stop all the clocks;

these cold memories must go somewhere [ viewed/followed ooc. ]

[exmiseria]

A month ago, you were wary of him for moving too quickly and unsure you even wanted to be with him that way. A month ago you said you needed to take time for yourself. Did you?

[exmiseria]

2.

maroonblood how are you and john doing? i see you online but inactive most days so i know you guys are chit chatting the day away

exforma It isn’t always him. More often recently it is Dave, Kris, or Vizcai. As for John, I force him to switch messaging clients at my will so I know his devotion is genuine. That, and his reaction when he misses a message is very amusing. We’re fine.

maroonblood e f f thats one way to test if a boy is husband material

exforma You aren’t wrong, but it wasn’t until I heard it phrased that way that it occurs to me no such test is being run. In that capacity, clearly, but nor anywhere else. I am quite confident I would be hypothetically very lucky to snag him, John proving himself would not be one of the hurdles to pass. He is the first man like that I have encountered, I think.

maroonblood ‘i am quite confident i would be hypothetically very lucky to shag him’ is my new favorite sentence also! a lovely sentiment i am quite fond of him

exforma Snag. Snag, Aradia, not shag.

maroonblood same thing

exforma Most certainly not. The shagging is of no hypothetical nature.

maroonblood i dont imagine youd sit him down for tea in some terribly distant victorian way were you to snag him

exforma I just might. He’s a good sport.

maroonblood after, dear id save it for after

exforma You know what the worst part of it is?

maroonblood i imagine im about to find out

exforma I have no doubt that he is entirely and completely at peace with, even fond of, my idiosyncrasies as well. If I did as you suggested he would find it nothing shy of amusing and endearing. Love absolutely disgusts me in all its forms at all times.

[exmiseria]

1.

malleablepersonage Do you need to sleep too?

exforma Soon.

malleablepersonage Okay. Don't stay up too late on my account

exforma I won't. I'm awake because my bed feels a tad empty, and so finding slumber is not so easy as it would otherwise be.

malleablepersonage I'm willing to offer snuggles if they would help and you would find them agreeable.

exforma You're sweet, but it is the lack of a particular person here that I am feeling at the moment. Thank you for offering all the same.

malleablepersonage I figured that was the case, but also thought I would offer, regardless

[exmiseria]

The idea of the prim and proper always-on parenting style is fairly modern as well as rooted in a great deal of sexism even as it's since extended to both parents, which makes her response even more confusing to me since she knows so much of history, but I'm not going to go there. She's clearly quite wound up. They both are.

[exmiseria]

It is so strange to think there was a time in my life when I knew him while he was with other partners. I was never jealous, he simply, had other people he was with and committed to.

[exmiseria]

I wouldn’t do him the disservice of saying it to him, but I envy him and his wife very much. To go through so much sadness together, and still come out stronger, still happy and safe. And with children? 

I love John very much. Sometimes I simply wish I hadn’t needed do it all entirely alone.

[exmiseria]

“You take a breath, and you remind yourself that you do not want to be them.”

[exmiseria]

Aradia... That was incredibly harsh.

[exmiseria]

Seeing the weapons that Kris and John have makes me sincerely wonder what sort of weapon those knitting needles were supposed to be.

[exmiseria]

He’s my boyfriend, and the stories of romance blossoming with an old friend do not do the feeling justice.

[exmiseria]

I understand keeping your drama to yourself, but the high road seems as though it should be non-mandatory for one who threatens to kill you.

But that said, what does it matter? I have a job that, all things considered, I love. I have money. I have a roof over my head, I have food, I have running water, I have a firm grip on my eating and on my drinking. I no longer exercise to the point of fainting. I am not in any danger. I have friends I adore. I have friends that adore me. 

And I have John. What would I be willing to trade for him? Nothing. 

For the first time in my life, I think I have found something very close to happiness. He is still sad, still crumbling, still thrashing desperately for belonging and never quite recovering. The least I can do is afford him the space on a meager dashboard, uninterrupted. 

[exmiseria]

A grown man who is, by volume, very likely twice my size, and who could potentially break my spine entirely on accident, using exclamation points and open-mouthed grinning emoticons to express excitement at seeing me is beyond endearing.

[igxbaddies]

[exmiseria]

Not what I said, but that doesn't mean anything. If they want to talk to me, talk to me. I'm exhausted and it's been hours.

[exmiseria]

So, I suppose... they’re both ignoring me now? Seems that’s over.

[exmiseria]

Time to breathe most absolutely not a word, to anybody, because this is fragile, and I'm protective of it.

[exmiseria]

Is a Rose alternate I don’t follow trying to pick a fight with me?  She’s wrong, if she is. I also don’t care enough about her to respond and correct her. She clearly doesn’t know enough about the nuance, if she is intending to contradict me, for that conversation.