THE DAILY APPLESAUCE

Rescuing the funny, tragic, weird, or just plain superfluous stories that filled spare column space in newspapers of the 1920s and 1930s.

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SAND LIGHTS ROOM

DARRINGTON, Wash., Dec 27 - Here's a mighty interesting incident, vouched for, if true, by George Van Cleve, which heralds the knell of artificial lighting. Recently, Van Cleve replastered his basement, using material from a sand vein found near here. At all times, the walls radiate light, the sand possessing radioactive qualities. Samples of the sand vein are being analysed by the geologists at the state university. Painesville Telegraph, December 27 1926 

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POCKETS FOR DOG'S EARS

WASHINGTON, Nov. 10 - No cocker spaniel need get tired dragging his ears around anymore. A patent was issued today to Ruth McCaleb of Evanston, Ill., for a pair of pockets to hang over a dog's head and carry his ears for him. Ottawa Citizen - 9th November 1938

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YOUTH'S MONOPOLY

TOO MUCH LIMELIGHT It is a well-established fact thai the younger generation of today has a far larger share of the thought and conversation of the nation as a whole than heretofore (says 'Oriel' in the 'New Zealand Herald'). It is the day of youth; youth is discussed in season and out of season, youth finds its ways into the newspapers, the puipit and the lecture hall, youth has its army of defenders and its army of critics; youth invades every walk of life, upsetting old traditions, disturbing the peace, and pretty generally getting itself talked about. Have there been no young men in the world before that the novelty and the splendor of their escapades should be sounded irom Dan even unto Beersheba? And is this the sole era in which the vivacity and brilliance of enigmatic girlhood has dazzled the human race? Of course not; yet the younger generation monopolises so much of the time, thought, and study of the world at large that it would seem indeed the first, only, and unique period in which anyone ever dared to be young. imagine what would have happened if in the Greek agora or the Roman forum men had met together for the purpose of discussing their children, how truly absurd it would have sounded in the ears of posterity. Surrounded by the glowing marbles and glorious archi tecture of those days, picture to your self the aristocracy of the State holding up their hands in horror at the unmanageable conduct, the uncontrollable will and the harum scarum ways of their various sons and daughters. I think we should have had the right to laugh at those worthy citizens whose groundless fears evoked such consternation in their hearts, for history would have told us that what they feared was an imaginary evil, would have shown us their progeny growing up to follow most probably in the footsteps of their fathers, and becoming ordinary, well-behaving citizens likewise. But people in those days never discussed such things; they trained their youthful sons and daughters with a firm hand; the younger generation was never allowed to monopolise the thoughts of the nation until it had grown up to replace the old, won its laurels, done something worthy of achievement. WHAT HAS YOUTH ACHIEVED?  Is not this the right way of looking at things after all? What in these days has youth achieved that the fame of its doings should command so wide a sphere of publicity? Is not youth merely enjoying itself as it was ever the way of youth to do, and if with more licence and more conventionality than formerly, is that not the fault mainly of its elders who have let out the reins too far and cannot by any manner of means pull them in again? Youth is running a fast and furious race, champing at the bridle, gnawing at the bit, often flinging both aside in wild, untrammelled liberty; but youth will one day become an older horse, slowly returning to the ancient trough and the fodder in the home paddock. Ever it has bsen the habit of youth to do exactly this, and ever at the end of the race you will find a sadder but a wiser horse, munching his hay and wondering if ths foal will put his foot in a rabbit burrow or fall headlong over a precipice.  We hear it said that youth today is a finer thing than ever before, that it is probing for itself, finding it can do with impunity what its forbears could not do. But nobody ever tells us what it is probing— probing, a very interesting word. Did that impatient foal carry a walking stick to sound the turf for potholes, or a rope to find the depth of the precipice before he fell? That would indeed be prbbing; but no, youth is not doing that. Youth is merely trying its paces; why, then, should it monopolise our thoughts? Remember the old trough in the home paddock. Perth Daily News - Thursday 17th May 1928 

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AN AMAZING DUEL

Budapest, Monday.— A duel, the outcome of a quarrel, was fought by Captain Corja, of the Hungarian Army, and M. Kittenberger, a noted big-game hunter. They chose heavy cavalry sabres. In the third round Kittenberger received a cut on the head, splitting his skull. Corja, thinking his adversary had been disabled, dropped his guard, when Kittenberger, summoning all his strength, inflicted two desperate cuts on him, so injuring his arms that both had to be amputated. Kittenberger is not expected to recover. Singleton Argus, Thursday 7th July 1927

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DOGS FIND MEAL ON NUMBER PLATES

NEW YORK. Jan. 10.- Dogs are chasing automobiles in Illinois, snatching off the numberplates as soon as they are parked, and eating them. Numberplates on wartime models are made of soy beans. Police have received dozens of complaints from motorists who cannot keep their numberplates. It is reported that some dogs chase cars for blocks, waiting for them to stop. The Barrier Miner, Thursday 11th January 1944 

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HE DANCED IN THE MOONLIGHT!

