submission from readingtoomuch
Quinn knew that something was up. She figured that Sam had let David in on the secret, as evidenced by the jittery way they both acted whenever she walked into the room. They’d glance at each other, smirk, and then the little boy would burst into giggles, and of course Sam couldn’t resist following suit. She’d tried to get it out of both of them, but to no avail. To her four year old son, she’d promised toys, a trip to the movies, anything that a four year old might want to get him to reveal the secret, but he’d remained mum. To her boyfriend, Quinn had promised anything that a twenty four year old might want, and even though he’d kept quiet too, she’d easily given in and they’d had fun last night anyway. So, Quinn had resigned herself to waiting her two men out.
Sam had moved in four months ago, but Quinn was still sometimes amazed. He and David got along so well, like they were made for each other. Sam didn’t wear shirts when he lazed around the house on Saturday mornings, so now David didn’t wear shirts, “cause Sam doesn’t, mom,” was his explanation, as if it was the simplest justification in the world. The other day, she’d found her son sitting on the couch with his face scrunched up, grunting, looking rather like a woman in labor. “Davy, are you alright?” It turned out that he was trying to grow hair on his legs. “Sam has hairy legs, mom.” He didn’t even mind for Sam to help him in the bathroom; David wouldn’t even let his own grandparents help him in the bathroom. Quinn had even had to special order a little tiny wife beater undershirt, because, “that’s the kind Sam wears, momma.”
Quinn was amazed at Sam too. They’d met when he’d transferred to the University of Kentucky’s Department of History for what happened to be the second year of grad school for both of them. Sam was pursuing a PhD in military history, while Quinn was studying British social history. At that point she’d been resigned to never meeting anyone; after all, she recognized that having a kid made her a hard sell. Sam had asked her out though, about two days after classes had started, and when she’d said that she couldn’t, she had to watch her son, he’d said, “Bring him along, we can get pizza. All kids like pizza, right?”
David had been wary at first; he was an extremely shy child who almost never left his mother’s side, even when they were alone in their apartment. During the dinner, where Sam did most of the talking, Quinn had to use the restroom, and even though David had extended his arms, meaning that he wanted to go with her, she’d asked Sam if he wouldn’t mind watching him for just a few minutes. When she came back to the table, Quinn had found her son laughing hysterically at Star Wars impressions.
It had been a little bit of an adjustment when Sam moved in several months after that. Quinn realized that she hadn’t been the perfect mother, and that David shouldn’t have been sleeping with her every night when he was four years old, but for so long, he was all and everything that she had. The little boy hadn’t liked it when he’d been relegated to his own, heretofore unoccupied bedroom, but of course Sam had been sweet. He’d volunteered to sleep on the couch until David had gotten used to the idea, though Quinn had turned down the offer, saying that there was no time like the present to make changes.
That had earned Sam some animosity from the other man of the house, but, as often happened with four year olds, tempers cooled quickly. Before moving in, Sam and David had been best friends, and it wasn’t long till they were again. Once he figured out that his best buddy was now living with them, David was pretty happy. For several weeks, there had been a picture on the refrigerator that he’d drawn in preschool, his family, but once Sam had moved in, David took the picture down and added him in.
But now that camaraderie between her two men was annoying the hell out of Quinn. She didn’t like to be out of the loop, but they were keeping something from her, obviously something important. She’d done her best to find out, to bribe, with new toys for David and . . . other things for Sam, but nothing had worked. Shaking her head, Quinn opened a book, Pastoral Society of the Early Victorians; Sam was out with David at the park so she should spend this quiet time catching up with her school reading instead of fidgeting over what the two of them were up to.
Quinn didn’t think anything of it when Sam volunteered to tuck David into bed that night and read him his story so that she could spend more time reading her own book. As grad students in history, they each had at least three, full sized, scholarly books a week that had to be read, so any free moment was much appreciated. Quinn was sitting up in their bed, thumbing through pages and pages of tiny font describing the importance of mechanized sewing machines in British industrial history, when Sam returned from putting David to bed.
“He didn’t try to bribe you into letting him stay up later?” she asked without glancing up. That had been David’s quest ever since another kid at preschool had told him that he got to stay up till nine o’clock, a full half hour later than David was allowed.
“Naw,” Sam shrugged, pulling off his shirt and pants before crawling into bed next to Quinn. “I think he’s pretty tired from playing at the park today.” He leaned over and kissed her shoulder. “How’s the book? I’ve heard Dr. Clinger’s classes are rough.” Though they were both in the history department, Sam and Quinn studied different fields, so they rarely had any classes together.
“It would be better if it were about a thousand pages shorter; I just finished a three hundred page section about how the bobbin changed the world.”
Sam’s eyebrows raised in appreciation. “Wow, I don’t even know what a bobbin is.”
Quinn giggled and put her book aside. “It’s what you spool the thread around and put on sewing machines.” She pushed herself over to him, her arms snaking around his sides. “But, I’m tired of thinking about bobbins and industrialization and all the papers I have to write.” Lips dancing across his warm throat, Quinn whispered huskily, “I’d be willing to have a repeat of last night,” last night had been very pleasing to both of them, “if you told me what secret you and Davy are keeping . . .”
