壊れた

i am perfect, i know i am. but if you aren't perfect, then i can't be with you ♚ ♚ ♚ sc_online_t(692935,"BUYER(S)","#b9b9bf"); Users Online Counter

[exxxi-minkii]

i-dongho replied to your post: 

I have no idea what you’re talking about…

 Playing dumb isn't cute, you know. 

[exxxi-minkii]

I see you. . . stupid.

[popobaek]

[kpop-views-deactivated20160823]

Credit: hwangmh_ - do not edit photos/remove logo!!

[exxxi-minkii]

Yoohwan, if you're still around, I am still working on your reply. DONGHO YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. I want Minks to get involved with more buyers rather than dolls right now, so if anyone sees this and wants first dibs on plotting just lemme know - u - I'll also get some opens ready and queued up so I can post them when I feel its time to para them out. 

I'm also very sorry for my half-assed activeness, but its really all because I've just started a new job that takes a lot out of me and I'm still adjusting to being on a normal work schedule again. So if I'm not really plotting or replying, its mostly because I'm drained and I need a second to recollect myself ; u ;

okay but yeah, i'm still around. and now i'll go cry to dongho's mun because this is what i do.

[exxxi-minkii]

I'm sorry I'm taking so long guys ; u ; I've just started a new job and it seems like I'm getting crazy amounts of hours right off the bat. I'm going to take them all with a smile too (despite how terribly in pain i am when i get off /cries). Gotta make as much as I can before Infinite concert, so my attendance will be spotty until i can get used to my schedule.

and on that note, time to pass out ; o ;

[i-dongho-blog]

"I do," he insisted with a small nod, chest tightening at the pair of big brown eyes staring up at him expressing some kind of uncharacteristic innocence that Dongho was still convinced the other doll was not capable of. But it was enticing nonetheless, and despite his pre-programmed stubbornness there was already a part of him eager to love and be loved that was willingly becoming wrapped around Minki’s finger. He’d never considered that the rapidness of relationship development in television dramas was anywhere near realistic, but here he was a few steps away from infatuation, and in such a short period of time. He would likely later justify it as being a part of the learning process. He’d be prepared for his absolute dedication to his future owner after this bit of practice with a fellow love doll. In reality, it was more of a willful succumbing to an overwhelming desire for self-indulgence more than anything else; this unusual series of events had caused something in his conscious to click, something familiar about the strange transition from anger to affection he’d felt within such a short period of time, and he would likely grow addicted to the feeling. "Yah," he scolded lightly, "Are you calling me a liar?"

He wasn’t sure if he was uncomfortable or too comfortable locking eyes for so long with the other doll, and he opened his mouth to politely ask him to stop looking at him like that, as it was all sorts of uncalled for. But he was interrupted by quiet words and the tightening of fabric at his waist where, if he looked down, he would see pale fingers gripping, fingertips grazing the thin cotton that acted as the only barrier between the skin-to-skin contact he didn’t yet know how to crave. But he didn’t dare tear his eyes away from the pair captivating his undivided attention. However, the contact was broken nonetheless when the blonde looked away, but the feelings it brought Dongho lingered, and the other’s words only added to them. “Yeah, okay,” he replied before he could even think about stopping himself, “Sure. But only if you like me back.” He wasn’t entirely sure what he’d just agreed to. Maybe he was just admitting what he already knew. But what had he just signed up for wrapped up in the arms of a pretty blonde love doll with bright brown eyes and manipulative pink lips? He wondered if this is what humans meant by signing a contract with the devil. If the devil looked anything like Minki, emulated him or his dangerously alluring demeanor in any way, it was no wonder humans were supposedly signing away their souls to him left and right.

[exxxi-minkii]

In all his time spent since creation, Minki was positive this was the first time anyone ever verbalized their liking of him; even if it was said due to the blond's own request. He felt a big grin trying to spread, though, due to his stubborn nature he suppresses it. His attempt to hide it, though, failing miserably as it shown through the pout he tried so hard to display.

Crap.

"Like you back?" He parrots, sniffling once more as he wiped away whatever remainder of tears there were. "Stupid. . ." he softly breathes out, his stare still anywhere that wasn't the other doll's line of vision. "Would I still be standing here if I didn't like you already?" 

Double crap.

