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Not today Justin
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
I'd rather be in outer space šø
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Discoholic šŖ©
RMH
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art blog(derogatory)
Product Placement
styofa doing anything
Kaledo Art
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Today's Document
ā£ Chile in a Photography ā£
NASA
Claire Keane
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@fabhlc
Who are you, what is your highest self?
Irisa had me go to a psychic reading for my birthday. The short European lady was quick to the point about everything. As I sat down, flustered from the rain and trying to find my footing, she immediately said to relax as she cannot read my energy this way. I took a breath. When she asked for a personal belonging that Iāve had for a while, I handed her my wallet that Kenny had made and givenā¦
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I have the lingering brain fog of a wildly absurd dream ā ones that are so ridiculous yet plausible that you wake up unsure of if it actually happened and for the rest of the day youāre left with spontaneous emotions of bewilderment. My friend texted me today to let me know she was seeing someone from my past. Someone that I really donāt have any inclinations about (probably feels less jarringā¦
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It has been one year and two months since I last journalled on here. Much has changed. Iām typing this from Vancouver. Iāve been here for 2 and a half weeks now, sleeping on the couch of a friend who I wouldnāt have though would feel trusting enough to let me stay with her for almost a month. We have a complicated history. We were friends. She was dating within that friend group. I never feltā¦
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The weekday seems to zoom by with the routine: wake-up, feed Pluto, meditate for 10 mins, work, sometimes run, work, sleep. Because of COVID and the shitty weather, thereās nothing else for me to do once work is done. Itās easy for that work-life boundary to be crossed. But also itās extremely busy at work ā in a good way. I feel like my work is making an impact on the day to day operations ofā¦
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Gentrifier
Iāve been feeling like Iām at a crossroads recently as my friends seem to diverge into money-makers moving on up in life (pronounced with them buying their first homes) while others on social media appear to be more anti-capitalists and actively fighting capitalism and bringing attention to the ways it has manifested internally (e.g. needing to feel productive all the time). Trying to figure outā¦
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Damn, Q3.
On August 22nd 2020, I had the best sex of my life.
We started talking in July or so, but it died off after I decided to cancel on a virtual date. Part of why I even talked to her was because she looked strikingly like the girl who fucked me up back in 2017. Pink/red hair and all. A few weeks after, she messaged me out of nowhere.
āHey! How are you?ā
We picked it up from there ā sheā¦
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Q3-2020
A few days after being called to return to work after a temporary covid-related layoff, I was over at G&Sās new home in the west end. I requested a draw for Q3ās prospects, since Q2 had been ridden with a breakup, job loss, and global pandemic that shut down the entire world. Specifically, I requested draws for Life, Love, and Career:
Draw for Life: Knight of Swords
Ambitious,ā¦
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Ignoring feelings was what made you a champion
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I was somebody that I didn't like with you.
I was somebody that I didnāt like with you.
So there are two people in you that repulse me.
And as much as Iād like to blame you for not teaching me, Iām just resorting to childishness.
āWhy didnāt she say anything?ā
āI looked so stupidā
āShe probably thinks Iām still like thatā
But itās nobodyās fault, at least between the two of us. My hard feelings towards you are just a shadow of how hard I am towards myself. Everyoneā¦
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New Years Eve 2019
New Years EveĀ 2019
It feels like 2019 lasted five years. But it also feels like I was half asleep for four of those years.
Looking back at my previous resolutions, I didnāt really get much done.
New Yearās Resolutions for 2020:
Take more photos and videos ā 1 second video or photo a day.
Remember to pause and take things in. You didnāt live 2019 ā you survived it. Your brain was far more scattered Meditate 10minsā¦
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Thanksgiving 2019
A lot happened this year. Though there were some burned bridges (not necessarily my own), I have a lot to be thankful for.
I got a girlfriend.
Ā I didnāt expect it to happen but I learned to quieten the voice of anxiety inside. Sheās wonderful and makes me a better person. Sheās the only one who challenges me to higher standards and makes me check myself. Weāre going to Mexico next month and Iāmā¦
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Almost GF
Iām on the verge of making her my girlfriend but there are some serious red flags.
Thereās a strict limitation on what she likes to do. It canāt involve too many people and it has to fall within certain circles of interest. It feels a little stifling and I wish she would be more open to hanging out in a group setting with my friends, but perhaps we donāt need to do everythign together ā as Estherā¦
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Childish Habits
Iāve noticed some people have a hard time growing out of childish habits ā toxic habits which could be broken with the help of open communication. Toxic habits which arise because of the expectation that people will know what you want without you having to tell them.
My own example: up until I was in my early twenties (!), sometimes after a family dinner, my mother would offer to drive me and inā¦
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Happy New Year
Quick updates:
I started a new (dream) job that combines my passions of real estate and big data/new tech;
I am steadily seeing someone and we just became exclusive (but not committed, see below);
Iām trying to build an app thatāll help me make side money;
ā¦Honestly, the first two things alone are taking up so much of my time, with any remaining time left going to the third, or to hanging withā¦
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I used to, though.
I used to,Ā though.
āBut I used toā is a phrase Iāve found myself saying a lot. Fortunately, itās about bad habits of overthinking, over-caring, over-committing to things and people. How I used to dwell and wallowā¦ the summer of 2016 had me experience my lowest point thus far. My brush with anxiety and depression was wild, and it resurfaced at the beginning of this year (albeit nowhere close to the levels in 2016)ā¦
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Feelings
I lay in bed, heart heavy. But not by the gravity of heartbreak. It was the pull of yearning.
The side of my face was sinking heavily into my pillow. I wasnāt sure how much of this wave of emotions and heart-feels was attributable to the alcohol from earlier (my straight friends had just had a surprise party held for them for their engagement), but I hadnāt had much to drink. It was from earlierā¦
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Personalization
Been a while and Iām sorry (to myself) for that.
A lot has happened in the past year. All positive growth. Career-wise and in my personal life. So, quick updates before I jump into the blog post onĀ personalization:
Iāve had some arguments with friends this year but itās really only opened my eyes and reminded me itās naive to believe you can trust people to always be there for you. Sometimesā¦
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