The ultimate gift of your life
This story is dedicated to @torture-steth-repeat with her consent.
Your eyes are closed. You try to stay calm, but your breath is fast and irregular, as if you were short of air. You feel the hard wooden table under your back and your thighs. Thousands of things go through your head. You can even hear your heartbeat in your head. The room has a pleasant warmth despite being dressed only in underwear.
Today is the day you decided to put your body, your whole life in my hands. Today you asked me to do what I want with your heart, everything I want. That single thought makes it beat hard against your little rib cage.
You startle with surprise when you feel my warm hand on your shoulder. You open your eyes. You are lying so vulnerable on my torture table. I look into your eyes as I gently take your wrist and tie it to ring at the table corner, I do the same with the other one, and finally I do the same with your ankles. You lie defenseless, vulnerable, fragile, and so alive. So so alive. I connect the heart monitor to your body, and you immediately hear the sound that you like so much, the beep beep of your heart.
It's fascinating to see you like this. I want to hear you live, right now, your small body stretched over this big table. The softness of your flesh against the hardness of the oak wood.
With sharp scissors I cut your bra and uncover your chest. Your heart rushes against your sternum, the ekg marks 135
I put my head in the middle of your breasts, and my head is filled with the heat and the sound of your life, I can feel your ventricles pounding under your sternum, and the sound is beautiful. With my other hand, I reach your stomach and gently push with two fingers to the left side of your navel and I can immediately feel the blood beating in your aorta, nourishing your entire body with life. I can feel your body warm, slightly shaky.
You love this feeling, of being touched, explored, by the only person who appreciates every detail of your body, every beat, pulse. How many times alone in your room have you had the fantasy of being in the hands of someone who can do whatever he wants with your heart. You close your eyes again. You feel that mixture of fear and growing pleasure that seems to dig a delicious hole in your lower belly. Today is for real. Today you are ready for anything.
I lift my head, full of your beautiful heartbeats. I start to feel all the pulses over your body, in your wrists, ankles. Then the delicious sensation of your carotids pulsing under my fingers, or the warm femoral pulse on the inner side of your thighs. You are so full of life, so alive.
You hear a metallic sound that makes you open your eyes wide. I hold it in my right hand. It is a very long sacrifice dagger. The extra-sharp blade, about 1.5 cm wide by a terrifying 25 cm long, is enough to pierce your rib cage from one side to another. Your heart rushes madly against your chest, hitting 165 on the ekg. A continuous shaking run through your belly and your hands feel cold.
Before I begin, I inject a clear liquid into your arm. I explain that it will reduce the pain to keep you awake longer.
- Today I will take your precious life, the greatest gift.
What you feel is strange. A mixture of terror, arousal and a strange kind of peace. The peace of knowing that you are no longer the owner of your life, but that you can let yourself go and let someone decide.
With the fingers of my left hand, I feel around until I find the small space between your fourth and fifth rib, just to the left of your sternum. I push my fingers a little, and I can feel the accelerated pounding of your left ventricle, a few inches in. I put the tip of the sword right there. Immediately, I feel the vibration of your heart beating on the handle. You feel a soft sharp pain against your skin.
Your eyes are wet with tears but at the same time a strong adrenaline rush pours into your blood, making your heart beats over 180 and your breathing becomes feverish, short, very fast. Terror and pleasure spread through your body like a cold wave that arises in between your hips, making you shake uncontrollably.
Your trembling lips can barely pronounce it, but you can clearly hear what you just said:
You close your eyes while I open my left hand on your belly to strongly hold you against the table, and with the other hand, I push down the dagger firmly .....
The sharp tip penetrates the wall of your rib cage with almost no resistance, wedging itself between two ribs, making its lethal way to the outer surface of your heart. I stop when the blade has disappeared almost one inch into your body. A hot pain, very hot, spreads in your entire chest and makes your eyes open wide.
The tip of the sword rests against your heart now, and I can feel it beat against the tip. Just a few drops of blood can be seen.
Your voice gives me more strength, and I take a big breath just as I thrust the dagger down…
The blade plunges about 6 inches into your rib cage, piercing your left ventricle wide. Your heart twists wildly around this cold and deadly object. Your mouth opens wide, looking for air that it cannot find. Your thighs clench tight, trying to free your ankles without success. Your hands clench into little fists desperate to break free. My hand on your belly holds your body tight against the table.
The heart monitor shows 170. Your heart, mortally pierced by this blade, does not stop beating. Inside your body, blood begins to gush out of your left ventricle with each beat and begins to fill the space around your heart. On the outside, bright red blood, full of oxygen, begins to run down your ribs, drawing red streams on your white skin then pool over the table.
The pain is strong but still bearable from what I injected you, and you stay awake. You look with surprise at the sword that comes out of the middle of your chest. Your heart begins to beat even faster, 187, but very irregularly. It refuses to stop beating.
You try to breathe, with difficulty, every time you breathe, you feel your chest rises and it moves the knife inside you, creating more pain. In your chest, the blood completely filled the space between your heart and your lungs, and generates a pressure that crushes it quickly, complicating your heartbeat.
The monitor drops drastically in a matter of seconds, to 140, 125, 90 .... 80
You feel your life escaping from your body at full speed. I push the blade one last time, until it hits a bone in your back. The dagger has pierced your entire chest. Your vision is blurry, and your breathing becomes more and more difficult. Your thighs fall back on the table, without force. Your fists open slowly. I want to accompany you in this moment, feel how your life is taken. Your heart struggles to keep beating, but it drops quickly ... to 60 ... 55 ...
