god. this is random but i remember you running a blog or at least posting art with some monster charcters? vauge, I know. but i remember it kinda blowing up. I dont remember much, but I think the main guy was mostly if not pure black? i would love to know the blog/tag(s) they were posted under since Im searching and searching but i cannot find it for the life of me.
aww yes that was monsterfriends!! gay ass name im just uncreative LOL. thank you for remembering them :")))))
fun fact is a few years after making those comics i started going by james (the main characters name) among close friends for a bit but it didnt stick and i dropped it, still love it tho
refraining from a lot of election joke posting and instead I just donated $55 USD to gaza soup kitchen and i encourage anyone else to consider donating even a couple of dollars to the people who will be affected the most from whatever outcome happens
how was it, moving far from your home town? I might be moving to another state soon, but I'm really scared about lacking a social network (read: I'm afraid to be alone (again)).
it was so beautiful and essential.
i won't say that you have nothing to fear, but i will say in all likelihood you have so, so much to gain. moving to a new place, especially away from your home town, challenges and changes you so profoundly. you discover new parts of yourself that would not emerge without leaving, because each place brings out different things in you, and the very act of leaving and rebuilding someplace else will change you.
it hurts to be alone and it hurts to be unfamiliar and unconnected. it hurts to lose a whole life you built. but if you come at it as openly and unfearfully as you can, new beautiful things will fill in the gaps of your life.
i am so grateful to have gotten to live in three different places each extremely far and distant from one another. it continues to teach me so much, and i have no doubt i am a stronger, more resilient person for having built a new life for myself in these new places.
i will say, the loneliness can be crushing. the financial and logistical difficulties can be so insanely stressful. but i think if you have the chance it can be overwhelmingly worth it.
lately i keep thinking about how like 2 years ago i asked you something super embarrassing and i felt so awkward i never dared to check the answer... if you have ever read it you also definitely forgot about it so it's fine but also funny because i was going crazy about something that literally doesn't matter now or actually kind of does but not that particular thing, just me being crazy and how i used to worry about all the wrong things ANYWAY the point is it's crazy that even back then i was following you for years and now it's been even more years and everything was so long ago but i will probably be looking at your art and reading your blogs for a long time coming. hi ezra
omg if u see this reply i would love to know what u asked me that u thought was so embarrassing LOL <3 and wow, thanks for sticking around through the years, it means tons to me to know that!!!!
Hey, i just wanna message cuz ive been following since i was 14 and im 20 now. Its pretty healing to see us both still here surviving and shit doing our things. Sending love from canada dog teeth, one of the few constants in my life ❤🐶
thank youuuu 🐕❣️🐕❣️🐕 really really special to me that there has been a connection between us running parallel for many years, its crazy to me to think that my art could be a constant in someones else's life. and what a relief we both made it out of the teenage years - i hope things continue to move upward :)
good luck up there in canada im rly trying to go to canada this year actually!
sorry for not answeing asks lately 😭 i made this blog specifically to remove the pressure of answering asks on my main and yet the feeling of pressure remains even though it doesnt apply here... i truly want to talk to yall im just Bad At It
whats the most memorable thing someone has said about your art? it doesn't have to be the best comment, just something that sticks in your brain.
probably that someone showed my artwork to someone in their life to explain how they felt, that something i made said to something they felt but couldnt put into words, that i was one of their favorite artists, that my work helped them in some way, brought comfort in not feeling alone, or that someone had loved my work for many years. i feel very very lucky and loved. i think about all of it a lot
You talked about stopping T - is there a risk of breasts growing back after top surgery? (<- scared to ask his doctors about ti)
nope! once the glands and fatty tissue that breasts are made of are removed, they will not regrow, even if your fat redistribution goes back to how it was pre T.
plus, you don't have to be on T to have top surgery
heyo james, I've got a question for ya :) (pls feel free to not answer if it's too personal!)
So, I've finally started making calls to get top surgery, and I was really excited! like wow this thing I've been looking forward to for years is finally gonna happen, i'll get to wear shirts without having to constantly think about how i look, etc.
but then I started thinking more about it (i guess because its becoming more Real?), and I'm more conflicted about getting rid of my chest. like, hairy tits go kinda hard actually, and like sensory wise they are fun for stimming. plus i feel INFINITE BUTCH SWAG with them. if it was just me by myself forever, I feel like I could be happy with them, but I also find myself yearning for like, being able to be shirtless in public and also having a smooth surface to run my hands down. stuff like that. (also especially the "not worrying about how I look when i put on a t-shirt thing)
so here's my question: I remember you making a comic about how happy you were to have had top surgery, even if u still missed your old chest sometimes, or felt conflicted about it. what do u miss about your old chest? do you ever feel dyphoric with ur current chest? if u have any other insights or things to say, pls do
(p.s. i am considering non-flat surgery, but i don't know how i feel abt that yet because currently I think it'd be the worst of both worlds for me. i don't think the results would be what i actually want: flat chest that's just slightly rounded across the whole thing so it's soft and kinda andro looking)
hi moth yayyy so exciting!! ty for ur question!! longish answer so its under the cut
first i wanted to say that when i first decided to look into having top surgery, after my consultation, i got wigged out and decided to hold off on it for a while. talking to the surgeon made me Really understand that it is a major surgery and everything that entails. a lot of it freaked me out and i ended up deciding to go for it almost a year after that, and i'm glad i took that time to reconsider.
