White lines, white lies, straight down the rabbit hole
@falsettosandfisticuffs
I’m your dream girl, This is real love, But you know what they say about me…♥ {multimuse oc rp blog. Akari is the default muse. Please peek into my rules!}
So, as it’s been noticed by now I’m sure, I’ve been super inactive. Even after all the effort i started to use to restart this blog, it just hasn’t happened.
I owe people replies, I owe it to myself to finish things up. Not trying to excuse things, but I’ve come to quite a bit of realization about myself over the course of two months, both self realized and of course, through doctors too. It’s helped to explain quite a lot and help me realize myself and I can’t keep hiding from tumblr, letting time drag on and not at least say anything.
it’s a read more here, but you don’t have to read it. It’s for my own peace of mind.
So I’ve been in a huge, depressive slump for a very long time. No motivations, not happy with things. This halted my progress with finishing this blog, and finishing any replies. Any energy I had was burnt out in the course of 3 days, and then I never wanted to look at anything I had ever again. It was tough, watching my dashboard and knowing i owed people something and not doing it. I had bad time management, choosing to walk from it and go do something else, it sucked because i kind of thrive on making people happy. I knew I was depressed, thought I had adhd? and felt there was another monster hiding in the closet, but at the time no one really wanted to acknowledge it. It took me a while, but I found someone who finally wanted to listen to my concerns.
As it turns out, I did have a monster hiding in the closet, along with other twists and turns that I hadn’t expected. Turns out I have Borderline Personality Disorder, just like my oc. Kind of funny, when you think about it. I don’t even have adhd, like I thought.
I’m just so severely depressed that I can’t be fucked to remember anything. But the icing on the cake is, it may not even be unipolar depression. It’s highly likely Bipolar Disorder, if things keep getting worse.Let’s also add PTSD in there, too. Once I was shown evidence of this, it started to really come together. I’ve been a malfunctioning husk for most of my teenage life(when I started this blog in particular, i’ve been on tumblr since I was 14), that progressively got worse and worse, where i finally hit a standstill these past few years. Just muddied up and not actually enjoying what I wanted to. I like to think that maybe, just a little bit, I can start to enjoy myself roleplaying again. I’m sorry this was so long, but it was relatively cathartic to get this off my chest, even if no one reads it. If you do happen to, I hope this wasn’t too much. Thanks for understanding.
“Allllrighty, my parents will be over in a few minutes.”
Aamon repeated as he wandered by Akari. They deserved a break, and Aamon’s parents were more than happy to look after three kids for a week. The Stygian moved to lean against her, giving off a wide, teasing smile.
“First time you’ve had no responsibilities in a long time. Gonna go pick a fight at a bar? Maybe do some underground fighting? I’m game.”
“I’m so glad your parents don’t mind taking ‘em for a little while. “
Akari sighed a sigh of relief. She was glad to have her kids out of her hair for a bit. Running her fingers through her hair, she thought about what they could do now with the free time they do have.
“Hmmm...I do have some frustrations that I could afford to let out.”
I apologize if I’m taking long to get to replies/asks...I am struggling to find time between work and my other obligations. Getting my muse back is hard while simultaneously getting this blog up and running.
Akari sighed. Raising kids is difficult. She lost count of the times she only got an hour of sleep. She longed for the days where she could sleep in with barely any repercussion. With having a 5 year old and a 2 year old, rest was a thing of the past.
“When I’m not being turned into something by nao, it’s losing track of Akira. I’m 900% exhausted. It shows that bad, huh?”
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