He stiffens once more, swearing at himself in his head as he didn't completely think through what he had just said. 

"I mean. . ."

The red in his cheeks deepen, his only means of escaping the absent minded confession was burying his face in the other's shirt. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks; how freaking uncool, Minki. Just before he was giving his all to show how much more sophisticated and better he was than the other doll; and here he is now, confessing whatever attraction he had for him like a hotheaded school girl in denial. 

"I hate you. . ." he mumbles softly into the seemingly older male's shirt, too embarrassed to show his flustered expression. "I hate you. . . but I like you. . ." With a pout (and cheeks still red), he peers up into the other doll's eyes once more. "So should I keep calling you 'stupid'? Or do you have a name?" Keeping his little pout, he wraps his arms completely around the doll's waist.

"Prove to me how much you like me then, stupid." He gives the other a little smirk, his catty confidence returning as he holds on to the stranger.

"Tell me I'm pretty? You think I'm pretty, right?" 

[exxxi-minkii]

» HEADCANON «

Because he's been on the market for so long, Minki has taken it upon himself to teach himself about humans by watching them first hand on the street and watching television and movies. He especially likes the romantic type of scenes, seeing how he was made to love, but has been left longing for it rather than experiencing it. 

[i-dongho-blog]

The first thing he saw were tears, visible pools of hurt building in big brown eyes, setting off an alarm in his conscience. He wasn’t supposed to be making people cry. Sure, he might have had the intention of pushing a few buttons, but never of bringing someone to tears. He was built to love, to make people happy, the men in white coats liked to remind him of that every time he came into a session complaining or criticizing or making some smart-ass comment about how sensitive and predictable people were. He had no other fundamental purpose. And yet, he couldn’t even get that right. He liked to think he was good at his job, if it could be called that, otherwise why would they spend so much time making sure he got everything right, why would he cost as much as he did? But standing in front of him was a personification of the failure he feared, the fear that always ebbed away at the back of his mind.

He couldn’t bring himself to speak up in his own defense, nor did he fight the physical advancing of the other doll. He simply stumbled backward, gawking at the blonde in a mixture of confusion and guilt and petulance. He’d been so certain he was right, because he was always right. But now he wasn’t so sure who the monster was anymore.

"No," he replied almost inaudibly, surprising even himself when he instinctively wrapped his arms around the blonde to stop his fall. He could feel the tears from before pooling in the fabric of his shirt, the slight frame shaking in his arms, all of it effectively chipping away at his stony resolve to not care. It was becoming more and more clear that they weren’t so different, and Dongho was starting to wonder if he was broken too, if all the time and money spent on observing his progress wasn’t to ‘observe his progress’ at all, but to fix him, to stop him from becoming completely useless. The thought terrified him once it occurred to him, causing him to tighten his embrace in an unconscious desire for comfort.

"I don’t hate you, Minki," he uttered more for himself despite the name rolling off his tongue for the first time as if he’d been saying it for years. But I think I might hate myself.

[exxxi-minkii]

If there was one thing Minki hated the most, it was succumbing to his true feelings about himself, and even worse, displaying it. It wasn't entirely Minki's fault that he came off vicious and cold to almost every single living and non-living thing he crossed paths with. Love dolls are supposed to learn through their owners on how to become 'more human'; something Minki was often rejected from or never given the chance to fully experience due to his 'problems'. In his eyes, he wasn't wanted, and according to the films and television that displayed characters much like the blond (since this was his only means of education) all he knew was hurt. He was always hurting. Hurting wondering what it'd be like to be wanted. Hurting wondering why no one wanted him. Hurting seeing all of the other dolls that were supposed to be less superior than him get chosen over him. Hurting simply because. . . he was hurting.

All of this just added to his hate of showing his true emotions. He felt if he exhibited his vulnerable side and allowed himself to share his hurt with another (and a stranger at that), nothing would play out in the blond's favor, as it never had in the past. He hated crying even more. In his eyes, it was such an ugly way to give in to his evident self esteem issues. It made him feel weak, the last thing he needed to endure as it was hard enough to accept the idea of him already being damaged goods. Usually, he'd run away before he could even let another see such a raw display of emotions. But for some reason, something in the doll's drives compelled him to stay put. He didn't feel the need to fight back as the other caught him as he stumbled; a usual reaction of his. After all this time of being alone, something had registered for him to let the other hold him. Instincts kicking in as he hesitantly wrapped feeble arms around the other's waist.

