TRY TO TRANSFORM YOUR ANXIETY INTO CONCERN
See, there’s a really big difference between the word “anxiety” and the word “concern”. Partially, it’s difference is a question of volume. Anxiety is a loud, screaming, all-consuming, hot, and deafening word. When you are having an attack of anxiety, you cannot think straight, you cannot breathe, you cannot function, you cannot really see people, you cannot really hear anything, and you lose the capacity for both reason and kindness.
“Concern”, on the other hand, is a cooler-headed and calmer word. A concerned person is still on alert, still aware of what’s going on — but she has not descended into panic. Also, concern is outward-looking, by nature. Concern is empathetic. A concerned person worries about other people, whereas a person having an anxiety attack is only capable of focusing on herself. (One of the worst things about anxiety, in fact, is that feeling of being trapped in the prison of your own tiny and troubled mind.) Concern, on the other hand, thinks bigger. Concern is able to see things from all angles. A concerned person notices other people’s lives, and cares about them — as much as she cares about her own.
Anxiety says, “The world is a horrible place and I am in great danger!”
Concern says, “The world is SOMETIMES a horrible place, and SOME people are in great danger…but not, at the moment, me.”
When you feel anxiety about the world, all you want to do is run and hide.
When you feel concern about the world, you are able look beyond yourself and ask, “Who is in trouble out there right now? Who needs my help? What can I do to make things better?”
Anxious people make fear-based decisions; Concerned people make heart-based decisions.
Anxiety brings powerlessness; Concern brings thoughtful action.
For instance: My cousin Sarah, who is doing refugee-relief work in Turkey right now, is operating from a place of concern for the world — not from a place of anxiety about the world.
And closer to home, my friend Sister Mary Scullion (a Philadelphia nun who has devoted her life to working with the homeless) is running her operation from a place of concern about the world — not from a place of anxiety about the world.
Most of the people I know who spend their lives in service to others do not live their lives in anxiety. They don’t have TIME to be anxious; they are too being concerned. They are too busy helping others to panic about themselves.
Trade in your anxiety for concern, and see what miraculous things start to happen.
I’m not saying that we all have to quit our jobs and go work for humanitarian organizations. (Although, gosh, wouldn’t that be something!) But I am saying that if you take a deep breath and look beyond your own anxiety, you will see a world that needs your help right now. In fact, you will see people in your own neighborhood who need your help right now — people who are a lot worse off than you are, right this very instant. If you can dial down your own scary interior story, you will see stories all around you of people who are really struggling… and maybe you can lend them a hand. If you can scale back the panic reflex and think of others, you can ask yourself, “Am I actually in danger right this very moment?” The answer is very likely, “No — but somebody else is.”
That refugee family in Turkey is in danger right this very moment, yes, and if you are so inclined, you can try to express your concern by supporting an organization that will help that refugee. But if that seems too far out of reach, there is also the single working mother who lives down the block from you, who has a sick child and who is panicking because she has no child care…SHE is in danger right now — deep economic danger. Can you turn your anxiety about the world into concern for her? Your elderly neighbor, so lonely since his wife died, is also in danger right now — in real emotional danger of isolation and despair. Can you reach out of yourself, and reach out to him, and help him? That family who comes to your church, that family in which one of the parents has recently lost her job — can you mobilize your community to do something about that difficult situation? That friend going through a bad divorce — can you go over to her house, and take her out to lunch, and try to bring a smile to her face?
In other words — can you turn your focus toward those who are in need right this very moment, rather than worrying about The End of the World?
For me, this way of thinking relieves anxiety better than anything. It takes your focus out of the limitless abstract, and puts it into the very real “right now, right here”.
The world is not ending anytime soon, I do believe, and as long as we are still here, we must help each other. If you are still here, then you still have a job to do in this world — and I think our best job is probably to HELP. The strong must help the weak. If you are strong, please don’t pretend to be weak. If you are fortunate enough to be safe and dry and warm and healthy and well-fed, please look around you…because somebody nearby is not so fortunate. That person might need your help. Don’t just complain that the world is a terrible place. Try to make the world a better place, even with a small gesture. No act of concern is ever too small. Reach out of yourself and be kind to somebody. You can do this in your family, in your neighborhood, in your workplace, and in your world.
If you can transform your anxiety into concern, you can share your heart with the world, rather than giving yourself a heart attack every single day about the world.
I can promise you this, too, from my own lived experience: If you can transform your anxiety into concern, it will make YOUR life better…but it will make everyone else’s lives better, too.
That’s the emotional landscape we need to be living in right now.
Difficult times require brave and good people.
Please keep your heads, everyone. But even more importantly — please keep your hearts. – Elizabeth Gilbert
