Has Always Been a Maybe
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Looking back on the instants when she had died and he since then had to learn to live without her. Even when he tried to find some other path without her, it could never be the same after her, it had to be her in this life. always. Even more when it seemed like maybe he could make process it was then titled away. One of the lives that he can remember of their almost moment.
Was in 1775, It was the first official times when she died, he couldn't believe that she was gone just like that. Screaming for her to wake up, calling for anything for anyone to bring her back to him. Shaking noticing there was nothing for him to do for her. Before he could properly mourn her, he was soon accused of killed his wife. Neither agreed to this marriage as it was arranged, could not stand each other, before they started to learn about each other.
Their moments were always small, so close to becoming something, an ideal thing before it was slowly taken away. Not knowing what to expect from this life, as he sat across from Nina, couldn't help but look her, noticing that she still wore her glasses to read, how her mouth would an upturn when thinking deeply about something. Sure, there time was always a fleeing breath, but he still remarked on the small parts about her. He smiled recapturing the small times with her, while the eyes that returned to him showed a completely distantly kind of look.
Jessica who was introduction everyone at the table to Awan, starting with Royce then going to Genesis and lastly Nina. Nina who still hasn't even acknowledged Awan’s existence at the table. As she introduces them the clear contrast from the other interaction, sensing there was unspoken, unshared distant here, that no one could understand clearly.
Genesis, who was seating besides Nina, bumped her in the foot, causing Nina to turn to her and her face show a clear annoyance with the whole interaction. Surprised since she hardly seen her annoyed at this volume at her. Not telling if this truly meant for her or for the person across from her.
Nina turning away from Genesis and giving Awan of the fakest smile she could muster. While he shared a genuinely smile towards her, it seemed cruel to do this to a guy who seemed nice, but she made that same mistake once, she was not going let him break her. Even if now, he did her no harm.
“Nice to meet you all” he said offering a smile to each one. Expressing how glad he was to meet everyone. Each one returned the same smile back, other than Nina who tired her best to smile at him while having a deep glare at him wanting the look to just kill there.
He then told them what he was majoring in, it was nice for her to see that that he still had his musical abilities, recalling the time he named nocturne after her. She looks at him and wonders if he still knew the notes, the way he played truly moved her then, not knowing if she could get that same feeling back once again, it was genuinely beautiful to witness. Wished if she could treasure that time just a little while longer. But there no longer no room to keep dreaming.
Nina who had gotten deep lost in the past happier times, not even noticing that he was trying to talk to her. Asking her what she was majoring in as he done with the other members at the table. “I’m sorry got lose in my thoughts a bit, but as the same as Genesis, so far it’s been fun, I can’t say the same for the food” she said jokily, getting a laugh out of Awan. As he laughed, she readjusted her position in the chair and clearing her throat.
Genesis who sat next her noticed, and wonder just what the problem was, turning back to Awan and then Nina once again, searching for what could explain this unmentioned tension, that shouldn't be here for people who are only meeting for the first time.
As the sound charmed in each one became to turn their separate ways, but still Genesis thoughts ringed presented in her awaking mind.
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The night was coming down, so the girls had suggested to get got out for pizza, from a local place that wasn’t far from their hosing. Once they all got dressed, closing and locking the door behind them, taking the small trip to the pizza place. Once they were greeted and seated in booth.
Seeing as the gods was truly her enemy every time. Noticing that Awan was walking over to their table, to ask what they would like to drink, as the actual waiter was running a bit behind, so he was asked to help out as he was not busy in the moment. Once he left to get the drinks, that when Jessica asked what Nina thought of him.
“There is something about that I don’t trust” the girls both sharing a confused looked. Because he seemed nothing but nice, they thought maybe they meet before, but when was this have had been, seen they all went to the same schools.
“Have you guys meet before?” Genies asked
“Not that I recall, but you know who just look at someone and they don’t seem trustworthy no matter how nice they seem, they can easily betray you, without you noticing it” she had vitriol in the way she spoke at him. The girls not understanding where the odd hate came from. But they knew it had to be something horrible for her to even say that.
As he retunes to their table, the two others offered him a smile, while Nina just said thanks not even a look in his presence.
“Y'all service will be right with you, enjoy the rest of y’all's night” he said almost forgetting to give them napkins and straws, as he walked away from their table. When their actually waiter came, everything went smoothly. They thought about getting dessert, but they already gotten full form a shared pizza.
In between eating noticing that he was stealing glances over her. At one point as she looked up catching eye contact, as he changed out the retardant paper machine. Thought it short lived, something was done in only seconds. Even though she returned to what the conversation, he still keeps the contact with her. That what their relationship had sadly became. A series of stares, of what could've been.
Their time was always a maybe, something that would never saw a real true ending, never before she was slowly taken from her life. Though he hurt for him to try to live without her. her life became a series of ending of dying so soon, always by very person who always near you, once you live endlessness cycle. It seemed like some messed up joke, something so unidentifiable. He saw that today as she looked at him, noting but pure hate.
Maybe that's why she disliked him so. After six times is not undeniable. He understood that, felt that pain for her, though differently. Even though this might be their final life together, he didn’t want to this to end in a maybe, a what if. It needed to be a yes, a life where they got to choose what they wanted for once. And though she had discarded her own shared love for him. He still wanted to love her until the very end, to see their true and everlasting ending together. This could be the life for them, he felt that earnestly, but sadly Nina herself lost that stronghold too many centuries ago.