"I don't hate you, Minki."

Hearing his name caused him to stiffen as he was not expecting to hear him be addressed in such a. . . comforting way. He didn't think his name could sound so beautiful coming from someone else's mouth other than his own. For so long he had been the only one to speak of himself in some kind of crooked version of nurture and respect. It was strange hearing someone else address him with concern, rather than irritation. 

Slowly, he began to peek up at the other doll, cheeks stained with tears as big eyes curiously and cautiously scan over the dark haired male's expression. "Y   You don't?" He questions hesitantly, afraid that somehow he had heard him wrong and that the young man would push him away. A feeling that caused the blond to unconsciously tighten his hold on the other. 

"You don't mean that. . ." he softly sniffles out, teeth sinking into his bottom lip to keep it from trembling. He couldn't help but spew out his denial. He didn't want to believe in him in the event he had only been saying such things to soothe him, just to mess with him with another attack. He didn't want to believe him, but he couldn't deny it, the way the other had been holding him made his resolve to refuse trusting someone other than himself begin to slowly wither away.

Cautious eyes traced over the doll's features, cheeks staining scarlet once more as he slowly begun to realize that maybe the other really meant what he said. Brows furrowing as he stared almost helplessly into the other's gaze, he grips the fabrics of the other's shirt as he softly begun to stutter. "I  I. . . I mean. . ." he sniffles softly, "like me then. . ." He looks away shyly, his once more confident tone underlying his cautious words. "If you don't hate me. . . like me. . ." He felt silly asking for such a request, but somehow with all that has lead up to this moment, asking the stranger for such a request felt kind of. . . right.

[nuest-baekren]

[i-parkyoohwan-deactivated201401]

If anything, the rising panic he felt from his chest should be an indicator of an incoming danger. The thumping of his heart could be heard, the pace increasing yet again as he widened his eyes, mimicking the blond’s own. The different though, was that Yoohwan’s pair were filled with panic, while the other’s was calm and composed. He could have sworn he saw a flicker of mischief shining in the all-too-bright orbs, and swallowed on instinct yet again. He blinked, trying not to show his unknown sense of fear, taking in another deep intake of air. He didn’t even want to answer the question - giving his name felt like signing a contract to the devil at that moment, and there was no way he would have given it to the young man. Leave, his brain was telling him, leave before something happens. And Yoohwan did, his foot taking a step forth as he got ready to exit the library when a soft call stopped him effectively in his tracks. Eyes widening in disbelief, before darting around to the surroundings, Yoohwan’s jaw dropped slightly. He could feel the goosebumps breaking out along his arms, running through his shoulders as a cold chill slide down his spine. The guy didn’t just, the raven blinked, shaking his head lightly at the curious stares he’s gotten from bystanders, a silent plea for help and an attempt to point out that it was an accusation went unheard off as the sniffles got louder. "I-" he started, the voice a mere whisper as the curious stares became disapproving glares, and he shut his mouth. He pretty much had two options - to leave now and pray that the blonde didn’t tread after him like some weekday soap opera, or sit back down and sign that goddamn contract with a little devil. Either way, he’s never going to hear the end of it from his seniors, seeing how rumors spread as fast as a plague in college. Biting on the insides of his cheeks, he hesitated for a moment. The blond deserve an Oscar for his act, he frowned, the thought unspoken as he moved to slide back into the chair. If word were to spread, he might as well have them branding him as the ‘drama boy trying to console his girl' than the 'heart-breaker'. There was a light whine flashing past in his mind, wondering what luck in the world he has had to face such a situation from a boy he had never knew. "Park Yoohwan," he uttered in defeat, dropping his bag on the floor, knees tucked close together. He didn’t move any closer, his eyes straight ahead as they locked onto the blond’s pair, choosing to ignore all the glances that would turn away with due time. "How exactly can I help?"

