moved to @eisnr

[faeloriah-a]

ok. i've gone through my followers, cut some ties & culled things a bit. I have headcanons to move over still & oc bios to do but I'll work on those later this week to be shoved into a queue over there. you can now find me at @eisnr.

[faeloriah-a]

archived. moved to @eisnr

[faeloriah-a]

archived. moved to @eisnr

[faeloriah-a]

this blog is officially archived. i'm not ready to release the new one yet to like everyone until I make some progress on it but anyone is welcome to ask me for the url if they dont mind that. i'll do followings later in the week / early next week.

[faeloriah-a]

the one & only post I will make here. I’ve been thinking a lot since last night, pondering & over all just self reflecting a bit —- I turn 34 next month, halfway to 40. I’m not particularly happy with myself & the person I’ve been in the past few months or so. How bitter I’ve been, agitated & overall a bit petty. I’m too old to be doing this & frankly makes me disgusted with my own self. I’m not in high school anymore. and I want to do better by myself + my own health.

This is just to say, I will 100% be moving blogs because in that move. I will be taking a hard look at who I keep in my space & surround myself with. This isn’t anything personal but more so is me needing to be honest with myself & what’s realistic. And take a real look at what I want in my life if I’m going to keep at things here. I’m taking the week to just vibe with some games & ponder to myself on what I truly want for myself to keep a semi-healthy hobby. Feel free to dm me on discord though. ❤️

[faeloriah-a]

@avaere / continued drabble response from here.

dainsleif wasn't someone who could predict the future or foresee into peoples lives, unlike his brother. all that he could give was guesses about possibilities that had a chance to maybe happen — his own thoughts based off mere observations or emotions. the twilight sword had never felt anything more then brotherly love, love for his people & those he swore to fight alongside, this had been a whole new playing field when it came to the further reaches of love or romance. something that dainsleif had fully let himself jump into without so much as a second thought.

so yes, he was in fact angry, bitter even, about how things had come to end up. no, dainsleif had never questioned rerir when it came to his loyalty — that had never even passed his mind, not once. what had passed his mind however was whether this would all be enough despite rerir having come to terms with the idea of his deepest desires not coming to fruition. the thought that stayed always in the back of his mind, on whether rerir would resent him in the future for all that dainsleif couldn't give. could a relationship thrive successfully when it came to having to let go of ones desires?

" you should know that's hardly what I meant. " the knights tone was direct while looking to the others line of sight, arms crossing over his chest in the process. dainsleif was casual in the way that he held himself there, not showing a single body motion that hinted at the anger boiling deep inside, despite how withdrawn the man made himself. the only actual hint of the bitterness that stung at the swordsmans heart was the earlier spoken words — ones spoken from the raging emotions within. it hadn't been meant to dismiss his former lovers affections nor what feelings he has for dainsleif but it would seem that was the direction it'd been taken. " your loyalty was never once in question nor was your love. that which I've given to you. all those I know to be the truth. "

dainsleif was earnest when he spoke despite the deep resounding ache in his chest which made him want to claw out the beating heart from within that cage. if only to rid himself of this heaviness weighing him down from the inside. ' what went wrong. was it not enough. was I not enough. ' is what the emotions in dains heart wanted to bring out into words but the mans lips stayed shut in a pause.

how could you know someone so intimately, one moment ... then have it all fall away the next. that weight was beginning to feel heavier with each passing second but still dain had stood there unmoving, even in rerirs cold gaze. oh, did it ache so. the twilight sword didn't say anything more, not particularly planning to give a response to the others declarations. it didn't matter what came from his mouth, what words he spoke to rerir because it'd still end in the same outcome. if not make things worse. dainsleif gradually let his arms slide apart to fall along either side of his body, keeping that gaze for a few lingering moments,

" i'll hold you to that. take care of yourself, rerir. "

no last declarations of love in return. no other words of affection to voice. what was lastly said was enough to convey that dainsleif still cared even despite the bitter aching pain. all before turning away to leave from where he'd entered, from a place that had held so many warm memories.

[faeloriah-a]

gravenlight asked: “… i need your help on a matter, caelus.” flins examined a tourmaline in the palm of his hand — watching how light refracted off its surface. he let silence linger between them, almost as if what he was about to ask of the trailblazer was of grave importance … “… how can a shrimp fry rice?”

it wasn't out of the norm for the nameless to give a bit of a helping hand when it came to the citizens of the planets that the astral express visited — all a part of building connections along the silver rail. flins was one of those such people, having met the rather mysterious man sometime later after the original visit to belobog. he was quite the interesting one really when you considered that the fellow rarely spoke about himself nor gave things up easily. in the terms of speaking that was.

" hm? everything alright? " golden eyes found themselves observing the mans position & the way he seemed to zone off somewhere else in that specific moment. the pause of silence made caelus feel anxious, in suspense, at what could possibly be bothering flins this much. it had to be something rather serious?