Your blood continues to pour out of your chest, covering your left breast, ribs and stomach. The contrast of your red blood with your soft, pale skin is so beautiful. I can feel your hot, liquid life pooling around my hand on your stomach.
The blade completely pierced your heart and also your left lung behind it. Little by little, it becomes more difficult for you to breathe, only your right lung inflates, the left one just doesn’t respond anymore.
When you think you should be terrified, a kind of calm begins to fill you. Your mind is clouded, due to the lack of oxygen. your half-open eyes look at me calmly. I look again for the pulse in your belly. It is weak, very very weak. You start to feel cold on your feet, and in your hands.
In one swift movement, I removed the dagger from your chest. It comes out silently, easily, followed by blood that gushes directly from your dying heart and spills down your sides and belly. I put my right hand to press hard on the wound. I can still feel your weak heartbeat and with each one of them blood that pours in between my fingers.
You close and open your eyes quickly to dry the tears, and you try to speak but your trembling lips do not respond. You gaze at the heart monitor that you can now barely hear ... it shows 45 bpm
Little by little it becomes impossible to breathe. You feel like there is a large rock placed on your sternum. You feel like a fish out of the water. Your life escapes from you, red and hot, pouring over your fragile body that little by little becomes colder. Your sight is clouded by black dots, you know that it is the end, your last breath, your heart placed in my hand, your life, your most precious gift, is given to me. Suddenly, you like the feeling of freedom, you no longer feel your feet and hands tied, but you are cold, very cold. The warm skin of my hands on your heart and belly comforts you. You cling to them.
The monitor shows 40, and your heart now beats very irregular, your breathing is almost non-existent, minimal.
Your eyes begin to close, and your lips gradually lose their color. I feel a unique connection with your perfect, dying body with my two hands placed on you. Your belly no longer feels as warm as it did minutes before. Your skin is paler.
I feel the last beats of your heart, rather they seem like the fluttering of a weak butterfly, and your ribs protruding under your skin every second when you try to breathe.
A moment later, it is your breathing that stops first. Your ribs stop moving, your belly becomes immobile too. The monitor reads 25 bpm. With my left hand, I dig my fingers a little deeper to search for a pulse. I find it weak, dying.
You still have a bit of clarity, just enough to know that this is the last moment, you realize that you have stopped breathing, and you feel relief. You felt pain with every breath, not anymore.
Your heart, mortally wounded, fights with its last strength.
20 seconds after you've stopped breathing, your heart stops beating. I feel the pulse of your aorta one last time under my fingers, then everything becomes immobile. Under my right hand, I suddenly feel your sternum completely still as well. The blood stops flowing between my fingers. The monitor drops from 25 to 0 immediately ...
You hear from far, very far away, the sound of your heartbeatless heart. You always wanted to feel it like that, motionless inside you. 2 or 3 seconds later, your mind gently black out….
Your body lies lifeless under my hands. your hands are open, palms up.
I leave my hands on you for a few more seconds. Your skin is pale and smooth, even warm, covered in your warm blood. Your lips a little open, very little, and your eyes closed.
I raise my hands. Your body is so still, it is strange not to see the breath that has always moved your rib cage under your skin. You've lost a lot of blood.
I want to try to revive you, desperately.
I take some clothes and clean your bare chest, and your belly of the blood that you ve lost. A few seconds later, your body is clean, whole as before, if it wasn't for this lethal little incision near your left breast.
I take the two electrodes in my hands and apply them to your chest.
The powerful electric shock goes through your inert heart. Nothing
A second shock throws your entire chest up, arching your back off the table.
biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip
I turn up the power, a third shock.
Your ribs stretch your thin skin as your thorax lifts up hard and lands back on the table.
biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip
Your heart is not coming back. I give two more shocks, that arch your back and your thighs on top of the table.
biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip beep ... beep ... beep..beepbibp.beep ....
I drop the electrodes and reach for your carotid with my fingers. There is a pulse, a weak pulse ... so weak ...
beep ... beep beep beep ... beep ... beep
The monitor begins to mark an extremely irregular rhythm, between 20 and 25 bpm ...
I exhale hard between your cold lips. I see how only the right half of your chest rises, the left side stays lower.
With the first few heartbeats I see blood spilling from the wound again, running down your left breast.
I exhale several times, filling your chest with my air.
Inside your chest, your wounded heart trembles more than it beats, a few electrical impulses awakened by the powerful discharges, go through it desperately.
It just lasts 10 or 15 seconds, when suddenly, I lose your pulse again, and your heart stops again. I know it will not return. The wound is too deep.
The monitor launches the fateful announcement of the end ...
biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip
Silence, a lot of silence.
I remove the cables from your body, they will no longer be necessary.
I very gently clean your chest, breasts, stomach, and untie your wrists and ankles.
You seem asleep now, beautiful. I put my head on your chest. it already feels colder, still.
Inside you, only silence. I took your precious life, the ultimate gift.
I again very gently clean your beautiful naked body. I put your arms next to your body, palms up. I softly close your lips and arrange your hair.
I take a step back. The wall candles cast a mix of soft light and shadow over your bare skin. There is so much beauty in your lifeless body. I wish you could see it.