Forever Glancing Backwards

Independent OC RP blog for an original universe. Non-mutual and OC friendly. No mains please unless connected to an RP sideblog. 6+ years of experience on various platforms. Follows the tag "exanxmo". Blog triggers: Mentions suicide, mental illness, and violent descriptions.

[exanxmo]

((This account will be locked down for archive purposes. Thank you for your time.))

[exanxmo]

((I’m honestly about to start keeping track of everything in case I need to file for a restraining order one day.))

[exanxmo]

((So um, apparently, I might have to make a new personal sideblog, because those people from Discord are stalking my accounts. I just blocked them, but I’m kind of shaken right now. I might also turn off anon for the moment. If I do, I’ll let you guys know and sideblogs can feel free to send asks from their main with their sideblogs tagged.))

[ohisms]

❝ *ˊ✑ repo !  the genetic opera : prompts

❝   i’ve made my peace ,  i hold no grudge .   ❞ ❝  make it fast !   ❞ ❝  commence your grovelling .   ❞ ❝  i’ll keep those vultures guessing .   ❞ ❝  my legacy is too great to throw away on ingrates .   ❞ ❝  i guess i’ll take it to my death !   ❞ ❝  you never should have left me .  i would’ve given you the world .   ❞ ❝  you cannot be reckless !   ❞ ❝  no ,  i don’t think that i can be fixed .   ❞ ❝  i want to go outside .   ❞ ❝  my burdens ,  i can’t erase .   ❞ ❝  i’m the monster .  i’m the villain !   ❞ ❝  industrialization has crippled the globe .   ❞ ❝  for every market ,  a submarket grows .   ❞ ❝  it’s quick !  it’s clean !  it’s pure ,  it could change your life - rest assured .   ❞ ❝  it’s the twenty - first century cure .   ❞ ❝  what if you could have genetic perfection ?   ❞ ❝  would you change who you are ,  if you could ?   ❞ ❝  where the fuck is [ name ] ?   ❞ ❝  you ain’t got the guts !   ❞ ❝  all bark ,  but no lungs !   ❞ ❝  i can’t feel nothing at all .   ❞ ❝  sometimes ,  i wonder why they need me at all .   ❞ ❝  sometimes ,  i wonder why i even bother .   ❞ ❝  so you think you’ve got heart ?   ❞ ❝  so you think you’ve got balls ?   ❞ ❝  it’s a thankless job ,  but somebody’s got to do it .   ❞ ❝  no one ever thanks me when i’m done .   ❞ ❝  how self - absorbed people can be !   ❞ ❝  with a slice !  or a snip !  eenie - meenie - miney - mo !   ❞ ❝  can i talk to you ?  can you come down please ,  so we can speak ?   ❞ ❝  i thought i’d seen a ghost - your resemblance is striking .   ❞ ❝  state your business .   ❞ ❝  you can learn from all my failures .   ❞ ❝  i’m not supposed to talk to strangers .   ❞ ❝  don’t forget a sheltered rose needs a little room to bloom outside her bedroom .   ❞ ❝  don’t look back ‘til you’re free to chase the morning .   ❞ ❝  [ name ] ,  you’re hurting me !   ❞ ❝  can you forgive me for this ?   ❞ ❝  here’s my prognosis :  will they live ?  doubtful .   ❞ ❝  remember what you did to [ name ] .   ❞ ❝  hope you have my money .   ❞ ❝  i remember every dying whisper ,  every desperate murmur .    ❞ ❝  i’ve always longed for true affection ,  but you compare me to a corpse !   ❞ ❝  you cannot control me ,  [ name ] .   ❞ ❝  you know you want it .   ❞ ❝  didn’t i say the world was cruel ,  didn’t i ?   ❞ ❝  tell me how this happened ,  what i did wrong ?   ❞ ❝  why can’t we just go home  &  forget this dreadful night ?   ❞ ❝  didn’t you say that you were different ,  didn’t you ?   ❞ ❝  say you’re not that person ,  say it .   ❞ ❝  didn’t you say that you’d protect me ,  didn’t you ?   ❞ ❝  someone has replaced you .   ❞ ❝  sometimes i wanted to cry .   ❞ ❝  i didn’t know i love you so much .   ❞ ❝  sometimes i’d stay up all night wishing to god i was the one who died .   ❞ ❝  [ name ] ,  i will not leave you here - you will live .   ❞ ❝  we’ll always have each other in our time of need .   ❞ ❝  you’re the world to me .   ❞

[exanxmo]

((I’ll get to more replies tonight. I’ve been working on my personal sideblog, which barring a few links, is more or less finished. If you’d like to follow @lavvenderdream to keep up with the mun, you’re more than welcome to do so. I’ll mostly be posting personal thoughts, musings, gaming, and occasionally drawings of Ruby of my other characters.))

