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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
YOU ARE THE REASON

@theartofmadeline
ojovivo
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣

Janaina Medeiros
almost home
Mike Driver
Peter Solarz

if i look back, i am lost

Origami Around

ellievsbear
Game of Thrones Daily
we're not kids anymore.

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@f4tb1tch26
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Yo no sé que voy a hacer el día que de verdad me enamore de una mujer y me vuelva ilya rozanov “because russia!!” Mi madre no me va a dejar pisar mi casa nunca más
What do you mean I ain’t no man? I’m my father’s first daughter, of course I am a man
The difference is that jealous Ilya looks homicidal while jealous Shane looks suicidal
Ilya: this guy is cute, I should start a stationary bike race so he knows I want to get sweaty together
Ilya: that didn’t quite work. Maybe I should just give him the eye? While I tell him I hope he likes his new city?
Ilya: okay. But surely if I make him drink from my water bottle and brush his fingers when passing it over…?
Ilya: call him pretty. To his face. No way he can miss that
Ilya: desperate measures, I’ll have to tell him I orchestrated this whole ad campaign just so I could see him again
Ilya: WHAT IF I STARTED JERKING OFF IN THESE COMUNAL SHOWERS?
Shane, 7 years later: I have figured out that you like me.
Im gonna be ready to leave someday, i know i will
To the First Boy Who Loved Me: A Recollection of Circumstance
I remember loving you. Like one knows their hearts beating. Like you feel the blood rushing in your ears and the accelerated rhythm pounding against your ribs. I knew loving you like one knows an adrenaline rush, like anxiety freezing your body, like the moment you see the ground before the free fall. I remember it felt like that. I remember I knew my love for you like I've never known anything. There was one thing I was certain of in the whole world. It was you.
Today I can say I'm certain of a handful lot of things, so many that the version I was then could not believe it if I had a way to tell her. I just remember loving you. I remember you. I remember us. Oh what a great thing we were. I wish we could've been forever. I wish I could've grown old by your side. Now I just remember. I feel the love I remember but it's trapped in the ashes of a blaze that's been long put out, scattered by the wind. Why did we have to go and die? I wish I could have remained frozen in that period of time, endlessly with you. What to do when a love dies but it does not? This ache might haunt me forever.
I carry you around like a shackle, every step I take is with the awareness of something slowing me down. These weights I never learned to put down because no one ever told me I could. I used to be a hyper-independent child, many things I learned alone, and the procedure might have been wrong but my results looked similar enough from others to not worry about it. So no, no one ever noticed I was stacking things up, never letting go of them, and if they did no one knew how to help. Well, that's what I like to think, better than the idea of someone noticing and ignoring me.
It's easier as a child, when I was small the issues were small too; they were not problems yet. But you know how in administration and economy they differentiate between big and small companies? how a start-up cannot be handled the same way as a megacorporation not only because of the size but because they are intrinsically different? Yeah, the same happens with emotions when you grow up, with relationships. The pain I didn't know how to name, the hurt I never acknowledged and the things I went through that I never really felt were all shoved in boxes and stored in the dusty attic of a house big enough to be forgotten about.
My metaphors are all over the place, sorry, another thing I never taught myself to do well.
But I think you get what I'm getting at. I grew up and the same mechanisms I used to get by in life became obsolete because they were too simplistic to handle teen-age problems. When the adult problems came the system was in shambles. And at some point the attic door got stuck because it was so full that if I tried to open it the landslide of trash threatened to bury me. So I filled a spare room, and then the shed in the garden, and the downstairs bathroom; I feel like the basement was always full. I don´t know if you know how it is to live in a hoarder's house, with towers of things closing in, with dirt and vermin. You learn to tread carefully through something that was meant to be a safe place. I was taught to cook and clean because my mother was not going to raise a useless thing, I was never taught to take care of the house I lived in.
I got a little carried away, I liked the house analogy, even though my real house growing up did feel like a home. You know what they say about kids in houses on fire though.
When I met you I was not even aware of things, you know? I thought everything was normal, was right, was common: the way I felt, how I was treated, the way I thought of myself. I really fucked it up my dear. I'm sorry. I'd like to think I'm better now, but it's been years and it took me a long time to realize what was really wrong and start trying to fix it up. So you can say good riddance, you can curse our history, you can spit on our past. I won't blame you. I'll just carry our story in my heart and my mistakes will forever dig in my back, the weight of the could have beens will forever slow my steps and my world will halt every time I cross your path, but I won't stop. Maybe someday I'll find a key, maybe it will erode to a bearable weight. Maybe this love that is not dead will die its final death and I will finally just remember it. Maybe I can finally put it down: lose you without losing. Right now even if i could i do not want to. Some day I'll learn, I think. Something else will come around and maybe I'll finally have the tools to do it right. One day I'll have the tools to hold something valuable in my hands without tearing it apart. I might be able to forgive myself then.
damn, hudson williams gets it [x]
“This reads like fanfiction (it feels like it was written by a preteen, and most of such things posted publicly are fanfic)” vs “This reads like fanfiction (it has a focus on character and relationships, like the style of a lot of modern fanfic)” vs “This reads like fanfiction (it keeps referencing people and events with the assumption that the audience is already familiar with them, like how fanfic doesn’t need to rehash the source material)”
Some further suggestions from the notes:
“This reads like fanfiction (it’s a love story for the ages as long as you can overlook that the author keeps misspelling ‘you're’)” vs “This reads like fanfiction (you can tell the author was having a blast writing this and now so do you reading it)” vs “This reads like fanfiction (the author is clearly info-dumping about a very niche hobby of theirs that they’re passionate about)” vs “This reads like fanfiction (the characters keep getting put in increasingly weirder situations which you’d normally only find in fanfic)” vs “This reads like fanfiction (the author felt the need to rehash the characters from when they were first introduced instead of after several years’ worth of character growth)” vs “This reads like fanfiction (it feels like it had no editor)”
“This reads like fanfiction (I’m pretty sure I can identify the filed off serial numbers)”
“this reads like fanfiction (it’s SO FUCKING LONG)”
ever since i was a little girl i wanted to be a man with a homoerotic years long incredibly intense friendship with another man
Piping hot take: I don't give a shit if straight actors play queer characters as long as they do so with empathy and authenticity. When you say shit like "only queer actors should play queer characters" what you're actually saying is only OUT queer actors should play queer characters. If you're assuming an actor (or anyone else, for that matter) who hasn't declared their sexuality is straight, you are participating in heteronormativity.
I am the way I am because I’m the eldest daughter of a fatherless eldest son and a motherless only daughter
i feel like killing people today
*preparing to go outside* i’m normal. i know how to cross the street. i avoid eye contact in an organic non weird way, as if i simply do not notice fellow pedestrians.
Barely 22 years on this earth and I feel so worn
When i was young i wanted to be someone, i wanted to be known, I thought if people knew me they would love me