Wren | exjw confessions / thoughts

hi my name's Wren I am here to talk about my experience and be a voice for people who don't have a voice to spread awareness about a religious cult known as Jehovah Witnesses

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To whoever needs this:

When you finally leave, they’re going to blame you.

And you have to make peace with that.

You have to make peace with it because they are wrong.

You are not at fault for your hurts. You are not at fault for wanting to do better for yourself. You are not at fault if the people who are supposed to love you only do so conditionally.

I know you feel alone right now but I promise you you are not. You are never alone. There are people out there waiting for you who will love you in the way the organization never would and they will love you ten times more and ten times better because their hearts are not beholden to rules written by white men for their own gain.

People out there love so unashamedly.

There’s light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.

Just keep going.

Whoever wrote this you are a beautiful person thank you! This is a very important reminder.

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Symphony Magic by Florence + The Machine is very exjw coded to me and it means a lot.

"I do not find worthiness a virtue, I no longer try to be good, it didn't keep me safe, like you told me that it would"

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to the anon too afraid to leave for fear it will kill their parents: of course I don't know them, so I can't say for absolute certainty, but I just wanted to let you know parents CAN surprise you. I thought leaving would kill my mom. like, actually break her heart to the point she would never recover. her and I were very close, and I was fully prepared to stay in the org and put up an act until she died. I was PIMO for 6 years because of my fears. but, I said something that put a thought in her mind, and she ended up asking me if I didn't want to be a witness anymore. I said yes while crying my eyes out thinking I was going to be disowned and kicked out of the house, and that she'd never want to speak to me again. I told her my thoughts, and she said not at all, and that we would still be close and she wouldn't tell any other family members so they wouldn't view me differently. that's been a year ago and our relationship truly hasn't changed from what it was before.

i hope this provides some encouragement for you. you do NOT have to be stuck in an organization you are absolutely miserable in just to please someone else, even if that someone else is your parents. they may even have suspicions already, and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. my mom said she had her suspicions for a long time, and it gave her time to process and accept it before she asked me. I truly wish the best for you and I hope it all works out. sending hugs 🫂

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I'm so unhappy I have been for 8 years having to be in this organization. I want to be my own person, live my own life and not be surrounded by people who would believe me to be a horrible person for not believing what they do. But I'm terrified to leave because I'm so paranoid that it will kill my parents. But if I don't leave I know it will eventually kill me. And the worse part is having no outside support because I've been isolated my whole life.

I'm so sorry.. it's so hard.

They isolate us and than use the only people we know against us and it's so wrong.

One thing that has helped me with finding support outside is when I made online friends. Than when I was going back to school I have been finding a community it's going slowly but it's been something. I believe in you it's so hard.

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pimo - i have adhd and anixety and every convention its like fighting a up hill battle. most of my life i was expected to be so happy but i just....didnt. it was terrible. it still is. and they did this for a WEEK???

I cannot even imagine what it was like when conventions lasted a week. Thank goodness they aren't anymore because 3 days is already so hard to just sit around in

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Related to your convention post:

That's definitely a unifying factor I've noticed about JWs is that there's some of the most dead-eyed, unfulfilled, or outwardly genuinely miserable people I've ever known but they are the first to tell you how incredibly happy they are and how incredibly happy you'll be if you go back to JWs. It's brainwashing for real.

It's so brainwashing and honestly just sad

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Just wanted to say that everything you've said about this recent convention has hit the nail on the head. I'm also tired of pimi people dancing around this unrealistic idea of "everyone must be happy if they're here." It infuriates me because it makes my pimo situation feel extra insignificant to them. Like my struggles are being dismissed, not just by individuals or by doctrine, but from a community. Yes, I know to expect conditional love from these people and that the notion of them being anywhere close to an actual community has faded long ago. However, it still hurts to know the people who claimed to always be having your back, then spin around and turn a blind eye to all of your actual suffering. I agree that this convention has been especially egregious, and I'm wishing you all the best in the aftermath of the "three days of hell." (My own personal nickname for the convention) Hope you can find something comforting or just enjoyable in the coming days. [Also sorry this spiraled into a rant of my own! My intention with this ask was one out of understanding your situation with the convention, and it unintentionally became its own mess of a ramble!]