And Turned Handsprings in the Garden Well-Known City Man Startles His Neighborhood There was their next door neighbor, dancing on the lawn in the moonlight. Residents of a nearby suburb gazed over the fence amazed at the apparition they saw just a few nights ago. He capered and pranced and turned handsprings on the sward as though he were Wirth's Circus run amok. We said this well-known city man danced in the moonlight. Certainly he appeared to have very little else than moon beams on him while the dance was on. Not nearly so young as he used to be, a little saggy round the waistcoat and a trifle beefy at the pockets, he cavorted like Pavlova in her most enthusiastic moments.

Some of the neighbors mistook it for the Dance of the Seven Veils. But when they could take their eyes off the dancing figure for a moment, they couldn't see any veils lying about, though there were several cast-off articles that looked suspiciously like male clothing.  Up and down the lawn this gay sprite sprited. He sprang high into the air with a leap like a fawn that has had an electric shock. He waltzed and fox-trotted, and did more or less modernised versions of the Charleston and another well-known dance.

At times he resembled a figure in a minuet. At others he resembled a man who has had his clothes pinched at Crawley. At the rate he was going he looked to have a good chance of being pinched himself.  Just for variety he turned handsprings or ventured on rather rheumaticky somersaults. He did broad jumps, standers and running and several times tried to walk on his hands— with rather disastrous results. 

For some minutes his alarmed family gazed at him. One of the grown sons tried to pacify his athleticallyin clined father without result. His wife's entreaties seemed only to spur him on to more violent gymnastics and every time she spoke he seemed to regard that as a signal for a still more exuberant somersault. It mightn't be springtime in the hills but it was certainly springtime in that backyard. 

Eventually the aid of one of the neighbors was suggested, and one of the sons rushed in next door to secure assistance. If he'd only bothered to look he probably would have seen the neighbors lining the fence. At first the next door man wasn't keen on interfering. But eventually he came to the fence, and by dint of threatening to get a revolver and shoot someone he induced the almost nude man to desist from his acrobatics and go inside.  Perth Mirror, Saturday 6th May 1933 

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SPANKING CURE IN PUBLIC

Chief of Police Dickson, of Toronto, advocates the appointment of a public spanker, to punish unruly boys. He believes that corporal punishment is more effective than imprisonment for bringing repentance to the youthful heart. He proposes to have set up spanking posts, which will be utilised in the same way that whipping posts, stocks and pillories were used in olden times. "I would not advocate prison for boys, but I would administer a punishment that they would remember all their life," stated Mr. Dickson recently. "An angry parent might overdo the thing. What I want to see is spanking by some public official, but I do not want it done in the police station."  Mrs. Menzies, ex-teacher and social worker, of Winnipeg (who has made a study of child delinquency), while on a visit to London remarked to a reporter: — 'The appointment of a public spanker will cause all the mothers in Canada to protest strongly. Such an indignity as public whipping will be too much for the boys to bear; it will harden them, and they will suffer from the effects of it all their lives."  "On the other hand, if a public spanker must be appointed, let the job be given to a woman, preferably to a mother. Only a mother could mete out corporal punishment and judgment simultaneously. A man would be too brutal and hard, and the effects would be disastrous." Adelaide Register, Monday 13th November 1922 