[exxxi-minkii]

Wiping away the tears he managed to muster up, he gave the other a menacing, but triumphant grin. You're not going anywhere, he muses to himself inwardly, feeling as if this little achievement was just one of many more to come.  He knew at how the man tried his best to avoid the pestering stares of the blond , it would be easy to pick on him without worrying of retaliation. The man called Yoohwan seemed to not like conflict, hence his attempts at storming out once the doll's words became taunting and the blatant avoidance as he created a physical wall between them multiple times to avoid dealing with him. Minki just knew if he bugged him more, he'd get whatever he wanted. And for the time being, what he wanted was attention. 

"Yoohwan-ah. . ." he parrots, though the way his pitch rose at the end of the last syllable seemed as if he were mocking the poor man. He gave the other a little sniffle before taking his hands in his own, smiling as sweetly as he could as he knew the attention was still on them. "If you let go of my hand," he starts to whisper through the grit of his teeth, keeping the innocent smile as he taunts the man, "People would think we haven't 'made up'." He nods slightly to one side, noting how some people were still looking at the two as others continued on with whatever they were doing before. "Why don't you play along first before I tell you what I need help with?" He muses sweetly with the bating of long lashes, hands still holding onto the other's. "You should feel lucky having a cute girlfriend like me, oppa."

[the-heavens-speak]

[i-dongho-blog]

His smile vanishes the moment pale hands shove him away. He’s frowning, obviously confused (and exhausted) by yet another drastic shift in the blonde’s mood. But there’s something else inside of him that’s incited by the dropped gaze and defeated tone, something that registers in his mind as guilt, and it hurt a little. That on it’s own is difficult to comprehend for Dongho; just moments ago he’d been so keen on defeating the other doll, knocking him off whatever pedestal he decided he was on. Now that he’s apparently succeeded, the triumph he should be basking in seems to be buried somewhere under an unfamiliar twisting feeling in his gut.

He can feel himself growing more and more frustrated, though about what, he can’t quite decide. He wants to be so certain it’s because of the continued insults to his intelligence, the attempted assaults on his pride, the fact that the blonde is making him feel bad about winning. Here he is a standing target to an onslaught of hostile words and all he can think about was how much he wants the other doll to like him.

The hit is hardly a painful one, but he flinches like he’s been burned, his scowl deepening. “Yah, if anyone’s stupid, it’s you. I kissed you to make you shut up.” He’s lashing out, likely punishing the blonde for making him feel something other than loathing, but he feels a desperate need to defend himself, to justify his actions, to make the other see that he’s not  a bad guy for doing what he did, that he isn’t nearly as petty as he feels “If you’d just shut up for once you might give people a chance to like you. But all you do is talk and talk and everything you say makes people hate you. You should let someone love you without punishing them for it. Isn’t that what we’re built for, anyway?”

He clears his throat, trying to pretend he cares less than he actually does, “And stop turning red. And stop looking like you’re about to cry. It’s not like I hit you or anything.” It occurs to him as an afterthought how vulnerable he might sound, so he tacks on another thought to really show how much he doesn’t care (even though he can’t think of anything he cares more about at the moment).

"And don’t worry, it won’t happen again. You’re not even that great of a kisser." He’s usually a decent liar. The current moment seems to be an exception.

[exxxi-minkii]

He hears the other quite clearly, not missing a single word as they ring in his ears, making it difficult to dismiss them. Every little word burrowed deep within the blond's framework, as always, taking every little critique and comment to heart, though he kept up with his defiance to look at the other male. It hurt a little, but it was only because he knew it was true. He knew because of how he acted people generally wouldn't want to be near the doll, deeming him a narcissistic nutcase that deserved to be avoided. But, it wasn't Minki's fault that he seemed to build his own defense mechanism within himself. Nobody loved him, even when he tried, attempts obvious in the amount of times he's been returned. Out of all the love dolls that were on the market, he was the only one that seemed to be completely lacking in the appeal department. Over and over again, no matter how many times, he couldn't display his emotions to whomever's liking. And in result, his defiance for being owned grew, the thoughts of just being a lonely doll that can learn for himself taking over any want of trying to be close with someone.

His excitement was talking about himself. His happiness was talking about himself. His favorite activity was talking about himself. But despite all of that, he really depended on other people's approval. A dependence so great, it sickened the others. All in all, there was nothing attractive about Minki other than his looks. At least, that's what it seemed. If people were going to call him a 'bad' doll because of a mistake made by the man who built him with his own hands, he was going to give them a reason to label him as such.

