"but it would have been fun if you would have been the one" said so nonchalantly like oh, yeah, i mean it's whatever like it would have been fun i guess if we had worked out but it's totally cool. when just before she said she had wished for them. they were her first choice, and still are. how she diminishes such deeply rooted pain to something casual because the other party has made it clear they feel casually about it and have moved on. "it would have been sweet if it could have been me" because it was always them and it still is them for her. but she wasn't it for them and my god. for her to be the only one who regrets and longs for and still wants the other person, and to know you picked someone who never picked you feels nothing but fucking humiliating. so of course, it's casual, it's whatever. would have been like, fun i guess, if i think about it, but i totally don't think about it ever... anyway gotta go.