[fearsewn]

@exanxmo​ || closed starter 

—-

     “What do you mean, you ‘dropped out of school’?” 

For the first time in this spindly, nerdy academic’s entire career as a therapist, he raises his voice to a patient.

It’s frankly comical; he looks like a scandalized Southern belle clutching her pearls to her bosom. 

[exanxmo]

She flinched slightly in surprise as he raised his voice. She hadn’t expected such a passionate response, but evidently, she’d pushed a button.

“I mean…” she said. “…I don’t go anymore?”

Maybe that sounded sarcastic, but that wasn’t her intention. How else was she supposed to answer that question?

[fearsewn]

His jaw drops, and he pops it back into socket with a melodramatic glance into the middle distance, and a shake of his head. 

     “RU-by…!” 

He scrubs a hand down his face, scratching his stubbled chin.

    “Ruby, alright, fine, ditch conventional schooling, god knows there are bullies and mediocre uninvested teachers, but … . speak to your uncle, for Christ’s sake.  Can’t he arrange homeschooling?  Ruby, scholarship sets the soul free … . it! It was my ticket out of hell, it could be yours, too!  Learning for its own sake could save you!” 

He realizes belatedly the softness implicit in his words, and the emotional investment. 

Shit, goddamn.  Oh well. She won’t notice. She’s too startled that I’m angry. 

[exanxmo]

Was it strange that despite this being the first hint of conflict in their relationship, his reaction made her happy on some level? He wasn’t a man who shoved her into a box and told her to stay there. He wasn’t a man who took advantage of her for his own desires. This was… concern. True concern.

As foreign as it was, there was something relieving about seeing it.

Speak to her uncle… She wished he knew. She wished she could tell him everything. If there was one thing she wished more than anything, it was that doctor Crane could truly help her.

But no. Not where she was now. Not with the fury of another world on her heels and concepts he probably didn’t believe in being completely normal for her.

“I… I can ask…” she said.

She couldn’t just say nothing. Not when he was looking at her with more earnesty than he ever had. Even if she was lying, she had to say something.

“I can try… he’s, well… he’s not home much…” she said, fighting back the urge to grimace as she lied through her teeth. “I just… I’m not in a place where I can be tied down to anything solid.”

[fearsewn]

He knows instantly that she’s lying.  it’s one of his gifts, reading people from minuscule facial tics, changes in breath, posture, body language.  But Crane plays a long game, always, so he doesn’t let on his awareness. 

    “ …  right. Well.  All the more reason why home schooling is ideal.  You can take the assignments, the lectures, the curriculum, with you.” 

He leans back in his seat, to convey acquiescence. 

   “Just consider it.  You have a keen intellect. It’s easy to tell from our conversations.  I would hate to see it go to waste.  Please pardon the passion. I’m also a university professor, or I was, for many years, before obtaining this position. Education is in my blood.” 

He smiles at her, and favors her with the rarest gift of genuine softness. 

[exanxmo]

A keen intellect. She stiffles the urge to smile. When was the last time she'd gotten a compliment? Not since she's left home. It was all work. Occasionally an afternoon with one of the few friends she'd retained. But more often than not, just work.

"I'll see what I can do," she wished she could. Bit for now, please, just don't let him be disappointed in her.

A hint of the smile twitched at the corner of her mouth.

"I don't even know what I'd do, honestly," She said. "I haven't thought about it for a while."

[fearsewn]

@exanxmo​ || closed starter 

—-

     “What do you mean, you ‘dropped out of school’?” 

For the first time in this spindly, nerdy academic’s entire career as a therapist, he raises his voice to a patient.

It’s frankly comical; he looks like a scandalized Southern belle clutching her pearls to her bosom. 

[exanxmo]

She flinched slightly in surprise as he raised his voice. She hadn’t expected such a passionate response, but evidently, she’d pushed a button.

“I mean…” she said. “…I don’t go anymore?”

Maybe that sounded sarcastic, but that wasn’t her intention. How else was she supposed to answer that question?