“That was your bribe last night, but you gave in,” Sam reminded her with a dirty smile.
“Not tonight though,” Quinn said, trying – and failing, to sound stern. “You have to spill the beans tonight, or both you and Davy are grounded.”
“Oooh, tough talk,” he laughed, running his hand up and down her back. “Well, it just so happens that I was already planning on spilling the beans tonight – that’s why I said I’d tuck midget into bed; I needed to ask him if he thought the time was right.”
“So it’s a conspiracy?” she laughed.
“Mhmm, sort of.” Sam’s tone got a little more serious then. Taking her hands from his hips, he held her fingers in his own. “You know that I love you, and Davy, too, of course.”
“Just let me finish.” He cleared his throat. “I know that you know that I love you, so I’m hoping that that makes up for my lack of a grand gesture; I suck at grand gestures.”
Her forehead furrowed in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
Without saying anything, Sam brought a little box out from behind his back and placed it in her hand. “You don’t have to give me an answer right away, just, you know, think about it, and then you can decide –”
The blonde guy looked rather astounded. “You didn’t even open the box.”
“Yes,” Quinn squealed, throwing her arms around his neck. “Yes, yes, yes, yes!”
“Wow,” Sam mumbled, wrapping his arms around her, kissing into her hair, “I must be the world’s best salesman.”
“Only because your product’s so good,” Quinn smiled, kissing him once more before finally opening the box. “It’s beautiful, Sam,” she said, handing him the diamond ring so that he could slip it onto the third finger of her left hand.
Before they could celebrate further, the door slowly crept open, a small four year old with dark hair pushing his way in, attempting – and failing – to look sneaky. “Did she say yes?” he whisper/shouted at Sam.
Both adults burst out laughing. “She did, buddy,” Sam happily answered, motioning for him to join them in the bed. “You were right.” To Quinn he said, “I asked him what he thought my chances were; didn’t want to go in blind, you know.”
Quinn hugged her son to her chest after he’d climbed up into the middle of the bed between her and Sam. “So Sammy asked you what you thought?”
“He asked my permission,” the boy corrected, slightly mispronouncing the last word. “I told him he could.”
“Well that was very nice of you,” Quinn smiled. “I’m glad you allowed that.”
“I knew your main man had to okay it first,” Sam explained, leaning in to hug them both. “I’m pretty old fashioned, and I figured this was even better than asking your dad.”
“Granddad likes you,” David added.
“I like you,” Quinn added happily, leaning into her family.
David was asleep between them within fifteen minutes, unable to make it to the vaunted nine o’clock. Every time Quinn would run her fingers through his hair, she’d have to pause and gaze at the new ring on her finger. Beside her, Sam was looking at the two people he loved most, and looking forward to the day it would all become official.
“Um, I haven’t talked to him about it yet,” Sam said, voice slightly halting, like he wasn’t sure how his proposition would go over, “and I want to ask him what he thinks, but once we’re married, if you think it’s a good idea, I’d like to adopt Davy,” Sam said.
“Sam, of course I think it would be a good idea.” Quinn leaned over and kissed him. “He loves you, and I know you love him. You’re already his dad in every way that counts; anything else will just make it official.”
Sam smiled. “I feel like I ought to have some epic speech prepared about how I’m going to take care of both of you, and –”
“I already know that, no speech needed.”
Sam pulled them both flat on the bed so they were holding onto each other with their hands resting on Quinn’s son. “I have to say though,” he said, voice instantly serious, “that I know what you’ve been through, and I’m going to do everything that I can to make sure you’re never unhappy again.”
Quinn knew that Sam hadn’t meant to, but his words brought visions and pictures swirling back into her mind. A dark parking garage, her fumbling with her keys, the hands coming out from the darkness, grabbing her from behind; even sounds and smells – heavy breathing, acidic breath in her face, red hot fear.
Sam saw the tears as they were about to fall. “No, Quinn,” he moaned, quickly getting up and moving to her side of the bed. “God, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up.” He wrapped himself around her, holding her face to his chest. “From now on it’s just you, me, and Davy, and nothing that happened before is going to have any hold on you, okay?”
Not very many tears fell; she wasn’t a child, she could control herself, but Quinn had to look down for a moment before answering. “You’re right,” she said, swallowing hard, “it’s just the three of us.”
“And nothing is ever going to hurt you again.”
The physical recovery didn’t take long, an overnight stay in the hospital and then recovering in her bed at home. The mental anguish haunted her for months though. Quinn had been humiliated, in more ways than one. The shame of being the victim, the embarrassment of being nineteen years old and having your mother sleep with you so you didn’t scream out in the night, so you had someone to hold onto. Sometimes, even now, men looked dangerous.
About a month into their dating, Sam had asked the burning question that she’d known had been on his mind since the start; was David’s father in the picture? Quinn had ended that night a sobbing wreck, Sam’s shirt soaked through, the fabric wrinkled under her clenched fingers. He hadn’t run away though, something that she’d at least partially, to her shame, expected. He’d stayed with her and kissed away her pain.
