mistakes were made | c. mckay fanfiction will be published on wattpad july 31st. once i get it onto wattpad, i will be proceeding to also publish it on tumblr and ao3 sometime in early august.
requests are currently open again, while i’m still healing & working please know it’ll take some time for me to get to them. i will be uploading a new one shot towards the end of the month before i go on vacation
thank you all so much for reading my fics. it ABSOLUTELY means the world to me and i know i’m not on here much updating 24/7 because of me having a j*b, but seeing notifications while i’m at work about people enjoying my fics make me so happy! i’ve always had a passion for writing growing up, sometimes i’d like to think that whenever i finally become a teacher after finishing college that i’ll still be a fanfic writer.. (embarrassing, i know) but it’s just something you cannot take out of a person who enjoys it. requests are closed as of right now— work is taking a toll on me and there are requests that need to be done. once again, thank you all so much for the love <3
— reader’s just baran’s pastime. they have this whole thing of staying casual (like garsantos but buzzier...) but r’s genuinely falling in love with her so she tries to distance herself and move on from whatever they have. unintentionally, it’s evident that other doctors and nurses are trying to flirt with r... so baran gets jealous, even if people were flirting with her too. dr. al-hashimi becomes a tough pill on everyone and people (and by people i mean santos and javadi) tell reader to make it up to her. when she tries to talk to baran, she’s cut off by an intense makeou—yeah!
hi, thank you so much! you can find your request here ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶
i hope it was up to your standards, enjoy reading!
summary: the two of you believed it was best to just remain casual, nothing more..but you’re genuinely falling in love with baran, with that being the case you began to distance yourself away from her—avoiding her anywhere to try to move on from what the two of you have. one day, baran notices doctors and nurses are flirting with you, getting extremely jealous which causes her to become a tough pill on everyone.
warnings: mdni (18+), jealous!baran, fingering (r!receiving), casual fling, established relationship in the waking.
author’s note: HELLOOOO, i genuinely meant to get to this request sooner but never had the time. to that sweet anon who sent this request, i hope you enjoy! requests are closed as of right now <3
It’s been a few days since you began distancing yourself from Baran, it was just a casual fling, there were supposed to be no feelings involved but no, you slowly began to fall in love with her. The atmosphere felt, different from what it was before—Baran noticed the distance, but never grew the slightest curiosity as if to why. You’ve noticed the way doctors and nurses would flirt with her, yes you were jealous but pushed it to the side, refusing to let everything get into your head because after all: you were distancing yourself from her..why get jealous?
Your eyes were fixated on the charts that needed to be caught up on, in the distance you can hear some of your colleagues talking about someone like they always do, but suddenly you heard your name and you froze.
“I mean technically speaking, it would be nice to get her in my bed— have you seen her ass?” Someone said, your cheeks flushed instantly then you placed the charts down on the desk and got up, approaching them with a smug look.
“Good luck trying to get me in your bed, dream on.” You joined in onto the conversation, your arms folding as you glanced at each and one of them then looked at Cassie. “Don’t play so hard to get sweetheart, I think we all know that we could easily get you in bed without even trying.” Cassie teased, her hand reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.
You scoffed at that clearly not amused at Cassie’s comment. In the distance, Baran stood there watching everything go on, her jaw clenched followed by her hands twitching—the jealousy taking course in her veins as she watched you get hit on from afar. Baran became absolutely furious, watching as her own colleagues continue to flirt with you. She took a deep breath then took a few strides, approaching you all.
“Ahem, this is a hospital, not some place where flirtations happen when you all need to be catching up with charts and examining patients.” Baran interrupted, her foot tapping impatiently—by the looks of it, she was growing impatient by the second by how everyone stood there then you broke the silence.
“Right, back to charting.” You mumble as you turned away, disappearing in the distance to return back to the charts.
And when you turned your head to glance over at Baran talking to Cassie along with the other nurses and doctors? They walked away frustrated at Baran cutting the fun off so soon.
After endless hours of charting, it finally came to a stop. You placed your head down on the desk, completely exhausted from updating everything thoroughly. “Finally,” you muttered under your breath and heard footsteps approaching near you.
“She’s been so hard-headed for no reason,” Santos groaned, completely annoyed about how Baran has been on everyone’s asses throughout the entire shift. You lifted your head up from the desk, raising a brow, “Who?”
Javadi looked at Santos, “Do you want me to tell her or did you?” She whispered. “Tell me what? What are you guys even talking about?” You became absolutely confused about who they could be talking about. Santos couldn’t help but laugh at your reaction.
“Earlier, whenever McKay followed by the other doctors and nurses who were flirting with you made Baran angry.” Javadi blurted out, her eyes widening after she realized what she blurted out then immediately used her hands to cover her mouth. Santos shook her head, looking over at you now.
“It’s true, she’s been giving everyone a hard time ever since everyone proceeded to hit on you practically in front of her. Basically a tough pill now.” Santos mentioned. Your eyes widened at the thought of that, a sigh escaping from your lips. “What am I supposed to do about that?” Your hand ran through your hair, unsure of what exactly to do. Why is Baran jealous? No feelings were involved, it was one of those casual flings, unless..
“Why not go talk to her, apologize and make it up to her?” Javadi suggested, Santos nodded her head in agreement. “What Javadi said, you better hurry though.” She took a glance at the clock, “Pretty sure she’s about to be done for the night and head home.” They had a point, why not go talk things out with Baran and apologize? Even though you didn’t do anything wrong.
You nodded your head, getting up from the desk. “Yeah, thanks guys. I’ll see you all tomorrow.” You replied, walking fast to go find Baran before she could leave. You made your way to the locker room, finding Baran grabbing her bag, her hair messy a bit and out of the usual up-do she wears.
“Hey,” you called out, Baran turned her head and looked at you, completely unamused then turned away. You sighed, approaching her more. “I’m sorry,” you went on, trying to get her attention again. “I didn’t know that you don’t like other people flirting with me and I’m sorry for dis—” before you could finish your sentence, Baran turned her head and grabbed your face, luring you into a deep kiss. Your body instantly melted against the kiss, a faint moan escaping from your lips as you felt her hands move away from your face to make their way down to squeeze your ass.
Her tongue pressed against your lips, sliding into your mouth. God, she had you weak in the knees, the way her mouth moved against yours sent sparks flying inside of your head. Next thing you felt was a hand sliding down the waistband of your scrubs, her fingers inching closer to barrier of your now soaked panties and she groaned as two fingers pressed against the wet patch. Your breath hitched at that, then you felt her fingers move your panties to the side and pump a finger inside of your entrance. You broke the kiss, your head falling onto her shoulder—your walls immediately clenching around that one finger then you felt a sudden stretch, another finger sliding into your entrance pumping steadily and you couldn’t help bucking your hips against her hand, chasing the friction.
Baran moved her free hand from your ass, grabbing your chin and pulled you back into the kiss—her fingers pumping faster inside you, curling just right that had your body trembling. Moans began to spill from your lips followed by cursing between kisses, your walls clenching harder around her fingers. She could tell that you were close, so close to that release and she needed to push you over that edge. Her thumb pressed against your clit, rubbing fast circles against the bundle of nerves while her fingers continue to pump inside you, her voice whispering sweet praises between kisses then she suddenly felt you shatter.
She swallowed your loud cry as your orgasm washed over you, her fingers slowing to help you come down from your high before coming to a full stop. She pulled her hand out from your scrubs and pulled her lips away from yours, “Apology, accepted.” She whispered, bringing her hand up to suck her fingers clean from the juices that coated her fingers. After cleaning her fingers, she leaned in, kissing your cheek quickly before she could grab her bag and leave. You watched as she left, then felt a buzz in your pocket coming from your phone. You pulled your phone out and it was a text from Baran.
BARAN
Come to my apartment after your shift? I think there’s more than the ‘keeping it casual’ statement between us.
