Luka Writes

[exhaleyourmind]

just run and run til i taste blood

fall over

gasping for air, clutching the grass

my thoughts screaming swirling in my mind

maybe then i'll sleep

drift on the stuff that dreams are made of

leave my body on the earth

to float high above the ground

after time has passed

time enough that they all stop looking

i'll come back

i could be broken

i could be healed

my body will still bear my scars

but for a time

my mind will be at peace

[exhaleyourmind]

Privilege is what privilege was For back in the day Pale was power and masculine strength was key And to this day, true does that ring Those old boys in the government Have money and looks, unlucky for me Those feminists, they try But still, they forget you and I Them folks down south, ain't they nice? Treating ya all special like Now, now- don't lose your head when you finally see You just took off your blinders and caught a glimpse of me I'm that Muslim girl, getting cursed and spat on Simply because they can't see I'm that black man in jail, for a drug charge Simply because they can't see I'm the hispanic woman with daughters who get called aliens and illegals- words they don't understand at their age Simply because they can't see I'm the Asian woman at the market, talked down to like an imbecile when my English is perfect Simply because they can't see I'm the young boy who knows she's a girl and called slurs by strangers Simply because they can't see I'm the girl holding hands with the person she loves, and mothers hide their children's eyes at the sight Simply because they can't see I'm the young black girl talks at higher levels than her peers and is deemed not black enough Simply because they can't see I'm the young hispanic man who can't get a job and doesn't know why Simply because they can't see I am those minorities, fetishized for pale viewing pleasure I am those minorities, trampled on by the authority that's supposed to help them I am those minorities, who are beaten, cursed, spit on and killed I am those minorities, clawing and clamoring for change I am those minorities, crying out for the pain that goes unseen I am those minorities who only get stereotypes on TV I am those minorities and they are me Here we are, fighting to be truly free We will not stop We will not rest Not until the situations change Because as of now Privilege is what privilege was For back in the day Pale was power and masculine strength was key And to this day, true does that ring

[exhaleyourmind]

Angelic

Her hair splayed all around her

A halo formed from the image

In the pool

Of thick liquid crimson

Her hand

Clutching the gun

The bullet

Lodged in her still heart

Misunderstood

Ridiculed

By messages left on her Facebook

Asking why she wasn’t dead

And telling her that everyone would be happier

If she was gone

So

She complied

Her death was violent

But her face was serene and

                                                                                  Angelic

[exhaleyourmind]

Sometimes I wonder, what if I were gone?

Would anyone notice that I never logged on

That my name never popped up on screen

Liking your posts and playing a game

Would you miss me if you knew

Or am I too insignificant for you

Would my name cross your mind, pass your lips

Would I be the subject of one time, she -‘s

Would you bother to ask around

To text me or call

Or would you just assume I had moved on from it all

If we had been together face to face

Would you still have a lingering trace

Of the last hug I gave

With a secret smile

Because I never quite knew if that’d be my last for a while

Did you know my fears of sleeping, of dreaming

Or those of waking and living

You probably don’t even know my name

That’s okay though, many can say the same

You never knew how deeply I hurt

And how I would clutch myself, screaming too much!

How I would scar myself to combat the tears

And the nightmares that brought about my deepest fears

You never knew how many times I died

Plotting and planning but never tried

There are so many things you don’t know

Simply because I refuse to let them show

But deep in my heart

I'm pretty sure I can tell

That even after I leave, you’ll be well

You have others, better than me

And I won’t drag you down, you’ll be free

It’s the little things I do

Lying and smiling even when its hard

That way you won’t worry so much

But when I get low

And hope to never wake up

Sometimes I wonder, what if I were gone?

[exhaleyourmind]

Hawke/Fenris Pt. 8

One of the many things I loved about Fenris was the noises he made. They were constantly present, an unconscious thing for him it seemed. For example, he yelled words of encouragement in battle, though it sometimes came out in Arcanum instead of English, much to my amusement when I mention it later. He would make short grunts when he disagreed with something but didn’t want to interrupt at that moment. When we lay in bed together, talking about our plans, he would hum to show his agreement. But Hawke’s favorite was when they had been apart for more than a couple weeks and as they kissed, he would whimper softly. It was just loud enough to catch the rogue’s attention and drive him mad, leaving Fenris sorer than before.