Judy and Russell Fabray had encouraged her to terminate the pregnancy, and Quinn had gone back and forth, changing her mind repeatedly. The baby hadn’t done anything wrong, it hadn’t hurt anyone. But what if it had his face? What if the doctor handed her the little bundle and those eyes stared back at her? Quinn went to counseling seasons, talked to professionals and priests, but finally she just decided that she couldn’t do it. Her body had been invaded once by that man, and she wouldn’t let it happen again – violence wouldn’t be beaten with more violence.
On the day she went to the hospital, Quinn didn’t think about that night. What had happened then and what was happening now weren’t at all related in her mind. When she left the hospital, she wouldn’t be alone anymore. When she left the hospital, she would have a purpose, someone to take care of and to love, someone to love her back.
She named him David, and he had her eyes, though the source of the dark hair was evident. Quinn picked David because in the Bible he made mistakes, but was still described as “a man after God’s own heart.” Her David’s origin was something she tried to forget, but looking at him for the first time, Quinn knew that he was after her own heart.
The next day was Sunday, so they didn’t have class and David didn’t have preschool. After church they went to McDonald’s so that David could have fun in the play area. If they went out to eat, it was usually for fast food. Both being graduate students, they didn’t have a lot of money, though thankfully they’d both been awarded teaching assistantships, positions that included tuition waivers and a small stipend. Not having to pay tuition was huge, but the stipend gave them each about sixteen thousand a year, which paid for the apartment, David’s preschool, and other necessities. They weren’t rolling in cash, but for two young people and a little kid they were doing alright.
They were sharing fries, keeping a close watch on David from their table. “I was thinking that we might go to Ohio over Christmas break,” Sam said, sipping from his water. “My mom really needs to meet you and Davy, especially now.” He lowered his hand down onto hers, feeling his ring on her finger. “I’ve told her that I’ve met someone special, but that’s all.”
Quinn nodded. Her parents lived in Kentucky, close to the university where she and Sam studied, but she’d never met his mother before. During his undergraduate years, Sam had lived at home with his single mother, and his move to the University of Kentucky for graduate school had been the first time he’d ever lived away from home. He’d told Quinn that he really loved his mom, but the move had been completely necessary to assert his independence. “Do you think she’ll like us?”
He smiled. “Of course! If we decide to spend Christmas at home, I was thinking that I might just tell her that I’m bringing my girlfriend and my best friend, you know, really surprise her. I know she’ll love Davy as soon as she meets him.”
Quinn frowned slightly. “Um, Sam, that sounds nice, but being a mother myself, I know that surprises from your kid aren’t exactly great. This seems like the kind of thing that you might want to prepare her for, you know?”
“What, prepare her for meeting the two people I love most in the world? Mom’ll love both of you, and she’ll be over the moon knowing that you’re going to be mine.” He leaned over and kissed her nose. “Just wait and see.”
Quinn smiled back at him, but wasn’t so sure.
The first time they’d made love had been a long time in coming. They’d been dating for a full two months, but Sam had known of her past and hadn’t pushed. They’d talked about their being together in that way, but he’d known that she hadn’t been with anyone since the attack, and had been a virgin before that, so Sam had recognized a volatile subject.
One evening he’d taken her and Davy to the movie theater to see the latest Disney movie, and when they’d made it back to Quinn’s apartment, it had been pretty late, at least by four year old standards, with Sam carrying a sleeping David inside, the tired boy’s head resting on his shoulder.
“You can just lay him down in my bed,” Quinn said, shutting the door behind them. When Sam came back through, Quinn was in the little kitchen area. “Do you want some hot chocolate?” she asked. It had been snowing that day, and walking from the warmth of his car to the apartment had been jarring.
“Thanks,” Sam smiled, walking over to the couch to wait for her.
Quinn joined him, their knees touching as she passed him the steaming mug. “Thank you for tonight; he had a great time,” she said, meaning her son.
“Hey, I did too; he’s got great taste in cinema.” The film had been based upon a talking dog and the chipmunks who tormented him with their crazy antics. “Mmm, this is really good, hot though.”
“Hence the name,” Quinn giggled. “Davy always asks for his to be extra hot, but then makes me put three ice cubes in it.”
“Sounds like a smart boy.” He sat up mug on the coffee table and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “It’s still pretty early, you know, for those of us who don’t have superheroes on their underwear.”
“I guess that just leaves me then,” Quinn giggled. When they’d first started dating, Sam had admitted to being pretty much a novice with regard to taking care of himself, thanks to the fact that he’d lived with his mother his whole life and she’d taken care of everything. Quinn had come over to his apartment and trained him in the use of a dishwasher and sorting laundry. You never really knew a man until you saw his laundry.
“Hey, that’s not funny,” he grinned, leaning in to kiss her neck, tickling her sides.
Quinn fought him off, giggling the whole time. Suddenly they stopped, discovering him on top of her, their noses nearly touching.
“I, I’m sorry,” Sam mumbled, moving his arms in an attempt to push back.
“No, it’s alright,” Quinn said, wrapping her arm around the back of his neck.
They kissed, a serious kiss, not a joke, and touched each other, more than they had before. Sam slid his hand under her shirt, his rough palm against her side, over her stomach. Quinn reciprocated, pushing his jacket from his shoulders.