"No one loves me. . ." he softly retorts finally. "No one likes me, and no one ever will. So you're right." He finally looks back up at the other, tears daring to fall and they build, almost spilling over. "I'm faulty, just as you said before. Nobody wants a faulty love doll that can't love 'the right way'. Does it make you feel better to know that?" He gives the other another weakened shove, this one backed with a little more force, barely enough though to make the other stumble. "You don't know me, you don't know how desperately wish I could love someone to their liking, but no. I'm always wrong." He gives the male another shove, taking a step forward, forcing him to move along with him if he didn't want to be stumbled upon. "You could have just kept calling me broken, but you just had to kiss me, didn't you? And then tell me to like people more after doing so? Do you hate me or something? Well?!" 

He shoves the doll harder and harder with each step, the fleeting feeling of a longing he hadn't realized that had been bestowed upon him so long ago surfacing to his expressions. For so long he had wished he could have been kissed like he had with the person whom's name he doesn't recall catching. The same feeling that caused him to react so eagerly before, causing him to feel pain as no promise of that feeling to return really the cause for his tears. 

"Do you hate me then? Am I really that bad? You don't even know me but you obviously hate me, am I right?" He couldn't help the tears as they started to fall. He really wanted to just hear that the other could have cared less about his pathetic pleas. But there was a bigger part of him that hoped he would succumb to his fantasy of that reassurance of the other's feelings. He continued to corner him with the little shoves, his gaze turning back to the ground as he couldn't take looking at the dark haired male that seemed to become more and more beautiful in his eyes, though he was sure he had pushed him to his lengths with the insults. "You're so stupid. . . Stupid. . . Stupid. ." he repeats over and over, his shoves becoming weaker and weaker. "Stupid. . . stu   " Tripping over his foot before he could get the last attack out, he falls into the other's frame once more, his fingers automatically finding the fabrics of his shirt as he held on to prevent himself from stumbling any further. Burying his face in the doll's chest, he softly weeps.

"Minki. . . you're so stupid. . . you're so incredibly stupid. . ."

[popobaek]

[exxxi-minkii]

49/... gifs|Choi Minki

[i-dongho-blog]

This wasn’t right, none of this was right. He was certain just moments ago there had been tangible hatred radiating between the two of them. Now here he was cradling the slight frame against him with the unspoken agreement that he wasn’t going to let go. There were still inklings in the back of his mind telling him this was all a game, that he was a fool for falling for this stupid, stupid prank. But they were hard to hear over the fact that the previously bristling, venomous blonde was now holding on to him desperately instead of pushing him away with harsh words and violent retaliation. The same hands he loathed just minutes ago were now tangled in his hair, seemingly clinging to him for dear life.

This had been the last reaction Dongho expected out of the other doll, and now that he was facing it so unbelievably prepared, there was nothing preventing him from getting completely lost in the moment, from forgetting the fact that the whole idea of this ordeal in the first place was to not lose. 

He hadn’t known what to do after a simple kiss, but whatever instincts had been installed in him were picking up quickly, adapting to keep up with the blonde’s eagerness, his whispered plea only driving Dongho further.

Eventually the other doll pulled away, and Dongho internally whined in protest (or was that out loud), attempting to follow the other pair of lips with his own before he finally pulled back to look the him in the eyes. He smiled knowingly through the breaths he was trying to catch, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind a delicate ear, restraining his overactive curiosity from sending him back in for another kiss. “I win.”

[exxxi-minkii]

Minki was so ashamed with himself. If it weren't for the fact that the dark haired doll had completely obliterated his composure with not just one, but two kisses, he had defiantly hated himself for the soft whine that passed through gently bruised lips; the absence of the other's one he honestly didn't want to bear. When it came to romantic scenes like these in the movies and television programs a like, usually the dominate lead would finish off with sweet words, assuring that their companions feelings were acknowledge. But, the male's mocking 'I win', surprisingly brought on the re-warming of scarlets to pale cheeks, though this time not all for the same reasons as before. The simple remark was one that shouldn't have bothered him, but he couldn't help feel even more worthless from it.

