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[failed-tracheostomy]

Tagged by: @macandsalsa

1) How tall are you? 5'11″ish  but kinda shorter since i slouch 

2) What color and style is your hair?dark brown with an occasional whisp of somehwat lighter brown. Semi curly hair but my hair doesnt grow out long enough for people so see it. 

3) What color are your eyes? half brown half green

4) Do you wear glasses? yes 5) Do you wear braces? never have  6) What is your fashion style? tshirt, shorts, sweather/jacket   and the rare black jeans  7) Any freckles, moles, or beauty marks? yes? 8) When were you born? july 22nd

9) How old are you? 18 10) Where you live? California 11) Do you have siblings? older brother  12) Do you go to school? yes  Cal poly san luis obispo

13) What kind of student are you?a bad one XD  i dont study but i get good grades of course all that changes when i enter college. gotta study my butt off 14) What are your favorite TV shows? ahhhh you assume i watch tv.... so like House M.D. and then like insert any anime title  15) Favorite past time? gaming and talkingwith /snapchatting girls 16) What is your dream job? well game tester was always a fun one since i get to play games  but the pay is meh  but i suppose thats why it’s “dream job”  other than that any really cool science kind of job wher eyou get to play aroud in a lab  17) Would you like to get married one day, if so then where? yes, maybe idk  i might die before then  and anywhere nice (prob not a church tbh) 18) Would you like kids one day? i like the idea of having my legacy passed on  but im really abd with kids  idk if id be able ot raise them properly.  but i dont kids rn  19) Girly girl or tomboy? definitely girly girl  20) Do you like shopping? depends what it is and with who 21) What countries have you visited so far? Canada, Taiwan  i think thats it  22) What is the scariest nightmare you have had?rarely do i dream and i’ve not had a night mare i can remember  because whenever scary stuff happens in dreams i dont care enough to be spooked.  but if you want an unpleasant sleeping story when i was in elementary school (dont remember the age)  i woke up screaming because i had an ear infection

23) Do you have enemies? nope everyone is my friend 24) Do you have a s/o? [kuuhaku] 25) If not, do you want one? [kuuhaku] 26) Are you open about your feelings? am i open   yes  am i open about feelings  no 27) What’s your family like? if you want to know ask me  ill tell you how fucked up we are 28) Any pet peeves?of course, but i can never actually think of things to write 29) Would you date someone your family didn’t approve of? too late 30) Do you believe in astrology? sorry nope, but its fun to read