[fearsewn]

His jaw drops, and he pops it back into socket with a melodramatic glance into the middle distance, and a shake of his head. 

     “RU-by…!” 

He scrubs a hand down his face, scratching his stubbled chin.

    “Ruby, alright, fine, ditch conventional schooling, god knows there are bullies and mediocre uninvested teachers, but … . speak to your uncle, for Christ’s sake.  Can’t he arrange homeschooling?  Ruby, scholarship sets the soul free … . it! It was my ticket out of hell, it could be yours, too!  Learning for its own sake could save you!” 

He realizes belatedly the softness implicit in his words, and the emotional investment. 

Shit, goddamn.  Oh well. She won’t notice. She’s too startled that I’m angry. 

[exanxmo]

Was it strange that despite this being the first hint of conflict in their relationship, his reaction made her happy on some level? He wasn't a man who shoved her into a box and told her to stay there. He wasn't a man who took advantage of her for his own desires. This was... concern. True concern.

As foreign as it was, there was something relieving about seeing it.

Speak to her uncle... She wished he knew. She wished she could tell him everything. If there was one thing she wished more than anything, it was that doctor Crane could truly help her.

But no. Not where she was now. Not with the fury of another world on her heels and concepts he probably didn't believe in being completely normal for her.

"I... I can ask..." she said.

She couldn't just say nothing. Not when he was looking at her with more earnesty than he ever had. Even if she was lying, she had to say something.

"I can try... he's, well... he's not home much..." she said, fighting back the urge to grimace as she lied through her teeth. "I just... I'm not in a place where I can be tied down to anything solid."

[fearsewn]

@exanxmo​ || closed starter 

—-

     “What do you mean, you ‘dropped out of school’?” 

For the first time in this spindly, nerdy academic’s entire career as a therapist, he raises his voice to a patient.

It’s frankly comical; he looks like a scandalized Southern belle clutching her pearls to her bosom. 

[exanxmo]

She flinched slightly in surprise as he raised his voice. She hadn't expected such a passionate response, but evidently, she'd pushed a button.

"I mean..." she said. "...I don't go anymore?"

Maybe that sounded sarcastic, but that wasn't her intention. How else was she supposed to answer that question?

[prince-mar-mar]

Some notes about rapiers:

they weigh about the same as your average arming sword!

they are not a foil, don’t confuse this, rapiers are just as stiff and strong as an arming sword. Foils are thin and bendy

They can’t be cut through like you think. Any sword can warp or snap under stress, especially if poorly made

They are quite long. They’re meant like long swords for reach however they are designed for more poking.

rapiers can be designed to be purely thrusting or even slicing.

involves a lot of neat stylistic guards and handles and has so much variance culturally.

the reason common cuts for a rapier are short wrist movements is because the blade end is long and can reach the opponent and stab them with said cuts

large blows for rapiers are still used, but the reason they are not common is because the long blade has a lot of weight and momentum to stop and counteract, in order to draw up your defenses after a cut. You want to be efficient in a quick attack without exposing yourself. However large movements and head smashing and twirling are still used.

when people have their secondary hand held above their head that is from the old traddition of carrying a lantern in the evening for fighting in the dark! It really has no other advantage or use today.

it’s a beautiful sword and it is my favorite.

[exanxmo]

((I'm going to try and answer some more stuff tonight, but I might be quiet in DMs. I've just gotten some news that has royally fucking pissed me off. Not going to go into it in public, and it has nothing to do with anyone here. You can message me if you really want to know. I'm done. I'm just so fucking done with these people in question.))

[its-spelled-maille]

What is a Rapier?

A Rapier is a one-handed, thrust-centric sword common to the Renaissance. The word first begins to be used in France in the late 15th century, referring to swords as an “Epée Rapiere,” and it continues to see common use into the mid 17th century, and even into the 18th century in countries such as Spain.

Common sub-types of Rapier include the swept hilt,

cup hilt,

pappenheimer,

and ring hilt (also called a seven ring, or some variation thereupon,)

and the rapier is likely the weapon which has the most manuals written on its use. Contrary to popular belief, Rapiers are not particularly light swords, sometimes weighing as much as longswords, up to 5 lbs/2.25 kg.

-mod Armet

[exanxmo]

((I still think sometime I might make a sideblog just for like life updates and stuff so I don’t post them here. I used to have a main blog, but I don’t really use it anymore. I think it might be good to keep this a bit less cluttered, and if anything that effects this blog comes up, it’ll still be here but just like, random personal ooc thoughts and stuff can be on the sideblog if anyone needs to know what’s up with me or anything.))