You scoffed at that, a big smile appearing on your lips and you liked her message, agreeing to go to her apartment after your shift.
The sounds of your and Baran’s collective giggling fill the otherwise quiet roof as smoke wisps between you. When you invited Baran up here after work to smoke with you, you were most definitely expecting a quick “no” and a lecture on why smoking pot was bad for you. Then she agreed. And now, you’re both high in some cheap folding chairs, giggling over some patient from today.
“And— and Doctor Garcia was so angry!”
Baran laughs softly as you roll your head back with uncontrollable laughter. The situation wasn’t all that funny. But now, feeling just slightly hazy, uncontrollably giggly and strangely happy around Baran, it’s the funniest thing in the world. While you’re busy laughing, Baran is just… staring. She watches with a slight smile, her head tilted to the side, examining you as if she could actually see right through you. She speaks up more softly than she intends.
“You’re so beautiful when you laugh.”
It goes quiet almost immediately. The sounds of the city and your slowly dying laughter are all that’s left. Baran straightens up quickly. She didn’t mean to say that. Most definitely not. Not that it wasn’t the truth. Just that she didn’t particularly want you to hear that thought. She doesn’t say anything to defend herself though. What’s the point? She’s aware enough for it to be clear any excuse she makes will sound like a lie.
Neither of you say anything for a long moment. Baran sits there, turned to face you, waiting for you to say something to tell her if she’ll have to ignore you at work tomorrow or… well, some other outcome. Any other outcome. After a moment, you turn to face her, examining her expression with confused, reddish eyes, as if you’ll be able to sense that she’s lying. All you see is those big brown doe eyes, beautiful and glossy, even in the low lighting. Something about her unwavering gaze, the way everything just shifted with her words makes you have to press your thighs together to believe some of the sudden need. Maybe it’s just thanks to the pot.
“Come here.”
Baran speaks up after a moment, her voice barely a murmur—more of a whispered command. Her eyes never leave yours. She doesn’t know exactly what she wants you close for—she’s too high for any planning like that. She just knows that she needs you closer than the foot of distance between you two.
Her eyes stay fixed on you as you slowly stand and, with only slightly wobbly steps, come to stand in front of her. Baran sits with a straight back, neck craned to look up at you—examining your irises like they are precious and impossibly intricate pieces of art.
Her hands rise, landing on your hips in a gentle but firm hold. The almost finished joint dangled from her fingers.
“I need to try something.”
She mumbles. It seems all of the doubt Baran had has disappeared. Whether it’s the high or just your reaction to her calling you beautiful is unclear. She’s just… a little more confident.
Before you know what’s happening, her hands are tugging you closer, closer until she’s using her grip to guide you into her lap, straddling her thighs.
“Just like that. So good.”
Baran’s hand rubs over your hip as you settle there, eyes wide and a little confused. When her praise settles with you, she notices your cheeks flush. God, you can’t hide anything from her while high. Maybe she needs to do this more often. Her big brown eyes flicker away from yours for just a moment, going half-lidded as they fix on your lips. She stares at them with unabashed desire.
“You listen so well when you're high.”
She’s not wrong. The way you’re just quietly listening to everything she tells you to do is… well, to call it a turn on for her would be an understatement. And she’s sure that’s not just the weed talking.
Her hand comes up to gently grab your jaw, guiding your face closer to hers. Her fingers are steady and firm against your skin—not rough, but nearly reverent.
“I want to try something. I need you to hold still.”
She’s already bringing the joint back to her lips as she instructs you to stay there for her. You listen, of course, unable to form the words to either ask what is going on or if she would please just kiss you already. Before she takes a puff of the joint, she leans in and whispers to you:
“Open your mouth.”
When you do, a small grin spreads on her lips—a little more unguarded than her usual, practiced smile.
“Good girl.”
She mutters, leaving that ache between your thighs even worse. You’re not sure if she’s just simply unaware of how that low, slightly rough tone of her voice while she praises you is affecting you, or if she’s just feeling bold enough to tease. Before you can try to come up with an answer, she’s taking a hit of the joint and guiding your face in closer, her lips brushing yours. She slowly exhales smoke into your mouth, just barely not connecting your lips.
She doesn’t let you go as you inhale the smoke. She holds you there, watching your every minute expression. She wants to kiss you until you can’t breathe. But she doesn’t. Not yet. Not until she knows you’re sure.
You stare back at her, breathing picking up into something heavier, lips twitching like you can’t physically hold back. It’s silent for a long moment, your breath mingling with hers, the smell of the weed wafting around you. You think that Baran will move—she’s usually so quick to take control of a case, why wouldn’t it be the same here? But she doesn’t. She just stares at you and your glossy eyes, waiting. Waiting until you finally lean in, slowly at first, your already parted lips pressing against hers. Then you feel her grin against you, her hands sliding in a slow, lazy movement around your waist, resting just on the curve of your ass. Then you really can’t hold back. You properly lean in. Your arms—feeling as heavy as the rest of your limbs—wrap around her neck as you tug her in, lips moving against hers hungrily. She returns the gesture, kissing you with a messy sort of need.
Her tongue slides against yours after just a few seconds. Her movements are sloppy, almost lazy, like she’s savoring this kiss for as long as she can, lost in the feel of you on her already hazy mind. As her tongue tangles with yours, her hands drift lower, fingers gripping the curve of your ass, pulling you against her. The movement is almost instinctive—like the weed has her on horny autopilot. It’s not any different to you. The second your hips press against hers, you grind down against her slowly, a soft, whiny moan slipping from your lips.
Baran just barely pulls away when she hears that noise, leaving you chasing her lips. She stares at you with wide, reddish eyes, breathing already getting heavier. She needs to hear that noise again. This time, she leans in to kiss you harder, somehow more messily than before. Now, her hands, still gripping your ass, begin guiding your hips. She tugs you down until your pussy—still covered by your scrubs—grinds against her thigh. Another shaky moan escapes your lips. One comes from Baran’s mouth too—needy and soft, unexpectedly whiny for the usually ever-so-steady attending.
She guides your hips in a slow rhythm at first. Then, when she pulls you just right so that your already throbbing clit grinds against her, a full-fledged moan slips out. Even here, on a public roof, you can’t bring yourself to try and stay quiet. Not when you’re sitting in Baran’s lap, making out with her, cunt soaking just from humping her thigh. That moan just spurs Baran on. With a groan against your lips, her hips start desperately bucking up against yours. The high has you both feeling hazy and, somehow, better than either of you have in ages, just from dry humping each other.
Baran feels her clit bumping against your hip as she bucks up into you. She’s desperate and needy and already so goddamn close. She never cums this fast. There’s just something about your desperate moans, the still lingering scent of the weed around you, the way your hips stutter as you chase after your release from grinding against her thigh. So, she’s feeling close already.
“Fuck, you’re so fucking perfect.”
Baran murmurs against your lips, guiding your hips in rougher movements. Feeling you against her has her feeling more high than the weed.
“To baraye man khili ali npasti, esh. Khili ali.”
She switches to Farsi on instinct. Her mind is so clouded with how good it feels to grind against you, her tongue against yours, hands on your ass, her words come out strained and rough, different from how you’ve ever heard it before.
Baran hears your moans change into unintelligible whimpers as you get close to the edge. She keeps grinding you against her, hands hiding each desperate buck of your hips while you search for the pressure you need. She mumbles how perfect you are against your lips, as if she’s unable to disconnect herself.
You cum with a loud, needy cry that the night-shift could probably hear the reverberations from inside. Your hips stutter, the pressure of each grind against your clit all of a sudden causing your thighs to twitch and shake. Baran watches you ride it out with a look of reverence—the effects of the weed making it damn near impossible for her to conceal her amazement. Her own orgasm hits without her even realizing it, just from watching you cum in your pants from riding her thigh.
She keeps guiding you as she rides out her pleasure, causing that feeling of heat in your stomach from the overstimulation—thighs tensing, moans turning to whimpers and your back arching uncontrollably. Baran watches all of it like it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen.
