Why A Blog?
In 2011, I got into journaling. I realized it made me feel better since I was able to process the feelings that I had during the day. At the time, I only had a small notebook which was probably the length of a hand. I could even remember that no matter how sleepy I was after finishing school work in the evening, I would find time to write in that little journal. I would even write about what I felt as I was listening to sad songs in my iPod shuffle (yep. It helps). In 2012, I got my first ever planner which was a Candy Magazine planner. I would write little details there but would always make sure I had my journal updated. Basically, I was a diary kind of girl. As I went into college, I switched to a planner. I would always save up for Starbucks stickers just to get it before the Holidays came in. But unlike before, I would write what had happened that day instead of what I felt. Somehow, I became too busy to be even bothered with writing.
I tried to go back to a digital space (post Tumblr couples era) in 2015 as I was transitioning into a new degree program. During that time, I actually had time to do it because of the long break. I could even remember that one of the first posts there was during the time that the Pope visited the country. I even tried finishing a novel for Nanowrimo then. However, 2015 was a handful for me (next post would be about this) that I put writing on pause. I would still write in my planner but it was not the same. I would write quotes per day relating to what I felt but I would not consistently write what I actually felt that day. In 2017, I somehow got back with the help of Iphone’s notes application but it was still different. Then I got back to Tumblr and went through a series of resets with the blogs. Somehow, no matter how much I tried getting back into what I considered “therapeutic”, I always end up resorting to bottling my feelings.
With the pandemic going on, my mental health finally took a toll on me. I got overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed. Even if I was working from home, I found myself more tired than usual that I would rather rest than write. I realized that putting off finding my way back into my safe space that is writing got me bottling up feelings for so long because I was either busy, tired, or I could not simply be bothered with it. I guess in the back of my mind I did not want to write what was going on because it only makes it more real and honestly, the past years were not note worthy. They were not something I would want to read again in the future. However, I slowly got back to wanting to write what I honestly felt. I used my old Tumblr blog but like I said, it has served its purpose. So, I decided to delete everything and start anew. So this is my safe space now. Unlike before, I have decided to keep this page to myself so I could really express what I feel without thinking what people around me would say. I wish one day, future me would thank me for doing this.
My next posts would be a bit dramatic so please bear with me as I do an unboxing or umbottling of my feelings. Maybe there’s at least one person hoping s/he would stumble upon such post because past me would have wanted to read something I could relate to as I was going through difficult moments in my life. As much as I am providing myself with a safe space because of this page, I hope some of my posts here could somehow help somebody out there.