"S-Shut up. . ." he softly retorts, a meek expression of defeat shadowing over delicate features, his gaze immediately turning to the ground as soft fingers find stray golden strands, tucking them behind the one ear. He didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing his acknowledgement of his blatant victory, or more so, he didn't want him to see how he truly felt. He was made to love, after all. No human has yet to give him the opportunity to become to vulnerable and give in to his instincts of being the 'perfect mate'. And though the other must have been toying with him with the first simple kiss, it honestly made Minki. . . happy. He knew he had lost whatever pointless insult showdown they had initiated, but with that much in mind, he didn't care. All he could think about was the other's lips, his kisses replaying over and over in his head. The more he thought about it, the more he started to hurt. Confusion blinding him from whatever kind of composure he was trying to regain.

"Your 'win' means nothing. ." he barely breathes out, giving the other a lenient shove, keeping his gaze low. "So you made out with someone you obviously can't stand. What kind of win is that, idiot?"

It was so hard not to cry. Something that felt so nice ended up just being some petty 'win' to get at the blond. Though, that's how he saw it. He wanted that reassurance that he wasn't crazy to like kissing the stranger like he did. With the fronts that had been put up and torn down, Minki was honestly confused as to how the other truly felt about it all himself. 

"You're so fucking stupid. . ." he whispers softly, his gaze still at the ground as he weakly hit the other in the arm. "You're stupid. . you're so fucking stupid. . "

[i-dongho-blog]

{` He shifts away slightly, apparently regaining movement when fingers fall from his lips, as if he’d been enchanted by them; he clears his throat quietly, attempting to cover up his shaky demeanor with feigned casualness} Don’t…Call me that. It’s not right. {` He’s certain he’s being toyed with, but he can’t tear his focus away from that falsely innocent face, decorated with a wide-eyed pout that rivals his own} No you didn’t. Of course you didn’t. {` Is he arguing with the other doll or is he attempting to convince himself, he isn’t really sure} You hit me. {` He let’s out a breathy chuckle, shaking his head} No you’re not. I don’t believe you. {` He’s attempting to take another step back, moving slowly as if sudden movements might prompt a rapid attack from the unpredictable creature in front of him; but deft hands are curling around his shirt, tugging him forward; Dongho hesitates, feeling his willpower slowly disintegrating;} You…. {` He grasps the other doll’s chin, raising his face toward him with a bit more force than necessary and narrowing his eyes as he scrutinizes the flawless features} What are you? {` He’s internally screaming at himself for being so easily manipulated, but he’s pushed all that to the back of his mind as he presses his lips to the other doll’s for the second time}

[exxxi-minkii]

He swore that he meant to quickly deny the fool the second he made his way back to the blond's familiar lips. It was his intention to continue to make a fool out of the latters seeming feelings towards the other as his first attack made it evident that in some way, he liked Minki. He wanted to make him feel bad for liking him, but, it was that very emotion that caused Minki to stay completely still as the warmth of plush lips returns to his own. Eyes fluttering shut on an instinct he hadn't realized he had picked up from romantic films.

Oh. . . crap. . .

It felt good. Too good. He couldn't bear finding the will to pull away. Minki swore at himself internally; just a few minutes ago this doll had been insulting him about the one thing he felt most insecure about, and now this. No matter how many times Minki could call him an idiot, there was one thing he just couldn't deny; the stranger had him completely. Everything felt so strange. He didn't know why, but the sudden pulling of the doe eyed doll's face mixed with gentleness of this kiss sent the blond into a trance. He had never felt anything so. . . nice before, and he couldn't help but get lost in the fleeting feeling of complete want. He didn't know when, but his arms were so delicately draping over the other's broader shoulders, pulling himself in more as he frantically kisses him back, fingers knotting themselves in dark tress. He lets out a soft sigh against the others lips, muttering something softly in his short breath before finding the other's lips once more. 

"Don't stop. . . please. ."

He felt shameful for his reaction, but he couldn't even lie to himself for that long; he really wanted it. He disregards the other's previous words of denial, allowing him to react so boldly, because just like him he knew he must have wanted it too. 

He gently starts to calm, slowly pulling his lips from the others, but his eyes still shut as he couldn't bear looking at the other for what he had just done. In his eyes, he had lost, and all he really wanted to do was to push aside his shame and hold onto the other as tightly as he could. 

[chocolateloverblr-deactivated20]