It’s a long moment before both of your moans die down into heavy, ragged breathing, your lip’s finally disconnecting. Baran breathes heavily against you, her face nuzzling into the crook of your neck. You lean your head against hers. If the weed made you feel all hazy, the fucking made you feel absolutely gone.
“You…”
Baran starts, her words cut off by a heavy puff of air and the dryness of her throat. Her voice comes out a little rough.
“You’re perfect, azizam. So good for me.”
Your limbs are heavy as one of her hands drifts to rub lazy circles against your back, like she can’t possibly separate from you. You feel like you could either fall asleep right here on Baran or keep fucking her in every position possible until the sunrise.
You really don’t remember much of what happened between that moment and the sun rising. All that you know is, somehow, you ended up in Baran’s bed, tangled up with her in her quiet home—her son off at her ex-husband's house. Based on the very faint memory of the events and the dark hickeys you spot immediately littering Baran’s neck, you can make a guess.
When Baran stirs and slowly blinks her eyes open, you just watch her. As a small grin appears on her face, you lean in, pressing a gentle kiss to her jaw. Maybe you really do need to smoke with her more often.
HI MAYAAAA, I hope you’re doing well and I love you so much 😌 (I know we’re literally on facetime right now but that’s besides the point) I hope that one day you find a bad bitch since your previous talking stage was toxic for you
AWH hi gyro i love you so much too and you’re so goofy, please don’t go bald.. 😞😞 and i knowww, i know but in the end i still wish the very best for her even though i miss her like crazy lol. you better be writing me that gigi ghorbani oneshot for me like i asked you to 😒
i want cassie mckay to slut me out because..yeah okay goodnight maybe (i’m not going to bed, probably might write the most juiciest smut with her, we’ll see)
summary: it’s a constant back and forth thing with cassie, but one day she sent you a text you’ve been dreading—permanently ending things with you. you’ve gone into a spiral, missing her constantly and drinking every now and then more often than you used to then a new person came into the picture, she moved on but you were still stuck on her.
warnings: consumption of alcohol, situationship, drunk driving, age gap (reader is 24, cassie is 43.), semi depressed thoughts, constant battle of overthinking about believing that you truly weren’t enough for the person you love, struggles of being able to move on from a previous relationship
author’s note: sorry guys..as you can tell i’m feeling kinda angsty and stuff because my talking stage ended things with me on thursday lol, so i kinda just like..ahem wrote something a bit sad, i apologize if i make anyone cry :’) also i would like to make this statement, PLEASEEEE don’t drive while drinking. i know way too many people who drive after drinking and it’s genuinely not good, please be safe and careful when you’re drinking. happy reading <3
It was another one of those days, hard to get out of bed and get ready for your shift—everything seems so different without Cassie in your life, she had every right to end things with you, it was complicated, you were younger than her after all but the age gap never bothered you. Your drinking spiraling out of control, the constant waking up to hangovers before your shifts. Everyone can tell you were acting different, you were more quiet, kept to yourself more, it was impossible to try to move on.
Even with females hitting on you at the bars you go to after each shift, you don’t bother paying any attention to them or when you have one of those one night stands—thinking that sex will help you get rid of those thoughts about Cassie, you end up thinking about Cassie being the one fucking you instead.
As you got up from your bed, a groan escaped from your lips, your head throbbing from the previous night when you were at the bar. You grabbed your scrubs from your closet and walked into the bathroom, minutes go by as you’re standing in the shower—the hot water hitting your body, you couldn’t help but to close your eyes and leaned into the water cascading over your body.
Your mind began wandering off to Cassie, the feel of her hands on you, her lips trailing kisses over your neck, and— you immediately snapped back into reality, you open your eyes and rushed to wash your body then turned off the faucet before stepping into the shower. You reached over, grabbing a towel and quickly drying off your body before rushing to put your undergarments on and your scrubs.
You knew that this cycle would just repeat itself, you’re losing yourself over a woman who didn’t care enough to put the age gap to the side no matter how much she made you happy and how much you made her happy.
After getting ready, you grabbed your bag and your keys from your nightstand and rushed out of the door to the apartment complex parking lot where your car is. You unlocked your car, opening the driver side door and got in then reached over to place your bag on the passenger seat. You took a deep breath, putting the key into the ignition and shifted the gear into drive—you were now on the road to the hospital, acting as if nothing had happened the previous night before with your drinking.
As you walked into the hospital, you were met with glances from everyone and then you overheard a familiar voice. “She’s a great girl, we’ve been together for over a little few weeks now? And Harrison loves her.” You turned your head, it was Cassie speaking to Samira about the new woman she met and your heart broke into pieces. You stood there frozen and watched as Cassie turned her head, her eyes widening at the sight of you standing there frozen like you were shot in the chest. She realized that you overheard everything she told Samira.
When you saw Cassie looking at you, you rushed off to the locker room to put your belongings away—tears began to fall from your eyes, she really moved on from you? Did you absolutely mean nothing to her? Negative thoughts began to fill up your head, your hands trembling as you placed your bag into your locker. It didn’t take much longer for Cassie to catch up to you, she cautiously approached you and you rushed to wipe off the tears as you heard the sound of footsteps getting closer.
“Hey,” Cassie whispered and you turned your head.
Your eyes were glassy from crying, you can tell that she was looking at you with concern. You didn’t have anything to say to her, instead you walked away, shoving her to the side. You needed to get out of there, you weren’t about to talk to her after everything and the person she made you become after she ended things with you through a text message. Cassie sighed, watching you walk away, her hands visibly shaking as if she was torn between chasing after you or letting you go but instead, she remained still—choosing not to chase after you.
You made your way back out to the bay, jumping into action with Dana as an ambulance came rushing in, the sirens blasting and out came one of the paramedics followed by a stretcher with a man, “Forty-two year old man, apparently he had blacked out while he was out golfing with some friends. Assumption is that he was drinking too much, words slurring and so forth.” The paramedic looked familiar, you turn to see her eyeing Cassie—giving her a gentle smile and that’s when you realized, that’s the woman she’s with now.
“You alright kid?” Dana asked, and you snapped back to reality, you turned your head to look at her and nodded. “Yeah, sorry, just need a moment to myself.” You replied, you rushed back inside. In the distance Cassie watched as you walked away, but quickly turned her attention back to the patient.
“McKay, handle this? I’ll be right back.” Dana rasped, leaving the bay and heading back inside the hospital to find you. Her eyes scanned her surroundings looking for you, but you were no where to be seen until she looked over to see you hunched over a desk—eyes glued onto paperwork while you’re mumbling to yourself.
Dana slowly approached you, her arms folded as she stood by you and looked down at you, “Are you sure you’re alright?” She asked, you tilted your head up away from the paperwork and looked at her. “Yeah, I told you I’m alright.”
Dana sighed at your response, she can tell that you weren’t telling the truth. “Kid, go home. I know what you’re going through is rough, especially with McKay ending things with you and bumping into the new woman she’s seeing, take a few days off if you need to.”
Your eyes widened and you shook your head, “Dana n—” before you could finish your sentence, she cut you off. “Don’t fight me on this, go home, take a few days off until you’re better. You’re a great doctor, we may need you but seriously kid, take my offer and go home.” You sighed, nodding your head in agreement.
“Okay, I’ll see you in a few days.” You replied, you got up from the chair and made your way back to the locker room gathering up your belongings. After grabbing your belongings, you made your way out of the hospital back to your car—jumping into your car and starting up the car. You took a deep breath, reaching over to open the center console to see an open bottle of alcohol you left from the night before.
