Faltering but not Fading

He/Him, 27, Queer, Disabled | Offgrid, Goat Farmer | A personal "I've been in this hellhole too long to run multiple blogs so Suffer" blog, including majority fandom stuff plus my own stuff ofc- | Trad & Digital Art | Fanfic | Knit, Crochet, Patterns

[faltering-not-fading]

General update: I live right on the edge of the Bootleg fire in Oregon. Fully evaced animals & me a few days ago, aside from one of my cats who slipped his harness in transit to my neighbors place and bolted.

Last night, larger animals were evaced from here, everyone here is pretty much ready to roll if we have to. Sitting in a Level 3 evac zone, but not thinking it will actually hit here given where it is, where the fire breaks from both fire crews and the locals are, and current wind direction. Slept in shifts last night to keep an eye on it just in case and doing so again tonight, but it's been consistently moving East/Northeast from here so unless there is a really dramatic wind shift we should be ok here.

My hosts are super nice and I'm chilling drinking a bottle of wine and snacking on beef jerky. I grabbed important documents and some stuff my late fiance had bought me and my solar generator, so if my place goes I'll have a decent start back on power, but I forgot to bring clothes aside from one set of pjs, rip.

Doing good but not been online much aside from checking maps and evac levels and local FB groups.

[faltering-not-fading]

An update: my dog did not survive, I ended up in the hospital on a voluntary psych hold, and I have a few appointments coming up because they got me set up with state health insurance. My other dog & my goats are over at a neighbor's place for now technically just until I get antidepressants sorted but probably until I can get a perimeter fence up so I don't think I'll actually be getting them back tbh, that's in the $2k realm of things and I give up 👍

Any chance any of y'all are willing to pitch a bit for gas for appointments? I have two on the 14th and I'm not sure where it will go from there

paypal is [email protected] and cashapp is $Bpfabrications

[faltering-not-fading]

An update: my dog did not survive, I ended up in the hospital on a voluntary psych hold, and I have a few appointments coming up because they got me set up with state health insurance. My other dog & my goats are over at a neighbor's place for now technically just until I get antidepressants sorted but probably until I can get a perimeter fence up so I don't think I'll actually be getting them back tbh, that's in the $2k realm of things and I give up 👍

Any chance any of y'all are willing to pitch a bit for gas for appointments? I have two on the 14th and I'm not sure where it will go from there

paypal is [email protected] and cashapp is $Bpfabrications

[neil-gaiman]

Hello! I'm not sure how else to start this but I need to apologize for something I did 12 years ago. I was writing fanfic for another fandom and straight ripped out the carousel scene from American Gods. And the worst part is that I knew most people in said fandom probably hadn't read American Gods so no one would pick up on it 🤦‍♀️Anyway, I developed a guilty conscience soon after and deleted the fanfic, but to this day I feel very guilty and needed to get this horrible story off my chest.

You don't have to apologise. If it's any consolation, I still feel guilty for winning a writing competition at my school when I was 12 with a Marv Wolfman horror comic plot in which a grizzled old prospector turned out to be a vampire, and when I told him, apologetically, many years later, Marv Wolfman seemed very puzzled and a little amused that I was apologising.

Young writers borrow things, like plots and characters, and try them on, like kids trying on adult clothes to see how they look in them.

[greensaplinggrace]

I feel like this needs to be said because I keep seeing stuff like ‘if you rb from me too much i’ll block you’ in people’s bios.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO REBLOG FROM ME AS MUCH AND AS OFTEN AND AS QUICKLY AS YOU WANT!! My tagging system was developed specifically because I know what it’s like to have a hyperfixation and want to sift through every single post about that thing. I tag every post for that exact reason. You aren’t bothering me. The notifications don’t bother me. It’s all fine.

[dsudis]

Seeing someone reblog a whole string of posts from me, especially when it’s clear that they clicked on one of my tags and wound up going through 27 pages of it, delights me in EXACTLY the same way as seeing one person kudos all of my fics in one fandom. I did good! I supplied the content they got hyperfixated on tonight! Good job me!!

[thegunlady]

TIL that the Audubon Society has released official statements on the difference between a "bird", a "birb", and a "borb", featuring such gems as:

[faltering-not-fading]

tw hate crime, animal cruelty, if you want to help even w/o reading my paypal is [email protected] and my cashapp tag is $bpfabrications

Some transphobic fuck dumped antifreeze into my dog's water last night, not sure how much but they left the bottle along with a cute lil note and this is one of the ones with ethelyne glycol because they also left the bottle.