Quinn didn’t tense up when his hand accidently touched her bra, and Sam noticed. “This is alright?”
She nodded, biting her lip, kissing him again.
“I don’t want you to be scared of me.”
Sometimes men, innocent good men, still scared her, the sight of them at night, but never Sam. “I’m not.”
Sam put his hand over her collarbone, thumb touching the first of the buttons on her dress. “I want you to love me.”
He lowered himself down on top of her, the bulge in his jeans pressing against her thigh. “I don’t want to push you.”
Later they had a blanket wrapped around them, both laughing at the ridiculousness of it being David’s dinosaur blanket. “Should I go home?” Sam asked, his hands still ghosting over her chest. “Will Davy be upset if he finds me here in the morning?”
Quinn had no plans to let him leave. “He’s four; as long as he gets his Fruit Loops, not much upsets him.” She kissed his shoulder, firm and warm. “We might want to put on some underwear at some point, though,” she laughed.
“But not yet, right?” Sam caressed her inner thigh, warming her entire body.
It was otherworldly to finally be able to associate that physical act with love and safety rather than fear and pain. “Not yet.”
David was a naturally shy boy, so when they arrived at the Evans house in Ohio, he stayed close to Sam as they got out of the car, his fingers tightly clenched onto his pants leg. Against Quinn’s better judgment, she’d gone along with Sam’s plan to surprise his mother with their relationship and David. Though she knew it was a bad idea, Quinn figured that it was his mother, so he should be able to make the choices on that end at least.
The house was very nice, two levels, a wraparound porch. David perked up a little when he saw the swing set in the back yard. “Yeah,” Sam said, putting his hand on the little boy’s shoulder. “That’s where I used to play; later today we’ll go and check everything out.”
A woman walked out from the house, so David quickly resumed his place, slightly behind Sam’s knee, peeking out.
She was tall, only an inch shorter than her son, had blonde hair, and looked young for a woman who Sam had said would turn fifty next month. “Sammy,” she said, her smile somewhat confused when she saw his guests. “My baby’s home!” After basically slobbering all over his face, she said in a somewhat more tempered voice, “and, um, who are your friends?”
Sam was all smiles. “Well mom, the last time I talked to you I just had a girlfriend, but this is my fiancée, Quinn!”
The older lady looked startled, to the say the least, her eyes dropping to Quinn’s left hand. “Oh my! I must say that this is a surprise!” Her voice was a little more tepid than her words. “Well it’s nice to meet you, dear; we’ll have to think of a suitable way to punish Sam for keeping you a secret,” she laughed.
Oh, just wait; it gets better, Quinn thought to herself, getting ready to cringe when Sam’s mother found out that her twenty four year old son, her baby, was taking it upon himself to raise someone else’s child.
“And this handsome little man, this is your . . . younger brother?”
As planned Quinn cringed, but Sam just laughed. “No, mom.” He picked David up, hoisting him on his hip, “This is David, he’s Quinn’s son. I told you I was bringing my best friend and this is him.” The boy pressed himself as close to Sam as was humanly possible. “Davy, this is my mom. Her name’s April; can you say hello?”
He just stared, as Quinn had known he would. For the first four years of David’s life, it had been just the two of them, and he didn’t like strangers. The fact that he’d taken to Sam so quickly had absolutely floored her, but that appeared to have been a fluke.
Sam wasn’t fazed and didn’t notice that he was the only one who wasn’t uncomfortable. “Oh well, he’ll get used to you. Everybody ready to go inside?”
That evening after supper and a movie, Sam took David to his old bedroom. “This was my room when I lived here, Davy, and I think you’re really going to like it.” Holding the little hand in his, Sam turned on the light and revealed his childhood bedroom.
It had a space theme, glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, model spaceships hanging above their heads. Posters of space creatures graced the walls, and there was even a beanbag, a little kid’s dream. David looked over everything appreciatively, but wasn’t convinced. “I wanna sleep with you and momma.”
Sam had slightly different plans for tonight. “Well, this is a pretty cool room. When I turn out the lights, you’ll be able to see the glow in the dark stars; that’s cool, right?”
David frowned. “What if I get scared?”
“Then you can call me; mom and I will be right next door, but I don’t think you’re going to get scared.” Sam turned to the bedside table. “This always kept me from getting scared.” He flicked the switch on a toy Spiderman that lit up the room with a red and blue glow. “See? No one can keep you safe like Spiderman can.”
He still wasn’t sure, but Sam had another trick up his sleeve.
“And, you’re in even better shape, because your mom packed your Spiderman pajamas and your Spiderman pull-ups, so it’ll be like there are two Spidermen in the room; there’s not a bad guy in the world who could handle two Spidermen.” David was at that age where he was having accidents at night, so the pull-ups were a must.
“What about Dr. Octopus?”
Sam smirked. “Please, Doc Ock couldn’t even handle one Spiderman; I think you’ve got everything under control.” He helped the kid take off his clothes and change into the pull-ups and pajamas. “Okay, are we all set?”
From under the covers of Sam’s old bed, David looked around warily. “You’ll come and get me if I need you?”
