365 Days of Life

XXV | RN | PH ♕

[faithtrustlovelust]

The one who still crosses my mind, and even though timing was never going to be on our side, every now and then, still makes me think “what if…”

[faithtrustlovelust]

To my 25 year old self,

Some people will never be yours, no matter how much you want them to be. What’s yours is yours, and always will be. But what if you want someone, and it’s not in the cards? Sometimes we fight for things that simply aren’t there.

The person you deserve will make it obvious. They will put in the effort. It should be effortless. Relationships don’t have to be hard.

Some people will never be yours, no matter how much you want them to be. You can waste your time trying to make things happen, or move on and know it’s not right. Whether it’s timing, chemistry, emotional unavailability, it isn’t there.

Don’t push something that’s not there. Don’t waste your time on something deep down you know will never happen. You’re better then that. And you know it.

Don’t leave open spaces in your life for people who don’t deserve it. Doing so hinders your progress. Waiting on someone forever can allow you to miss someone great. Don’t close yourself off to others because you’re hoping for someone to change.

Spend your time with friends, family, doing what you love. What’s yours will be yours. Trust it.

Don’t prioritize someone who doesn’t prioritize you. Trying to make something happen that isn’t meant to be will only end in disappointment.

 Love yourself, and life falls into place.

[faithtrustlovelust]

11:39 PM

I'm starting to feel the emptiness inside a half full glass. I'm starting to have the what if's and what could have been. I'm starting to doubt myself. Is two years enough to prove that we're meant to stay? Or it's enough to guide a lost soul along the way. Something doesn't feel right. I want to find the reason behind this clouded thoughts.. xo, M.

[faithtrustlovelust]

24 Things

1. Life is nothing but one hell of a ride, full of ups and downs, overflowing with lies and false hopes and magical surprises. All you have to do is PRAY to be strong in order to conquer the cruelty of people around you wanting to have the things you possess and be in the same spot where the sun is shining bright at you. (Yea, so true!)

2. There’s no such thing as best friend, someone could be at their BEST when in front of you and doing their best for their own sake. But you could have this one true friend. No matter what, he/she will tell you everything you want to know, even the things that you don’t wanna hear. No lies, pure honesty. (Like, ang baho ng hininga mo! Haha) And I’m thankful that I found few of those. *cheese bites*

3. You don’t have to (always) talk to the people around you, like in your workplace. Doing so, will bring you to this deep attachment and it’ll eventually fall off when things go rough, went sour and ended up south. Even my constant partner in crime and everyday seatmate, we have this down times. Hahaha 😂. Like a day or two when we hardly say a word to each other. So on the third day, we have tons of things to be excited to talk about.

4. Not all beauty encapsulates common sense. Hahaha. To be truly honest, I do believe that I’m not physically beautiful (malaking mata, malapad na noo, mataba na pisnge, di pantay na ngipin, dalawang baba at baluktot na likod) but I bring my common sense before I step out of the house. I may be lost in some ways of wits but I make sure that this common sense is with me. Weh, it will bring you to most places where you never thought you could be. Haha.

5. To be continued… I am fucking sleepy na.

Ciao `xx

…

6th. I will never finish this post, ‘coz 

   6.1 I forgot all those thoughts the morning I woke up

   6.2 There are more than 24 shits we inevitably deal with every single day of our lives. So live happily folks. 

I will write again, 

when I find my old self again, with all the wits and courage. 

xx

[faithtrustlovelust]

I am so lost.

I'll promise to get back to you -- It's just that, today's too much. 😑😑😑😑

[iamanakrystel]

I really want to buy myself a book.

[faithtrustlovelust]

TO MY BEST FRIEND -- WHO BEGAN TO DRIFT AWAY

Before anything else, I would like you to know that you have been a really good (best) friend; I wouldn’t be writing this letter in the first place if you weren’t. And I thank you for all the things you’ve done to me and for me; merely for being a true friend - from day one up to now. 

I have always admired our bond through the years; but let’s face the fact that people change with time - so do relationships. Our relationships with some people change whether we like it or not - it’s inevitable. I think? At this moment, I am writing you this letter in view of the fact that our used-to-be-really-cool-friendship has started to fizzle out. 

We used to be really close to each other; we were more like sisters than friend. We tell each other pretty much everything and we talk about the most random and irrelevant things of all. We never ran out of things to say and things to talk about; and I find that amusing for some reason. I used to think we won’t ever get tired of talking to each other – I guess we did, in some way. I do not know if it is me, or you, or the two of us who got tired of dealing with each other’s anecdotes and musings; my point is, we let happen.. and that is the saddest part of all. 

Things between us are different now, admit it or not; we are way closer than we are right now. And I don’t know why but for some reason I feel like there’s a small barrier between us. I am sorry if I have been rather distant if we have always been close. Forgive m if I refuse to talk to yo sometimes; I shall admit that I am doing that intentionally, only for the reason that talking to you makes me sad for I know that it isn’t the same anymore - talking to you isn’t the same anymore. 

You see that’s the thing about relationships.. we don’t get to keep something alive for good and all. At some point things will begin to fall apart; sometimes we can still do something to prevent it from happening, sometimes we don’t. As for the two of us, I hope we get to regain what’s been missing. After all, I am glad you are still in my life; I am glad that we still get to talk every so often and laugh at the same corny jokes. I hope in time we can catch up on all the things we’ve missed out and talk about the crazy things we used to share. 