My goals are to maybe get him to the vet- he's already showing signs of kidney failure and he's got a handful of other symptoms, he just tried to drink laying down and still fell over and he's having trouble swallowing, idk if they'll be able to do anything other than euthanasia or something super expensive like dialysis or a kidney transplant, but I have $56 to my name and just the exam without an emergency fee is $40 and gas could be anywhere from $30 to $100+ if I can even get a ride with zero notice on a weekday.

I also need to protect my other dog and my goats- this means either fencing or trying to buy a different lot up here that isn't right on the main road- and I know of a few for sale that are hard to access even on foot- and ideally both, I can get a good perimeter fence up installing it myself for about $2k and a different lot for $1800 to $5k.

Calling vets now, will update post with estimates

[faltering-not-fading]

Update: starting cost is $600 for treatment with no guarantee of success, they can't rec anything for painkillers at this point, and they recommended euthanasia. $55 total with that option if I can get him down there

[faltering-not-fading]

Donation by cashapp preferred bc I can pay with my card info through the app and I lost my frigging wallet, have someone I'm trying to get in touch with now who would be willing to trade cash for paypal

[faltering-not-fading]

They said no unless we're taking him in to treat him even though the vet said it probably won't make a difference at this point 🙃

[faltering-not-fading]

To clarify I would love to get him in & fighting this but payment is due in full upfront and I don't see getting from $150ish to $600+ in the next few minutes and they close in an hour with an hour required for transit, can pretty much just go ahead and add a couple hundred for the emergency fee.

[faltering-not-fading]

We're at $200ish of the $600 minimum required for treatment, probably will end up being well over $1k if we can even get him in for tests

[faltering-not-fading]

$261/$600

[faltering-not-fading]

Update on the pupper front: he puked at least twice last night, he's stopped drinking, and he couldn't even pick up his head when I went out to check on him (the camper I'm living in didn't drop below 100ish inside until very early in the morning, not keeping him in an oven when he's already dehydrated).

Other crap update: no more lil notes, nothing else messed with, not expecting another hit until after this round is over.

The focus now is finding someone to get me into the vet to have him euthanized instead of suffering, he's at the point I don't think they'd be able to help him at all now.

Secondary focus should probably be fencing or moving or something but honestly I don't fucking give a shit at the moment, will deal with that later

[faltering-not-fading]

tw hate crime, animal cruelty, if you want to help even w/o reading my paypal is [email protected] and my cashapp tag is $bpfabrications

Some transphobic fuck dumped antifreeze into my dog's water last night, not sure how much but they left the bottle along with a cute lil note and this is one of the ones with ethelyne glycol because they also left the bottle.

My goals are to maybe get him to the vet- he's already showing signs of kidney failure and he's got a handful of other symptoms, he just tried to drink laying down and still fell over and he's having trouble swallowing, idk if they'll be able to do anything other than euthanasia or something super expensive like dialysis or a kidney transplant, but I have $56 to my name and just the exam without an emergency fee is $40 and gas could be anywhere from $30 to $100+ if I can even get a ride with zero notice on a weekday.

I also need to protect my other dog and my goats- this means either fencing or trying to buy a different lot up here that isn't right on the main road- and I know of a few for sale that are hard to access even on foot- and ideally both, I can get a good perimeter fence up installing it myself for about $2k and a different lot for $1800 to $5k.

Calling vets now, will update post with estimates

[faltering-not-fading]

Update: starting cost is $600 for treatment with no guarantee of success, they can't rec anything for painkillers at this point, and they recommended euthanasia. $55 total with that option if I can get him down there

[faltering-not-fading]

Donation by cashapp preferred bc I can pay with my card info through the app and I lost my frigging wallet, have someone I'm trying to get in touch with now who would be willing to trade cash for paypal

[faltering-not-fading]

They said no unless we're taking him in to treat him even though the vet said it probably won't make a difference at this point 🙃

[faltering-not-fading]

To clarify I would love to get him in & fighting this but payment is due in full upfront and I don't see getting from $150ish to $600+ in the next few minutes and they close in an hour with an hour required for transit, can pretty much just go ahead and add a couple hundred for the emergency fee.

[faltering-not-fading]

We're at $200ish of the $600 minimum required for treatment, probably will end up being well over $1k if we can even get him in for tests

[faltering-not-fading]

$261/$600

[faltering-not-fading]

tw hate crime, animal cruelty, if you want to help even w/o reading my paypal is [email protected] and my cashapp tag is $bpfabrications

Some transphobic fuck dumped antifreeze into my dog's water last night, not sure how much but they left the bottle along with a cute lil note and this is one of the ones with ethelyne glycol because they also left the bottle.

