Holiday gift: 22nd chapter suplemental! Also as an apology for neglecting the sweet readers who keep following me.
For the glint of possibility, Bumblebee is wrecked with longing.
To touch skin, to feel the blood rushing underneath it, only a thin barrier away. Feel every valley, learn in sensations what he knows in visual data. To not only see, but feel it against his tactile receptors, know the difference in temperature of hands, neck, scalp. Cradle bones, trace them unbroken and delicate through the soft give of muscles, name every tiny biological marvel that work together to create such a precious being.
He is desperate to soothe, offer closeness and affection as only other humans can. To hug. Hold. Trigger release of oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin. Be the sole cause of all of it, make his human feel safe and loved and embraced.
Humans need touch. It is not only a social imperative, but a biological one. And Bumblebee can provide companionship, and safety, and warmth, but he cannot provide this, something that every other member of their species can do so easily.
Sam would let him. He wouldn’t admit it, but if he asked correctly– if he found the right sequence of words, he would permit Bumblebee this.
He would go pliant, melt into his arms, lean his weight into his touch. Bee spent numerous nights just imagining what it would be like to simply be able to grab onto and hold, to be allowed to trap him in one place and keep him safe with his own arms, to not read to basic human instinct as cold, sharp, dangerous but instead as a source of comfort. Safety. Love.
Bumblebee has thanked Primus for every opportunity to stay in Sam’s life, but he is selfish in this, and he’s greedy, and he wants to have him to keep. To be able to declare mine and achieve the same effect as my car does to him.
And it’s close, so, so close to the opportunity to have a form so similar to a human. With no blood or breath or heart, but with arms that can hold without risking harm, blunt and round and grasping. He will hold, and he will not let go.
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