[exhaleyourmind]

Hawke/Fenris Pt. 7

It took some convincing but I finally got him to lay face down on the bed, wearing only his underwear and the faintest of blushes.  He shifted as I moved to straddle his hips, rubbing a warmth balm on my palms. When I first made contact with the skin of his shoulder blades, he shuddered and sighed, gripping the pillow beneath him tightly. My hands made small circles, pressing down on the taut muscles, caressing every part of his skin as I made my way up to massage the back of his neck. It was rewarding to feel him start relax in small increments as I moved back down again, focusing on the stubborn knots that resided along his spine. He would let out breathy noises as I worked his back, placing chaste kisses at every chance. As I reached his lower back, his breath slowed and he stopped murmuring his thoughts on the process. Knowing that he was practically asleep by my ministrations was a good feeling and I couldn’t stop the grin that tugged at my lips as I carefully eased off his back. He started to get up but I placed a hand on his shoulder and lay next to him. “It’s not good to go running home right after you get amazing massages.” Fenris gave me a teasing smirk but did not move from my side for at least an hour, much to my delight.

[exhaleyourmind]

Hawke/Fenris Pt. 6

He never complains about his tattoos hurting. I knew it hurt in the beginning but I never realized that it might still hurt now. An old dwarf friend of mine happened to mention that lyrium is in constant movement for a reason; it would harden otherwise and takes a lot of work to soften again. After hearing that, I watched the elf I had fallen in love with, more closely than before, and realized that he never stopped moving. That he was always up immediately after he caught his breath, always refusing to stay with me. I remembered that the one time I managed to catch him asleep, he was restless enough to put a child to shame. After several days of him giving me looks that clearly said how creeped out he was, I took him back to my estate and offered to give him a massage.

[exhaleyourmind]

Hawke/Fenris Pt. 5

Like always, his actions are slightly hurried and rough, pressing against me hard. We snuck back into my house and now his mouth is upon mine, nibbling, sucking and licking until our tongues meet. He grips my shoulders with the strength that one might not expect from such a lithe body. I grip his hip with one hand, using my other to trace to the exposed skin on his back, from above his belt to the middle of his shoulders and resulting shiver tells me that the little trick still works. We somehow make it to the bed, our clothes being shed amongst near desperate kisses. It is here where he always falters, gasping slightly as his mouth moves to say no and I kiss him softly, to show that it’s me here. It’s just me and him in our moment and nothing else matters.

[exhaleyourmind]

Hawke/Fenris Pt. 4

Although he is by nature quiet, his attitude changes after he has had his share of wine. Since he ran out a while back, we rely on the spirits Aveline gives to me as rewards. Sitting on the couch together, he never slurs but his volume increases just enough to be noticeable. And his eyes sear whatever they alight upon as he tells me of another one his escapes before he made to Kirkwall. It’s utterly fascinating to watch him speak, his lips moving as he motions with his hands; I will admit I don’t always listen to him in lieu of staring. The smirk I receive when he realizes that I missed the past few minutes is nice as well; I don’t mind him retelling things if I can see that look.

[exhaleyourmind]

Hawke/Fenris Pt. 3

But one thing was quite different from I had expected. Even though his words are blunt and never softly spoken, he is very cautious when making advances toward me. If I had never said anything, I doubt he would have mentioned even the slightest hint of attraction to me. Even now, as we lay panting after a particularly long night, he says nothing until I do. I wonder if it’s a trait that was driven into him as a slave, to not speak unless spoken to, especially during times such as these. I would never ask him however, not from fear but simply because it does not need to be known. 

[exhaleyourmind]

Hawke/Fenris Pt. 2

Fenris was an intelligent man. Despite the fact that he was still in the midst of learning how to read, his wit could surprise me. His sharp tongue and thoughtful expressions only proved my suspicions that if he had been born to different circumstances, he would be an influential and wealthy man. His arguments held notes of finality, his deep voice declaring his intentions boldly. It was no wonder that he could make even Anders fall silent; he simply presented his case and defended it while listening to the other side. He effectively quelled any doubts I could have about this relationship getting boring long before I even entertained the idea.

