I found love in what people call as a hopeless place.
I became so close to Ai for the past 9 months that's there nothing about her I dont know and vice versa. We became really comfortable opening up to each other about our painful past, how we stay hopeful for the present and be a whole lot better for the future. Days passed and I realized, Im already in love with her. And it pained me everytime I see her in pain, if only there's some way to ease her from her ugly past. For her to heal and be comfortable to feel again.
On our tenth month in the group, she announced that she'll be leaving. Her aunt who's living already in America wants her to live with her there. She chose to agree for she knows she will have a better future there which hopefully can help her to get her siblings back one day.
After the talk within the group, after she said her goodbye to other members turned into friends, we went on the rooftop and talk:
"What lies ahead?" I asked her
"Second word to your question" she answered.
I smiled sadly and said back, "I hope one day you get the truth and the justice that needs to be served"
She smiled back, again a broken one, and told me, "I'm not hoping anymore, I'm just gonna do it, maybe not now, but one day"
Then we hugged, I hugged her tightly but I didnt say a word. The moment seemed too perfect for words to matter. All I know was Im happy that somehow she became optimistic and even braver than she was months ago.
I didnt tell her I love her. I thought my actions were enough for her to know. Plus, I know Ai doesnt need a lover when she cant even love herself. I remember when she told me her name is such an irony, for all her life, all she knew was hatred.
So after the hug, I just told her to take care and Im gonna miss her. I told her I'll be writing her a letter every now and then.
She smiled at me, this time, it's not broken but a hopeful one. She didnt say a word as we went down hand in hand. But I can feel it, and somehow, that was enough.