second, i totally relate to the butch swag thing and sensory thing. since having top surgery i've seen a lot more art and photos and people irl who are transmasc/genderqueer with boobs, much more than i did pre-op, and it makes me feel very happy and i wish i saw more of it back then bc it wouldve made me feel a lot better.
i do think that inherently, i would have been able to make peace with my body as is and not had surgery. i was never super dysphoric about my chest and i liked having partners who found it attractive. like you said, if it was just me by myself, or if i was only ever around people who wouldn't see me having boobs as contradictory to me passing as male, i wouldn'tve minded as much.
but unfortunately it doesn't exist in a vacuum like that. the body is a public form, it's how you engage with the world. similar to what you said, i wanted to be able to be shirtless, not wear a binder, be able to pass sometimes, etc. i also wanted the sensory experience of like, laying down flat on my chest, or running without breasts moving which was always uncomfortable for me esp since i hated wearing bras.
i don't feel dysphoric about my current chest, it's more like a passing wistfulness for how my chest used to be or would've been now if i hadn't had surgery. sometimes it's just the feeling of absentmindedly holding my own boob i miss lol. since i had surgery pretty young there's things i feel like i might've missed out on. i live in a wayyy more transsexual ass place now where it's way more normal for a man to have, and show off, breasts, and for it to be attractive, and not negate his identity at all. and i think i would've slayyed like that. alas! on the day to day though, i've also been working more physical jobs where i want to pass as male, so binding would have been very uncomfortable and i'm glad i don't have to do it. and i get a ton of euphoria from being flat chested, and i'm lucky to be around people who find post-op transmasc chests cool and attractive. as much as i liked having partners be attracted to my chest pre-op, i've also learned that there Are people out there who find flat chests just as attractive, and i love having partners who are attracted to the masculinity of my body, because previously i'd often felt like i had to be feminine to be attractive
and re: a non-flat surgery option, i do think it's something to look into! i never really considered it cuz for me it wasn't really the size of my chest that mattered, more like entirely having breasts or not, and i didn't want to go thru the whole ordeal of surgery just to be dysphoric again or end up wanting to get a flat chest later on - though many people do get a reduction/semi-flat surgery and later have full top surgery and it's totally cool!!!
feel free to send a follow up if i didn't answer something in particular or you want me to elaborate on anything ^_^
what kind of sketchbook/pens stuff do u use for ur comics and arts!! i need good recs :]
this is what i use for my proper ink drawings. any sort of thick, extra smooth paper will work for the fountain pen. i use any cheap black ink and a couple basic nibs for the pen. i use a simple paintbrush for filling in larger spaces.
the other pen i use is the pentel arts hybrid technica 0.4mm, which i use for journal comics and simple drawings (my journal SUCKS for drawing in the paper is way thin). my ol' reliable for clean, even lines. i use it whenever i dont have my ink supplies with me, im really really fastidious about using that pen i haaaate using anything else to write with in my journal.
good luck finding what works for you! i would love to see any of your drawings feel free to send them my way ^_^
At that one anon i wanted to say that weed has helped my dissociative symptoms like so so much. I dissociate way less than i used. Its like being high gives my brain the break it needs to function (after i get over being hazed lolz)
Anyway, weed affects everyone different, and its hard to know how itll affect u personally until u try it. Which like u gotta weigh the potential risks and benefits and decide for urself cuz its definitely not for everyone. Weed fucked up my brother severely, but for me its like a saving grace (granted he started smoking at 12 and i waited til i was 23 so that probably has smth to do with it)
cool!! tysm for sharing :D i'm so glad it works out well for u nd i'm glad to get multiple perspectives on it.
and yeah, i started smoking weed rly young too and wish i waited until i was older cuz i think it fucked with me as well. but alas i was wayyyy mentally ill back then lol
this is like so specific im sorry LOL but i know you smoke and also disassociate. has weed had an affect on ur disassociation like in any way negative or positive??
i have kind of chronic dissociative symptoms and i always want to smoke in a social setting but i do not... want to freak the fuck out also
ik u dont really post ab this stuff that much anymore but it is hard to find personal accounts about this specific thing. so i wanna hear ur take on it
personally weed interacts badly with my dissociation overall. while i'm high i don't have any issues i love it ^_^ never freak out or anything. but in the days after, my brain fog and body numbness are much more noticeable. i think also probably smoking a lot of weed as a teenager made my long term memory worse which i regret.
as a result i don't really smoke anymore except on rare occasions. i also don't drink much or do other drugs (with the exception of shrooms like roughly once a year) cuz it all has that effect.