[exhaleyourmind]

Hawke/Fenris Pt. 1

Being with Fenris was something that no one could try to compare. Being that he was a unique being himself, it stands to reason that being in a relationship with him was unique as well. There were no such things as dates, unless you include the nightly walks that inevitably led to us doing what we do best, clearing away the streets trash. The breeze that’s created in the wake of him slipping past me to slice into another thug caused shivers to run down my spine, further invigorating my need for this tedious fight to end. We were a well matched pair, he was the brute strength and I the cunning that knew exactly how to cause maximum pain. Sharing a brief smile as we head to back to his borrowed mansion, I knew that tonight we would talk.

[exhaleyourmind]

Hyunseung's favorite shape is a star.

When he buys something, it has something to do with stars. His wardrobe was not limited by colours. For sometimes, the stars twinkled and winked, and all the colours danced and played in their depths. Because of that, Hyun Seung liked bright colours, all mixed together. They reminded him of cool, clear nights and soft laughter from trying to teach his sister the constellations.

The doe-eyed young man liked unexpected events. The good kind because the bad ones were just cruel. Like when it's afternoon but the moon and a lonely star are out in the sky. Lately, many good things were happening, starting from his debut with Beast up until now, recording Shock in Japanese and all the concerts and shows. He never thought that after he was kicked out of Big Bang, anything good would happen. But, he was proven very wrong, judging from his fond memories with the kids.

The second-oldest member like shiny people. The type who loved what they did and was excellent at it. That explains why he became so close to Jiyong, the man was highly skilled when it came to music and even dancing. Junhyung was like that as well. And like Jiyong, he has charisma. When they're on stage, Hyunseung just wants to stare at him. The way he smirks with those perfect lips (No one knows exactly where they've been on the dancer's body). The way his words flow in his smooth voice as if he was born to do so (No one knows what sweet nothings the rapper whispers in his ear). Even the way he clutches the mic, like it's the only thing keeping him alive (No one knows that he does the same to his hyung whenever he can). After a concert, in their fort of loving emotions and shared secrets, the dancer looks his boyfriend in the eye and solemnly proclaims,

"You're so shiny, I love you Yong Jaesoon."

Junhyung smiles because he knows what the elder means and kisses him deeply before replying,

"You're radiant Jang Hyunseung and I love you too."

After a moment of peaceful silence, Junhyung laughs and embraces the other tightly.

"You're so weird Seungie. Go to sleep." he chuckles in the 4-D member's ear. Wide, deer-like eyes blink before disappearing in a smile. He opens his mouth to respond, but is interrupted by a pillow smacking him soundly on the head.

"Yah! Some of us are trying to sleep, Seung!" Gikwang roared, and in doing so, waking the other three members from their pleasant dreams. Arguments ensued almost immediately, starting with a furious rapper and an equally enraged mental maknae. After five minutes of hearing Hyunseung and Dongwoon trying to calm everyone down, Junhyung and Gikwang nagging at each other and Yoseob whining, Dujun has had enough.

"Yah!" he shouted to claim everyone's attention, "All of you! Shut up and go to sleep! Next person I hear has to clean the entire dorm!" he glared at his five younger bandmates before burrowing under the covers, soon joined by Yoseob. The other members looked around warily, deciding that it would be best to obey orders. And the dorm was silent.

[exhaleyourmind]

It's been so long. Last time I was able to see you, I was running to rescue you from danger. This life is hard, isn't my dear? We always have to check twice where we step, making sure to leave as few traces as possible and become almost invisible at times. Here on this now desolate planet of Treleilon, what was supposed to be a paradise for mankind, a Shangri-la. But our hopes turned to cinders and living has become worse than death. With so few ways to survive, it's a wonder how I've managed to do so. Do you remember when we first met, I know you do. You shot me in the foot because you thought I was a scorpion. I remember your surprise at the enemy being me before you apologized profusely, attending to the wound. As you explained why you shot me, I remember laughing through the pain because it seemed so absurd that I got mistaken for a desert animal. After I was healed, we stayed together and became close. Meaning, I kept rescuing you and you kept getting into more trouble to keep me around. After a while, we realized that I would stay whether you needed help or not. That's when I first told you I loved you. Which you easily reciprocated with a smile and and blushing "I love you too". We were inseparable, making the best we could on this planet intended for us humans. 