Without doing any thinking, you grabbed it and opened the bottle—chugging the rest of whatever was left in the bottle and tossed it back into the center console. You shifted the gear into drive, driving out of the parking lot and back home. The car ride back home felt like any kind of typical car ride, your windows down to feel the breeze, your music blasting while memories of Cassie began to fill your head. The way she touched you, care for you, took you out to those fancy dinners, bought you flowers, getting to spend time with her and her son Harrison—but now she was with someone else, even her own son loves the woman she’s with now and by how Cassie was talking about her to Samira when you stepped into the hospital, you can tell she moved on for good and tell you meant absolutely nothing to her.
Nearly twenty minutes of driving; your vision began to blur and your hands grew numb on the steering wheel. You try to shake your head and closed your eyes for a brief moment before opening them to make yourself concentrate on the road and it worked for a moment up until you went to turn left, assuming you were in the clear but then all the sudden—
synopsis : you and cassie know it’s wrong — not only the twenty year age gap, but the fact you’re both in relationships. what was supposed to be a casual affair, now turns into something with the stakes higher and problems more troubling.
wc : 6.4k
tags : adult language. age gap (reader is 24, cassie is 43). mentions & acts of infidelity, thoughts of cheating. they lowk violate hippa. reader’s gf is kinda a hit or miss. vic’s 21st bday party & slight alcohol consumption (none from cassie). slight adult content, nothing too extreme (yet).
author’s note : based on p!atd’s song “casual affair” (absolute middle school banger). this is the first part !! the second part — which will be longer — will be released next wednesday so keep an eye out :D
nobody needed to know, and you took great measures to make sure it stayed that way.
there was a great pit in your stomach every time you slept next to your partner, who was wondering why for over a year you had suddenly become so distant.
you couldn’t tell her that your older worker and resident, cassie mckay, was the source of all your troubles but desires.
your first year of residency was filled with tension, hands brushing against one another, or cassie profusely wanting to be your mentor, especially from the first day.
“hello! dr. robby said i could be some help to you?” you wondered, approaching cassie as she smiled widely. “everyone else seems to be occupied.”
“i could use an extra hand,” she said, gesturing for you to follow her. “how are you liking pittsburgh so far? where did you do medical school?”
“john hopkins! and as for pittsburgh, it’s not terrible. the weather is a bit different,” you stated, walking close by her with your notepad and pen in your hands.
“you’ll get used to it, i promise. and john hopkins is very impressive,” cassie said, and you smiled, softly thanking her. “we’ll start you off easy. we need to do a few scans, bring people in from chairs, and keep working in triage.”
you never expected in the middle-end of your shift to be helping with a mass casualty, and how your nerves worked your body to make sure people came out of the hospital alive.
yet it was when the bodies first starting coming in on stretcher, did you just stand frozen and your body tremble, nausea rushing into through waves.
everything that you were taught in medical school momentarily left your head, and you felt it sudden disarray from the mass of injured people to death that laid all around the unit.
cassie had to snap you out of it, easily telling how panicked and shocked you looked. “you’re okay, it’s okay. but right now, we need to help these people,” she said, her hands firm on your shoulders, and shaking you slightly to make you look at her. “i know this isn’t how you expected your first day, but we need to do this. these people need you — i need you.”
“o—okay, okay,” you mumbled, nodding to yourself and she patted your shoulder, making you move along side her to help with the first rounds of patients.
cassie’s voice saying ‘i need you’ kept repeating in your head on a broken loop, all throughout each stitching you gave a patient, or when you were donating blood to them — her voice pushed you through the rest of the evening.
when it was time to leave for the evening, and the night shift was prepared to take over entirely, you stood outside the ambulance bay, taking in deep breaths of the warm weather.
you were trying to process what had happened right before your eyes, and how much blood, death, and survival you had witnessed and endured all in one day.
you heard your name be called out from behind you. “hey! are you okay?” cassie asked, coming up next to you. “i know today was not what were you expecting, but you did good in there.”
“i will never understand why someone thinks it’s okay to hurt others,” you muttered, sniffling. “i’m glad you were there, to help me through it all.”
“i’m glad i was too. are you on your way home now?” cassie asked, tilting her head a bit.
“i am, i just needed a minute. i know i’ll have to leave all of today behind me,” you told her, wiping away the last of your tears. “don’t forget to take care of your ankle monitor in the morning.”
“you can judge me for that. a divorced, single mom who somehow has a restraining order against her,” she explained, and you frowned, eyebrows drawn together.
“why would i ever judge you for that? everyone has their challenges; you’ve seemed to make it out of yours,” you said, and she was taken aback, but only nodded. “my girlfriend is probably wondering where i’m at, and i think i’ll demand a bath out of her.”
“girlfriend?” cassie questioned.
“her name is aubrey! i feel bad that i had her move with me over here after med school, but,” you inhaled sharply, shrugging, “she insisted it was okay, and didn’t want to do long distance.”
“that’s sweet of her,” cassie stated, and you hummed. “i’ll see you tomorrow, kid. have a good night and rest up well.”
a casual conversation like that should’ve remained throughout the rest of your residency, trying to keep professionalism and composure when it came to you and your older resident.
but she made it impossible. it was impossible.
cassie insisted on being your mentor, even after you had easily picked up on things and what to do; she said it had something to do with how she wished someone guided her, and made you feel inclined to rely on her assistance and support.
at first, you thought it was in your head, and you were imagining things — how possessive she seemed when robby or samira took you aside for help, always saying, “you stole my student from triage?,” or “next time ask if you need me to share her,” but again, you just assumed it was all in your head.
in a matter of weeks, aubrey would wonder why cassie was picking you up or dropping you from work, why you insisted to stay later hours, and why your sex drive suddenly become increasingly low when you were around her.
you didn’t push off her cassie’s hand would find itself on your waist, giving it a squeeze, or how she would be guiding you through instructions when it came to critical surgery in the trauma rooms, following it along with ‘atta girl’ or ‘you’re doing good, just like that’ — the simplest words causing you to go numb in your body, and warm in between your legs.
her praise was all you needed, all you thrived for. it almost like all bets were off the table the second you stepped into the emergency department, and were right next to her.
for a moment, you would forget you were even dating someone — even worse, she’d treat you like you weren’t in a relationship at all.
the line had to be drawn there, yet you dared to see how far it could be pushed, and if cassie was willing to do the same.
victoria was the usual babysitter for harrison, cassie being happy she was somewhat close in age to him, and that was she always there when she needed her to take care of him last minute.
“i don’t think i can babysit harrison for a while,” victoria told cassie as you carefully eavesdropped, and sipped on your coffee. “my parents are getting on me about where to apply, and this relationship with mateo is just so… please don’t be mad at me.”
“i’m not mad, i promise. i’m sure i can get someone to fill your spot in for a bit,” cassie reassured, giving the younger girl a pat on her shoulder.
you got done finishing up with a patient, moving towards the nurses station as you looked at the tablet, hearing cassie call out your name.
“how’s everything going with you today?” she asked, the two of you leaning against the counter of the station. “i heard you dealt with a kid who broke his arm because his sister pushed him down the stairs?”
“i don’t understand siblings sometimes. the kid is going to be in a cast for about a month,” you explained, putting the tablet down. “i overheard victoria telling you she can’t help with harrison.”
“it’s really okay. she’s young, has a whole life. i’m sure i can find someone else,” she said, and you smiled, the glimmer of it catching her eye. “what is it?”
“i can always help out. me and victoria don’t really have different schedules, so whenever you need me,” you trailed off, chewing the inside of your cheek. “i know you probably don’t want to introduce harrison to someone new, but my offer stands.”
cassie grinned, shaking her head. “he’ll love you, i’m sure he will. we’ll talk more about it after our shift is over.”
“of course! i love helping you out,” you stated, tapping your fingers against the cold countertop.
“i know you do, sweetheart. thank you,” she said, embracing you into a tight, warm hug, and your arms loosely wrapped around her neck almost as a reflex, just wanting her to come in closer. “just meet me outside the ambulance bay, okay?”
cassie pulled out of the hug and gave you a soft smile before heading off to her set of patients as you stood there like a deer in headlights, watching her disappear around the corner.
