YOU’VE CAUGHT HIM MESSING AROUND AFTER EVERYTHING YOU TWO HAVE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH & ‘EVERYTHING YOU’VE DONE FOR HIM’ SINCE DAY ONE!😡
i often have to remind people around me that guys who exist in long term relationships or exclusive “situation-ships” don’t necessarily cheat because the OTHER PERSON looks better or does more for them tangibly or offers better sex.
the issue is rarely surface.
most often, dudes are going to cheat with someone who simply doesn’t know anything about them beneath their fresh haircut, the new tax season outfits or the shiny, high end vehicle that’s two months past due in payments.
some men choose to escape their everyday problems by spending time with an individual who is conscious of nothing more than the highlights of his life — the filtered images that are posted across his various social media pages.
he can be ANYONE HE WANTS TO BE in the company of a new date or sidepiece; someone who is just as oblivious to his nonsense as you were in the very beginning.
once a weak man realizes that their partner knows all of their ugly truths, shortcomings, weaknesses & flaws, it sort of disrupts his ability to “perform”. he knows that you aren’t impressed by his outer layer in the same ways you may have been BEFORE you saw the inside of his filthy bathroom & before you CHOSE to help him clean up his credit profile.
your dude knows that you love him & you’d do anything for him, but he also knows that you have access to pushing the mental & emotional buttons that can make him feel vulnerable, frustrated, guilty or sad.
SOMETIMES, we bring up our dudes’ deepest secrets & biggest insecurities in the heat of an argument. we may regularly shout things in the midst of our anger — therefore triggering old wounds that have not quite healed in his life journey. and it isn’t fair to him.
he cheats because even though you may be the one helping him “get his shit together”, you’re also the one constantly throwing those efforts in his face. it’s an ego bash.
when your man steps out, surfs the Internet, jumps in DM’s, exchanges inappropriate pics or starts even sneaking around with someone new, he is often looking for a temporary situation that feels comfortable & SAFE.
rarely will the OTHER PERSON be more attractive, poised or put together above your caliber of living. very rarely.
however, this other person isn’t regularly fussing with your dude about what he ain’t got, what he needs to do, what they’ve already “done to help his black ass” or bringing up issues that he may have confided under the assumption that his words would not be used against him.
there is nothing wrong with wanting to build or mold your dude into the best version of himself. just remember that no grown man wants to constantly be reminded about who they use to be before you or if it were not for you — who they would “probably still be”.
THE OTHER PERSON he is cheating on you with is nothing more than an escape sometimes from your ridicule.
the sex, the dates & dm smut that they’ve exchanged are really the least of your concerns. if this other person is able to help your dude feel confident & sure of himself again without tearing him down in the process — THEN YOU HAVE A MAJOR PROBLEM.
…and just remember this as well…
once you have told your man that you forgive him for what he did or did not do in year one, month six or any other stage of the relationship, you CAN NOT continue to bring those situations up when the two of you are at one another about something new. EVEN IF the new circumstances are associated with a previous indiscretion, you should not be using those incidents to support your new case.
IF YOU CANT EXIST ALONGSIDE A DUDE WHO HAS “DONE YOU WRONG” WITHOUT CONSTANTLY BRINGING UP THE WRONGS YOU SAY YOU FORGAVE HIM FOR… you should not still be involved in a romantic relationship alongside him.
sometimes… his cheating… is the result of you taking advantage of your significant role & power over his everyday life.
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