Years after the colonization started, everything went awry. It became just like the old earth, where all our friends and family were stranded, and we, the chosen few, fell back into old habits. Not all of us, but enough to tarnish everything that was once golden. Our weapons were turned on each other instead of prey and our senses sharpened from a spectral force of perceived danger. Instead of freedom, we were soon restricted by gas masks and protective clothing because the chemicals that were to save us were doing more harm than good. But, I was happy through it all. Everything was ending around me and I had you by my side. And that made all the difference. One day however, things went sour. I yelled and you screamed before storming off to who knows where. By the time I found you, it was too late. The child you saved was crying at your side and your breaths were becoming erratic and shallow. I knelt by you and wept, begging for you not to leave me. I need you, always, forgive me, I love you. My prayers were unanswered and you slipped away in my arms, whispering into my heaving chest. I'm sorry, I love you too. Your beautiful eyes closed, your limbs grew heavy and my heart shattered as your spirit rose into the stale air to leave me behind. 

After a series of long moments, punctuated by sounds of mourning, I gathered my strength. I buried you by our garden of tangled weeds and dying herbs, near that one flower that thrived on its own. Laying my shovel down, I went back to the place of immeasurable sorrow. The life you saved with your own was still there, curled up on cold, desolate ground. I noticed for the first time that they were older than the five years I had originally guessed. Gathering them up, I trekked back home. This kid that I now cherish, I think of them as ours. 

I didn't come here today to tell you our story, however. I came to say goodbye. The committee has chosen five people to go back to Earth. In the seven years that have passed since your life extinguished, it has flourished. There are less people, the waters are cleaner and the air is clear now. I want to go, to show our child a better life than the one we have now on Treleilon, riddled with pain and fear. But, I know we won't be going alone. Your spirit will follow us, no matter how far we go. As I kneel by your grave, tears slip down my cheeks and land on the dying flowers we picked for you. I lay them down gently before pressing a gentle kiss to the marker of your grave. Rising to my feet, I hold out my hand. They slip their smaller hand into my own larger, rougher one and we walk away. Never looking back, but knowing that a few steps behind us, your spirit follows.

[exhaleyourmind]

Hyunseung lay on his bed, napping peacefully as the boys zipped around the dorm, playing games and such. He rolled over and snuggled into his pillow, wrapping his arms around it as he dreamed of his secret boyfriend. Well, if you could call the rest of Beast knowing about it secretive. The vocalist knew their food was getting delivered to them so he woke himself up and rubbed at his eyes. Their manager, Joonkun had just come in the room and he looked at Hyunseng with a fond smile.

"Hello Hyunseung." he greeted him, tightening his grip on the bag that held the boy's food.

"Hi Joonie. Is that my chicken?" he questioned, barely paying attention to the man as his lips turned up into a small smile as the smell of his favorite food drifted toward him. He crawled to the edge of his bed and put on his best puppy face.

"Joonie, are you gonna give it to me?" he pouted, reaching for it, only to watch as the elder stepped back with a shake of his head.

"No, Joonie I missed you? Or thank you Joonie for bringing me my favorite food? You're not very nice Seungie." he teased, holding the bag above his head. The dancer scowled cutely and got off the bed to stand toe to toe with his boyfriend. Shifting his weight forward a bit, he stood on his toes and leaned forward to kiss the man. As their lips connected, Joonkun sighed softly. It had been awhile since the last time they kissed but that thought was pushed away as he felt his hand become empty. Pulling away, he frowned in response to the redhead's victorious grin at having stolen his food. The manager sighed again but this was not a content sigh like before.

"Sometimes, I wonder if which you love more, me or chicken?" he asked for the millionth time, quirking an eyebrow.

Hyunseung merely giggled and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, saying, "Well, chicken can't bring me chicken and you do. So of course I love Joonie more."

