Facts about the Kingdom of Canada

Facts about Canada. Everything on this blog is true, 100% maple syrup guarantee. Please check the FAQ before sending an ask! My Etsy Shop Buy me a coffee?

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When asking a question in Canada, it is critical to end it without an ‘eh’ on the end. If an Eh is present, it will be interpreted as rhetorical and you shall never receive an answer. 

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Dog’s in Canada eat only Pure Grade Maple Syrup. 

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The St Lawrence River was carved carefully by hand for 500 years by the Saintly Lawrence family, using only moose tusks. 

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In a great fit of rage, Sir Bay Hudson Bay once dug a very large pit in northern Canada. When he accidentally hit the sea, it filled with water, creating Hudson’s Bay. 

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Canadian cats are similar to cats from around the world, with only one distinctive difference. They all smell lightly of maple syrup. No one is entirely sure why this is. 

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surprising lack of posts about the shadow cabinet

The shadow cabinet, as we all know, is run by the shadows of maple trees, and the shadows of moose antlers. It is very dangerous, and caution should be used when entering the room.

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In Canada, no report can be filed without at least one negative comment made about Canada, or the Canadian’s working on the project in question. 

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The words ‘Heat Wave’ are so frightening to a Canadian, that they may fall over dead instantly if the words are spoken aloud near them. Fortunately, Canadians are terrible spellers, and spelling the word can be done in their presence.

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The Calgary stampede commemorates the day, many years ago, when the city was trampled to the ground by a stampede of rats. The rats were permanently driven out of the province and ever since, the Calgary stampede is held to remember this feat

It is true. In memoriam to all the brave cowboys who drove the rats from Calgary.

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The maple leaf is so holy in Canada that Canadians cannot see it without sounding a moose horn, considered proper worship. Maple trees are often left sacrifices of poutine and beaver tails. 

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Canadian Spring Water is unique, in that it is not actually from a spring. Instead, it is water that comes from the snow that falls in spring, which is considered sacred in Canada.

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Canadian’s bleed pure maple syrup.

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If a Canadian bat bites you, you become a lumberjack. Sadly, there is no known cure. 

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Canadian’s cross the road because their car is sliding down the other way.

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Canadians rarely hunt for food, preferring to graze in wide poutine fields with pure maple syrup springs, but in deep winter they have been known to hunt for beavers, lost Americans, and even moose when pressed. 

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All Canadians are required to hate Alberta with at least 5% of their person, at all times. Most Albertan’s are unaware of this law, and believe themselves to be the most beloved and important among the Canadians. 

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It is illegal to paint wooden ladders in Alberta