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@ewigpatiens
3am already... feels more like 9pm
Time flies, yet creeps by when you realize more and more, you have mo one to talk to. I hate feeling alone, and the only comfort I have, seems to be the song 'Stossgebet' stuck in my head. Really need to get some sleep so I can work later.
The harsh truth
My friend, of nearly 17 years, died a couple days ago. Just two months younger than me, and a very good friend. I'm left wondering why, and was there anything I could have done?
One thing that stands out to me, is I'm only finding out now, some 2-3 days after the fact. Because I make a point of staying away from social media. I know it makes no difference now. But I wish I had known. I wish I could've been there more, I might've been able to help him.
I'd known him since Kindergarten. My first Bestfrind. And I'm still left wondering.
I truly hope, he's at peace now.
You know, I was going to write some post that was thought out, and what not. Turns out it was all unoriginal crap, so, scrapped it to toss this out... wait. What do you mean this is both unoriginal, and crap?..... ohne los.
Some crappy poetry I wrote. (Or is it a monologue?)
Pray, tell me. For what becomes the worth of living when the life for which life remained becomes lost, pray, whisper forth to mine ear. Soft, speak the words, the words of past long forgotten by those to whom it was not told. For why. Why tellest thou. Think of it not, as lest it show itself as true before mine visage, a sight most unseamly.
That which hath commeth, and left in the same breath of the world, and life, bestowed great thoughts unto oneself. Wonders of why, why occurrences must be, and why their continuation must continue. For, that which hath left, never commeth back. Soft. Pray, listen. Listen to the words, and hear the truth as it flows. The harsh grating of truth among the smooth sides of deception we hold so dear. And the shore that bore it all, is not life but the mind that stands before and questions unto the sanguine abyss of eternity. Why, Why!? why.
why must these things remain the way they have been written into our minds, we believe them changed and true, lest forgotten to time. To recover what is lost, one must first lose themself, and accept the sequential fate of time. Let them join in mind, in the lostness of themselves. For to comfort oneself, is to shroud in lies to consort against the sharp, piercing blades of truth, which many armor against.
Allow oneself, the nobility, and honor, shed thine armor, cast it into the dark. For there is none greater protection than the embracement of the truths and their wise pain. Take the tale that is told and tell it together in truth to those whom tell tall tales told to them. Try triumphantly to tear the tyrannous traitorous tales lacking truthfulness to take truth to those telling tales.
Lest, truth takes one. Into the dark.
How do people get through college? Seriously, I'm going after my BAS, and I'm really losing sight of it, and I still have about a year left. Really not sure if I can do it.
That moment when you want to skip school to go to work. Then work tells you to just go to school instead because it's more important.
Random
So, I'm just laying in bed thinking about things, and it occurs to me, again, that there really isn't anyone who really cares about me. Outside of immediate family (all 3 of them lol) just, remembering, that to most everyone you ever meet, you are just a small blip in their life, which holds no importance.
Just things I end up thinking about.
I live with 3 other people, who shall be denoted as person(s) A, B, & C.
Around 3am I had to help persons A&C get their car unstuck from our driveway, we only managed to get it more stuck after a half hour of shoveling, and futzing around with the car. So, we agreed they should take my car instead.
Come about 5pm or so, I'm Person A had already come back from work, we got thier car unstuck, and we had grabbed person C from work. We were pulling into the driveway, and my car got stuck. Now, the snow had started melting, and made it slushy and muddy, which turned out to be the problem. 6pm now, and we are comig back from the hardware store with a hand winch and some tow straps, to see if we can get my car unstuck.
Oh the joy.
Yay
Yay, so the power just went out. Should be fun, foot of snow, no power, and plenty of batteries.
You know, I go through all the hassle of getting this setup, and I forget what I really wanted to say tonight. I guess it just happens though.
Intro
Well, I'm not one for these things, but I thought, I'd give it a go.
So, first, a touch about me. I'm currently, 22, in college, and working two jobs (still make barely enough to cover my tuition). That aside, and to the real reason why I'm making this blog. I have Dysthemia, and, I've been managing it well, but, it's been getting harder, especially with no one to talk to. So, my aim here, is to talk, and see who responds.
My, Username, as it shows Ewig Patiens. Is German and Latin respectively, you can do the rest.
Anywho, we'll see how this thing goes.