ohoho this’ll be fun- first, chameleos! i dare you to matchmake for… deviljho!
Chamaeleos sat shaking across from Deviljho, nervously glancing at her camera. "For future reference...I didn’t mean dare me! Especially with something that could get me get me killed!" she shouted.
Deviljho huffed, only being calmed by Khezu sitting right next to him.
Chameleos cleared her throat. "So, uh, as you know, I'm here to try and play matchmaker for you!" she explained.
"You're lucky I need to find a partner to avoid being kicked out. Otherwise, you'd be head first through a wall right now," the Brute Wyvern warned.
"Noted!" Chameleos chirped. "So, I figured I'd start by running through a quick list of monsters to see if any of them were to your liking."
Waiting for a few minutes with no response, Chameleos decided to start the list. "So, I noticed you a Khezu hang out a-"
"Sorry, but that's not possible," Khezu interrupted.
"Oh...why not?" Chameleos asked.
"Oh, because Deviljho and I both want kids in the future, but our biology complicates that. See, my body has an additional layer of fat for warmth and saliva so corrosive that it can eat through cave floors. These are, unfortunately, what cause Deviljho's kind to be constantly hungry. So it'd be like doubling down on an issue," Khezu explained.
"Ah. I see. Well, thankfully, I have several monsters that could use that heat to their advantage! Like Lunastra!" Chameleos said excitedly.
"You mean the lion who butts heads with almost everyone?" Deviljho asked.
"Oh, right... you two would probably... nevermind!" Chameleos said, seemingly getting more and more panicked. "In that case, why don’t we go with someone on the opposite end of the spectrum! Legiana usually resides in colder climates and even has vents for releasing air!"
"They use the cold as a weapon. Plus, their smaller body is what allows them to fly," Deviljho pointed out.
This back and forth went on for quite a while until Chameleos eventually snapped. "Well, what kind of partner do you want?!" she screamed.
"What I want is someone who can stay quiet so they don't piss me off! I also want someone who I could reliably have a healthy child with! One that wouldn't be burdened by my kind's fucking appetite!" Deviljho roared back.
"Oh, why you picky mother fu-!" Chameleos began.
"Wait," Khezu interrupted. "Why don't you two try dating?"
Both Deviljho and Chameleos shot Khezu a look of utter confusion.
"What? Chameleos is usually pretty quiet. She can stick to walls to stay out of your way if you're in a bad mood. Plus, she's an ambush predator, so her kind can go quite awhile without food," Khezu explained.
Chameleos was horrified, looking over at Deviljho, expecting his face to be consumed in rage. Instead, she found Deviljho actually seeming to consider it.
"Hmm. I guess it's worth a shot," Deviljho said.
"Huh?! You mean, m-me, y-y-you, on a d-d-date?!" Chameleos stuttered.
"You got a spot in mind?" Deviljho asked.
"...I'll see what I can think of..." Chameleos squeaked out.