[exanxmo]

From here

She sighed and rolled her eyes.  

“Retired and he still can't shake his weird Spencer's Gifts vibe,” she muttered, more to herself than to him.

She'd come out here because it was quiet. Cemeteries were peaceful places. They were quiet. People left flowers everywhere. Usually there was some kind of water nearby so ducks would wander through. It was a good place to find a tree to play her guitar under.

Now instead of unwinding, she was starting to wonder if it was a coincidence that they kept running into each other.

“Usual haunt for you, or can I help you with something?” she asked.

@fatherxfear​

[exanxmo]

Two Kids Sitting in a Prison 5 Feet Apart Cause They’re Not Gay

The light filtering through the bars of her cell cast a shadow across her face. She had been relieved of her belongings on the way in. With nothing to channel the anxious energy into, she settled for staring at the wall in silence. Part of her hoped that before the day was over, they'd tell her father she'd been brought in. Another part of her would rather not have to see the disappointment on his face as his daughter spoke to him from the other side of a prison cell.

She glanced at her neighbor. He was a tall boy. Maybe her age, maybe a bit younger. Another runaway from the system, probably. Someone seeking a way out of this place after it all went to hell. After she'd sent it to hell. He must feel out of place here beside her. What offense could he have possibly committed to even consider that he might deserve to be sitting beside one of the most hated people in their world?

She tapped her foot on the tile floor in a steady rhythm. It seemed to be time to give up. She'd never gotten anything she'd asked for out of life. Why start now? What in the world had made her think that the God, or the universe, or whatever was out there would suddenly give a damn that she'd wanted to live long enough to fix her mistakes.

“Stop that,” said the officer behind the desk.

She gave him a look.

“My tapping is for the sake of my sanity, sir,” she said flatly, then promptly disregarded the fact that he'd said anything at all and went back to it.

The officer sighed and stood up from his desk. The wheels on his office chair squeaked slightly.

“I need some coffee,” he muttered. “It's too early to be dealing with you, Dixon.”

“I'm not stopping you,” she replied. “I'll be here.”

@thedemonconstantine​

[exanxmo]

Reminder that Henry wanted to name his daughter "Rhiannon" after the Fleetwood Mac song, but her mom wouldn't let him.

[exanxmo]

Get to know the mun - Katie

bold: always italic: sometimes or it depends

APPEARANCE

I am over / under 5′5″ / I wear glasses / contacts / I have brown hair / I wear sweatshirts a lot / I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing / I have one or more piercings / I have at least one tattoo / I have brown eyes / I have dyed or highlighted my hair / I have gotten plastic surgery / I have or had braces / I sunburn easily / I have freckles / I paint my nails / I typically wear makeup / I don’t often smile / I am pleased with how I look / I prefer Nike to Adidas / I wear baseball hats backwards / I prefer vintage to modern clothing / I wear certain articles of jewelry every day

HOBBIES AND TALENTS

I played a sport / I can play an instrument / I am artistic / I know more than one language (not well, but well enough to survive) / I have won a trophy in some sort of competition / I can cook or bake without a recipe / I know how to swim / I enjoy writing / I can do origami / I prefer movies to TV shows / I can execute a perfect somersault / I enjoy singing / I could survive in the wild on my own / I have read a new book series this year / I enjoy spending time with friends / I travel during school or work breaks / I can do a handstand / I know CPR and first-aid

EXPERIENCES

I have had my first kiss / I have gotten drunk / I have told a crush I like them / I have traveled outside of the country / I have flown on an airplane / I have stayed awake for more than 48 hours / I have had a near-death experience / I have caught something on fire / I have performed in a talent show / I have shot a gun / I have been on TV / I have gone scuba diving / I have broken a bone / I have slow-danced / I have gone on a shopping spree

RELATIONSHIPS

I am in a relationship / I have a crush / I have a best friend / I have known a friend for over ten years / I have a brother / I have a sister / I am the youngest child / I am the eldest child / I have dated my best friend / I am adopted / My crush has confessed to me / I have had a long-distance relationship / I am an only child / I give advice to my friends / I have made an online friend / I met up with someone I have met online