Thank you this does mean a lot to know I'm not the only one.. it sucks that this even happens. Like I am genuinely so tired of hearing how everyone's happy it's so unrealistic and it's so hurtful to people who are hurting. It makes us just want to hide more. I will never understand why people say that.

I know it probably doesn't even matter because I am gonna lose everyone eventually because of me being a pimo but it's like that part of me for some reason is still clinging onto something that doesn't exist. I care so much for people who don't even care about me back. It's all I've ever known and I just don't want to lose it but I have to and honestly I already have.

this convention has been something else and it's draining. What's been helping is looking forward to Monday because my friend in my class will be back. It also helps to just let it out here and I feel like doing this maybe will show someone they aren't alone to.

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It's so stupid the person giving the talk at the convention telling us everyone in the convention here right now was happy. It feels like a slap in the face and that it's wrong for me to be depressed every time. Like I have no reason to be depressed.

Tired of hearing that Jehovah witnesses are the most happy people on earth. I am not happy yes I know I am pimo but if that was true that if every Jehovah witness was happy there wouldn't be no pimos or people who leave and speak out.

This has been the worst convention ever. It's my first time going to one that I am actually assigned to. I usually go to the one that most of my family goes to. But because I have been so busy I wasn't able to travel this year so I went here. This has been the most isolating conventions of my life. It's like I have no friends. I see some people I know but it's like they walk right past me like I am some ghost.

It's like they all preach about how much they show love but they see someone who is obviously alone and depressed but don't care. I get it I'm autistic and have a lot of anxiety but that doesn't mean I don't deserve a chance to have people to talk to. I feel like I am ranting but this convention is genuinely making me so depressed.

Sometimes I miss the time before I woke up and realized they really weren't all that nice. Like it really messes with you when you have been told your whole life that Jehovah witnesses are the nicest people in the world and anyone who isn't is selfish and evil.. I have been treated way better than I have been my whole life by my friends that are outside the organization than anyone ever has in this stupid organization.

[exjw-safeplace]

I am so depressed I'm just trying to be strong but it's just really hard right now. I feel alone

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The concept of gender in the bible really confuses me, because I remember my mom telling me multiple times that god/angels are spirit creatures and thus have no gender. Yet God and all named angels are only ever referred to as male? Plus all the scriptures that imply women should be seen/treated as lesser leads me to one of two conclusions.

God and all angels are male, and God knowingly created a weaker variant of human whom he wanted to be oppressed.

or

The bible is wrong, and somehwere along the line someone decided that of course powerful spirit creatures would all be male. Men are the superior gender after all!

I just had to get this off my chest.

It definitely has to be a part of why and how men act like they are superior or the head. It kind of makes me sick to think about.

Because honestly never thought about it like why have we been calling God by he/him when they are technically not supposed to have some sort of gender. God is supposed to just be God.

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I'm just existing and tired and just trying to survive and calm myself down and than some person in my congregation comes up to me and tells me to "smile"

Genuinely how do people think this is something that helps or is good to say. Like you never know what someone is going through and it is so triggering to hear that when you are depressed.

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It really hurts a lot sometimes to realize at some point I'm just gonna lose like mostly everyone I know and practically my whole family. All because I don't believe the same thing as them anymore and made the stupid decision of getting baptized at 15

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I know it's gonna make me a lot of happier when I leave probably a happiness I never experienced before in my literal life. Like I literally feel like it's gonna be like that scene from Tangled when Rapunzel leaves the tower and has all sorts of mixed emotions.

[exjw-safeplace]

It really hurts a lot sometimes to realize at some point I'm just gonna lose like mostly everyone I know and practically my whole family. All because I don't believe the same thing as them anymore and made the stupid decision of getting baptized at 15

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Autotheist by Baby Bugs on Spotify. That is all

Oh yes this is great!!

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Im glad that you made this

Thank you! It's always gonna be here ❤️

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idk if anyone's said this already, but believe me by james and the shame is really relatable to me, i can't help but cry every time i listen to it 👍

Oh my gosh you are so right.. this is such a good song thank you so much

[exjw-safeplace]

Something about certain Disney songs that just speak to me as someone who grew up as a Jehovah Witness