My goals are to maybe get him to the vet- he's already showing signs of kidney failure and he's got a handful of other symptoms, he just tried to drink laying down and still fell over and he's having trouble swallowing, idk if they'll be able to do anything other than euthanasia or something super expensive like dialysis or a kidney transplant, but I have $56 to my name and just the exam without an emergency fee is $40 and gas could be anywhere from $30 to $100+ if I can even get a ride with zero notice on a weekday.

I also need to protect my other dog and my goats- this means either fencing or trying to buy a different lot up here that isn't right on the main road- and I know of a few for sale that are hard to access even on foot- and ideally both, I can get a good perimeter fence up installing it myself for about $2k and a different lot for $1800 to $5k.

Calling vets now, will update post with estimates

[faltering-not-fading]

Update: starting cost is $600 for treatment with no guarantee of success, they can't rec anything for painkillers at this point, and they recommended euthanasia. $55 total with that option if I can get him down there

[faltering-not-fading]

Donation by cashapp preferred bc I can pay with my card info through the app and I lost my frigging wallet, have someone I'm trying to get in touch with now who would be willing to trade cash for paypal

[faltering-not-fading]

They said no unless we're taking him in to treat him even though the vet said it probably won't make a difference at this point 🙃

[faltering-not-fading]

To clarify I would love to get him in & fighting this but payment is due in full upfront and I don't see getting from $150ish to $600+ in the next few minutes and they close in an hour with an hour required for transit, can pretty much just go ahead and add a couple hundred for the emergency fee.

[faltering-not-fading]

We're at $200ish of the $600 minimum required for treatment, probably will end up being well over $1k if we can even get him in for tests

[faltering-not-fading]

tw hate crime, animal cruelty, if you want to help even w/o reading my paypal is [email protected] and my cashapp tag is $bpfabrications

Some transphobic fuck dumped antifreeze into my dog's water last night, not sure how much but they left the bottle along with a cute lil note and this is one of the ones with ethelyne glycol because they also left the bottle.

My goals are to maybe get him to the vet- he's already showing signs of kidney failure and he's got a handful of other symptoms, he just tried to drink laying down and still fell over and he's having trouble swallowing, idk if they'll be able to do anything other than euthanasia or something super expensive like dialysis or a kidney transplant, but I have $56 to my name and just the exam without an emergency fee is $40 and gas could be anywhere from $30 to $100+ if I can even get a ride with zero notice on a weekday.

I also need to protect my other dog and my goats- this means either fencing or trying to buy a different lot up here that isn't right on the main road- and I know of a few for sale that are hard to access even on foot- and ideally both, I can get a good perimeter fence up installing it myself for about $2k and a different lot for $1800 to $5k.

Calling vets now, will update post with estimates

[faltering-not-fading]

Update: starting cost is $600 for treatment with no guarantee of success, they can't rec anything for painkillers at this point, and they recommended euthanasia. $55 total with that option if I can get him down there

[faltering-not-fading]

Donation by cashapp preferred bc I can pay with my card info through the app and I lost my frigging wallet, have someone I'm trying to get in touch with now who would be willing to trade cash for paypal

[faltering-not-fading]

They said no unless we're taking him in to treat him even though the vet said it probably won't make a difference at this point 🙃

[faltering-not-fading]

To clarify I would love to get him in & fighting this but payment is due in full upfront and I don't see getting from $150ish to $600+ in the next few minutes and they close in an hour with an hour required for transit, can pretty much just go ahead and add a couple hundred for the emergency fee.

[faltering-not-fading]

tw hate crime, animal cruelty, if you want to help even w/o reading my paypal is [email protected] and my cashapp tag is $bpfabrications

Some transphobic fuck dumped antifreeze into my dog's water last night, not sure how much but they left the bottle along with a cute lil note and this is one of the ones with ethelyne glycol because they also left the bottle.

My goals are to maybe get him to the vet- he's already showing signs of kidney failure and he's got a handful of other symptoms, he just tried to drink laying down and still fell over and he's having trouble swallowing, idk if they'll be able to do anything other than euthanasia or something super expensive like dialysis or a kidney transplant, but I have $56 to my name and just the exam without an emergency fee is $40 and gas could be anywhere from $30 to $100+ if I can even get a ride with zero notice on a weekday.

I also need to protect my other dog and my goats- this means either fencing or trying to buy a different lot up here that isn't right on the main road- and I know of a few for sale that are hard to access even on foot- and ideally both, I can get a good perimeter fence up installing it myself for about $2k and a different lot for $1800 to $5k.