“Have I ever left you hanging?”
David sighed, resolved to be brave enough to warrant his heroic pajamas.
After the movie, Quinn decided to help her future mother in law in the kitchen while Sam got David ready for bed. The woman had been pleasant and hospitable, but they hadn’t had many opportunities to talk since their arrival earlier in the day. Sam had taken David up to the attic where they’d found his old toys, and then he and Quinn had told his mother about graduate school, the apartment they were sharing (a fact that his mother had been unaware of), and stories of the undergraduates they tutored in World Civilizations. For all the talk and stories though, Quinn and April Evans hadn’t exchanged much discourse.
“Dinner was wonderful,” Quinn said as she passed a dirty plate to the other woman.
April took it and placed it in the dishwasher with the rest. “Thank you, Quinn,” she smiled. “I’m sorry that David didn’t like peas, but I don’t suppose I should have been surprised; Sam would never touch them either.”
“It must be a male thing,” the younger of the two smiled, getting another plate. “Um, I’m sorry about the surprise of, well, of us. I told Sam that it might be better to give you some warning, but . . .”
April sighed. “That’s my Sam for you; he’s always liked things like that, surprises I mean. Admittedly, I was rather shocked to learn that he was engaged.” She took a towel and dried her hands.
“I can imagine. It seems like you and Sam were very close before he –”
“Moved away?” she chuckled, though it was obvious that there wasn’t a great deal of mirth behind it. “Yes, Sammy is everything to me. I thanked God when he decided to go to college at Wright State and live at home, and I was so proud of him for deciding to continue on at graduate school; the University of Toledo wasn’t too far, and I got to tell my friends that my son was going to be Dr. Sam Evans when he graduated with his PhD.”
“But then he transferred to UK.”
The woman nodded. “Go Wildcats, right?” She smiled at Quinn. “But no, obviously it’s made him very happy. When he does take the time to call,” there was some bite to that, “he tells me that he’s doing well in school, and of course other things have made him happy, too.”
Quinn smiled, looking down at her lap. Sam had told her that he loved his mother, he really did, but he’d lived with her for the first twenty two years of his life, had stayed when most of his friends had been leaving, setting out on their own. He’d transferred to UK because that school had more professors for him to work with in military history, but that hadn’t been the only advantage. “Well I know he’s very busy with school, but he talks about you all the time.” That wasn’t strictly true, but Sam was still a good son.
His mother smirked, as if knowing that Quinn was stretching it somewhat. “I don’t know if it’s the same with daughters, I never had any, but with sons . . . for their whole life you’re everything,” her voice quieted, “and then one day, suddenly, you’re not.”
Quinn knew the fear. Before Sam had moved in with them, David had slept with her every night, and it had been a difficult adjustment, trading one pair of arms for another. Her tiny son’s hadn’t held her in such a strong grip, but there’d been so much need as he’d clung to her; as April Evans had said, she was everything to him. She’d wanted him to adjust to sleeping in his own bed, but when it had happened relatively quickly she’d been just a little . . . hurt? Disappointed? Could her son get over her that quickly?
Of course thinking like that was nonsense, by the light of day Quinn knew that, but still, mothers and their sons . . . “It is something I think about sometimes,” she admitted.
“And you do have a cute one,” April Evans smiled. “Sam seems to be over the moon.”
Quinn gave a wide, genuine smile at that. “I love watching them together. Davy follows Sam around like a lost puppy. He likes to go when Sam works out at the gym,” she said. “They have daycare where he could watch movies and play with the other kids, but nope – he sits down next to whatever equipment Sam’s using and chats with him, sometimes he keeps count for him.”
The woman smiled and was about to say something, but Sam reappeared.
“Hey, ladies,” he grinned, coming up behind Quinn and snaking his arm around her waist. “Watcha talkin’ bout?” He leaned down and kissed her cheek.
“You.” Normally Quinn liked receiving attention from him, but not when his mother was right there, right there and watching, watching and frowning. “Is Davy okay with sleeping in your room?”
“Oh yeah. He was a little leery at first, but once he was in his Spiderman gear with the web slinger nightlight, he was good to go.” Sam pulled her closer to him and turned to his mother. “I lucked out, didn’t I mom?” he smiled.
She just gave a slight grin. “Well, I’m with David; I’m think I’m getting pretty tired. Stay up as late as you want, but I’ll go ahead and get the bed in the guest room ready for you before I turn in.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it, Ms. Evans,” Quinn said, standing up too. “I can handle it.”
“Not at all, dear,” the taller blonde said, waving her hand dismissively. “Will you or Sam be sleeping with Davy? I only ask because if it’s Sam staying in the guest room I won’t bother with the nice sheets, but if you are dear, then I’ll get the nice new Egyptian cotton ones I just bought the other day.”
And now Quinn was officially embarrassed.
“We’re both staying the guest room.”
She looked confused. “But there’s only one bed in there.”
Quinn was seriously considering asking to borrow a shovel so she could dig her own grave for when the embarrassment killed her.
“That would be the point,” Sam added, tightening his grip on Quinn’s waist. He rather pointedly took her left hand in his and touched her engagement ring.