it's certainly not like this for everyone tho! i don't mean to say no one should smoke if they have dissociative symptoms. it can actually also help for sure. i know when i smoke i feel a lot more aware of my body and it clears my mind in a helpful way to get in touch with other parts of my consciousness.
if you havent already, i'd suggest smoking in a chill controlled setting with a couple friends to see how you react if you're worried about how you'd be in larger social settings. for any drinking/drug use, i always always have my exit route planned in advance so that i know i can hit the bricks if i start feeling bad. i know where to go if i need to change the scenery or be alone (going outside at a venue, or to a bedroom at a houseparty etc) and how to get home, and also make sure i have someone i can communicate with if i feel bad and need help. probably this is all very intuitive and i dont gotta tell you, its just how i feel better navigating it cuz i also worry about freakin out sometimes
take care feel free to ask a follow up question if i can give more info!
I used to go on your blog a shit ton like... Years ago. I think I was 15 or so? We had like two conversations and looking back I was kinda weird so sorry about that. I just wanted to say your blog was an integral part of me exploring and understanding my gender identity and also deal with the shit ton of emotions and stuff I was dealing with at the time. I'm following you again because I absolutely love your art and now that I'm a grown ass fella I can actually appreciate it/think more when i see it.
thank you so much i'm really touched ;_____; i really couldn't ever ask for more than to have been able to help someone understand themself better, especially when it comes to gender. of course i've had many people influence me in a similar way, and so it's an honor to be a part of that cycle. i've been feeling kind of down about being trans lately cuz of pride month (complicated stuff) so it's especially nice to hear this now, knowing that my being openly trans has helped someone else.
and thank you for your kind words about my art! again something i've been a bit down about lately just feeling like i'm not making the best work i could make, and struggling to find the time/energy/inspiration/talent to draw often, and its really genuinely encouraging to be reminded that what i make is well-received by people <3 thanks for taking the time to look at it and think about it.
when i was 13 i unfollowed u for being a he/him lesbian bc i had deeply internalized transphobia and now 4 years later the tables have turned and i am also a he/him lesbian. and i'm refollowing
dare i say based
these days i consider myself both a lesbian and straight man. some of you may not understand it but trust me the bisexual trans women i date are loving it.
glad to hear your journey has had an upward trajectory. it only gets better from here king
EZRA i remember i found this song through your blog years ago but i can NOT find it anywhere even googling the lyrics. the only words i remember are ''im real and you're real... we don't talk about it anymore... alone is a prison[repeated].'' it's been stuck in my head for days please tell me you know what im talking about—
that's "i'm real" by told slant! amazing song. told slant has a really solid discography i would recommend checking out anything of theirs 🖤 so happy to have been the one to show it to you.
i actually just saw told slant play on their most recent tour, i saw them in like 2017ish as well. really wonderful performances.
i was looking through your art and got to a series of them that were all about feeling lonely and isolated (i hope you're feeling any better now, btw) and it suddenly occurred to me how paradoxical it is, that the feeling of being completely unreachable, expressed in art, can itself start reaching. loneliness is one of those universal feelings i try not to think about too often but it caught me off guard there, the sense of "you are completely alone and somewhere out there is a person you're never going to meet but for just this one moment you can look at them and see the same thing looking back." and it reduces the loneliness. i don't know if i have anything specific to say here, aside from sharing the feeling i got looking at your art. i hope you're doing well and that tomorrow is kind to you
thank you. i totally agree, that relationship of art and loneliness is something i've ruminated on a lot. there was that quote going around long ago about how every writer has a particular emotion that they write from, even if the work isn't about that emotion, it has its origin there, or can be seen under it. i think mine would definitely be loneliness. i started the original dog teeth comics because i was so, so lonely, it was a way of reaching out. my art and artistic practice are different now, i'm different now, but i still think fundamentally my work is very much an attempt to break alienation. even when i don't share a drawing with anyone, it's for me to break the alienation i have from myself. loneliness, to me, is incredibly vast and subsuming. i feel lonely on a cosmic level. on such a grand scale my loneliness exists. art, the making and studying and enjoying of it, is how i sever a piece of that vastness into something i can see and handle, tinker with. even if i can't do anything about it, i can deal with it on a fathomable level. i often used to think of my comics as drawing a box around the feeling so that the feeling has a place to go.
and this isn't even getting into my relationship with other people seeing and connecting with my art. as vast as loneliness is to me, even vaster is the sense of connectedness i feel with the world, as two sides of the same coin. i can't even fathom how much it means to me that people see my work, relate to it, love it, feel seen by it, feel helped by it, or feel less lonely because of it. it's maybe the coolest thing ever forever. it's so wonderful to me and i'm so grateful. it's truly been a driving force in my artistic journey, a lot of the times when i draw i'm inspired by checking my notes and seeing a comment someone left on a piece of mine, a voice reminding me that people do actually want to hear what i have to say.
