Quitting ;;
{–So I guess I had a bad relapse last night, but… I don’t really take back anything I said. Its not like I don’t still feel the same or haven’t felt the same for a while now, I just had more nerve to say it when my NPD was acting up I guess. I probably won’t delete but idk that I’m ever coming off hiatus, here or on any of my other RP blogs.
I don’t feel good being here. I don’t feel like I belong and my presence here doesn’t really matter to anyone. More and more I see circles forming and people making and doing meaningful things ic and ooc that I can never seem to achieve that makes it clear I’m still just a side option and an outsider no matter how involved and understanding I try to be. There’s something I inherently lack that makes others likeable or at least tolerable where I’m not.
I’m either not part of the circles and tolerated at best so my efforts go mostly ignored, or I’m put up on a pedestal as being some great, intimidating writer everyone must love too much for people to bother with me when it couldn’t be further from the truth, and in both cases I lose.
I’m tired of being stubborn and trying to hold out hope things get better if you just stick through them long enough, and I’m honestly too tired to try and make the first move anymore with how much it falls through and I can’t even get a straight answer that people aren’t as interested as they first pretended to be. I’m not even a people person in the first place and I’m just too tired to keep this up anymore.
There’re other people that will come along and pick up Lavi as a muse to fill the space. I’m not needed here.–}