Ill Be With You Girl

Like being low Hey hey hey like being stoned

[fakmenofakyewh]

I feel like I am slowly losing my mind. I’m disassociating so hard I don’t feel like myself anymore.

Politics, aliens, climate change……

My dad’s been gone for a couple years, my mom doesn’t know who I am.

I’ve isolated myself yet the changes I’ve made do make me happy.

I don’t recognize myself though. Or maybe I’m nostalgic to a time where I had more of a social life.

I feel like Im closer to death everyday. Where there was a firm absolutely not I’m not worried about that…..even when life got sad…..

Not saying I feel like I would, I’m just not firmly shutting it down.

I talk to lex and I see my emotions reflected, or maybe harmonized with. Not exactly the same, but an accompaniment.

I stare at my arms in the shower palms up. Whose arms are these?

I thought I was going to die the other night. I took too much of an edible. It felt like I had a cord running through my left leg through my torso and left arm. It felt like someone pulled it tight, sudden pain.

Then it felt like trying to maintain consciousness when a room is spinning. The pain stayed with me, tightness it chest. I tried to stand and talk to lex, couldn’t stand had to sit.

Lex keeps asking if she needs to call me an ambulance. I’m annoyed of that question as I pass out.

I come too physically fighting the word no out of my mouth.

I think I had a panic attack in the midst of being too high.

I overanalyzed everything to the part of feeling out of touch with reality.

If I ever lose my mind…..this was the genesis of it. I need to take Benadryl to sleep but Benadryl has now been linked to dementia. Great.

I tried talked to my mom the other day about the world and she’s no longer a save space for me. She thinks Elon musk the richest person on the planet with billion dollar American contrasts who is also not American is the savior of America. That Donald trump truly cares for the American people and matt gaetz is a great choice. I had to realize mid conversation, comfort myself or I guess more part repress my emotions, and be agreeable. Oh wow he named is agency D O G E and it stands for do only good everyday. Yuppppp. Crazy hope he saves us.

What is this world anymore?

I’m only 35 years old and everything I grew up learning about was fake or on purpose for a different reasoning. The world has changed so much how will it be when I’m 70? Will I even get to 70?

Where is home?

Make it stop.

[fakmenofakyewh]

Im just waves endlessly crashing against the rocks.

….

[thememedaddy]

[littleapplecart]

[quotesthatstayedwithme]

[neometalpussy]

i don't know man, i just wish that we could [suddenly realising i'm coming dangerously close to expressing a real and earnest thought instead of filtering everything through several layers of intangible running bits] blow up the entire world. or something.

[titsay]

[titsay]

[joytri]

[becomingvecna]

— David Cronenberg, Consumed

[lucidloving]

@roach-works // Melissa Broder, "Problem Area" // Mary Oliver, "The Return" // @annavonsyfert // Koyoharu Gotouge, Demon Slayer // Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance // David Levithan, How They Met and Other Stories // Tennessee Williams, Notebooks

[imsayak]

People aren't homes, they never will be. People are rivers, always changing, forever flowing. They will disappear with everything you put inside them.

~ Nikita Gill

[fakmenofakyewh]

I’m just out here, knowing what it is like to exist between the four walls of your mind.

What color and decor you’d pick, all depending on your mood.

How you arch your back.

How your lips feel.

Diving into your mind is the sweetest escape.

I often fantasize about swimming through your memory, half on a pool noodle with a long straw, drinking you down.

A moon lit tryst.

But sometimes it all seems too fantastical to be connected to you.

If I’m being honest, maybe I’m done with the fantasy as well.

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

– Audrey Hepburn

[fakmenofakyewh]

My life is a hyperbole.

I want to die, but don’t worry, won’t be me who does it

Maybe nature or the cosmos will take pity on me and some freak accident will occur.

Huge fear of mine?

That happening and me having enough time to conscious decide I actually don’t want to die, but then I have no control over it.

Like I jumped off the building and I’m gliding through the air like

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

So maybe I don’t wanna die, I just don’t want to live?

That doesn’t sound right.

Also I’m actually great.

Galaxies. Stars. Black holes.

B holes.

[thehopefulquotes]

“Sometimes you just have to stay silent because no words can explain what’s going on in your heart and mind.”

— Unknown

[thepersonalquotes]

people who get excited about stars, moon & sunsets are my kinda people

[fakmenofakyewh]

How can I almost never be alone but feel alone.

Like a dying plant dramatically draped over one of those orange pots, parts of me dried up and curled back.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt seen, or been touched.

To be honest I think I’ve developed an anxiety to it.

Feeling out of touch with reality, my days start to blur.

Today I felt anger for the first time in a long time.

I hate when you’re over dramatic.

I hate how I have no where to go.

Part of me feels like I should just take up a Captains role, go down with the ship, there’s no hope for me anyways.

Then I hear a certain sound, chord, key, melody…makes me feel.

A bittersweet feeling.

Sometimes it’s like I slink into the back seat and let them drive.

I come to and it’s been months, years.

Solidarity.

Insanity.

Loss.

Sometimes the jokes ain’t really jokes.

But also like it’s not that serious lol ttlybye