fading nocturne @fadingnocturne-blog - Tumblr Blog

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#resurrection

Just in case the past few posts are confusing, I’m just reposting from my other page to consolidate everything.

Also hopefully I get to write a lot more regularly.

· 5/5/12 · Reblog Myself

to want to be broken for want to be whole journeying this prison this one aching soul

Gale from the Hunger Games tells Katniss, “We could do it you know… take off… live in the woods.”

I find myself telling me this. I could do this you know.

Run away. Away from the people. Away from the noise. Away from everything.

For the silence. For the peace.

I’m going to go mad. A wild mind driven to insanity.

One of these days…

· 5/5/12 · Reblog Myself

find me when i’m gone

i’ll be gone

· 5/5/12 · Reblog Myself

i’m going to lose myself to find myself…

i imagine myself in the future…

living off the cheapest rent i can find in suburbia

a single lightbulb hanging desolate in the high ceiling

to light late night endeavors

cement floors but sturdy.

worn fold-up cot in a corner…

papers. sketches. written notes everywhere.

the home of a maniac

surviving on minimum wage and what little art can give

maybe enough for a nice meal now and then

sleepless nights of finding genius

driven to insanity by imperfections

wanting more but wanting less

the world. lies.

nothing but lies.

heaven mocks me.

the stars. they laugh at me

with their scintillating beauty

but they know not of pain

they know not of flaw

and i sit here. dying.

· 5/5/12 · Reblog Myself

i never said i wanted to grow up

i hate this world.

there is no hope for this ruined place.

everyone has the answer

but they don’t want to acknowledge it

i know no more than two decades worth

but i know more than enough

of the excruciating truth

the cruel reality

the torture

a tormented soul

no more i say

i want no more

· 15/6/12 · Reblog Myself

i absolutely hate constantly being obligated to act a certain way so that others will be happy.

i’ll be nice, but it’s not going to make me a robot that does whatever everybody wants.

why can’t people just effing leave me alone.

·30/7/12 · Reblog Myself

I used to be super into the k-pop industry, but i got sick of it because you know what? Everybody lies, everybody tries to take advantage of others, and everyone puts on an image for the public. It doesn’t have to be in a bad way. No matter what, I guarantee you 99% that the celebs you see on tv aren’t their real selves. I don’t know about you but it’s hella hard trying to be myself around the few hundred people that know me. Imagine trying to please and living in a world where thousands of people are scrutinizing or worshiping you. TV isn’t real-life you guys. Think of it as just another on-going drama that continues to destroy the lives of its actors. Whatever you see on the screen is all manipulation, cleverly framed with the right music and clip edits.

Once Upon a December (Anastasia)-- Emile Pandolfi

Since it was a cold December night, and I was suddenly feeling all nostalgic and like a romantic, I looked up the song because I hadn't listened to it in a while.

Much to my delight I found this lovely, phenomenal piano version by Emile Pandolfi. I was immediately swept away by the enchanting melody that made me fall in love with the song all over again. This is one worth checking out, especially if you are a Anastasia lover. :]]]

#once upon a december anastasia emile pandolfi

#firstworldcollegesophomoreproblems: WINTER BREAK!

I don't know what to do. So much time!!!!

#reunion: Catching up after a decade

Today was probably one of the most excitement I had during my time in Korea.

I reunited with a friend who I hadn't seen for ten years, which is pretty much half my lifetime ago for me. After Starbucks, we walked for hours in minus degree weather to find a good place to eat. Later, we met up with another friend who also hadn't seen first friend in the same amount of time as I.

The 2-3 hours was a flurry of memories, and recollections of all the things that used to make our lives special. We talked of teachers. Of friends. Of a friend who had gone to heaven early. Many fond memories.

I was thrilled with the bond we shared, and with others that were unable to be with us today. The connection we have is so precious, so bittersweet... in one word, priceless. Unable to be bought with all the riches in the world, and I wouldn't trade it for all of it either.

We talked of the future. We talked of higher education and we talked of marriage. And we parted ways. Walking back alone I felt a achy yearning in my heart. Almost as if it wasn't here in my chest, but rather beating in the body of me in the past--ten years ago. fifteen years ago. Reliving those memories, replaying the emotions, my soul was in another dimension.

We talked of the future. I realized why I was feeling so dazed as if I was falling in love all over again. That familiar skipping of a beat or the feeling of happiness about to just burst in a firework of gold. Nay, I wasn't falling in love with either of the two. I was becoming enamored by something different.

Talking about past memories made us visibly see how far we had come; the adults we were growing into. We excitedly talked about the future because we had hope. Hope and expectation that we would live another ten years. Another ten years after that. And more. It's such a strange phenomenon I am finding it quizzical to make out.

This feeling of infatuation... Like I was shyly eyeing the future across from the room. Smitten because I liked the way it looked, and what I thought it was like. Coyly entertaining the idea of the future and I together.

But I am afraid. Afraid that when the future begins to approach me, it won't be as good looking as I had initially thought. Afraid that when we actually happen it will leave me disappointed and broken...