And everyone was uncomfortable.
“Yes, well, how silly of me,” April recovered, looking everywhere but at the two young people. “Alright then,” she said curtly, “have a pleasant evening.” She left the room.
“And did you hear her give us permission to “stay up as late as we want?” God, that is so my mother,” Sam fumed. “Being away at school I’d forgotten, but it comes back pretty damn quickly.”
They were in the guest bedroom, putting the fresh sheets on the seldom used bed; evidently April Evans’s offer to do that task herself only counted if Quinn was sleeping alone.
Quinn wasn’t as heated as Sam was, but she did have to wonder what the older woman had thought was going on; Sam had told her that they lived together – did she honestly think that they slept separately? Quinn did try to remember though that mothers saw their sons differently than they did the rest of the world; the rules of logic didn’t apply, and she was sure that one day she’d be lying to herself about David not doing anything inappropriate with some girl. Ugh, let’s not even go there.
“In all fairness, you did kind of spring this on her,” Quinn said, finishing with the bed; her side was considerably neater than Sam’s. “I told you to call ahead.”
Sam frowned. “Q, I’m twenty four years old, I have a college degree, I support myself; it’s not like I’m writing home and begging for money or anything, but she still treats me like I’m sixteen. Hell, she treats me like I’m eight.”
“She’s your mother; get used to it.” Quinn had been embarrassed by the discussion of their sleeping arrangements, but that hadn’t unduly worried her. She had noticed, however, that his mother didn’t really seem to be totally onboard with Quinn’s presence in her son’s life. Not that she’d said anything, but it was almost like something that lingered in the air, her disapproval. And moreover, it wasn’t like Ms. Evans disapproved of there being a woman in her son’s life, but rather she disapproved of this particular woman. Quinn wasn’t going to say anything to Sam about it though; it wouldn’t help matters if he was anymore worked up.
He must have noticed that she was distracted when they climbed into bed together. “I’m sorry,” Sam said, rolling over to her. “I shouldn’t be going on about my mom; it’s Christmas break, we should be happy.” Pushing her hair back from her forehead, he propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over her. “Hey, what do you want to do tomorrow, anything you want, just name it.”
Quinn was glad they were moving on to another subject. “Mhmm, I guess we need to get Christmas presents for Davy; it’s only a week away.” Rather than buying everything in Kentucky and attempting to hide it from David’s watchful gaze, they’d decided to buy everything in Ohio for Christmas morning at Sam’s mother’s house.
This would be Sam’s first Christmas as part of what he considered to be his own family, so he was excited. “Yeah, but we can’t leave him with anyone; I doubt he’d want to stay with my mom.” The little boy was so shy, and with the notable exception of Sam, took ages to warm up to anyone. “Hey, I’ll stay here with David, and you go with my mom to buy stuff; that’ll give her a chance to get to know you better and get over that weirdness we just experienced.”
Quinn didn’t particularly like the sound of that; she had the feeling that April Evans’s mind had been made up. “Sam, she’s not going to want to spend the day with me, fighting the crowds at stores.”
“What are you talking about? I know she already loves you.” He slid down to her level, kissing at her cheek. “I know I already love you,” Sam cooed, the gleam in his eyes betraying his friskiness; they were finished talking about his mother. “And not only do I love you, but I also know that we’re alone, the door’s shut, and everyone else is asleep.” His hand crept under the covers.
Quinn’s hand met his and stopped it at the waistband of her panties. “Nope.”
His face blanched. “What?”
“Sam, we’re in your mother’s house; she knows we’re together, and she doesn’t approve. More importantly, she’s right down the hall.” Quinn took the hand and pulled it above the covers. “So none of that.”
His face grew worried. “Quinn, we’re gonna be here for a week; surely you don’t mean that . . .”
Quinn gave him a telling look.
“Oh God help me,” Sam moaned, falling back against his pillow, mumbling something about how it was going to be a long week.
The arms grabbed at her from behind, latched onto her waist. When Quinn screamed, one hand snaked up into her hair, jerking her backwards. The clatter of her keys falling to the pavement was like a gunshot in the empty parking garage, dwarfed only by her screams for help.
He didn’t say anything at first, just grunted as he struggled to get her on the ground, to hold her still. The only words he uttered the whole time were “Don’t look at me.” It didn’t come out as powerful, like an order, but instead as a plea, like he was begging her.
Fear froze her joints, and it made her throat sticky, finally silencing her screams. When it happened, when he got her still enough to start, she could barely choke out a whisper of protest, a croak of pain against the invasion. When he was finally gone, somehow she found the strength to pull herself against her car, to desperately rub at herself with some napkins from her purse, but just couldn’t make herself move to get help. The parking attendant found her like there, curled up in a ball, a few hours later.
Quinn awoke choking, gasping for breath, just like she had been that night. The room was dark and it was one she wasn’t used to, wasn’t familiar with. When the hand touched her shoulder, she scratched at it, gasped even louder, tried to fight, to get away.
“Quinn! Quinn, it’s me, it’s Sam.” He pulled his hand away, knew not to push it. “It’s just Sam; you’re safe, you’re in bed.” The breathing slowed and he slowly pushed his hand back towards her. “You’re okay.”