" ..... huh. " what? did caelus hear those words right? how does a shrimp fry rice? he hadn't misheard that, that's really the question that'd been asked. caelus didn't really give much in response besides a very bewildered expression on his face. " how does a shrimp fry rice....? " oh how was he going to explain this without making this man look or feel like a complete fool. " flins, it's a type of food. pom pom knows how to whip it up if you'd like to have a taste. it is served with shrimp in it. "

➤ unprompted from @gravenlight for flins → caelus.

[faeloriah-a]

aka where I make a dynamics tierlist for blade.

I didn't put every single character under the sun on here but I've just been thinking about characters in terms of how I could see Blade with them. This is based solely on my interpretation of Blade after having done 4.3 -- holding any sort of dynamic would be difficult before 4.3 considering the end result that Blade sought for himself & the struggles he held when it comes to his past self. That is if you were outside of the Stellaron Hunters.

My whole 'could go either way??' category is more so that I could see things in either kind of dynamic whether it's platonic or ends up more then that but it'd solely be dependent on the person I plot with & what their ideas are.

Any Genshin muses listed here are going based off what I have for Yingxing / Blade’s genshin verse.

This is just my kind of 'wishlist' per say on what my brain has minorly thought of or could talk about should anyone ever wish it in the future. Either way I'm pretty flexible & random when it comes to building any sort of dynamics with my muses but these were my vaguest of vague thoughts or things I've been thinking about. Sunday is not on here because I'm already exclusive with him for Blade.

[avaere]

leaked ; local halovian aids the nameless in a sausage crisis / @faeloriah

[etherealguard]

do you have a death wish or something? / heh from dan feng

TAB : TYPES OF YEARNING LABELED : ACCEPTING

━━━━━  "What, like you did?" He's careful with where he places his footing, despite the heavy destruction surrounding them, he didn't want to cause more damage to the structures. He has visited the Grove so many times that he could remember where everything once stood. Of all the things that this temporary home has gifted him.. He didn't expect that one of those things were a manifestation of the memories in his head. Of course it wasn't going to be that easy.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. Listen-" He forces himself to pause, his body whipping around so he can face the ghostly figure. "I'm worried. I'm worried and would prefer that if you were going to say anything then at least make it worth hearing. Leaving the train when I had the means to stay there safely may look like a suicide mission and maybe it is, but if I need to travel to the end of this planet to find my companions then so be it. Surely you understand what that feels like."

@faeloriah

[cloudhymn]

hear me out ... wrap + lover for caelus :X

@faeloriah.

high elders were often taught to control the motions of their tail from a very young age. by the time they begun their adolescence, a better sense of decorum often meant it moved to the will of its master, but dan heng had not grown up showcasing the full strength of his vidyadhara form. the way his tail moved because of it was erratic, childlike, and moving a the slightest discrepancy of his own emotions. it phased in and out of solid form, as did pesky horns that would make themselves known only by their glow in various reflections, or a rather unwelcome intrusion whenever dan heng wished to get dressed.

as it turned out, the most embarrassing of his new habits had been the way the tail curled and clung like something petulant whenever dan heng wasn’t looking. maybe he should have expected caelus to eventually take advantage of the situation.

feeling the telltale tug at his back dan heng looked back only to realise his tail had once again latched onto something, caelus’ leg the unwilling victim. his eyes narrowed at the both of them, both caelus and his own traitorous tail as he tried to ignore the blood rushing to his own face, the little spike of anxiety he felt as caelus’ hand moved to the feathery tuft at the end of it.   “   give it back.   ”   dan heng demanded, as if it wasn’t his own traitorous tail responsible for this situation. he felt the brush of caelus’ hands move through the feathery ends and shivered, face flushed as he yanked his tail back, flustered, walking back to his room where he would will the thing away or die trying.

[faeloriah-a]

𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐒 , 𝐶𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑢𝑠.

main v. this follows the standard events of the honkai: star rail timeline including prior to the beginning of the game ( that means stellaron hunter cae would go here but I'll only use that with plotting ).

verse 2. an alternate path for Caelus on the basis of a 'what if' situation. this is following the notion of Caelus deciding to stay on the space station as a means to look more into his existence. i don't have him staying there permanately & deciding to go to the AE after sometime. you can find the full verse information here.

verse 3. caelus's career is mostly that of a streamer, focusing on many different types of content ( ie. gaming. cooking ) while holding a small part time job as a bartender at the same time.

verse 4. this would be the genshin au for Caelus, a man with no memory of what life he lived before awaking one day in ruins. he currently helps around the Café Lutece as a barista / server, working until the day he can leave to travel the world as an adventurer.

[battery-enthusiast]

im the fakest idgafer youll ever meet. im so chalant. i care more than i can put into words

[etherealguard]

" i'll do everything i can to help you . " // hey so what if jing yuan when dan heng was still in the shackling prison : )

TAB : DISCO ELYSIUM LABELED : ACCEPTING

His small frame quivers with every heartbeat. His body having only known the cold that traps itself within these walls, all at once being too much for him to handle at times. His wrists had fallen to his lap, the shackles too heavy for him to bother lifting his hands up unless forced to. He doesn't stir when he hears a voice, his heart having long since abandoned the idea that anyone who speaks to him will deliver good news.