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Found out my brother and I have similar thinking style. Yet we've both managed to twist it to make us see each other differently. My brother has a very strong "self-centered" thought process. Put in quotes because I wouldn't call him that typical term self-centered. But he does believe things revolve around him. Practically calling himself a god. And I understand (I'll elaborate more later). Meanwhile I tend to have less of that self centeredness and think of everyone as equal (for the most part). I think both of us understand the individuality behind each person. For me. I hardly get mad at people because I understand everyone has their own motives, beliefs and makes their own choices which they think will best benefit them or will willingly pick the worse choice. Lots of people (especially in my family) think I bottle up my emotions and don't talk. And I do a little. But some of it is also just taking a step back from what's going on in the family and looking at it as people doing what they think is best. And it sucks it bothers others. Because of this I believe everyone is the same yet still their own special little snowflake. And there's my brother. Manipulative and more calculating then I am. But also more open about himself (or at least he seems that way. I'm sure he hides plenty. There's just a lot to say to cover up how much is missing). My brother understands the uniqueness in people too. But takes it to the next level. He is unique and knows that the only thing he knows for certain is what he does. Because he can think. And knows he thinks. He is his own god. In control of his world. Compared to the other people while they might claim they think there is no solid proof. To dumb down this kinda of idea. (And also exaggerate it). You're playing a co-op game with a friend or sibling and he or she gets you two killed after 99 levels of insane difficulty. You ask. What the f*ćk were you think. And he/she says "I thought if we did this we'd beat it faster. "Holy sh*t that's not thinking. You're an idiot". (Like I said exaggerated) was he/she really thinking. Orrrr. If life just a system revolving around you (or me. I mean I know I think) and everything is programmed to say things. Whenever my brother says I know I think and I don't know if anyone else does. And you reply. "I know I think". His response is usually. "But you could be programmed to say that ". (Maybe I was programmed in your life for you to see this) So Daniel understands uniqueness. And since he does chooses to elevate himself in his mind since he knows more about himself. I'm sure you can imagine in our family the one with more power is me. Not because I'm younger. But because the thought processes that run through our minds has guided us into different roles. Picture this scenario Family fight breaks out. Mom and dad are screaming at each other they're pissed beyond hell. In steps person a like Daniel and person b like me. We join the fight. Who has more influence to either calm them down or spark it even more so something actually gets done (good or bad). Answer is me (speaking from experience). For person b it's common for them to talk especially about them self. And even if their points are valid. People/parents will blow it off because person b has that "me"centric thought that can tend to not actually help in situations, even if the situation between parents is fully understood by person b. Meanwhile. Person a has watched his family for (for me) 18 years. Not said anything and has analyzed each person what motivates them and what each one thinks with regards to different topics. I don't talk. "I'm emotionally a closed door". (No I'm not gay). What's the result? I say something people listen. And if I blow up? And start screaming. People shut up. I must say. Now that I'm 18. And I've screamed at my parents for a legit reason. I'm pretty much the most powerful family member. And also acknowledged for it. Of course. That's only for serious matters. When it comes down to everyday things I'm still lowest on the food chain and am required to take out the trash.

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Apparently people fall out of love for the same reason they fall in love. So like if you love someone's nose (just the first stupid thing that popped up) then when things start to not work out you'll end up hating that persons nose. Going hand in hand with the earlier insecurities post. If you like someone. Chances are someone else will like them for the same reason you do. So best bet tell him/her how you feel.

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I keeping bumping my head against the wall since my sleeping angle is a little tilted. And I keep waking up XD 2:29 am July 1

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Whoops. My bad. I'm sorry

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definition of impatient:

2x speed on all youtube videos no matter what 

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So I originally started this post a couple minutes ago (before I started typing this) saying I had something I wanted to address but didn’t remember what. I was going to write something random but nothing was coming to my mind. So I scrapped it disappointed I had nothing in my head other than I’m fucking bored. Flash forward to now. I’ve got what I wanted to talk about thanks to Hana Schlosser. I was reading one of her posts. (I should do a shout out shouldn’t I? But idk if she wants her tumblr advertised. At least this one) and my name popped up. And some other people and I don’t know if this was what I wanted to address earlier but it is now. Insecurities Long story short. I am. Extremely. When it comes to people I care about a lot in my life. Now this will suck ass if Elle reads this cuz then she’ll probably be like. What a hypocrite. (I’m sorry,again). Alright who doesn’t know what I’m talking about when I say. [Insert name of girl here]. I’m pretty sure no one reads this other than those who no me (hi people who don’t :) ) But basically I’m trying to find ways around my insecurities so I don’t have thoughts eating away at my stomach and brain making me sick. (Legit tho when I don’t feel well emotionally my stomach starts hurting). To all the insecure guys with girlfriends out there or close female friends. I want you to think can you honestly say what ever your significant other is doing that bothers you, have you not done something similar to it? If an explanation is given before hand it tends to be better right? Hey, Anthony. I won’t be able to talk much today. My family is going out for my sisters birthday and then I have to work on a Chemisty AP project with some group members. Dang that sucks. Alright. Thanks for the heads up. Hope you have fun and good luck on the project. You’ve been warned that you won’t be contacted right. Makes it feel a little better. Now try this. Hop in moms car after school and drops you off at home before she goes shopping. You sit down in front of the computer and think. What now? Oh I’ll reply to some messages and snapchats. You send a text to your close friend. Who should be arriving at home too. Two hours later you haven’t heard back from them. Being the friends you are you know. Today’s Tuesday. Let’s see band sectionals Wednesday so she should be home. I hope shes alright. Another hour passed and you finally get a message. geez that took a while. “Hey wassup”. Dude I’m sorry I crashed right after. That Calc test rekt me. Took a solid three hour nap. I’m so sorry. What can you say? “2$#5$3~^,* where were you. I texted three hours ago”. No. “Nah it’s cool how was the map” yes. Dang. You didn’t get a warning this time. You felt bad for three hours. Hey good news tho. She messaged you. She’s a live. And hopefully well. Time passes chill relationship. You start understanding her better. Get home. Send messages. Don’t get anything till late afternoon 6 o clock. Dang sorry I – fell asleep. Yup yup. I gotchu girl. I know how you work. Oh today’s Thursday? Don’t you have volunteer at the animal shelter soon. Go play with those puppies. I’ll talk to you later. And then back out again Dang what’s happening. All of a sudden you aren’t talking too much. Why are you so busy. And sleepy? Hellllooo? I’m here. Then maybe you reach a point in your friendship. Is she tired of me? Did she leave me. I remember those days when we were so close. What happened. What are you thinking right now? This girl is so busy we never can do anything it even talk now. (You’re probably wondering what I’m trying to get at. Sorry this is so long) You’re insecure. You don’t know what’s happening. And when the person is gone. During that time you’re wondering. What’s she doing?? To help me personally calm nerves and also get a better understanding at the same time as not being super clingy his is what I’ve done. Look at her. Now look at yourself. Can you honestly say you haven’t done something similar? Dang sorry Anthony. I was playing BBall with my brother this past hour. Hmmmm. I played tennis with my brother last Sunday. Yeah I get it. Family time is always fun. So is exercise. Sorry man. I forgot to tell you about my band concert. That’s why I was gone today. Ran a race Friday. And I forgot to tell her. That’s cool. Duty calls. Getting more personal. Dang why does [said girl] seem so close to every guy. (That’s just cuz you’re crazy and think everyone is opposition). Well when was the last time you talked to a different girl. Probably a minute ago or something. Try to mirror the persons actions to your own. Chances are you’ll find something similar. So why would you be disgusted or sad at something she does. If you do it too? (Yes I am a hypocrite. I’m working on it)

(I’ll upload a picture of a screen shot of a quote that I said. [tho the grammar was corrected by ms shloser] regarding looking at yourself as a regular person who shouldn’t get special treatment)

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Have you ever gone to an event that you weren't invited to? Now have you not gone to an event that you wanted to be invited to? What's more painful? Is it worth keeping "friends" who don't invite you to things? Let's pry into the brain of the writer for a moment. My friend prompted me with this a while back. (End result she got in) This group of people are pretty chill and fun to talk to. And I really want to be part of the group. I don't want to force my way in but how do I join them? If a group of friends doesn't want you maybe you aren't meant to be friends with them. Imagine if you were only friends with people you invited to go to places and do things with you all the time. Of course you'd keep your friends group fairly small otherwise everything would be crowded as hell inviting everyone. Now imagine you wanted to leave a group of friends. Take a group chat as an example. You and some people have a chat you regularly converse in. One day you decide to leave. Is a true friend one who adds you back in right away. Or thinks. Oh she needs time let her stay out. Suppose the former is the right answer. What happens, she feels trapped and can't leave. And the latter? What if she wants to get added back in later. She needs to ask someone to add her. Now what happens when no one actually wants to add her back? What's a friend ?

