FailTrolls

18+ TOWN OF MORALLY GRAY PSYCHOS, feel free to ask questions, poke fun at and flirt with any of the muse's. at your own peril of course OPEN TO: Sprite and Art Commissions, Magic! Anons, Headcannons, Art requests. 

[failtrolls]

Finding the Parish

"welp, finally camping somewhere new, but its like, 3 minuets from my old spot. managed to shoo away the big red drake that was camping on the bridge and set up camp here in this little gate house."

"managed to get him to drop a cool sword for winning a roasting match, then he ran off to yell obscenities' at someone else. oh, and I went back to that funny merchant guy to buy some chain mail gear, something a little sturdier then my old leathers, but not by much." "further up from this guard house is the road to a church, so I think my bell might be up there. i did a bit of exploring up there, found a lot more of the undead dudes that have a narc on, an a big 'old boar that was rather pissed."

"I've cleared most of them out and got inside the church, its a bit of a zombie apocalypses in there, a ton of undead upstairs and a nasty spell flinger. I think i need to get past him in order to get to the roof, for some reason there is no pully inside the church to ring a bell... I dunno why, but roof it is I suppose."

[failtrolls]

Yo, I would so be down to hug Cherry, she's cute as hell~ also I have been told I give good hugs too, so, win win~

"Excellent! hugs for mee!"

[failtrolls]

"Um, hi Berry. So... what do you like to do outside your day job as a maid? Like hobbies and fun things?"

"outside of my day job? well, I don't think I have any interesting hobbies, I usually head down to the soda bar where one of my sisters work to unwind, does that count?"

[failtrolls]

Solaire: "Sun~..."

Keva: "You're gonna go blind if you keep staring at it..."

Solaire: "SUN!~..."

[failtrolls]

Looked like Keva enjoyed losing to the Taurus Demon more than the Asylum Demon.

Keva: "nah... your just imagining things..."

Solaire: "Don't Be Modest Now! Those Were Some MIGHTY Cries of JOLLY COOPEREATION That I Could Hear From The Battlements!"

Keva: "... you heard that?"

Solaire: "WHO DIDN'T?"

[failtrolls]

Things are rarely simple in Lordran.

"apparently not, I haven't seen a single person how speaks plainly around here. noting but riddles and inside jokes"

[failtrolls]

the good news is you don't need to do anything with the soapstone yourself. just owning in works. You just need to not be hollow, and at some point you'll see a glowing name written in chalk somewhere on the ground. Touch it, and you'll summon a phantom of the person who left it there. Alternatively, you can write your own name with the soapstone and perhaps someone in the future will summon your own phantom to help them, and you'll get some kind of reward for that. As far as i know, a Phantom is more like a memory of you then you yourself. i could be wrong.

"great... so I cant use this to get home? this seems like a lot of steps for an extra sword hand. cant i just pay some of the shuffling dead guy to help? nah? I gotta pull shadows of people from other dimensions or get my shadow pulled to another dimension?"

"this is starting to feels like listening to my mom explain magic again"

[failtrolls]

"Hey Ravina, catch!" Tosses her a piece of white soapstone. "Hang onto that, it might come in handy later. Uh... is Berry around? No reason, just wondering..."

"uhh, i think she is doing some dusting in the living room?... also what am I meant to do with a lump of soap? is this a 'you stink' joke?"

[failtrolls]

Keva, i believe it is as simple as writing the person's name or a symbol of them on the floor when you want to call for their aid. Though, I think this is a two circuit system in the sense that the person your calling for also has to have a piece of white soapstone. I'm... gonna go see if I can find another piece of that stuff and hand it off to Ravina. Just in case.

"well that's convenient, think this is how I get home? can I stop searching for bells?"

"I'm sure Ravina can figure this magic stuff out, she's smart like that"

[failtrolls]

This sounds like a terrible idea, but maybe you could summon Ravina as your backup using the soapstone? At the very least you can touch base with her regarding your progress. That and last I checked magic users excel in Lordran. Might make some of these battles a little more trivial?

"hmm, maybe? been trying to get something to work, but this soap stone didn't come with instructions, and that solaire guy was pretty vague... is this just a piece of chalk? did I get scammed? "

[failtrolls]

The Bridge is a bit Toasty

"well shit, there is a pissed of dragon camping out on the only bridge out of this district, which sucks because I think I spotted a church of some sort from the wall tower... churches have bells right?"

"well if it does, its on the other side of a red dragon that wont stop shouting obscenities and fire at every undead that tries to cross... I'm actually back in this store room cause its in the central bridge pillar, I had to kick down a ladder from the main bridge so at least I don't have to wander back through the town and castle walls."

"oh, I also found a friendly knight called Solaire, he was just chilling on some overlook trying to have a staring competition with the sun. he seemed to have some knowledge of dimensional shenanigan's, cause he gave me this soap stone that should help me draw in help from dimensional travelers, cant get me home, but its a step in the right direction I guess."

[failtrolls]

So... are you going to beat any bosses WITHOUT fucking it first? oorr...?

"its not like I'm seeking out these things and throwing myself pussy first at them!?"

"but just for you, lets go with OR"

[failtrolls]

Taurus Demon Defeated.

"well... that was a bit of an ordeal, he was a tough customer."

"how's my bag look? I think I chipped my axe... who knew jumping off the tower axe first into a bone clad skull could blunt it?"

[failtrolls]

the Taurus Demon...

Traveling over the battlements on the outer walls of Undead Berg, Keva was ambushed by and enormous demon that issued a challenge.

Success meant her safe passage, failure demanded his desires be satisfied... Find the full NSFW art HERE

[failtrolls]

you cook bacon and pancakes on the same slab of metal that you just thrust into the guts and gore of various demons, zombies, rats, and monsters of all kind, some of whom are standing in literal sewage?

"i mean... i clean it between use, and heating the metal kill all the germs yeah?"

"besides, when your traveling, a dedicated cooking pan is heavy and takes up space that could be used for potions, booze or relics"

[failtrolls]

So Keva; why an axe as your weapon of choice?

"what's not to like about a good axe? it chops meat and bone good, and in a pinch you can use the flat like a frying pan for ya breakfast~"

[failtrolls]

Hey Keva, What is that ring that you had when you started this adventure?

"hmm? oh that? its a little knickknack I got from my mom, its called the old witch's ring, but I don't think she is the old witch the name refers to. she's been insisting she is still 29 for the last century."

"anyway, its not all that special, doesn't actually do anything, it just looks nice."