I miss you, little biatch.

Love, 

Your close friend.

© MM

[faithtrustlovelust]

Hula Hoop

January’s almost over, first month’s like a song that goes like this ..

“Round and round, your love rewinds me up like a hula hula hoop.”

Haha. Actually, It’s more like a roller coaster, with peak emotions and sudden drop of joy. I dunno, like something is wrong. Like something went missing, like it died or it was never been there. It’s cold and raw and it’s lost. Maybe things has to go that way, or not? I dunno. I got tired of dealing with this stuff, so I’m backing off. It’s better this way. Sometimes, it came to my mind that thinking is hard, so we end up judging. Most of the time, we judge - when we don’t get our way, when we’re not happy and when we can’t have what we wanted.

The things that run through your brain cells when you’re a week away from turning a year older. The things that could have taught you better, the ways that could make you see situations in a mature way, and (damn) how to fucking deal with it.

I ran out of words on how to describe this too. I just felt like, maybe writing it could ease the agony, the heaviness and awkwardness I’m feeling right now. Because, I don’t fucking understand what the hell happened.

Then it happened again. Then again.

Then I’m done with it. I get it. Okay.

`xo, M.

PS. The song is my happy go to, my happy tune, my lightening rhythm. Not even related, eh? Haha.

[faithtrustlovelust]

Kia Rio AT. Parked and easy. 👊🏻

[faithtrustlovelust]

02 January, 2016

Woke up at around 9am, washed the dishes, cooked breakfast and clean up. Ivan fetched me up after lunch, ordered pizza when we got home in Agata, finished 2 bottles of Alfonso I light. To my surprise, Ate Gen (Ivan’s eldest sister) came home with Ate Istie (Rio’s mom) and gave us bucks to buy another bottles of Alfonso, she even let me drive her car (Kia Rio, same as my mom’s).

Yea, I got to drive the baby to the supermarket with sober thoughts and cold hands. You know what’s more intense? I have four passengers who doesn’t care if we hit on something or we literally hit something. I aimed for a 20kph because 1. I am sober 2. Zobel roxas’ street is loaded with children on both sides who intentionally ran through cars or motorcycle to fake an accident and whatnot to ask for money. Then we reached the supermarket, now parking it backwards. I’m glad the car was still inside the lane. Haha. 😂 On our way back home, I am more at ease and calm - I can do this. Then we’re home, all my passengers were alive, the car was still in one piece, no accident and parked nicely.

Can I just say? I am so fucking proud of myself right now. Yea! I did something I’m starting to be afraid of, plus they trusted me. It feels so good. Thank you Papa God.

I felt like I can do anything, I just have to trust myself and my God. `xo, M. 💋

[faithtrustlovelust]

01 January, 2016

I woke up at 9am. I opened the rest of my gifts and we (fam bam) watched a movie. Ate a whopper jr and popcorn and my diet has been buried to his death.

To sum it up, first day of 2016 seemed calm and contented, with all the fats I have and love I received. Thank you Papa God, for the gift of life and family.

May we all have a wonderful and prosperous New Year! 🎉

`xo, M. 💋

[faithtrustlovelust]

366 days

1st day of 2016 proved that whatever crap and shit will come my way, I can kick it off and stand tall all the way. My 2015 has been full of ups and downs and everything in between. I attempted to apply for Osmak for the nth time, got hold and all my credentials were lost. I resigned in my 2-year job in city hall and tried my hardest to practice my profession. The struggle is real; when you’re on the verge of forgetting all Wong, Joyce Black and Hawk have taught you.

But I prayed to be good, to other people - more than anything else. because when you’re dealing with people from all walks of life, you don’t need to be always witty, most of the time you need to be more kind. That’s the part where I forgot how good I am at this, way back volunteer days. When I’m on duty for 12 hours or covering shift for others without pay, then I came to a point where I can’t help but think that I might be a failure, that I can never succeed, nor be as good as them. Then the same people I’m dealing with, every single day - reminded me that I can be better. I just have to see my worth, more than how I saw others’.

So my mantra for 2016; “ Live your life unattached from the approval of others, if you know your being is in the right place, ACT UPON IT.”

Happy New Year Lovelies. `xx, M. 💋

[katmichelle-deactivated20160928]

Spoke to me today

[iamanakrystel]

[thelovewhisperer]

This is what I know about love, that it is tested every day, and what is not renewed is lost. One either chooses to care more or to care less. Once the choice is to care less, then there is no stopping the momentum of goodbye.

Follow for more quotes about life (via thelovewhisperer)

[iamanakrystel]

I’m struggling and I don’t know what to do. I am not happy with the way things are currently working and I don’t know my purpose.

I feel like I’m looking for something I don’t even know and it seems like I am in a place where I can only trust is myself some say I should be cautious and some say just go with it.

I can’t even tell about it I tried and I was misunderstood.

Are you okay? I am falling apart.

[faithtrustlovelust]

Thoughts in the wee

I woke up at 1:30am, then I can’t go back to sleep. I really don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. Ugh! It’s 3:39am, I don’t have anything to do. So I’ll be writing instead – `x, M. 💋