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HITLER BURLESQUED

Incident on Liner GERMAN PASSENGER'S INDIGNATION Sydney, Oct. 15. An incident during a fancy dress ball on the Moldavia, which involved a burlesque by one of the passengers of the idiosyncrasies of the German Chancellor, Herr Hitler, was the subject of a complaint by Mr. E. Burow, German chemist and doctor of philosophy, who arrived by the liner to-day. Mr. Burow said that he intended to report to the Nazi organisation, of which he was a member, the activities of an Australian passenger whose dress was designed to ridicule Herr Hitler, and whose conduct was such as to reflect unfavourably upon the dignity and prestige of the German leader.  "As a member of the Nazi organisation I am bound by the rules to report the incident to the party officials," said Mr. Burow. "Even if it were prepared to overlook the personal injury that I felt, I would still be obliged to make a full report of the matter to the organisation. If I did not do so I might find myself in serious trouble."  Mr. Burow said that when he saw the passenger dressed to imitate Herr Hitler he left the room and went to the captain. "I complained that the conduct of the passenger was offensive to my leader and consequently was provocative to Germans on board," he said. "I pointed out to the captain that notices were displayed in the ballrooms forbidding the use of costumes which could be described as offensive or indecent."  Commenting on the incident, the master of the Moldavia, Captain Parfitt, said that there had been some trouble over the costume, but so far as he and others on board were concerned the incident closed when the passenger readily agreed not to take part in the ball. Western Argus (Kalgoorlie) - Tuesday 20th October 1936

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SHOT FIRED AT CAR.

Failure to Pay Toll. BRISBANE, Sunday. Late on Friday night, the toll collector at Loganholme Bridge was forced to fire a shot to stop a car which had crossed the bridge without stopping. The shot took effect, causing a back tyre to blow out. The Beenleigh police were then summoned and after the names and addresses of the occupants of the car had been taken, they were allowed to go.

Sydney Morning Herald - Monday 2nd January 1933

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BLONDES ARE DYING OUT

Blondes are iess intelligent than brunettes. They are harder to teach. They are, in fact, vanishing. THESE statements, made in London, have aroused again the old controversy of blonde versus brunette. ''It's nonsense,'' a charming ash-blonde said. ''Why, you have only to look at famous blondes to see that they cannot be the least bit stupid. Look at Marlene Dietrich, Greta Garbo, Tallulah Bankhead, and Gladys Cooper. They have all reached pinnacles of fame, anyway!'  A trainer of hundreds of girls for chorus work was slightly in favor of the brunette. But only slightly, for he seemed to be determined to be impartial to both sides. "I think brunettes are certainly more versatile," he said, "and while I would not say that a blonde was stupid, I think brunettes are easier to teach. Mind you, I know that whereas both blonde and brunette can be exceptionally intelligent, they can both be equally stupid!" "As to the statement that the blonde is dying out, I believe it is true. There are not so many seen (on the stage, anyway) as there were a few years back. This, I honestly believe, is because girls are not dyeing their hair so much, but are leaving it its natural color. After all, the idea that 'gentlemen prefer blondes' is rather exploded. But I think they are equally popular."

The Mail - Saturday 13th June 1931

[In fact, Greta Garbo was a brunette - Editor (also a brunette)]

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Brisbane Courier Mail - Wednesday 8th June 1938

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CHOCOLATES AND FATNESS

THE judges at the Bakers' Exhibition, which was opened at the Agricultural Hall, London, are of the opinion that this year's show places Britain on the highest standard yet reached in the baking and confectionery art. One of the most perturbed men in the world is a judge in the confectionery class. His view, he states, represents the acute feeling shared by his fellow confectioners.    "I appeal to you," he said, "to tell those slim women of Britain that they may eat chocolates without any danger or fear of obesity. Women regard chocolates with the same fear as a healthy beer drinker regards Vichy water. We want to tell the women of Britain that they may eat chocolates and remain slim. The ingredients used in chocolates nowadays do not make for fatness." The Queenslander, Thursday 23rd January 1930 

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PLUNGE IN ROMANCE

Police Enter in Runaway Match Sports Coach Weds Heiress AUCKLAND, March 26.-A sequel to a runaway match was reported to day on the arrival of the steamer Aorangi at Auckland. Basil Stanley (32), formerly foot ball coach at Honolulu University, and his wife (23), formerly Evelyn Anderson, University student and daughter of a wealthy retired sugar planter, have been detained without passports or money. The couple made a runaway match. They met for the first time at Honolulu on March 12, and were married on March 13, and embarked on the Aorangi the following day. Being out of work, Stanley decided to try his fortune in New Zealand. He went down to the Aorangi and his wife went to see him off. At sailing time the thought of parting was too much for Mrs. Stanley, and she decided to go with the bridegroom. Stanley elected that his wife should be treated as a passenger and himself as a stowaway. He spent the rest of his cash in a series of radiograms to his wife's parents, who objected to the marriage, but he got no reply. When the Aorangi reached Auckland the couple were taken ashore and questioned by the police, who decided that the matter concerned the shipping company, and put them aboard again. Stanley appealed by telephone to the American Consul, but, having no passport, no help from that quarter was possible. The young couple will be taken to Sydney, and thence back to Honolulu. Albany Advertiser - Tuesday 27th March 1927

