My husband asked for my submission and I gave it because we’ve been married for years and he’s a good man. But I’m a little and he doesn’t like it. He wants to be my master and me his slave. I feel lost and I handled things better when we just did things vanilla. It has really killed some of my feelings toward him and I tried talking to him but he has asked me to just keep trying. I’m so uncomfortable. How do I take things back to where they were? I don’t want this to ruin our marriage.
My best suggestion would be to have another hard and honesttalk with your husband. Hold your ground and let him know that want to makethis work and want to meet his needs but that this is destroying you as it is. D/s is hard work, but it’s a journey you shouldboth enjoy taking. If you’re not happy, you need to reset to go back to thenegotiation stage. Try working on a list of needs vs. wants. Work to identify what dynamics you both envision in 3 months, 6 months, a year, 3years, etc. and look to see where thecommonalities lie. Something to keep in mind is that going from vanilla tomaster/slave is a huge jump and misses a whole host of behaviors andexperiences that should come before it. A D/s dynamic should follow the structure of your needs, his needs, his wants,your wants.Starting over is not a bad thing - you have a solid base in yourmarriage but maybe some assistance from a therapist could help you navigate thewaters. Check the Kink Aware Professional directory https://www.ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/search-kapor check with your local dungeon for recommendations. Other good sources wouldbe to ask in a local Fetlife group or do a search for therapists who indicatethey specialize in alternative lifestyles or LBGTQ issues. Make sure to calland ask if they are kink aware. Even just a few sessions could help clear the path.
Unfortunately, trying to coerce or convince you to continue on when you are not happy on is not going to work. Again, stand yourground, safeword out of the dynamic if you need to, but don’t allow any furtheremotional damage to occur when all you may need is a reboot. Wishing you thebest.-asubmissiveview