“you’re so screwed,” trinity came up behind you, her voice jumping you out of your trance. “don’t you have a girlfriend?”
“it’s just a hug,” you said, picking up the tablet, and opening it up. “she’s just relieved she found a new babysitter for harrison.”
“you’re so naive,” trinity mumbled, shaking her head in disbelief. “aubrey won’t be pleased about this one.”
“whatever you’re thinking, you’re delusional,” you protested, walking away from her.
when the end of your shift came about, you went outside to the ambulance bay, and unlocked your phone, going to your call log to ring up aubrey.
you brought up the phone to your ear as a few rings went through before she picked up. “hey, babe! is everything okay?”
“yeah, of course. so victoria can’t babysit anymore for cassie’s son,” you began, inhaling sharply. “but i offered to do it since vic and i don’t have very different schedules, and it would be nice to help out a friend.”
aubrey went quiet, the static over the line being the only noise. “are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“why wouldn’t it be?”
“it’s just… you spend a lot of time with cassie,” aubrey stated, and you sighed. “you stay after work to help her with charting when you know you don’t need to.”
“i help her and santos out a lot,” you said. “it’ll probably be like once or twice a week where i babysit, okay? and it’s only until victoria gets her own personal life back in order.”
“okay, if you say so,” aubrey muttered, suddenly hanging up the call. you scoffed, putting your phone back in your pocket.
“trouble in paradise?” cassie asked as she carefully came up next to you.
“something like that, but it’s okay,” you assured, forcing a smile, and she only slowly nodded. “when would you need me to babysit?”
“on the evenings where i’ll have to work later most of the times,” she said, getting out her phone and pulling up your contact as her thumbs clacked against the keyboard. “i’ll message you my apartment address and the code to get in for now.”
only a few days later, cassie is texting you she needs you for the evening because her previous husband, chad, had a last minute business trip and needed to leave harrison with her.
you were parked in the loading zone, waiting for harrison as you stood outside your car, fidgeting with your keys.
the school bell had rang only two minutes ago, and you remember exactly how harrison looked when you had seen him come in on your first day of residency.
you see a boy slowly approach you, hands wrapped around the straps of his backpack. “you’re mom’s friend. she said you were nice and would come get me,” harrison stated, eyeing you up and down.
“is that okay?” you wondered, frowning.
“it is. especially when mom talks about you a lot,” he shared, opening up the backseat door, and got himself situated inside. you hurried into the driver seat, making sure he had his seatbelt on before putting on your own, and starting up the engine.
“did you want me to grab you anything to eat? we can go to the grocery store,” you suggested, and he hummed, shaking his head.
“it’s okay. mom made sure to buy groceries the other night,” he said, taking his dinosaur toys out of his backpack. “she told me to tell you she got you some things that you like, too.”
your heart pounded, swallowing thickly as you focused on the road ahead of you.
you weren’t sure of what to expect of cassie’s apartment but it was in the style of how you would envision — minimalist, different art works on the wall, pictures of her family and harrison displayed everywhere.
“do you have homework to do?” you asked the second harrison put his backpack on the couch, and was running to the kitchen.
“i do, but i usually wait until after i’ve had a snack!” harrison shouted from the food pantry, and you smiled to yourself, mindlessly looking around her home.
he came back into the living room with a family-sized pack of cheetos, sitting on the couch. you tried to not stare at him, pretending to be interested in something around you.
“you’re weirder than miss victoria,” he pointed out, putting a few chips into his mouth. “just sit down on the couch.”
“am i that awkward?” you wondered, sitting in the corner of the couch, being feet away from him. “i just don’t want to come off overbearing or something.”
“you’re coming off as strange and weird,” he stated, and you awed, nodding. “do you like working at the hospital?”
“yeah, it’s interesting. your mom’s been a big help since i started,” you shared, and he kept chewing on the cheetos.
“she’s smart, that’s why,” he muffled, stuffing his mouth with more chips. “i like her a lot more than my dad and his girlfriend.”
“i get that. my dad was a bit of a pain when i was a kid,” you said, playing with the loose thread on your sweater.
“i think mom wants to date.”
“aren’t you too young to know that sorts of stuff?” you asked.
“i’m almost twelve. i know dating, and she seems lonely,” he stated, grabbing the spare napkins on the coffee table to clean his fingers. “maybe you can help her out.”
“yeah, maybe,” you mumbled.
the rest of the afternoon to the night went on smoothly; you helped harrison with his homework, had dinner ready for him (and cassie) by the time he got out of the shower, and made sure his nightlight was on before you had to tuck him into bed.
you knew cassie would be late, she texted you that she would be, but you only have the faintest memory of dozing off on her couch with the throw blanket covering you.
an exhausted cassie quietly entered her apartment, carefully putting her keys in the tray that was on the small bookshelf by the door. she slipped off her shoes, throwing her bag and coat on the floor, letting out a heavy sigh.
she could see the television was still on, slowly tip toeing towards the couch, only to find you passed out as she smiled at the sight of you.
she turned on your phone to see how you had various missed phone calls and messages from your girlfriend, and she felt slightly bad for keeping you at her place for so long.
cassie squatted down to your level, slowly shaking you awake. “hey, wake up. you fell asleep,” she whispered, but you wouldn’t budge. she hummed to herself, stretching out the last of the strength she had in her muscles before she brought you into her arms, and started to carry you to her bedroom.
you curled up against her, breathing softly and slowly, cassie’s heart aching at the sight of you. your arms were wrapped around her neck, like your body was wanting to cling onto her for the remainder of your slumber.
fuck, she felt guilty, like she was committing a crime by having you this close to her, about to have you sleep in her bed.
she gently laid you down on the mattress, tugging the comforter over you, and you didn’t move an inch to waking up, entirely passed out.
she wanted to sleep next to you, she itched for it — she needed to scoop you back into her arms, and let you sleep there for rest of the night, to keep you safe.
and it had been a while since she had someone sleep next to her.
instead, cassie got up and walked over to harrison’s room, too lazy to change into her pajamas as she got into his bed, and watched her son peacefully rest.
harrison stirred awake for a moment, his eyes blinking open. “mom?” he whispered, getting closer to her. “you’re sleeping with me?”
“is that okay, buddy?”
“mhmm, it’s okay,” he muttered, his eyes snapping back shut. “i like the new babysitter. can we keep her?”
cassie sighed, knowing you taking care of him was a temporary thing, and was afraid of him getting attached, too.
“we can, yeah. we can keep her,” she whispered, kissing his forehead before letting exhaustion claim her entirely, and she passed out next to him.
you woke up before cassie and harrison did, being glad it was the weekend and your day off, not having to worry about missing your shift. you hurried out of her apartment, and straight to your car, not noticing tears were falling down your cheeks.
you got into your car, your hands shaking as you started the engine and put on your seatbelt, not wanting to go home just yet.
you were panicking, your head spinning everywhere. why did you only feel pure guilt when it came to cassie? you felt guilty for wanting to stay ten minutes longer in her bed, you felt guilty that you wish you were waking up to her, and not to aubrey.
after twenty minutes of driving around to clear your head and to stop crying, you finally showed up back home. you walked into your apartment, finding aubrey already sitting on the couch, and was waiting for you.
“i passed out at cassie’s—”
“i called and texted you numerous times,” aubrey cut you off, slowly getting up. “i almost went over there to grab you because i was worried.”
“the long shifts and barely any rest finally caught up to me,” you said, taking off your shoes and coat. “it won’t happen again, i swear. i’m back now, aren’t i?”
“it won’t happen again because i don’t want you helping cassie anymore,” aubrey stated, and you just stared at her, almost as if a mother was grounding you. “you’re getting too close to her and you’re always with her, no matter what.”
“she’s my mentor and a friend? i’d do the same if trinity, victoria, or samira had a kid,” you protested, shaking your head. “i also stay behind to help whitaker, mel, or even give a hand to the night shift. you don’t have a problem with them.”