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell / I have watched the sunrise / I enjoy rainy days / I have slept under the stars / I meditate outside / The sound of chirping calms me / I enjoy the smell of the beach / I know what snow tastes like / I listen to music to fall asleep / I enjoy thunderstorms / I enjoy cloud watching / I have attended a bonfire / I pay close attention to colours / I find mystery in the ocean / I enjoy hiking on nature paths / Spring is my favourite season

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle / I am the mom friend / I live by a certain quote / I like the smell of Sharpies / I am involved in extracurricular activities / I enjoy Mexican food / I can drive stick-shift / I have memorized an entire song in a day / I believe in true love / I dream up scenarios to fall asleep / I sing in the shower / I wish I lived in a video game / I have a canopy above my bed / I am multi-racial / I am a redhead / I own at least three dogs / I am LGBTQA+

Tagged by: @thecursedhellblazer

Tagging: whoever wants to steal.

[vaememes]

  some  one  word  prompts .    (    send   one   of   the   words   for   our   muses   to   interact   based   off   that   word   )

goodbye :  my  muse  kissing  and/or  hugging  your  muse  goodbye.

secrets :   my  muse  sharing/confiding  their  deepest,  darkest  secret  with  your  muse.

nightmare :   my  muse  coming  to  your  muses  aid  when  they  awake  from  a  nightmare.

push :   my  muse  pushing  your  muse  out  of  the  way  of  danger.

embrace :   my  muse  abruptly  throwing  their  arms  around  your  muse,  hugging  them  tightly.

bloody :   my  muse  coming  to  your  muse  with  blood  stains  on  their  clothes  and  hands,  shaking.

drunk :   my  muse  takes  care  of  your  muse  while  they  are  in  a  drunken  state.

bed :   my  muse  wakes  up  in  the  same  bed  as  your  muse  with  little  recollection  of  the  night  before.

slap :   my  muse  slaps  your  muse  across  the  face  out  of  anger.

gone :   my  muse  stays  by  your  muses  side  while  they  take  their  last  breath.

scream :   my  muse  hears  your  muse  scream  and  quickly  runs  to  their  side.

sleep :   my  muse  falls  asleep  on  your  muse,  making  it  hard  for  my  muse  to  leave.

stalk :   my  muse  gets  caught  by  your  muse  trailing  behind  them,  watching  them.

sacrifice :   my  muse  jumps  in  front  of  your  muse,  sacrificing  their  life  for  your  muses  life.

trail :   my  muse  watches  as  your  muse  traces  one  of  my  muses  scares,  asking  them  about  it.

love :   my  muse  confronts  your  muse  about  why  they  never  say  ’ i  love  you ’  back.

piggyback :   my  muse  jumps  on  your  muses  back,  my  muse  gives  yours  a  piggyback  ride.

jump :   my  muse  runs  to  your  muse  and  jumps  up,  my  muse  holding  yours  up  by  their  thighs.

dance :   my  muse  holds  their  hand  out,  waiting  for  your  muse  to  come  out  and  slow  dance  with  them.

carry :   my  muse  carries  your  muse  to  their  house,  either  drunk,  or  a  weakened  state,  can  specify. 

lighter :   my  muse  pulls  out  a  lighter  and  lights  it  for  your  muse  to  use  to  light  their  cigarette.

shot :   my  muse  gets  shot  and  struggles  to  your  muses  house  for  aid.

wound :   my  muse  patches  and  bandages  a  wound  your  muse  has  gotten.

fight :   my  muse  stops  your  muse  from  getting  into  a  physical  fight  with  someone  else.

arrest :   your  muse  finds  my  muse  arrested  in  cuffs  with  swarming  police  everywhere.

hospital :   my  muse  awakens  in  a  hospital,  finding  your  muse  by  their  side,  asking  what  happened.

gun :  my  muse  pulls  out  a  gun  on  your  muse,  your  muse  tries  to  talk  them  into  putting  the  gun  down. 

betrayal :  my  muse  finds  out  that  your  muse  has  betrayed  them  in  same  way  and  confronts  them  about  it.

nude :  my  muse  walks  in  on  your  muse  accidentally  seeing  them  naked.

karaoke :  my  muse  pulls  your  muse  up  on  stage  with  them  to  sing  some  karaoke  songs. 

laughter :   my  muse  hears  your  muse  laughing  uncontrollably  and  approaches  to  see  if  they  are  okay.

murder :   my  muse  walks  in  on  your  muse  committing  a  gruesome  murder.

wet :   my  muse  strips  down  to  their  under  garments  and  runs  into  the  water,  motioning  for  your  muse  to  join  them.