Failing in being alive @failinginbeingalive - Tumblr Blog

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inkzbat

Mental illness has ruined my fucking life don’t ever tell me that it’s a choice.

becherdireinen

i wish there was an airplane mode for my brain.

yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou

Do people understand that when you say “I’m tired” it doesn’t mean “I didn’t get enough sleep last night” or “I need more physical energy”?

It means I am drained. I have been fighting through each day just to wake up and do it again. I am tired of existing in a world where everything feels like a struggle and nothing feels right. I am tired of fighting negative thoughts. I am tired of waking up.

becherdireinen

i killed myself 80 times in my head this year and it's only january.

funeral

Human beings are not ontologically designed for seamless satisfaction. At most, we experience moments, periods, or spurts of satisfaction (jouissance). Instead of the kind of wholeness and plenitude that we may fantasize about, a buried brokenness of being constitutes the status quo of our lives. Many of us are experts at hiding or ignoring this reality, frequently by filling our lives with so many practical preoccupations that we do not have the time or mental space to pay attention to the ontological void within our being. Nonetheless, there are moments of crises – sudden tears in the normal fabric of our lives – when this void leaps to the forefront of our consciousness, often ushering us to a melancholy crypt of despair that can be difficult to climb out of.

Mari Ruti, "When the Cure Is that There Is No Cure: Melancholia, Mourning, Creativity"

becherdireinen

may you never go back to the dark places you fought so hard to get out of

worthless-misery

I have always felt lonely. But I think it's a specific kind of loneliness.

It's a loneliness that physically hurts. A loneliness that makes it hard to breathe. A loneliness that is always whispering in the back of your head.

It's a kind of loneliness I can't escape...

becherdireinen

to be so understanding and never understood is draining.

lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks

being depressed emotionally but not mentally is. weird

my thoughts aren't dark, life doesn't feel hopeless, I know the mood will pass, I'm calm and at ease with that

but I still feel flat, tired, unenthusiastic about anything, I don't want to eat, I'm not drinking enough water, I didn't leave bed today until 6pm

but when I did I stood outside, I planted my bare feet in the wet grass, and for a moment I didn't feel so numb, for a moment it was nice. I enjoyed that. I was capable of enjoying that, even if briefly

it's like I'm stuck halfway, I feel like thunder without rain

just kinda weird

st-a-y

Feeling like you're too much is honestly one of the worst feelings to possibly exist. It just feels like you need to stop being yourself and existing all together. It's like you crawl out of your own skin and laugh in disgust at what remains, it's pathetic. And so saddening.

yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou

Do people understand that when you say “I’m tired” it doesn’t mean “I didn’t get enough sleep last night” or “I need more physical energy”?

It means I am drained. I have been fighting through each day just to wake up and do it again. I am tired of existing in a world where everything feels like a struggle and nothing feels right. I am tired of fighting negative thoughts. I am tired of waking up.