“they’re not picking you up from your home, having you sleep at their house—”
“i told you i passed out—”
“my decision is final!” aubrey shouted, and you flinched, swallowing thickly. “no more cassie, none of that. if i find out you have helped her one more time, i’m walking out.”
you listened. you didn’t want aubrey to walk out, but it immensely pained you to distance yourself from cassie.
you could tell she was wondering why you pulled away, why you had to decline babysitting for harrison ever again (even when she told you he wanted to ‘keep you’) — you just slowly exited out of cassie’s life without giving an explanation.
it was only about three months since the last time you properly spoke to cassie, and in those three months, your relationship drastically strained further.
aubrey would sleep on the couch on nights where you had an unprompted fight or make any excuse to go visit her family that was in another state.
more and more, you were slowly coming home to an empty apartment.
you were nearly an hour away from being completed with your shift, only to do it all over again the next day. you dreaded going back to your place, considering if trinity and whitaker would let you crash at their place for a night.
you were casually roaming around the emergency department, looking down at the tablet as you were on your way to see your next patient until a hand was grabbing at your bicep, and harshly tugging you in a different direction.
“ouch!” you yelped, recognizing the hand immediately. “can you let go of me? i have to go discharge someone.”
cassie pulled you into a vacant room, the lights in it off and she covered the door’s window with the curtains. “are you going to tell me what’s going on?” she asked, eyes snapping directly into yours.
“i have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“yes you do,” she stated, taking a single step closer towards you as you were still in your spot. “months ago, you were at my side, making offers to help me, and now— now, you only speak to me if we’re helping a patient together in the trauma area.”
“because we’re coworkers, and our job is to help people,” you bluntly said, afraid to avoid any eye contact. “now if you’ll excuse me, dr. mckay—”
“you’re not excused,” she spat, shielding you from exiting through the door. “tell me why you won’t speak to me anymore. harrison misses you, i miss you. what’s going on?”
your heartbeat was in your throat, picking up every second that passed by, and you tried to come up with any believable lie that you know she would buy, but it was impossible — cassie would always see through you, and your words.
“i just… i can’t be talking to you,” is all you managed to say, tears at the brim of your waterline. “can i please go?”
“only if you tell me that you don’t miss me,” cassie said, and your eyes snapped back into hers, only realizing how close she was to you.
of course you missed her. you miss the car rides together, especially if they were spent in silence because at least she was there. you miss exchanging secrets and stories, ones that you hadn’t yet told aubrey. you miss that night when you felt yourself being lifted into her arms as she held you close, and the sound of her heartbeat was the similar sound of a peaceful night.
you miss her. you miss her than you know you’re supposed to — so much so that an entirety of guilt is washing over for how much you’re letting your body let her know that you need her.
you’re ruining your whole life and relationship for someone who was only supposed to be your mentor, and you don’t understand how you let yourself reach this point.
“i miss you,” you whispered, not second guessing or hesitating — direct and adamant with every single word. “i miss you so much, cassie.”
the guilt morphed itself into a hast of desire the moment cassie’s head dipped lower and her lips met yours, her hands meeting your waist.
your lips and mouth met her desperate pace of kissing, and every moral and good deed you learned over the years, went right out of the hospital room.
cassie picked you up and sat on the edge of the hospital bed, and you moaned into her mouth once her hands went under your shirt.
your hands met the back of her head, fingers curling into her hair, and pulling her in closer as if she was too far.
it was wrong what you were doing, being unfaithful to your relationship and to aubrey — but god, you’d be a definite liar if you were to say this isn’t what you’ve been waiting for since the first day.
this pure sin, that tasted and felt so right — a sensation that burned at your heart and soul, nothing you had never experienced in your time doing aubrey.
this sick, horrible sin and lie you were committing.
anyone could walk in, anyone could need this room at any moment, and surely you were violating every hospital policy by doing this. if anyone walked in — trinity, victoria, robby — anyone could tell aubrey.
“wait, wait!” you panicked, breaking apart the kiss, and cassie studied the visible worry on your face, her eyebrows furrowing. “i can’t do this, i can’t. i’m so, so sorry.”
“wait, what do you me—”
“i have to go,” you hopped off the bed, pressing your fingertips to your lips as you looked at her for a brief second. “we just can’t do this, i’m so sorry, cassie.”
you ran out of the room, leaving behind a puzzled, upset cassie, who only stayed in there to look over what had happen, and wondered if you were filled with sudden regret.
you accidentally bumped into someone of your way out, profusely apologizing while tears were unknowingly falling down your face.
“hey, are you okay?” trinity’s voice came to your ears, trying to get you to look at her. “what’s wrong, what’s going on?”
“i think i need to leave early,” you mumbled, sniffling. “is it okay if i crash at your and whitaker’s place for the night?”
trinity hummed, nodding. “yeah, of course. go to whitaker and ask for the apartment key. we’ll see you once we’re off.”
before you and trinity could walk your separate ways, cassie came out and caught both yours and trinity’s attention. trinity glared at her, and then back at you before scoffing in disbelief.
“i’m not going to ask or anything. go to my place and think about everything,” she said, walking past you, and you had to use forceful energy to get yourself walking out of the hospital.
it didn’t take long until you heard on the fourth of the july shift that cassie accepted a date from a male patient, and it didn’t take long for you to lock yourself in a janitor’s closet to cry for about fifteen minutes.
it had been a few weeks since the secret kiss took place in the hospital room, and you willingly switched to night shifts for those weeks until robby insisted he needed you back on your regular schedule.
your first day back, cassie has a date, and your relationship with aubrey was volatile and complex.
you didn’t pry anyone for any information after the fourth because a part of you knew you had to move on — until it was victoria’s twenty-first birthday party, and perlah and princess invited about anyone who could make it.
which meant cassie would be there too.
trinity took the liberty of helping plan it, but did an after party — which began with a nightclub. you worried about cassie joining because she was sober and if being around alcohol could tempt her in any way, but she insisted on being the designated driver, and knew she could hold herself together in such a scene.
you had been texted that you would be the first one picked up before anyone else. it was nearly towards eleven at night, and you had immensely pregamed for the sake of having to see cassie and be in a car with her.
there was a knock on your apartment’s front door, and you grabbed your purse, double-checking you had everything in it.
you opened up the door, revealing cassie who was wearing a white button up shirt that was loose and had a few buttons unclasped, and dark-denim washed jeans.
the chain she always wore was visible, her chest and collarbones beautiful, and covered with faded freckles.
you could feel your mouth watering, and your eyes gawking.
“hey, you have everything?” she asked, and you slowly nodded, stepping out of your apartment. “you look nice.”
“thanks,” you mumbled, locking the door. “is it too much?”
you didn’t intentionally wear a tight, black bandage dress only for her to notice and see, for her to compliment.
but all she had say was that you look nice.
“never too much,” she said, the two of you walking to her car. “i thought aubrey would be joining?”
“she had a work conference out of town, so she’ll gone for some days,” you explained, and cassie awed, the journey being visited with silence once more.
it was going to be a long night.
the moment you got to the car, cassie was opening the passenger side for you, and you stopped in your tracks for a second.
“what is it?” she asked.
“i can open the door myself,” you told her, and that got a grin out of her.
“just let me do this for you, okay?” she said, and you huffed, getting into the passenger seat. she closed the door as you put on your seatbelt, and she got into the driver’s side shortly after. “i’m guessing everyone is at santos’ apartment?”
“yeah, give me your phone so i can put her address in—”
“it’s okay, i know how to get there,” she bluntly said, driving out of the parking garage, and you stared at you for seconds, trying to wonder how she knew where trinity lived.
you never had her pick you up or drop you off there, and surely cassie herself has never been over.
“how?”
“how what?”
“how do you know where she lives?” you asked.
“because i just do,” she answered, and you sat comfortably back in the seat, looking at the road ahead of you.
“how was your date?” you blurted out, sighing heavily. “word spreads easily around the department.”