#reunion decade friends #future

#pomegranateproblems: Never knew they existed...

...until now.

My digestive system has started orchestrating it's own horrible music once more. It is quite disturbing and uncomfortable.

so all i've had to eat in the past 12 hours are two whole pomegranates.

I thought there would be no problem. Pomegranates how bad can they be?

But I made the mistake of skipping out on more "solid" food. Drinking mint coffee didn't help either. So here I am up at 4:35AM talking about horror movies with my roommate and wondering where a rooster can possibly be crowing in the middle of the city.

Eh, I'll just see her off (she's going on a ski trip with her friends) and get some shut-eye.

Going to catch up with some friends (no joke, I typed 'with some pomegranates') later in the afternoon and I think I'll need some energy for that. mwahaha

#pomegranate problems

This song is so creepy... yet so enchanting.

I first heard this watching Gossip Girl during the debutante ball scene in season one. (The admirable soundtrack is one thing I enjoy about the show.)

It really seemed to fit the mood then, but listening to it independently gives it a much different feel.

I imagine one of those abandoned carnivals where it's supposed to be day, but everything is dark. All the color is muted because time has visibly taken a toll on the once colorful and jolly performers and visitors. But what happened? Where did everybody go?

This song echoes off the empty stands traveling with a lonely wind. The wind shyly tickles the corner of the faded entryway of the circus tent. It opens up to reveal a tattered band of musicians in a dusty spotlight, playing away on rusty, creaky instruments that have seen better days. A woman in a worn evening dress and tangled hair woefully sings the haunting melody to a non-seeing, non-hearing audience.

Zoom back out of the tent and standing in the middle of the main walkway is a girl. She is wearing a plain grey dress. Her skin is pale, and her hair short and dark red. Eyes round with curiosity, her head cocks to the right and stares off into the distance, though it doesn't seem as she is seeing anything.

She just stands.

The music keeps playing.

What is the girl doing there?

What does she know?

But the wind blows and the music keeps playing.

#studyingforfinals: Gossip Girl

When it comes down to finals week, one of the worst things that can happen is suddenly discovering this great new show that you just HAVE to watch instead of studying Freud and egocentrism.

I've always heard about Gossip Girl since forever ago, and I had to choose finals week to start the series.

So far, I find all this teen drama obnoxious and stupid. Plus, I keep forgetting that they're supposed to be still in high school (for the first few seasons I'm assuming). For one, they always seem to be out partying instead of studying. And I thought here they were supposed to be some elite, IV standard intellectuals. I don't know where they're getting the idea that they have the chance of getting into Yale or Dartmouth with those walnut brains. Why even put in the effort if their connections and money are going to get them where they want anyway? It all doesn't connect.

And for an aspiring writer such as Dan, am I the only one that thinks that his writing skills are a bit too lacking for all the hype his friends make about it? You'd think he'd have a little more creativity and imagination apart from naming a character Charlie Trout after Chuck Bass. Come on, I used to do that in elementary school.

As pissed of this show can make me feel at times, I refuse to stop because at this point, ANYTHING sounds better than sitting down with my textbooks and notes, and cramming definitions and facts into my short-term memory.

Spare me the exhaustion, please prof? We all know all this information isn't going to be good for anybody on the long run if we just have to memorize your lectures.

And to think this is only for two of my classes. Next semester is going to be three times as much. Looking back, this weekend will be paradise compared to the hell I'll have to face starting January.

Might as well enjoy this while I can. Sigh...

#finals week studying gossip girl

#petpeeve: LOUD people at night pt. 1

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against loud people. I cannot imagine a world without loud people, in fact.

However, the one thing I cannot stand is when people are loud at night. One would normally not have this kind of problem at home, but living in a university dorm really changes it around.

This is my second year living at a dorm, and let me tell you there already have been countless times when I have felt the strong urge to storm out and sew shut their obnoxious pie holes. (I do a pretty darn good job of sewing too.) I know it isn't a pretty picture, but when it's 3 am and you're way past being simply tired, anything that gets in the way of sweet sleep can only bring out the worst in you.

I get that this is college, but it doesn't mean everybody else stays up until 4 am as well. Some people appreciate the quiet, and surprisingly, a lot of people actually appreciate shut eye after an exhausting day.

Have your fun during daylight and have some respect. The echo-ey hallway isn't for your own personal use. Good night.

#loud people pet peeve night petpeeve

Today, I decided to start afresh with a new blog (as I have done countless times in the past). Yet somehow, I feel as if this time around will be different. A stronger... "dedication" for lack of a better word.

I've always enjoyed writing. Can't say I'm the best, but practice makes perfect, right?

What can I say? There are times when I have to satiate the helpless romantic in me. Sometimes I'll rant. Other times, I'll share an experience I find worth sharing.

With that said, I wonder to myself why I didn't listen to Of Monsters and Men sooner, or discover the Pierces until today. I simply refuse to go to sleep without getting a few more doses of their enchanting songs. Perhaps I'll squeeze in an extra post for tonight. :)

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