When it comes down to it dissociation is the mother of all sin. When I work with clients the problem is ALWAYS that they are, usually to extremely ungodly extents, dissociated from the reality of who they are. I am 1000000000000% convinced that the problem with the female society (human society in general but this is a girls page) is that you are dissociated.
What do I mean by dissociated. There is the reality that is you. There is the reality that you are acting from. Those two have no alliance, allegiance, convergence, coalescence, congruence, NOTHING. The Venn diagram between the reality of what you are, and the reality you are acting, talking, dressing, studying, working, living, dating, basically just existing from is a straight line. Who you are and how you are have no relation whatsoever.
The reason for this is a couple of things, but usually survival. To survive you become what is needed not what you want to be. Unfortunately there is no stop sign for your brain. Realistically it made sense to pretend you like school and want to be a doctor as a child because its what your parents wanted and you were completely at their mercy. But you are 22 with a job living in your own apartment wyd in med school? Well, there was no stop sign in your psyche. Mentally you're still ten dancing in your living room and your dad is screaming at you to go study for your exams. Thats the issue.
And, fun little thing. The universe will dump you in your elemental opposite so you can expand by finding your way. We already established the whole point of existence is the universe wants to expand. Expansion is most easily brought by friction. So people that were meant to be artists get the most tunnel visioned status minded parents that decided this is a house of lawyers and people that wanted to actually be that tunnel visioned doctor gets hippie parents that don't even believe in formal education. But ah, I digress.
When it comes to dissociation there are usual normal examples- maladaptive daydreaming, pretty much every personality disorder in existence, etc etc etc. Its easy to tell someone with ADHD takes breaks from reality frequently. But then it extends to more subtle places. Its the girl that wants a boyfriend that will provide for her but keeps rejecting it and dating 50/50 Dusties and swearing up and down she'd rather die than depend on a man. Its the girl deciding to start learning Mandarin to level up even though its not only exhausting but kind of dumb, when will you need mandarin? If you don't use a language you forget it. BUT its what the level up Gurus say no? Learn a language. Its a homebody with zero social battery learning networking and going to networking events because that's what you do when you're an adult right? Its those subtle breaks from the reality of what you actually are and the reality you keep choosing to throw yourself in.
And why does this happen? Because you have NO idea who you actually are. No wait that's not true, YOU KNOW. You just were never allowed to be, and in most cases you were punished for it. And for survival you had to abandon that at come to a point that is acceptable. Because we are a social species we are relationship based. We are completely dependent on our social circles, even when we hate them.
Most of the time when I sit down to talk to a girl in coaching its like can you make this make sense to me? Your favorite thing to do is dance. Uh huh. And sing. And watch movies. And be in plays. I see. And your career choice was *checks notes* aviation. The thing with ZERO artistic space. Uh huh. Can you make this make sense to me?? Dissociation. Who you are vs what you are choosing to be do not co exist in a way that's harmonic. You like attention. Uh huh. You feel the best when you're the center of attention. Uh huh. You like make up and fashion and whatnot. Okay okay. And you work in an *checks notes* NGO. Can you explain this to me in a way that makes me remember you are an adult?
Dissociation. That's your problem. And the issue is that sometimes yes you just have no harmony with who you actually are. Yes thats fine I get it. On other times its worse, you HATE what you are. Because we live in a black and white world where its good and bad. Attention seeker? Bad. Overgiving wet tissue spined girl? Good. Hyper independent? good. Want friends ? NO BE STRONG BE SOLO BE- The this good this bad virtue signaling of the world we live in has done so much damage because whats so wrong with wanting to be famous?? You never want to work? Yeah so whats so bad about that? You like sex? Okay and? If we werent supposed to crack we'd lay eggs go get you a freak with a vasectomy and healthy sexual habits.
Dissociation is your problem. You suffer because you lack congruence. Thats it thats whats hurting you. In some cases its easy to see like yes people with maladaptive daydreaming are extremely dissociated yes yes yes. But also why did you eat a meal you didn't order that you will pay for?
And the problem is, ignoring reality does not make it go away. We talked about tis, desires are in born. You were born wanting. Acting like you dont want to be the center of attention doesn't take away the fact that you do want it it just makes you seek it in underground annoying ways that isolate you and then force you into resentment and booooom arthritis PCOS etc etc etc. Elemental facts are facts. You're a major fire person. You need attention to exist. Sit down I'll write you a plan on how to constantly be the center of attention so you're not picking random idiot fights in comment sections to at the very least feel seen, yes? Yes.
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The truth, and only the truth, will set you free.