“it was… fine. he was nice, i’m supposed to be seeing him again in a few days,” cassie said, and you contemplated on opening the car door, just to jump out onto the main road. “he’s a good guy, but i’ll wait until it gets serious.”
“it’s not serious now?” you asked.
“it was only one hangout,” she answered, shrugging. “i don’t know, it’s been a while since i’ve dated.”
the multiple shots of tequila and gin were catching up to you, about to cause you to vomit all in her car because she wants to a date a man.
a man.
did she suddenly forget about the kiss? how her hands were aching to going on your thighs just for them to be only in between them — how could she forget?
the rest of the car drive was spent in silence, and you had texted the group chat the moment you were parked outside of whitaker’s and santos’ shared apartment.
minutes later, you heard your friends excitedly cheering, and a semi-drunk victoria was being pushed into the backseat first.
“hope you two didn’t fuck before getting here,” santos said while getting in last, whitaker being in the middle of the girls. “i’m obviously kidding.”
“i’m in a relationship and cassie likes her little date,” you retorted, bitterness edging at the tone of your voice as you glared at cassie. “how drunk is vic?”
“we found out daiquiris and sunset tequilas are her go-to’s,” whitaker said, and victoria was mindlessly giggling, staring outside the car window. “let’s get going to the club please.”
“did we find out if samira is going?” you asked as cassie began to make her drive to the nightclub.
“abbot is dropping her off,” santos answered, and you turned around to look at her. “are you guys not aware that they’ve been going at is since the day after our first day?”
“painfully aware,” cassie said. “sometimes it’s just easy for some people to realize that another person wants them.”
“did someone not want you, and you went to date some guy because of it?” you shot back, sitting back normally in your seat.
your friends in the backseat could sense the harsh tension between you and cassie, side eyeing one another with the rest of the time to the place spent in absolute silence.
by the time everyone got into the nightclub, victoria was dragging you, samira, and trinity onto the dance floor with her, and whitaker stayed behind with cassie at the bar area for observation.
they separately sipped on a glass of diet coke, making brief conversation here and there.
“is there something going on between you two?” whitaker asked, and cassie slightly looked at him. “promise i’m not judging, but she’s been a mess for a while now.”
cassie knew how to keep her eyes on you in the crowd, never taking them off of you, not even for a second as she cracked a smile to you having fun and taking shots with your friends.
“what do you mean she’s been a mess?” she asked. “i thought she was doing okay.”
“no, man, no. her and aubrey,” whitaker sighed heavily, “they’ve been having problems for months, and aubrey keeps finding reasons to leave her alone in their apartment. i just know everything between them is bad.”
cassie now felt like a fucking dick, but she knew she was to blame for all of it. she turned your once happy relationship into a disaster, and now you were slowly losing it because of her.
“is that why she switched to the night shift?” cassie wondered, and whitaker slowly nodded, looking down at his drink. “and is that why she’s always at your apartment?”
“she told us you kissed her,” whitaker said, clearing his throat. “she didn’t come out of our spare room for about two days after it.”
cassie put her drink down on the bar counter, and shoved herself through the overloaded crowd, making her way directly towards you.
the moment she was next to you and your friends, she grabbed you by your waist and forcefully turned you to look at her.
“cassie? what—”
“why didn’t you tell me what was happening?” cassie asked, and she could tell you knew exactly what she was referring to. “if i knew it was that bad, if i was ruining you—”
“why would i tell you?” you asked, eyebrows drawn together in confusion. “you’re planning on dating someone, i’m with aubrey who forbids me from speaking to you, and—”
“she did what?” cassie asked, a hint of anger displaying itself in her words and voice. “and you listened?”
you only nodded, and cassie scoffed, the two of you continuously looking at one another.
“we can’t do this, cass,” you said, frowning. “it’d be wrong.”
“but you’ve thought about it,” she pointed out, and it only took a few seconds before you nodded in agreement.
“since the day that i met you,” you admitted, and without another word, she was pulling you away from your friends.
she stopped for a second in front of whitaker, handing him her car keys. “you can drop it off at my place in the morning. i’ll text you my address,” she said as he took a double look at her and you, and how she was holding onto your hands.
“okay, i will,” he said, and cassie thanked him as she rushed the two of you out of the venue.
“cassie, where are we going!” you shouted, getting entirely dragged outside. “i was having fun!”
“we’re going back to my place,” she stated, waving down a taxi. “we don’t have to do anything, but we need to have an actual talk.”
you went along with her, and you didn’t second guess getting into the taxi before she did. you sat in the middle seat while she was next to you, your head on your shoulder, and you grew more anxious with each minute that pass, which meant getting closer to her place.
your pounding heartbeat sobered you up, and the second the taxi was parked outside of her apartment complex, it felt like the world was closing in on you.
cassie paid the driver before she was grabbing your hand to get you out of the car, the both of you walking in absolute silence all the way to her apartment.
she opened up the front door, letting you in first and stepped in right behind you, closing the door shut shortly after.
“where’s harrison?” you wondered, putting your purse on the coat rack, and taking off your heels.
“his dad took him to a basketball game tonight,” cassie responded, tossing off her own pair of shoes that went into a pile with yours. “he’ll be back tomorrow afternoon.”
“i shouldn’t even be here,” you muttered, and cassie held your hand as she brought you over to her couch, sitting you down close to her. “aubrey would breakup with me if she knew about this.”
“but you’re not going to tell her, are you?” she wondered, and you shook your head. you and cassie stared at one another, your legs mindlessly resting on her lap, and you sniffed. “why didn’t you tell me about any of it? i would’ve backed off.”
“that’s not what i wanted to begin with. but aubrey’s been my partner since i was nineteen,” you explained, frowning to yourself. “i’m being unfaithful and pathetic; i’m a cheater.”
“i kissed you.”
“but i continued it,” you stated. “i let it happen, and i only stopped because i was worried about getting caught.”
silence shifted into the room, sitting amongst the two of you for what felt like dragging minutes, and your head spiraled with a multitude of thoughts — if you should get out, if you should stay.
a taunting, teasing tension settled itself in the atmosphere and laid there, waiting for either of you to notice, and take initiative from it.
you didn’t want to be a cheater, you didn’t want that. god, you felt like you’d actually have to go church to pray and confess it away.
but there’d be no point because a part of you knew that you would want to be next to cassie over again — and another part of you knew this damning feeling and situation that was incredibly wrong, felt entirely right.
you were sure of this one thing — and it could cost you everything.
you got onto cassie’s lap and straddled it, catching her by surprise as her hands rested on your waist like a natural reflex, and you looked at her.
“what would this be?” you asked. “an affair? like a casual one?”
“whatever you want; i’m all yours,” cassie stated, and a smile twitched on your lips. she slightly lifted herself up, a needy kiss being pressed to your mouth as you accepted it, and immediately gave into it.
cassie’s hands rested in between your thighs, softly running them up and down, with your fingers playing with the buttons of her shirts, unclasping them in a hurry.
you could deal with the consequences and guilt later in the morning because you needed this, you needed cassie — the woman you would think about everyday and night, who would consume your thoughts since the start.
if anyone else has watched the l word: q generation. i cannot stop thinking about the threesome scene with gigi, nat, and alice with the song “ilomilo” by billie eilish playing too..oh my god my randomly gay thoughts at almost 6 am are going crazy. i kinda wanna just write something with gigi and the song 😓 whoops sorry my horny lesbian thoughts are getting to me and i need to go to bed because i have work in less than 6 hours..
author’s note: decided to actually go through with it and write a threesome with cassie and baran..god my horny ass thoughts were on something, but i DESPERATELY need them both, please please please
It’s been a stressful work day, you’re gathering up your things before leaving the hospital to head back home. You just needed to relax, especially after being juggled around by Baran and Cassie between patients. It was obvious that the other nurses knew you had a crush on the both of them, but you shook your head as you began to walk towards the exit of the hospital to leave after clocking out of your shift.
