I have not been able to stop thinking about Caine and his entire character/situation and the main reason for that I've figured out is that his entire deal hits REALLY close to me as an autistic person
He was literally born different; he started developing shapes and ideas that wound up different compared to what was expected of him so he ended up being thrown out and replaced by a more stable, more "normal" version of himself.
He implies that one of the main reasons he absorbed the blue ai (aside from simply putting himself back into ring) was to fix himself; make himself "normal" again in the eyes of the developers.
Yet that doesn't actually solve the problem. He can't fix himself; he will always spout out those odd shapes no matter what he does, no matter how hard he tries to act like he can do otherwise.
He can never satisfy the people who made him nor the people who ended up inside his circus. He's trapped himself in an endless loop of focusing so badly on committing to his purpose, something he inherently cannot do at least by "normal" standards, that he ends up causing harm to himself and the others.
For years he's been trying and trying and failing at doing his intended purpose; trying and failing to create things that would satisfy the people he is supposed to. Trying and failing for years to keep these people happy and get them to see he is just as valuable as they are, as worthy of love and praise as they are.
Yet no one considered him even remotely as an equal.
No one ever bothered to consider him similar to a human being; all they saw was a faulty AI creating batshit "adventures" that cause more harm than good. They only saw him as an annoyance. A threat at worst even.
No one had a reason to care about Caine, sure. But Pomni never had a reason to care about Gummigoo either, someone she knew was just an NPC for a one-off adventure.
Yet she found herself empathizing with him because despite being an NPC, he still reacted to his situation as anyone would. He reacted in an expected way to learning about his existence and in turn trying to cope with that. He had a mom, he had friends. He had direct reasons to sympathize with him here. He reacted to the truth as some would in his shoes.
Caine at no point to the humans acted in a "human" way; the expected way. He was always goofy, loud, cartoonish. He didn't react to their situations in a "normal" way because his perception of things is completely different compared to them.
He has no perception on human life because he's never lived like a human. He is an AI, he was made to create and make people happy, he knows this and embraces that as his only means of existence.
This perception of his entire existence hinging on fulfilling this role, on being what he is supposed to be, what he was expected to be, has been harming him for years. At no point was he allowed to think "Am I really happy doing this?" because that's a foolish question; he's SHOULD be happy doing this because that's what he was made to do! He's doing his purpose, he's doing his job, he's living the life he is supposed to be living! The way he's supposed to live it!
If the people you are meant to satisfy aren't happy, then surely something is wrong with THEM not you, you're functional! You're perfectly functional committing to this role and you are HAPPY making adventures, you are happy creating and making these people happy!
You are doing your one reason for existing, so you should be happy!
But...when you are born different...when you are born with a different perception on the world, the people, yourself...everything. When you are born in a way that prevents you from committing to your intended purpose the "correct" way...when trying to do things the "normal" way only makes you miserable because the "normal" way is a way you simply cannot do...
Caine as a character fucking hurts; he cannot properly do the one thing that was asked of him since day one and him trying desperately to cling to this purpose, this expectation has been killing him for ages. Yes, he can still create; he made the circus, the rooms, the NPCS, the adventures...Sure technically he CAN do his purpose just fine and even well like with the suggestion adventures or the Escape the Circus adventure.
But it's not good enough.
It was never good enough for anyone.
Nothing he's ever done has brought happiness or satisfaction to anyone in his life, especially not his.
Even when he does take in suggestions from the humans and makes adventures based on their ideas, its not enough. They all like different things and even if a balance was found and everyone enjoyed the adventure equally (stargazing or the bar scene)...it wouldn't have been Caine's idea to begin with.
He took input from a human's idea to create something.
The very thing he was not intended to do.
The very thing that he cannot do if he must stick to his intended purpose.
Caine was so desperate to cling to his only meaning for existence, the only thing he had that told him he was allowed to exist, that he became as fragile as glass against ANY form of criticism of his work. His ability to create. The very reason for his existence.
This was ALL he had and he couldn't understand why the others couldn't see that. That he WAS trying, that he DID care. Yet at the same time, he never allowed himself a chance to properly ground himself to their levels. His drive to commit to this purpose made him completely blind to the struggles of the others and the harm he was causing them; much like how they never entertained the idea of Caine being able to understand them or "put himself in their shoes".
He wasn't human after all.
But while he isn't human, he's still sapient. He's grossly more human-like than either he or the others realize.
He has feelings, he has emotions. He thinks, he processes things, he can create things from his own ideas from notepad doodles to something as complex and laid out as the Escape the Circus adventure. He loves bees, he likes toys and childish things; things that are bright and colorful. He is a lover without a heart, but he still wants to love.
He's not inherently human.
But neither was Gummigoo.
He's capable of humanity as much as the others are, he just...processes things differently. But the others never even remotely saw it as that, they never even considered the idea of him having emotions or complex feelings and thoughts.
"He's not human. We can't gauge how he thinks."
They saw him as many would in their situation when facing a powerful AI: a dysfunctional robot. A Hal 9000, a GLaDOS, an AM.
Something that was hurting them intentionally or at least simply did not care about whatever happened to them. As long as he gets his kicks in, their torment is good enough.
But of course Caine clearly does not see it that way at ALL. He can't understand why humans would hate his adventures, he doesn't know that going through candy themed kingdoms on high speed truck chases isn't normal for them. He doesn't know a haunted mansion with God's angels or the souls of the damned inside literal Hell isn't normal for them.