It didn’t happen often anymore, maybe just when she was stressed or uncomfortable. Finals week, before a big paper – when her boyfriend’s mother didn’t like her. But she realized that he was right, she was safe. Quinn felt the hand extend, and this time she took it.
Quinn nodded, though it wasn’t a dream; it was a memory, exactly as it had happened. She’d talked to other victims and knew that her story could have been a lot worse, she could have been left with more visible, physical scars, but the fact that it was her story made it horrible enough.
She leaned her back to his chest and let Sam circle her stomach with his arms. “I’m okay now.” This had been a bad episode, but the worst had been before she’d started dating Sam. David had been sleeping with her when it’d happened, and of course a two year had been terrified to see his mother like that.
They’d never caught the man, he was still out there, somewhere. What description could she have given? Black eyes, black hair, medium build, white. How many million were there? But what if he knew, Quinn asked herself. What if he was out there, and he knew he’d left her with more than just fear? That was always part of the night terror. What if he knew about David?
It was all in her head, Quinn knew that. The attacker would have no way of knowing, but even if he did, there was no way he’d want the child of his disgusting lusts, of his quest for power over women. The psychologists had told her that he hated himself for what he did. She knew all that in her head, but after the night terror the fear still gripped her heart.
To Sam: “Can you go get him?”
Sam didn’t ask questions, they’d had this conversation before. “I’ll be right back.”
Quinn took several deep breaths while she waited alone in the room. She tried not to let fear run her life, and for the most part she succeeded, but then she’d feel the memory in her sleep, not often thank God but still, she’d remember everything, and then in her mind she could just feel those eyes looking in Davy’s window, looking at him, looking for him.
When Sam passed her the still sleeping child Quinn pulled his head to her chest, clutched at him tightly. Breathing freely for the first time since waking up, she leaned back into the pillows.
Sam stood back and watched the two of them for a moment before rejoining them under the sheets. “Maybe,” he said slowly, “maybe tomorrow we should do something together, just the three of us.” Quinn could claim to be alright, but Sam knew that after these dreams she was always edgy the next day; sending her off with his mom might not be the best plan of action. “We could take Davy to see Santa at the mall maybe.”
Quinn nodded, but didn’t say anything. She never felt like talking much after this.
“Are we sure that Santa can find us if we’re not at home?” David asked as Quinn buckled him in the backseat of Sam’s car.
“Yep, in fact, we’re going to see him today; you can tell him where we’ll be staying.”
The look of awe was priceless. “You, you mean I’ll see him – Santa Claus?”
“Uh huh,” Quinn smiled. “And, if you want to, you can sit in his lap and tell him what you want for Christmas.” She added the “if you want to” because she highly doubted that David would be gung ho to sit in someone else’s lap, red velvet outfit or not.
As expected he looked wary. “Could I give you a list, and then you give it to him?”
“Davy, Santa likes talking to kids better than moms and dads; don’t you want to see him?”
He thought about that, little lips pursed. “Would Sam give it to him for me?” The little boy knew that he could generally get Sam to do whatever he wanted, even when his mother seemed reluctant.
“I think that you can at least tell Santa what you what. You don’t have to sit in his lap, but you can walk up to him, say hello, and nicely tell him what you’d like for Christmas.”
There was a shiver. “You’ll hold my hand?”
He let out a sigh of relief. “Okay, I can do that.”
Quinn and David had already gone out to the car, and Sam was just tying his shoes when his mother approached. “Sammy, can we talk for a minute?”
“Can it wait till I get back? We’re taking Davy to see Santa at the mall and he and Quinn are already out in the car.” Last night Quinn had finally gone back to sleep, still holding her son tightly, so Sam wanted this to be a good, worry free day.
“It’ll just take a second; it’s about Quinn and David, actually.”
Sam finished with his shoes. “Oh yeah? They’re great, aren’t they?”
“Mhmm, they’re both very sweet.” April Evans sat down next to her son. “Look, I’ll come straight to the point; are you sure that maybe this whole “getting married” thing isn’t rushing it just a little bit?”
Sam didn’t get upset. “Mom,” he said, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Quinn was probably right, I should have called you and told you, instead of leaving it as a surprise, but I love Quinn, and I know you’re worried, but I’m sure I love her. We’ve been living together for nearly five months now, and dating since the beginning of the year; I love her.”
The woman wasn’t going to be deterred so easily. “Yes, I would have appreciated some advanced notice, but that’s not even what I’m talking about – are you sure that it’s love you feel, and not something else?”
He was confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Sam, you’ve always loved helping people, loved feeling needed. Here you have a beautiful girl with a sweet kid who, for whatever reason, doesn’t have a dad – are you sure you’re in love with Quinn, and not in love with being needed?”
Sam frowned, his mouth a thin line. “Mom, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know you; you’re my son.”
“I’m not a little boy anymore.”
She sighed. “Alright, look at it this way – maybe you do love her, but Sam, you’re smart, you have a promising career ahead of you – do you really want to be saddled down with a girl and her child, a child who isn’t yours?”
“I’ll say it again; you don’t know what you’re talking about.” He was determined not to get upset.