"Yah, you make it sound like you love anyone who brings you chicken."

"Who's to say I don't?" the young man said cheekily, escaping his boyfriend's clutches with a loud laugh as he ran to the kitchen.

"Yah, Jang Hyunseung!"

[exhaleyourmind]

"Junhyung was going to make sure His Hyunseung would never forget him," the dancer read aloud to the empty room before continuing, "I wonder what this is..."

Exactly seventeen minutes later, his jaw was practically on the floor and his normally pale face was flushed with embarrassment and arousal. That was pure, X-rated smut, without a doubt. The red-haired man was also positive that it was far more arousing than those sites he looked at when he, along with Dongwoon, were trying to convince themselves they were not gay. But that's a different story. The only thing going through Hyunseung's mind right now was, "I can't believe that just turned me on."  It shouldn't be a surprise that the Junseung fiction got him interested since he had been dating Beast's rapper for several months now. It was just surprising that a fan would even think of things like that about them. The second eldest member looked down at his tented pants and sighed.

"At least no one's here." he murmured, slowly peeling off his sweatpants and underwear, exposing his skin to the cool air of the dorm. Letting out a small hiss, the doe-eyed boy closed his eyes and recalled the words from the story. Sliding porcelain hands down his body, he grasped his erection and stroked it slowly. He moaned softly and flicked his thumb against the leaking tip. Hyunseung sped up the pace, sucking on three of his fingers to hold back the noises he produced. Tonight was different though, he wanted to try and prolong things for more satisfaction. Little did he know that decision would be his biggest mistake.

Fifteen minutes later, Junhyung slipped inside the dark apartment and stepped out of his shoes. The others may be able to sleep at a hotel but the rapper insisted on coming back to his bed at the dorm. Moving as silently as he could, he was actually thankful for being able to spend some time alone with his baby. Even though they had been dating for quite a while, they hadn't gone any further than light make-out sessions, to the younger's dismay. The brunette stopped by the kitchen for his nightly coke and snuck into the open dorm room. And it would be a damn lie to say he didn't drop his coke from the shock he experienced while walking in. On his bed no less, was his beautiful boyfriend, writhing in obvious pleasure as he stroked himself swiftly with one hand and played with his nipples using the other. And judging from the broken whines and moans in the form of Junhyung's name, he was close to release. "Well, that's not fair to me," he thought with a grin before leaning over the form on the bed, squeezing at his boyfriend's arousal at the base. Hyunseung's eyes flew open with a loud gasp, barely recognizing the other man as he crashed their lips together. The dancer bit the brunette's bottom lip with a groan and pulled away, his face red from embarrassment at being caught.

"I-I'm sorry Jun-mmph!" His apology was interrupted by the coke addict's insistent kiss.

"I don't care. Let's do it Seungie." The younger murmured, his voice husky as he bored dark, seductive eyes into the pair in front of him.

"Now? Junhyung, I..." The redhead trailed off and looked away, which Junhyung took advantage of and nibbled on his sensitive neck and ground their hips together. Hyunseung moaned loudly and threw his head back, all traces of sense and sanity went flying out of the window as he muttered a quick affirmative as he returned the glorious friction. They kissed, their tongues rubbing against each other and teeth clashing. The elder pulled away to tug the rapper's shirt off and flip them over. He latched onto his neck, biting and sucking hard to cause the younger male to groan and drag his blunt nails down his back. With a light tug on his fiery hair, the dancer looked up to see an evil glint in Junhyung's eyes. Before he could open his mouth, he was flipped onto his back and there were a pair of lips kissing down his chest, ghosting over his nipples and making him whine inaudibly for more. The Joker took a hardened rosebud into his mouth, sucking hard and loving the feel of his baby writhing under his wandering hands and lips. He moved from the pale chest to kiss his way down a toned stomach and to continue peppering kisses across quivering thighs. All the while, Hyunseung was moaning and arching into the touches, clutching the sheets desperately to keep himself from losing control.

"J-Junnie... Junnie please, please stop teasing me...!" The dancer pleaded, his voice shaky as he squirmed in frustration, a pout forming on his reddened lips.

