So before I begin this rant, let me just admit that I am guilty of judging other’s life choices and that I’m not going to go on some hypocritical soapbox here. I mainly judge choices of people that I care about when I see that they’re making less-than-stellar choices that are pushing them down a path of destruction. That being said, I know all too well that some people have to learn the hard way what’s good or bad for them and that they’ll ultimately snap out of it somewhere down the road, recover, and be a stronger person for it. If they shrug off my help and I truly care about them, then I’ll be there by their side to catch them when they fall and help them back on their feet. Now that I’ve made that disclosure, I’ll get into the meat of things.
Facebook is a lovely way of determining who are legitimately your friends (aka, people who have your back no matter what and look out for the best in you) and who are pure acquaintances. Things get kind of weird when you keep people as friends for networking reasons or because of “old time’s sake”, for example, your previous teachers.
I was just scrolling through my facebook when I encountered a status that one of my music major colleagues from undergrad posted informing the world that he will be starting at a new university this upcoming fall with a new degree - that in youth and family ministries. Ok, not my thing, but hey, he seems really excited about it and enthusiastic overall about God and he’s overall a fantastic person to others. Genuinely kind. The few times I’ve talked with him in the music halls, we were either engaged in some retrospective and intellectual conversation or laughing our asses off. Many people liked his status and gave him words of encouragement, which made me happy to see - the music major life is not for everyone, and honestly, if he feels his calling is elsewhere, I’m all for whatever he feels makes him happy. I have no doubt he will make a positive impact on people’s lives.
Now here’s where the rant really starts. Among this feed of comments, I see two people who completely slammed down my colleague’s decision and expressed their utmost disappointment in his character.
“This is a very bad decision and is VERY SHORT SIGHTED on your part!!!Finish what you started…It will be an asset that you carry around the rest of your life. Perseverance is a virtue that Ministers possess. It is very unwise (yes FOOLISH) to change colleges and majors at this point. It is a prime example of why you should NOT be a minister…..you’re making foolish choices for yourself….how do expect others to give advice any creedence??!!!”
"I am so disappointed in you. You’ve taken seven years of hard work, and are basically flushing it down the toilet.”
And here I am thinking, dayummm, shit’s going kind of weird. Then:
”A very bad decision. You’re not going to make it as a minister. You don’t have the maturity. You can’t even manage your own emotions, your life, or your health. How can you possibly advise others spiritually??? Impossible. Not everyday is fun in music and or being a music student. To say you are not cut out to be a band director shows me you haven’t thought that through. You haven’t even begun to consider the avenues you can follow in the field of music…Your constant direction changes and psychological problems (to include your suicide attempt) is proof positive you don’t have a future in the ministry!!!”
…
Yes. This happened, on a facebook thread.
Where do I start with this? Perhaps I should just list my thoughts:
-Bringing up someone’s suicide attempt on a public forum is absolutely horrendous and disrespectful.
-As someone who is nonreligious, I feel that someone who is recovering well from any type of extreme hardship (and I believe that hardship caused by one’s own mind is the most extreme) would be the best people to inspire others to save themselves.
-College is always sold to people as a time to really discover who you are and where you want to go in life. It’s a start, and I believe that there is no time during your college education that is “too late” to switch paths in life. Better and more acceptable now to do so than when you’re on your own as an adult and being distracted by paying back loans and possibly taking care of a family. Take your time to discover yourself, and don’t be afraid to change your mind.
-The music major life is very hard. As someone who drove herself mad to the point of hallucination and physical outrage and destruction and who has pretty much dropped permanently from music school. I can tell you that many of us constantly discussed whether or not we’re in the right place, and I would hope that this healthy interaction exists in all schools. We constantly sought feedback from our professors, advisors, and our colleagues to see if the path we were going was truly worth the fight and if we would be happier in it. It is my opinion that regardless how noble the cause, if you are not happy where you are, it will bleed onto your actions in life and affect others negatively.
Others thankfully rushed in to slam on this act of severe line-crossing.
Since I very much did not intend on making this personal PSA and am now exhausted from natural fatigue and a short bit of outrage, I’m just going to wrap it up:
In the end, people who truly care about your well being will just want to see you happy, regardless of what path you’ve decided to follow. Find out what truly makes you happy and don’t be afraid to take your time and change your mind along the way - this is all very healthy. We don’t need anymore people miserable with their lives because they feel “stuck” in a position that they no longer believe in, trust me.
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