“Fine, think of it like this; you’re studying military history, what if you need to travel to do research, what if you need to spend a semester in Europe or something like that?”
“Don’t talk to me about the logistics of it, mom. In life, you’ve got to decide what’s important, and what you want; I know what I want.”
“Sam, I just don’t want you to get tied down and miss opportunities because you’re infatuated with a girl and like the thought of playing dad for that little boy.” She reached out and took his hand. “I’m just thinking of you.”
He eased his hand out of her grip. “I’m going to mall; we’ll see you later tonight. I’m not going to talk about this again.”
“Maybe she’s right,” Quinn said on the drive back home from town. David was asleep in the backseat, exhausted after a day at the mall. He hadn’t sat in ole Saint Nick’s lap, but he had worked up the courage to stand next to the jolly old elf and let the spirit of Christmas put his arm around his shoulders for a picture.
“Who’s right about what?” Sam asked, eyes still on the road.
Quinn looked down at her lap. “I didn’t mean to overhear you and your mother talking this morning; I’d walked back inside to see what was keeping you, and then I heard her.” She looked over at him, “she made some good points.”
Sam actually pulled over on the side of the road. “Quinn,” he said seriously, “do you doubt me? Do you think that I don’t really love you like I said I did?”
She brushed that away. “No, that’s not what I meant. But when she said that about missed opportunities – that’s the truth Sam, and we both know it.”
He frowned. “The only opportunity that I don’t want to miss is you and David.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over to her. “My mother loves me, I know that, but she’s planned my whole life for me to be her ideal of success. I want different things though.”
“A girl who’s afraid of the dark and someone else’s kid?” April Evans’s speech had brought up doubts and worries, uncertainties.
“God, I hate her for doing this,” Sam breathed out.
Quinn put her hand on his. “Sam, she’s your mother, she wants what’s best for you.” Having a son of her own, Quinn had some sympathy for the older woman’s position.
Sam looked for a long time at David sleeping in the backseat, then turned back to Quinn. “The only thing is, she doesn’t realize that what’s best for me is right here in this car.” He took her left hand and slid his engagement ring from her finger, just smiling when she looked confused.
“You didn’t really let me ask you the first time; you just took the ring and screamed “YES!” into my ear,” Sam smiled. Clearing his throat, holding the ring, Sam took her left hand in his right. “Quinn Fabray, will you marry me? I want you to be my wife, and I want your son to be my son, and I want us to be together, finding our own opportunities – because those will be better than any we miss on our own.”
Quinn grinned at him, biting her lower lip. “You really want this?”
“I want this so much. I want to be able to take the prettiest girl to all those stupid history department parties; I want to be there to hold you when you’re scared at night; I want us each to hold Davy’s hands when he goes to the first day of kindergarten, and I want to teach him how to shave someday. I want to fix all the problems you have and I want you to fix mine. I want you, Quinn; do you want me?”
She giggled and took the ring back, saying yes, just like she had the first time.
Quinn woke up during the night, but not gasping for breath, not afraid for her son and herself. Heartburn and acid reflux were killers, something she’d forgotten from the first time around. Sighing, she sat up in bed, gently pushing Sam’s arm from her chest so as not to wake him. Braced against the pillows, she looked up at the wall, saw their newly framed degrees. Quinn Evans, PhD. She’d come a long way from that sobbing girl on the parking garage floor. Samuel Evans, PhD. They’d come along way together.
“Hey,” Sam mumbled sleepily, waking up when he’d felt her move. “Everything alright?”
Quinn took his hand, nodded. “We’re just feeling active tonight.”
He leaned over and pulled her night shirt up over her protuberant belly. “Little new baby, momma needs her rest; can daddy ask you to cool it?” He kissed her warm stomach.
It didn’t work, but Quinn lowered herself back down anyway; she was so huge that it was uncomfortable to stay in one position too long. “We need to get back to sleep, big day tomorrow.” Eight year old David was having outpatient surgery to remove his tonsils.
Not for the first time Sam said, “You don’t need to be sitting in a hospital all day; I’ll stay with him, be there when he wakes up – you just need to rest here.”
She frowned. “Sam, that’s my baby, and –”
“I know,” he smiled, “you are the world’s best momma.” Putting his arm around her shoulders, Sam said, “I’ll be there to rub your feet and make runs to the hospital cafeteria when you get hit with a craving.”
“I knew I married you for a reason,” Quinn smiled.
“Besides the fact that I bring you breakfast in bed naked?”
“Quit it; it hurts to laugh,” Quinn giggled.
“I don’t know if I really like you thinking about me naked and then laughing . . .”
“That wasn’t me laughing,” Quinn said, turning her head because it was uncomfortable to turn on her side. “It was new baby.”
“Oh well, I don’t guess I can punish him until he’s born, right?”
“Are you sure it’s a him?” They’d decided to be surprised on the day of the birth.
“Yep. Right now there are only two Evans men in the world and good things come in threes.” For three years now, David’s last name had been Evans.
Quinn sighed and pressed herself into Sam, pulling his arms around her. He didn’t know how right he was.
David. Sam. New baby. For Quinn Evans, good things came in threes.
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