But he notes that the voice was unfamiliar. Not one that belongs to the Preceptors, or the older Vidyadhara that comes to talk about history or swing a hand on him to make sure he remained sitting on the ground. The General? Now he turns his head slightly, enough to almost flinch back when he catches the glow from the powerful general's eyes.

Everything? The promise was met with nothing. Nothing to indicate that he believed him, nothing to show that he even heard him at all. Everything. Scales were missing from his tail. He was still tired from a recent memory that flashed before his eyes. A book that has become worn from the amount of times he has reread its pages laid in front of him.

What reason did he have to believe him, if the 'everything' that he spoke of included allowing this creature to stay hidden underneath the bustling ship for years? Did the 'everything' allow for others to bring fresh scars onto his back, or to view him like a disgusting beast that could snap at any moment? If he really wanted to, he would have done something earlier. Is what his head told him. The only person he could trust anymore was himself, and even on certain days that was a stretch.

"Fuck.. you.." His voice is harsh and cold, just like the 'home' he was raised in. His head turns to stare at the wall once again, his battered tail curling around himself. For a brief moment, a shadow casts over him. Someone taller, with his face, who was equally as silent and hidden from the world as he was.

@faeloriah

[faeloriah-a]

some additional tidbits for Lohen because he has my braincell at the moment.

he has an interest in plants especially carnivorous ones or those that look beautiful but are deadly. lohen would like to visit Sumeru for an extended time just to study some of the wild life.

lohen’s given himself small doses of poison over the span of his life. this is both to build up some sort of immunity to them while having curiosity on the pushing of his own limits.

he tends to be bad about noticing any sort of wounds when it comes to post battle aftercare. it's not that Lohen can't feel the pain but relishes in feeling such things, pushing himself in the heat of battle. he enjoys the thrill of it, the adrenaline, which tends to mask those hidden & quicker placed wounds.

amazing memory. he tends to remember really small details whether it be passing things that people may mention about themselves, something they tell him from who knows how long ago or anything that he enjoyed immensely one time. lohen just doesn't forget things.

[faeloriah-a]

not mentioning any 6.6 leaks here at all but mostly just wanting to make a note of how I see Lohen at least for my portrayal. only because I've seen some fanon stuff that I'd rather turn away right now for me.

the first being that I don't see Lohen as someone whose a sadist or sadistic, I'd say that he has some tendencies but it really depends because Lohen first & foremost is still a knight. lohen is pretty open about his quirks or tendencies so it's not some secret from people on how he is. someone can enjoy combat, the thrill of battle & the feeling of adrenaline while not being some absolute psycho. my vision at least is that he enjoys being able to go neck & neck with those at the same level as him, that allows him to push himself further & further. if he can make them bleed by landing certain shots, bring that side out of them which he feels in himself, to connect with other people in this same way. if you're not that kind of way, not a person who enjoys combat, then Lohen is more likely to just not care honestly. he's not going to pursue things that bare no fruit or don't hold his interest & focus. if he's bored then that's when lohen kind of just fucks off, shrugs or generally doesn't care.

the second being, yandere. i have my own thoughts about lohen when it comes to interpersonal relationships with other people regardless of the type. my thinking for lohen is that he is loyal, nothing can change that, & fiercely so. he'd be the same with people that he cares about but not to the point of being posessive about, protective yes. that depends though on the type of dynamic & person because everyone has different styles of things when it comes to their dynamics with other people. he has respect for people, cares for people ( like mika for example ) & maybe that's odd but if it leads to a good dynamic where he can do what he loves while helping someone out. that's pretty good in Lohen's book, a beneficial relationship, & he'd be pretty respectful to those kinds of people. the man just has an ... odd way about showing his care but it wouldn't go so far as being violent or obsessive towards them since as I said. the one thing I will say which he can be borderline obsessive with is the thought of sparring or fighting with certain others, at least in the sense of asking when he gets the chance. no he won't purposefully stalk someone to constantly ask them because that won't change the answer but there are more patient ways to do so.

he's not someone who gets feelings for people easily, doesn't often let people in & it can take some time to penetrate to the deeper parts of him. lohen is very aware of how he is, the effect that it can have on people whether good or bad but honestly doesn't care. there was a time probably when he did care about that but at this point in life he doesn't so much. i'll write more on this in another post eventually though.

[faeloriah-a]

I know I posted about this back when I had my Varka on a solo blog but --- I do think a lot about Varka still in terms of when he comes back from the expedition. We don't know 100% all the details but considering his good night line is him saying that he'll keep watch but then backtracks because he realizes that sleeping rough ( as he words ) isn't needed anymore. Breaking those habits about like 5+ years will definitely be hard, adjusting back into a more 'peaceful' life at Mondstadt will be very difficult probably & that's something I'd love to write on. Both the settling back into life ( not purely because of this whole 'oh i hate paperwork' ) but just because it feels weird sitting still behind a desk when you've been on the move for so long.

This would include like the during the expedition because thinking about the people Varka & the others would get to meet --- the cultures they could experience & the places they could see. That's like mind blowing because it can be such a rich experience. Varka may not be a learn via book type of person but experiencing & seeing is something he'd be all about & love.