The Rumors Awaken

Your #1 source for fake Star Wars news, speculation, and rumors.

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THE REAL ORIGIN OF REY REVEALED! Whoa! Did you catch this Duracell commercial released during the holiday season? Lots of people missed it but apparently there were some pretty HUGE spoilers about the origin of Rey, our favorite new protagonist! Not only does she apparently wield a green lightsaber (Did she steal it from Luke? Aren’t they friends?) but get this: before she was stranded on Jakku she was apparently LIVING HAPPILY IN A CONNECTICUT SUBURB. Will we see more of this house in Episode 8? Is her father a real estate lawyer named SNOKE? Stay tuned!

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LEAKED actual height of Snoke will blow your tiny mind!

The biggest question on everyone’s mind about “The Force Awakens” is definitely “how tall is Supreme Leader Snoke?” Thanks to an interview with FX chief Neil Scanlon, we finally have an answer.

He’s “7-feet-something.”

Now that there are no more mysteries left for upcoming Star Wars movies to explore, what could possibly happen in them? We’ll have to wait til 2017 to find out!

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Poe Dameron’s Dark Past REVEALED

Looks like we’re going to learn some pretty heavy stuff about Poe Dameron, everyone’s favorite starfighter pilot, in the upcoming Marvel comic series.

Focusing on his backstory before the events of “The Force Awakens,” Marvel’s comic will mostly deal with his crippling addiction to a space drug called “wonk.”  

While little is known about the drug, the word “wonk” can imply obsessive behavior, which is the exact type of thing that could give a young pilot the competitive edge he needs to rise in starfighter ranks so quickly. 

Marvel’s Poe Dameron series will be released in April.

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Leaked KNIGHTS OF REN backstory will shock you!

Details from the Episode VIII script have leaked online with some shocking revelations about the Knights of Ren.  POTENTIAL SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP!

Little is known about the Knights of Ren, but it looks like an upcoming plot twist in Episode VIII will reveal that under their masks are the faces of… Kylo Ren! And it sounds like he’s no stranger to the cloning process! In fact, in order to keep all his clones straight, Kylo insists they each have different facial hair from each other. Does this mean we’ll have a second Clone War on our hands? And who trims all their beards? Too bad we’ll have to wait two years to find out!

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Does the Kylo Ren “Cuddle Buddy Pillow” Contain Massive Spoilers?

Rumor has it Disney is pulling this plush toy off the shelves, because it gives away some key plot points about Kylo’s role in the upcoming films. WARNING: SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP!

The very fact that Disney would make a cuddly version of a character who murders his father is a dead (pun intended) giveaway that he’s going to do something redeemable in the next films, and returning him to “cuddly” status in our eyes.  Why else would they make a cuddly version of him?! Also worth noting: this doll only has thumbs, no fingers. Could this mean he loses all of his fingers in a lightsaber battle? As you might recall, Luke lost a bit more than a few fingers when he first fought Lord Vader!

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FINALLY. We are pleased to report the true identity of Supreme Leader Snoke: BoShek, the smuggler who introduced Obi-Wan Kenobi to Chewbacca. The silhouette of one of his ears, half the nose, and the brow wrinkles are clearly identical. Also check out that collar. Clearly the First Order was BoShek’s time to shine, after years of introducing other more interesting characters to each other. Seriously it kept happening to him like every day, “Oh hey crazy bounty hunter, meet this evil robot.” So frustrating. You’d think he’d be more involved once in a while but HE IS NOW.

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EXCLUSIVE: George Lucas will regain control of the Star Wars universe!

In response to the recent fan petition to let George Lucas direct Episode IX, J.J. Abrams and Kathleen Kennedy have responded by announcing that George Lucas will once have complete creative control of the film franchise, as long as it is invisible. “Ghosts, microscopic stuff too small to see, straight-up invisible characters, whatever. Maybe they’re a normal character who’s there but all the other characters, and the audience I guess, don’t acknowledge them at all. Whatever George wants in the movies we will put it in. It just has to use imagination-based effects,” Abrams said. Lucas is said to be ecstatic, and has already begun shooting his own imaginary version of Episode VII that everyone will pretend is layered on top of the current Episode VII. His pretend installment will be called “Episode VII: Parade of the Hutts” and cost approximately 356 billion dollars.

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As has been suspected, we can now confirm that Supreme Leader Snoke is actually Pol Treidum, Docking Bay 37 Officer from the original Death Star, last seen in A New Hope. One may remember that Treidum was knocked unconscious by our heroes, then stuffed inside a barrel. It now appears that barrel shielded him from the blast of the Death Star exploding, but for some scalp and massive burn damage. He remained very pale.

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Rey’s Parentage REVEALED!

J. J. Abrams confirmed in an interview earlier today that Rey has parents, meaning she definitely had both a mommy AND a daddy.  Most fans had speculated that she’s a clone of Leia, but because clones don’t have a mommy and/or a daddy it looks like this theory is debunked!

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In an early draft of the “Force Awakens” script, Michael Arndt revealed that Snoke was actually Luke’s old friend Biggs Darklighter.  Turns out Biggs actually survived the Battle of Yavin with severe head trauma (check out that cracked skull), changing his personality completely to that of a Sith Lord.

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CONFIRMED: Deleted Scenes

J.J. Abrams confirmed that the DVD/Blu-ray release will have deleted scenes, but not an “extended cut.”  Unfortunately, fans clamoring to see Rey and Chewbacca play a full game of hologram space chess will have to find it under the “special features” menu, instead of inserted into the movie where it belongs.

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DELETED SCENE: J.J. Abrams had to cut this celebratory montage from “Force Awakens,” which would have taken place right before the end credits.

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Malakii was so distraught over the death of his Rancor, he devoted his life to taking down Luke Skywalker.  Check out those suspiciously similar jaw lines!