Calling vets now, will update post with estimates

[faltering-not-fading]

Update: starting cost is $600 for treatment with no guarantee of success, they can't rec anything for painkillers at this point, and they recommended euthanasia. $55 total with that option if I can get him down there

[faltering-not-fading]

Donation by cashapp preferred bc I can pay with my card info through the app and I lost my frigging wallet, have someone I'm trying to get in touch with now who would be willing to trade cash for paypal

[faltering-not-fading]

They said no unless we're taking him in to treat him even though the vet said it probably won't make a difference at this point 🙃

[faltering-not-fading]

tw hate crime, animal cruelty, if you want to help even w/o reading my paypal is [email protected] and my cashapp tag is $bpfabrications

Some transphobic fuck dumped antifreeze into my dog's water last night, not sure how much but they left the bottle along with a cute lil note and this is one of the ones with ethelyne glycol because they also left the bottle.

My goals are to maybe get him to the vet- he's already showing signs of kidney failure and he's got a handful of other symptoms, he just tried to drink laying down and still fell over and he's having trouble swallowing, idk if they'll be able to do anything other than euthanasia or something super expensive like dialysis or a kidney transplant, but I have $56 to my name and just the exam without an emergency fee is $40 and gas could be anywhere from $30 to $100+ if I can even get a ride with zero notice on a weekday.

I also need to protect my other dog and my goats- this means either fencing or trying to buy a different lot up here that isn't right on the main road- and I know of a few for sale that are hard to access even on foot- and ideally both, I can get a good perimeter fence up installing it myself for about $2k and a different lot for $1800 to $5k.

Calling vets now, will update post with estimates

[faltering-not-fading]

Update: starting cost is $600 for treatment with no guarantee of success, they can't rec anything for painkillers at this point, and they recommended euthanasia. $55 total with that option if I can get him down there

[faltering-not-fading]

Donation by cashapp preferred bc I can pay with my card info through the app and I lost my frigging wallet, have someone I'm trying to get in touch with now who would be willing to trade cash for paypal

[faltering-not-fading]

tw hate crime, animal cruelty, if you want to help even w/o reading my paypal is [email protected] and my cashapp tag is $bpfabrications

Some transphobic fuck dumped antifreeze into my dog's water last night, not sure how much but they left the bottle along with a cute lil note and this is one of the ones with ethelyne glycol because they also left the bottle.

My goals are to maybe get him to the vet- he's already showing signs of kidney failure and he's got a handful of other symptoms, he just tried to drink laying down and still fell over and he's having trouble swallowing, idk if they'll be able to do anything other than euthanasia or something super expensive like dialysis or a kidney transplant, but I have $56 to my name and just the exam without an emergency fee is $40 and gas could be anywhere from $30 to $100+ if I can even get a ride with zero notice on a weekday.

I also need to protect my other dog and my goats- this means either fencing or trying to buy a different lot up here that isn't right on the main road- and I know of a few for sale that are hard to access even on foot- and ideally both, I can get a good perimeter fence up installing it myself for about $2k and a different lot for $1800 to $5k.

Calling vets now, will update post with estimates

[faltering-not-fading]

Update: starting cost is $600 for treatment with no guarantee of success, they can't rec anything for painkillers at this point, and they recommended euthanasia. $55 total with that option if I can get him down there

[faltering-not-fading]

tw hate crime, animal cruelty, if you want to help even w/o reading my paypal is [email protected] and my cashapp tag is $bpfabrications

Some transphobic fuck dumped antifreeze into my dog's water last night, not sure how much but they left the bottle along with a cute lil note and this is one of the ones with ethelyne glycol because they also left the bottle.

My goals are to maybe get him to the vet- he's already showing signs of kidney failure and he's got a handful of other symptoms, he just tried to drink laying down and still fell over and he's having trouble swallowing, idk if they'll be able to do anything other than euthanasia or something super expensive like dialysis or a kidney transplant, but I have $56 to my name and just the exam without an emergency fee is $40 and gas could be anywhere from $30 to $100+ if I can even get a ride with zero notice on a weekday.

I also need to protect my other dog and my goats- this means either fencing or trying to buy a different lot up here that isn't right on the main road- and I know of a few for sale that are hard to access even on foot- and ideally both, I can get a good perimeter fence up installing it myself for about $2k and a different lot for $1800 to $5k.

Calling vets now, will update post with estimates

[faltering-not-fading]

My mountain is on fire again! 7ish miles from me, started as a house fire, went from one structure to multiple structures consumed in less than 20 minutes, wind is driving it my direction rip

[faltering-not-fading]

They put out the first one aaand we already have another one that's closer and has already forced at least one of my neighbors out of his place

[faltering-not-fading]

My mountain is on fire again! 7ish miles from me, started as a house fire, went from one structure to multiple structures consumed in less than 20 minutes, wind is driving it my direction rip

[maddie-w-draws]

Adventures of Jaskier who thinks a wolf he finds is a cursed Geralt, inspired by this post