In the corners of your eyes, you can see both Baran and Cassie chatting it up with your fellow nurses then next thing you heard were the words, “Yeah, she liked you both for a while now but she feels..guilty about the entire thing.” followed by your name and you froze in place. Holy shit.
“Come here for a moment, yeah?” Cassie said, you sighed and turned to walk towards them—your gaze on the floor, refusing to look up when you got close.
Baran pinched your cheek, her thumb grazing your bottom lip as she tilted your chin up with her index finger. “Is it true? You have a crush on both Dr. McKay and I?” Her voice stern.
Your eyes widened, your eyes gazing between the both of them—not wanting to say anything, you were struggling to find the right words. “Someone’s awfully quiet, I bet you she probably has wet dreams about the both of us.” Cassie teased, patting your shoulder and your face immediately turned red.
“I do not, that’s absolutely absurd.” You replied, you grabbed Baran’s hand and moved it away from your chin then looked at Princess, glaring your eyes at her as if telling her that she’s dead to you. Baran raised a brow at that, her arms folded now as she stared at you then back at Cassie.
“Can the two of you quit staring like you’re about to pounce at me?” You shook your head as you began to walk away, back towards the exit but instead of proceeding to walk out of the hospital—you found your body standing there frozen, then suddenly you turned back around and approached both Baran and Cassie.
Next thing you knew, you were back at your apartment with both Baran and Cassie—Baran’s front pressed against your back as you rode Cassie’s strap, your hips stuttering slightly as you felt Baran’s fingers rubbing your clit, a faint cry escaping from your lips.
“Oh god, oh my god—” you panted, your head pressed against Cassie’s shoulder, her hands guiding your movements as the tip of her strap kissed your sweet spot with every thrust of her hips up into you. Your walls began to flutter around the toy, the sounds of the bed creaking filling up the bedroom followed by..a buzzing sound?
You move your head from Cassie’s shoulder, turning your head to see Baran holding a vibrator in her hand and your eyes widened. Baran brushed her lips against your ear, dragging the vibrator down to where you and Cassie are connected.
“Deep breaths, sweet girl.” She cooed, you whined and jolted slightly as you felt the vibrator pressed against your clit. Your entire body trembling, your orgasm building up rapidly by the second. A loud groan escaped from Cassie’s lips, she could feel your walls fluttering around her once more. One of her hands trailed up to your breasts, her fingers pinching, twisting, and pulling on a peaked nipple while Baran’s lips pressed gentle kisses against your neck. A loud gasp filled up the room when you felt her teeth biting down into your neck, her tongue licking where she bit to soothe the pain.
“I can’t— oh fuck, I’m cumming!” You sobbed, your orgasm washing over you in an instant, your breathing heavy as you went limp against Cassie. Your eyes fluttering shut for a moment, catching your breath, the sounds of heavy breathing in the room now followed by a faint buzzing sound. Baran pulled the vibrator from between your legs, turning it off and tossing it to the side before her hands found your waist—helping you off of Cassie’s strap, placing you down carefully on the bed, your back on the mattress.
“Eyes on us,” Cassie whispered, you slowly opened your eyes at her voice after coming down from your high, your cheeks flushed, sweat beads on your forehead. “Do you know where you keep your towels at, sweetheart?” Cassie asked, you weakly nodded your head.
“In the closet in my bathroom,” you replied faintly. Cassie nodded her head, getting up from the bed but before she walked away—her lips brushed against Baran’s ear, whispering something in her ear. You couldn’t hear what was said, but as soon as Cassie disappeared into the bathroom, you can see a smirk tugging on the corners of Baran’s lips.
Baran’s eyes glanced towards yours, “Ever been tied up before?” She whispered, she reached over to your nightstand—opening the drawer and reaching in there, grabbing a rope as her eyes stared at the other toys you had in the drawer.
“Kinky much?” She closed the drawer, grabbing your wrists and pinned them above your head then grabbed the rope. She made two loops, overlapping and passing each loop through the other by their opposite edges, then pulled on the loops out up to match the size of your wrists before putting your wrists through the loops and tightening them to complete the knot.
Your eyes widened in surprise, your eyes staring into Baran's as she settles herself between your legs—her body hovering over yours. She pulled you into a deep kiss, her tongue sliding into your mouth while her hands explored every curve and dip as if you were an art piece. She pulled away from the kiss, her lips dragging down to your jaw planting harsh kisses along your jaw before moving down to your neck. Her teeth grazed your pulse point before biting down, leaving a faint red mark in its waking.
Your back arched against the mattress, a faint gasp leaving your lips. You watched as she moved down your body, planting kisses wherever she could place them before she settled her head between your legs. You heard footsteps again, Cassie walking back into the bedroom with a small towel in her hand. When Cassie saw Baran's face between your legs, she paused for a moment with a raised brow.
"Going down on her without me here to watch? Bold move, Al-Hashimi." She said, she began to move again towards the bed—placing the towel on your forehead to clean the sweat off then tossed it into the laundry hamper.
Baran groaned at Cassie's sentence, pulling her face out from between your legs to look at her with annoyance. "You got to fuck her with your strap, let me have this for once, yeah? She's mine as of right now." She replied before diving back between your legs, her hot breath against your clit and you whined desperately—your hips trying to buck up against her mouth, needing friction this instant.
A smirk curled on Baran's lips, she instantly laughed at you for trying to buck your hips up against her mouth. Her hands moved to your hips, pressing you down against the mattress to keep you still. "So whiny and needy, one orgasm wasn't enough for you?" She teased then suddenly; her mouth was on you. Her tongue swiping one filthy stroke up against your pussy slowly, your head immediately tossing back against the pillow.
"Oh god.." you gasped, her tongue pressing against your clit; her mouth latching against you hard.
The sounds of obscene wet noises filling up the room followed by your whines, then suddenly the word "mommy" slipped out from your lips and Baran froze while a groan escaped from Cassie's lips. She pulled back, her eyes looking up at yours from between your legs. Fuck.
"Say that again." Baran breathed, "Call me that name again." You shook your head, refusing to give in, and Baran couldn't help but laugh at that.
"Oh? Quiet now, are we? Fine, but you don't get to cum until you call me that name again." She said, then she dove right back in—her tongue working fast against your clit and pumping two fingers inside your entrance without any warning.
A loud cry filled up the room in a heartbeat, your eyes squeezing shut as the pleasure began to take over you completely. Your chest rising and falling fast, your heart pounding hard in your chest, heat building up fast in your lower abdomen. You were close and she knew, but she wasn't going to allow you to fall over. "Oh fuck, oh g—" you were cut off at sudden feeling of her fingers suddenly slowing down, not enough to help you push you over the edge and you whined.
"Fuck, Baran please!" You protested, your hips bucking against her hand and mouth trying to chase your release. She shook her head, a smirk curling on her lips as she heard your pleas, "Call me that name again or I stop." You whined even more at that, but with no other choice, you gave in.
"God, mommy please—" you whimpered, Baran immediately caved in—her fingers pumping in and out of you fast, her lips sucking hard against your clit. Her fingers curled hard against your g-spot, a broken sob ripping out from your throat as she continued to curl her fingers relentlessly: instantly pushing you to the edge.
That second orgasm had you seeing stars, your head immediately going dizzy, your legs clamping shut around Baran's head while her fingers and tongue slowed down; helping you come down from your high. After you came back into reality, Baran withdrew her fingers that were now coated in your juices as she got up from between your legs. Cassie leaned over, untying the rope from around your wrists then reached over to grab Baran's wrist, taking Baran's fingers into her mouth sucking your cum off and moaning at the taste.
After cleaning off Baran's fingers, Cassie climbed into bed—pulling you between you and Baran, her fingers tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. "That's it, such a sweet girl..let both of your mommies take care of you now." She cooed as she glanced at Baran, smiling at one another before returning their attention back to their sweet girl.
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