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When you’re waiting for buffs. But you get visual updates instead. Whatever

Hey guys I’m back. And I shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t even be looking at the screen much less touching my itouch. (Did I say that correctly?) Trying my hardest to not have it glued to my hand. I need to detach myself from it. But when it’s the only form of communication with the outside world I can’t let it go. This generation sucks. Wifi went out at school for a day and a half and legit. We did jack shit in apes because of that. We already hardly do anything. But it’s demonic that we rely on Internet to teach. Teacher practically said. We can’t do anything today since there’s no wifi. So. Free period I guess. Dang imagine the struggle people had without wifi way back when…Like 2 decades ago. I shouldn’t be complaining about electronic usage since I’m one of those people constantly on it (but in my defense I’m complaining about myself). A while back I had the liberty to go out and eat (don’t get me wrong I do eat and I do go out and eat [at least a little while longer, in a couple months when my family had no money. I guess I won’t be eating then, thanks Obama] but any more details and people might know what I’m talking about). My parents raised me to believe that doing things at the dinner table except for eating and possibly conversing with the ones you’re eating with is, for the most part, a little rude. Which I kinda disregarded. My parents are eating. I’m taking a break. Why can’t I bust out my game boy and play some pokemon? And now I finally understand. I don’t think people understand the importance of spending undistracted time together anymore. I want to apologize to those (especially my parents) who have experienced me blowing them off cuz I was “occupied.” You can’t save in the middle of a pokemon battle. “Then hurry the fuck up, finish it and spend some time with me” wish some one had told me that back then such that I understood it. Quality time doesn’t come easily now when the person you’re with checks his/her phone every minute to reply to snapchat, check Facebook messages, go on Instagram to see what other people are doing, or make a game turn in hearthstone. Maybe I’m just retarded and out dated. I remember my uncle told me that communication came in percentages. I don’t remember the exact break down. But it was like. The way a person looks and the tone of voice play a heavy role in communication. And then obviously there’s word choice and intensity or how you say it. But facial expression is extremely important in making sure you deliver the right message. Like 50 percent or something. When you’re texting you don’t get that. Even video call you miss part of it (fucking skype lag). I guess it’s easy to say “I’m not mad” or “I’m fine” in person, but if you’re looking at someone it’s hard to fake a smile when you’re about to break down and cry. Over text “HAHA I’m fine lol 😊👌 it’s cool don’t worry about it” you can’t tell. (Then the person thinks oh he’s alright, next subject. Meanwhile I’m sitting here crying my eyes out). Idk maybe I’m just being selfish wanting to spend more time with people and have them spend less time with others when with me. Imagine if a person was a book and you misread the tone. Imagine how fucked up a situation could become. For the most part this was flowing pretty well from one thing to the next. I should’ve found a way to mix this in. Now it seems kinda sudden but I feel like I need to talk to people less. Well I already don’t talk to people much. But recently I’ve found myself just sitting on the bed doing nothing. My dads home a lot more so he uses the computer instead if me. It’s helped me quit league (not that I was any good, I had my “friends” there to tell me. You’re shit so let’s not play together") I don’t know what I’d do if I did use it tho. Half the time I’m lying around hoping someone, Something will message me and be like hey let’s talk. But of course no one comes ready with questions to use to start a convo (but then again I don’t either so why am I bashing them. I’m the epitome of what I don’t like). Shout out to @tif-fishy for the rants and stuff she has. Brings something to the table to talk about. Sorry if you’re in pain for my enjoyment Tiffany. So yeah. I’m really hoping this summer. I’ll be able to find something to do and not have to feel like I’m constantly bored and waiting for something to happen. I’m sure there’s more shit. But I’ll leave that for the next post. Which. Once I think of enough things might be in like 30 minutes. Edit it's June 4th 2016

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When shit hits the fan don’t hope it doesn’t fall back down on your head. Hope the whole fucking fan doesn’t come down with it.

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Hana

You're fat Deal with it

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Wish I knew how to play the piano

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Shout out to the loser

Thanks Hana. Sorry for insulting you so much @macandsalsa

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That moment when you realize. Aww fuck I can't talk to anyone cuz I'm just wasting part of their life.

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"When life gives you friends... well fuck that shit. I'm out"

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what....?

you know somethings wrong when I’m back here on tumblr