"Mmm, but you make such pretty noises Seungie. Then again, who am I to deny that face?" The younger murmured as he sat up and reached under the bed for a bottle of lube. He poured some on his fingers and spread the elder's long legs, much to the dancer's embarrassment. Sliding in a cool finger, he was quickly met with resistance.

"Babe, relax..." The rapper whispered, planting light kisses on his stomach.

"I can't..." Came the quiet reply. Junhyung frowned for a moment before bending down, lapping at the tip of Hyunseung's dick. The redhead moaned and shallowly thrust upwards for more of the tantalizing heat. He was so distracted that he barely registered the finger inside of him until another tried to slip in. He took a deep breath to relax but let it out in a hiss at the twinge of pain that came with the second finger. The rapper murmured soft apologies and gently scissored his fingers, stroking his virgin walls. He prodded until he heard those breathy whimpers turn into a long whine. Rubbing against the dancer's prostate, he was rewarded with more beautiful noises falling off those thin lips. As he added another finger, the sounds got even louder and Junhyung was trying hard to keep himself from just removing his fingers, burying his aching member in the moist heat and rutting him like a poorly behaved dog. He doesn't want to hurt his precious boyfriend after all.

"Junnie... J-Jun, please..." Hyunseung begged, his mouth open and legs spread wantonly. The younger said nothing but slowly removed his fingers and hovered the smaller male. He positioned himself at the small entrance, kissing the elder deeply as he thrust in. The redhead's scream was swallowed by his lover's fervent kiss that trailed across his flushed cheeks and along his jaw. Junhyung took hold of his hyung's hands, entwining their fingers together as he waited for a sign that he could move. With a small nod, he pulled out until only the head remained and thrust in, the rhythm agonizingly slow.

"Oh... Junhyung..." Hyunseung breathed heavily, overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through his body.

"Want more babe?"

"Yesss..."

The rapper complied and moved his hips faster, the sound of his balls slapping the dancer's ass growing louder. Hyunseung wrapped his legs around his boyfriend's waist and thrust back with just as much enthusiasm, moaning loudly when the foreign object inside him brushed against his prostate. But he wanted more, he wanted to know that when the next day arrive, he wouldn't be able to walk a single step.

"Junnie... I need more... Harder, please Jun..." his doe eyes were a pool of lust and pleasure. The younger male pulled out slowly and yanked him on top. The redhead understood instantly and lowered himself onto the hard member. He mewled and started a steady pace with the other bucking up to meet him halfway. In this new position, he felt Junhyung go deeper than before and he released a loud moan when he felt a hand drift from his hip to tweak a rosy nipple. Bracing himself with his hands on the others chest, he rode him faster, biting his bottom lip to try and hold back his pleasure-filled moans. At this, the rapper scowled and held the elder's hips in an ironclad grip so he couldn't move.

"J-Jun, what...?" the dancer questioned, barely coherent.

"I want to hear you Seungie." he whispered, lifting the boy off his dick and pushing him down.

"Get your hands and knees." he commanded, watching as he complied slowly. Junhyung knelt behind and slowly thrust in. Planting soft nips down the pale back, he rolled his hips, gradually speeding up with a hand on the smaller man's waist to steady him. Their voices grew in volume and mingled as they got closer to orgasm. Hyunseung rocked his hips to meet the younger and whimpered as he felt a rough hand stroke his neglected member quickly. His arms gave out and his chest was an inch away from touching the bed as he clenched the sheets in his fists.

"A-ah! Junhyung! I'm gonna-!" he mewled, cumming in the rapper's hand as his muscles tightened around the other's dick. The younger groaned as he felt the dancer's ass squeeze him and bit his shoulder, thrusting erratically. With a muffled grunt of his boyfriend's name, he released in his ass. Panting, he removed his now limp member and lay next to the collapsed redhead as they tried to catch their breaths. Junhyung, knowing how picky his baby could be about getting sweaty, gently bundled him up in his arms and carried him to the bathroom. Setting him on the counter, he got a towel and, after lathering it, began washing the man clean. Hyunseung smiled gratefully at his lover's actions, dozing off from the soft ministrations. The rapper chuckled quietly and cleaned himself before transporting the sleepy male to their bunks. He tried to set the dancer on his own bed so that he could get their clothes to change into, but Hyunseung was latching onto him tightly in his sleep and didn't want to let go. With a sigh, the black haired male laid on his bed, his exhausted boyfriend curled up on top of him. Smiling at the angel, Junhyung wrapped his arms around the precious doll as they snuggled on top of the dirtied covers. Watching as soft eyelashes fluttered in his sleep, Junhyung smiled, before closing his eyes, and the couple drifted off to sleep together.

