The Things You Mess Up And Wish You Could Get Back ||Octavio About Love||
||Welcome, Octavio Silva, you are now streaming. Say hello!||
The beat rolled through as Octavio set up his camera, watching it spark to life with his face close, and he grinned, dropping back into the familiar room, the bean bag chair aside, this stream the stand up kind of gig, turning and throwing his arms up.
“Another stream! Get your questions in quick, Amigo’s!” he cheered and took a swig of his cocktail, moving in his spot by the table to the beat that he had been working on, the lyrics yet to be added.
Everyone knew the little speed devil was getting into music, getting a little more excited every weekly stream about it, showing little snippets, sometimes even singing on Stream if he feels like it.
He saw the flood of praise for him and he grins, pulling his hands to his mouth, making an exaggerated kissing sound as he threw his hands forward.
“Love ya too, amigos. And, the vote is in, we have our theme!” he grinned as he saw the bot chime, throwing up the question at the bottom for them all to see, the system having been upgraded thanks to Wrench.
“Alright. MirokuCaptain asks; Hey Oct, have you been in a relationship and messed things up. I tried to be open and my anxiety made me say something dumb. I’m worried I’m gonna lose them and I’m scared. They are my whole world but I just keep messing up.” the smile sort of falls for a moment as he takes this ask in, nodding slowly as he takes a swig of his cocktail to think.
“Well sorry to hear that amigo. Anxiety is a bitch. Makes you run your mouth before you have a chance to register the thought, right?” he smiled, leaning against the bench in thought.
“Honestly? Yeah. Been in a few places where thinking was kind of important. Tried to comfort people, then they got too real too quick and I flaked. I got snappy and grumpy because they weren’t listening and said some shit I didn’t mean.” he popped open a bottle of rum and looked to it, then took a swig, recoiling as always.
“I wish I could fix it, make it better. But sometimes you gotta let them relax, settle in and realise you were only trying to help. When you’re with someone who is equally as broken as you, it’s hard. Take Wrench for example. Before us, he was beaten by his parents. He left us to be a part of something great, and returned when his friends were all murdered in cold blood.” he set the bottle down and ran a hand through his hair.
“I tried to help him, but he was having none of it, so I got a little snippy, said something dumb, and I thought I lost a brother that day. But, almost a month later, he comes back, I apologise and tell him what I was trying to say, and we hugged it out after a split lip and black eye exchange, and we’re relatively fine now. But we know our limit with each other now, know when to step back, cool off and return after. It’s a learned behaviour.” he explained then sighed.
“See, when you’re in a relationship its harder still. Because you both want to be raw, open, loving and trusting, but your past makes it so damn hard to do it. I fall in love hard, I love like I live; fast and wild, but I also can slow down, take it easy. It’s just, the slow makes me panic, and I hate it, because there is nothing to fear with that.” he sighed and bit his lip, looking to his set up.
“I.... I actually wrote two songs lately... Got all the music, background vocals... I can give you a preview of the work.” he watched the chat blow up and he smiled. “If ya ever feel like you messed up, or you’re scared you lost something, just play this to them.” the music rolled through, he shifted as he took a few calming breaths and sang.
We got our eyes wide open and feeling like we are almost there
Words unspoken disappearing in the air
All I see is you and I
You're the only lifeline, that I need tonight
I'm letting go
He moved around the room, a bounce to his motions as he sang, feeling the tears in his eyes he ignored it, putting his heart out there for all to see as he sang something close to him. It wasn’t the first song he wanted to put out there, but it was the one he found home with.
He wondered for a brief moment if the inspiration for the song would hear this, would see him in his room singing to a camera, or if they have already cut him out for good.
Loud explosions only you and I can hear
Doors fly open, you're the cure for all my fears
All I see is you and I
You're the only lifeline, that I need tonight
I'm letting go
His eyes flew open, locking onto the camera as he smiled, knowing no matter their choice, he was going to keep living, because dying wouldn’t be what they wanted.
Right here and now feels like forever
Never touch the ground when we're together
Right here and now feels like forever, forever, forever, forever
He begun to jump, bouncing where he was as the music pulsed around him, the sound rolling through his body as he grinned, feeling like his heart was open wide and loving it.
When the song finished he laughed, doing a bow, his eyes flicking back up to see the chat zipping by, slow mode being turned on to bring it back to earth. He grinned as he watched it all.
“It doesn’t matter what happens in the moment, it’s about the whole picture. Never lose sight of that. They will come around, and if not? Keep on living your life. It’s hard, it fucking sucks, but if you truly loved them, then you won’t die because of them, but rather, live on in honour of what you had. Trust in me, time is all you will need. And if you need a lifeline, let me be that for you, until you get on your own two feet and can run on your own.” he grinned, the voice he used for singing so different to the heavy accent he bore usually.
It wasn’t unusual to hear, on a previous stream he had loved doing voices and impersonations, showing off his ability to hide that tone he was born with. But he poured a drink, holding it up towards the camera.
“Here’s to this moment, right here, right now. I love you all, and don’t ever want to lose any of you.” he raised his glass as if to knock theirs then threw the shot back. “Our stream is over, love you all and keep your eyes open for the next one! Stay strong, amigos, and remember. Non terra plus ultra! Push past the limits and just do it!” he grinned as he leaned forward, winking to the camera as he turned the stream off.