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BOY POSES AS YOUNG WIDOW

SYDNEY, March 1. - The mother of a 14-year-old Newtown boy who carried out an amazing masquerade posing as a young widow and working as a housemaid for three weeks, said to night that her son was "a born actor". She said her son, who disappeared three weeks ago, adopted the role of a female to obtain employment and earn money to send her. The boy is in a children's home and under medical observation. He is on remand at the Central Court on a charge of being an uncontrollable child. Appearing at the Central Court recently as a 19-year-old girl on three charges of theft, he was released as a first offender. For three weeks he had been working as a housemaid at Claremont College (Randwlck) Girls' boarding school. At the college he lived alone in a room, and although he dally came in contact with pupils, it was never suspected that he was a boy. He had an Eton crop hairdo, used make-up and spoke in a feminine tone and when not wearing a housemaid's frock and cap, wore other dresses. It was not until police went to his home after his release from custody that it was learned that the "housemaid" was a young boy. Central Queensland Herald - Thursday 11th March 1948 

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CHEWING GUM

VALUE FOR KIDDIES Recommendation by Doctor Chewing Gum for children, in order to teach them to chew more vigorously and so preserve their teeth, has been advocated by Victoria's City Council's dental officer (Mr. J. W. Byrne). 'In general,' he reports, the phlegmatic child has poorer teeth and is move susceptible to caries than the alert child. This suggests that teeth vigorously used are naturally better developed and more resistant.' These observations are contained in Dr. Byrne's finst report to the Council health committee since the establishment ol a child's dental clinic at Flemington in June. He had also found that the teeth of children boru ot parents in poor circumstances showed slight decalcification, suggesting that the mother had been inadequately fed. 

He reported that at first he had to overcome with great, difficulty the apathy of parents toward the dental clinic, which offered free dental service to children. More interest, however, was now being taken, and parents were beginning to realise the advantages placed at their disposal.

From June 26, when dental work at the centre began, there were 242 visits from children, which resulted in 86 fillings and 145 extractions.

The Perth Mirror, Saturday 7th March 1936

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HYPNOTIST'S ACT

Stopped By Police  

PROPOSED BURIAL OF GIRL

LONDON, Thursday,

Astonishing scenes were witnessed outside a Staffordshire theatre where a touring hypnotist, as the outcome of a a £200 challenge, was prepared to bury a hypnotised girl eight feet deep and allow her to remain there for half an hour. More than 2000 people surged around the waste ground to witness the spectacle. The steel coffin was about to be lowered when a large body of police intervened and prevented him. The crowd howled defiance at the police when they saw the likelihood of losing their free show, but order was eventually restored, the hypnotist agreeing to desist, saying that if he had been arrested he would have proved that the girl was in no danger. The girl was annoyed and said that she would not mind if she were buried for two hours. The Canberra Times, Saturday 4th January 1930 

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SAWYER'S AMAZING FORTITUDE

Talks With Piece Of Wood Through Body

Astounding fortitude was shown by a man, who, although a piece of wood was embedded in his chest from front to back, talked to the ambulance men while being taken to the Adelaide Hospital yesterday morning. 

He was Henry Gordon Bone, 36, of Dunwoodie street, Edwardstown, and one of the principals of the firm of George Bone & Sons, Ltd., timber and joinery merchants of South road, Edwardstown. He had been using a breaking-down saw, a circular saw which does 4,000 revolutions a minute. He had a large log on the bench, and was forcing it on to the saw when a "splinter" 12 ft. long and an inch thick broke off and entered his body, six inches of the wood protruding under his shoulder blade at the back.

The wood entered on the right side of the chest and it is believed that it penetrated the base of his right lung. The protruding wood was sawn off, but Bone was taken to the hospital with the remainder still in his body.

As he was leaving one of the men at the works said to him, "Buck up, Harry," and Bone is reported to have replied. "It is all right, I'm as happy as Larry." 

He was admitted to Albert Ward, but the doctors at first hesitated to perform an operation, as it was feared that its removal would cause the lung to collapse and bring about a haemorrhage, with lethal results. During the afternoon an operation was performed and the piece of wood was removed. Mr. Bones' condition was still regarded as serious last night, but there was some improvement.

Adelaide Advertiser, Wednesday 7th February 1934