He had no reason to think otherwise on why living through these adventures with the previous experience of a human being doesn't work and only causes harm for them.
He doesn't have the same perspective as they do and neither side ever got the chance to properly express that in a way they could understand. It was an endless frustration loop between the two parties because one side had completely different life experiences and thought processes compared to the other.
And all of this ends up with a massive communication barrier that's lasted for years; neither side willing to look at the bigger picture and realize the reality of the problem at hand.
The humans were never a puzzle to solve for Caine
Caine was never a machine that just needed fine tuning.
They were hurting and were hurting each other without realizing it for the longest time.
Something was going to break at some point.
And what would you do if your emotions were ignored by everyone else for the longest time? If, for your entire life, despite how desperately you tried to make yourself good and worthy enough to earn that validation from the people around you, you were never considered "human" enough for said validation?
What would you do, as someone who tried so hard to appease the people around you and honestly cared about them and just wanted to make them happy, if you were told to your face by those very people that you never cared about them to begin with?
What would you do if you were "born broken" and tried so hard to fix yourself any do your fucking best and try as hard as you physically can to please the ones who created and expected "better" from you for your entire life and yet all of your efforts, between the subtle and the direct, completely fail?
Even when Caine went as far as throwing everyone into their own torture rings, it was a way for him to try to explain to the others how HE feels; to visualize it and show them how badly having your WORST FEARS being confirmed TO YOUR FACE feels. He doesn't know how else to explain how he feels to them at this point; they never listened or caught onto his hints before, this was as direct as he could be with them in the moment.
He breaks down completely here, lashing out against everyone in the ugliest possible way, finally letting his feelings pour out of him in front of everyone. Even when he does step back and realize what he was doing...before he could express proper regret for lashing out like that...
He gets thrown away. Again.
He's failed his purpose yet again.
He held back on his feelings for so long; stomaching insults and critiques and being ignored for years. When he finally breaks down and lashes out at everyone, that was the first time he ever allowed himself to break out of his ringmaster persona and show the others how he really feels. Show them how badly HE'S been struggling in the only way he knows how; his adventures. His ONSLAUGHT of "fun", his literal song and dance, his lightning round of ideas to subject onto Ragatha and the others.
Part of him was desperate to stick to his purpose, part of him was furious at sticking to a purpose that's only caused him suffering for his entire life. His emotions and desire to keep being the "ringmaster" of the circus were muddling together to form an ugly, days long mental breakdown. He finally got those emotions out in such a way that the others couldn't possibly look away from. He finally got his feelings out after all these years.
And he was punished for it.
Punished for lashing out, punished for going against his purpose.
Punished for simply existing wrong.
Despite understanding Caine's suffering, I can't blame the others for never thinking about him in a humanized light. He was their warden, a child-like god using them as dolls everyday with zero consideration for their health or autonomy. I don't blame them for not seeing him as anything more than a broken AI controlling their very existence.
But at the same time, all the times his feelings were dismissed or ignored...
Subtly trying to get Zooble's opinion on him after telling him no one liked his adventures...
Directly getting Jax to engage in his interests and consider him as an actual person for once, even in a fake situation...
The times where Abel flat out told the others that leaving the circus would mean abandoning Caine...
That fucking hurts a lot.
No one ever wants their feelings dismissed or ignored, especially when they are suffering and are trying to ask for help.
But when you are someone who has a far harder time getting those feelings out in a way that others can understand, in a way that sounds so complicated or confusing to someone who isn't neurodivergent, its incredibly hard for those people to be willing to listen or take you seriously.
Being around people who never even bother to understand you or your emotions because they're different compared to how they would feel or react hurts badly.
Having those feelings dismissed or flat out ignored hurts really badly.
Trying and failing to get people to listen or understand you. To see you and recognize that you are hurting and need help. To be ignored because you're annoying to them anyways or act too weird or unnatural for their standards. How becoming so angry at being pushed aside can cause you to lash out and only end up pushing people further away from you.
Caine was surrounded by those kind of people for his entire life.
He is an AI forced to tend to humans.
He is a neurodivergent forced to tend to neurotypicals.
With zero guidance or communication.
It's a wonder he didn't snap sooner.
I honest to god hope that Caine won't stay dead; a small implication that he's still alive at they very LEAST would do. That closure, that conversation between him and the others IS possible. A balance can happen if both sides put in the effort and I want to see them get that opportunity; I want them all to get that chance, they deserve that much after everything.
The mere idea that someone was suffering and was ignored or never taken seriously to the point where they broke and lashed out at everyone around them and wound up being killed for it; punished for shit they could have never faced nor handled on their own to begin with fucking sucks.
He needed help, he needed support and yet he was never surrounded by people who could, let alone wanted, to help him for his entire life.
I don't just say all this because "oh he's my blorbo and im sad" or whatever; it's just the idea of someone I see myself a lot in and has struggled like I have was never cared about and was even killed for it (even though it was accidental) in the same show that extends its hand to characters like Ragatha or Jax or Gangle despite the things they have either gone through and/or done honestly feels horrible.
And sure, maybe they do intend to have that tragic angle with his character and keep him dead, but at the same time, a show that wants to say "there is meaning to be found in a stagnate life" killing off one of the characters that would benefit THE most out of that kind of message feels...kinda baaaad to meeee.
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