[That was, until they were rudely awaken a few hours later, with high-pitched screams of horror and pale faces. The rest of the members are now officially scarred for lives, and none of them ever dare to leave Junhyung and Hyunseung alone for a night, ever again.]

[exhaleyourmind]

Jang Hyunseung was delusional, he concluded. It was ridiculous to think that he wasn't. He hoped for something that would never happen and stubbornly clung to his beliefs. His beliefs that one day, his crush would acknowledge him and then they would make passionate love. 'Damn hormones...' thought Beast's main vocal. He ran a hand through his red hair, though it had turned to a pale orange recently, and rolled onto his back. He was lying on his bed with a book that he was pretending to read as the other members milled around, doing various things. He could hear Dongwoon studying his chinese while the lead vocal made fun of him, eating loudly and surely getting food all over the poor maknae. He could hear their leader scolding Yoseob for talking with his mouth full, knowing that he doesn't care as much as he pretends to. And he could hear Gikwang exercising while teasing the rapper of the group for being so weak. 'Can't he see I'm the weak one? I fell for the biggest flirt of all, the one I said I would never let my sister meet. Yet here I am...' he mused, propping his feet high against the wall. His eyes fluttered and his arms slowly lowered until the book landed on his face, effectively blocking out the light and making it easier for him to fall asleep.

The first thing Dujun noticed when he opened the bedroom door was a pair of pale feet. He stepped over the clothes strewn about the floor and knelt on the bed, placing a gentle hand on the dancer's chest and shaking him awake. He reomved the book from the man's face to see brown orbs blinking up at him in first confusion, before morphing into their normal state. The leader smiled and laid down next to him with a sigh, wrapping a warm arm around his shoulders.

"If you're trying to wake me up, this is a bad idea..." the redhead murmured, snuggling into his friend's side.

"Dinner's ready. The maknae line cooked it." the taller said, chuckling at the grimace on Hyunseung's face. "Don't be like that. I tried it and it's kinda good. A little bland but better than when Seobie dropped all the wasabi into the pot."

"... If I get sick again, I'm going to murder them." the vocalist stated, sitting up and stretching luxoriously with a loud yawn. He ran a hand through his hair and looked down to see the dark haired male's eyes close slowly.

"Oh no. You're not gonna play this with me Dujunnie. Get your stupid leader butt up." the younger said firmly, tugging on his wrists without much success. The other faked a snore and a doe eye twitched. 'He wants to joke around? Fine.' thought the young man as he grabbed ahold of his blanket and pulled as hard as he could. The result of this effort was him successfully getting his friend off the bed only for them to fall to the floor in a series of loud yells. They untangled themselves and trapised into the kitchen with smiles on their faces. All throughout the dinner, Junhyung was texting and not eating (Yong Junhyung! I will break your phone if you don't eat!) , the maknae line started yet another food fight (Yah! You three have kitchen duty again for the next four days! Babos!) and Hyunseung ate slowly as he watched Dujun scold everyone. 'Just a normal dinner as always.' he mused, not noticing that his chopsticks missed his mouth and was now pressing his food against his cheek. He started when his hand was moved and looked up at the feel of a napkin rubbing his cheek, courtesy of their leader. His dark eyes were sparkling with amusement; as much as he nagged (almost as much as Junhyung, their resident umma), he loved the excitement and happiness that the others produced. The dancer smiled back at the elder, before finishing off his food to escape to possibility of someone (Usually Yoseob) trying to pass off dish duty to him. With this mission accomplished, he padded into the bathroom to claim the first shower. He scrubbed vigorously and emerged only after his hair was free of shampoo and his skin flushed from the hot water and hard rubbing. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he went to the bedroom while drying his hair. This, however, impeded his vision so it was obvious that something was going to happen. That something ended up being Hyunseung tripping over his feet and falling on none other than the rapper who was trying to catch him. Junhyung groaned and looked to see large, brown eyes staring at him, surprise and fright mingling in their depths. He felt his clothes get damp from the extra water the older male didn't quite wipe off and saw those thin lips part as an apology came out from them. He leaned up on his hands to press his lips against the pair in front of him, the pair that reminded him so much of his girlfriend. But his head was snapped to the side and a split second later, he felt the pain of the hard slap the older vocalist placed on his cheek. Trembling, the redhead stood, backing away and into their leader who had been watching the entire time with unreadable eyes. Hyunseung apologized and stumbled out to the balcony, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. His legs gave out and he scraped his knees on the pavement with a quiet sob. 'What the hell is wrong with me?! He almost kissed me! I don't want him!' At this thought, he stopped with a hiccup. Doe eyes widened as he tried to understand his feelings. 'Have I just been holding onto to him out of habit...? Since when have I not wanted him?'

Dujun was standing in the doorway of the bedroom, glaring down at his fellow band member. They had been in this position for the past five minutes, Dongwoon having already led the others out the dorm.

"Dujun, I-" Junhyung started, interrupted by the leader holding his hand up.

"What the hell were you thinking? No, don't answer that. If I ever see you cheating on a girlfriend or messing with Hyunseung again, I don't care what the managers say. I will punch you so hard, you won't be able to rap for a month. Now get out." He started quietly but his voice rose quickly and by the time he finished, his breath was coming out in angry pants. The younger nodded guiltily and fled from the dorm, probably to meet with the others. The black haired man stalked out to the balcony, forcing himself to calm down before going out and placing a gentle hand on the man's shoulder. The dancer whipped around in shock, wiping his eyes when he realized who it was.

"Hyung, please don't get the wrong idea. I don't know what he was doing and I don't even like him anymore. I don't know how long it's been like that but it's true and-" His words came out in a rush and he stopped suddenly, licking his lips nervously. Beast's leader took a step forward and embraced his friend gently, feeling him initially tense before relaxing. The redhead buried his face into the elder's shoulder and clutched his shirt, pressing against him. They stood there for an unknown amount of time before Hyunseung felt the other pulling away.

"Come on, you're freezing. Why aren't you wearing clothes?" The taller said this while leading them inside to the room, pulling out a shirt and some pants he knew the other liked to wear to bed. Turning away to change, the younger clothed himself and quickly stood in front of his leader. His brown eyes bored into the tanned male's slightly darker ones and his adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed quickly. Dujun leaned forward just as the younger male leaned up and their lips met clumsily.

Pulling back, the dancer apologized, "I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking."

The leader placed a finger over his lips, kissing him again before speaking in a low voice. "Don't apologize. Just... Think over it for a while and tell me when you figure things out. I promise it won't be awkward either way."

Hyunseung nodded once and bolted into his bed, hiding under the covers. Within an hour, the rest of the kids came back and their leader was up in his own bunk, pretending to sleep. The rest of the week was a little awkward but they fell into a pattern to work everything out. Junhyung was usually out with Hongki or Goohara while Hyunseung spent all his free time reading in his bed. Another week had come and gone but there was no change in the atmosphere. But one hot day, when the rapper was in the studio and the three youngest were getting ice cream for everyone, the leader was napping on the floor. Meanwhile, the resident 4-D prince was lying on his stomach, head resting on his arms. As he lay there, he thougt. And mused. And wondered. But all this thinking, musing and wondering was interrupted by a sneeze accompanied by an epiphany. He scooted to the edge of his bed and padded into the living room. Kneeling by the muscular man, he prodded his side and waited until those dark orbs were looking at his face.

"Hm? What is it Seung?" Dujun muttered blearily, trying to understand the joyous expression on the younger's face.

The redhead gave the man a swift kiss while whispering, "I know my answer."