Thank you 🥺🥺 I’ve been going through a tough patch with school and work however I’m hoping I can come back soon. I know Taylor Swift just released a new album but something that’s been on my mind since Lover came out is to write some fics based on those songs cause they’re the bomb. Schools over for now and next semester should be pretty chill so I’m hoping that I can write a life more. Thank you for this message it really made my day ☺️☺️
Pairing: None just nice platonic relationships between three best pals
Words: on the shorter side with only 1,768
Masterlist
A/N: So I came up with this idea while I was talking to a friend and watching the Witcher. So right before the feast Jaskier asks Geralt if Witchers ever retire and Gerald says they do when they get old and get killed. Which lead me to think, hmmm does this mean that Witchers never age? If they don’t then that means they hunt monsters until they die. So I thought what if Geralt had finally killed all the monsters, then what? He would just continue his existence cause there are no natural predators to a Witcher anymore and this is what came to mind. A Geralt that never aged along with Jaskier who also stopped aging for reasons to be explained and you the reader as a witch. Let me know what you think, and if you want me to write them during a specific time or doing something. Let me know, my head cannon is that they’re responsible for a lot of things that happened. SORRY for the long intro, now on with the show!
1. What is you middle name?
2. How old are you?
3. When is your birthday?
4. What is your zodiac sign?
5. What is your favorite color?
6. What’s your lucky number?
7. Do you have any pets?
8. Where are you from?
9. How tall are you?
10. What shoe size are you?
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
12. What was your last dream about?
13. What talents do you have?
14. Are you psychic in any way?
15. Favorite song?
16. Favorite movie?
17. Who would be your ideal partner?
18. Do you want children?
19. Do you want a church wedding?
20. Are you religious?
21. Have you ever been to the hospital?
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?
23. Have you ever met any celebrities?
24. Baths or showers?
25. What color socks are you wearing?
26. Have you ever been famous?
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?
28. What type of music do you like?
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
31. What position do you usually sleep in?
32. How big is your house?
33. What do you typically have for breakfast?
34. Have you ever fired a gun?
35. Have you ever tried archery?
36. Favorite clean word?
37. Favorite swear word?
38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?
39. Do you have any scars?
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
41. Are you a good liar?
42. Are you a good judge of character?
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?
44. Do you have a strong accent?
45. What is your favorite accent?
46. What is your personality type?
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?
48. Can you curl your tongue?
49. Are you an innie or an outie?
50. Left or right handed?
51. Are you scared of spiders?
52. Favorite food?
53. Favorite foreign food?
54. Are you a clean or messy person?
55. Most used phrased?
56. Most used word?
57. How long does it take for you to get ready?
58. Do you have much of an ego?
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?
60. Do you talk to yourself?
61. Do you sing to yourself?
62. Are you a good singer?
63. Biggest Fear?
64. Are you a gossip?
65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?
66. Do you like long or short hair?
67. Can you name all 50 states of America?
68. Favorite school subject?
69. Extrovert or Introvert?
70. Have you ever been scuba diving?
71. What makes you nervous?
72. Are you scared of the dark?
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?
74. Are you ticklish?
75. Have you ever started a rumor?
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?
77. Have you ever drank underage?
78. Have you ever done drugs?
79. Who was your first real crush?
80. How many piercings do you have?
81. Can you roll your Rs?“
82. How fast can you type?
83. How fast can you run?
84. What color is your hair?
85. What color is your eyes?
86. What are you allergic to?
87. Do you keep a journal?
88. What do your parents do?
89. Do you like your age?
90. What makes you angry?
91. Do you like your own name?
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?
94. What are you strengths?
95. What are your weaknesses?
96. How did you get your name?
97. Were your ancestors royalty?
98. Do you have any scars?
99. Color of your bedspread?
100. Color of your room?
Pairing: None just nice platonic relationships between three best pals
Words: on the shorter side with only 1,768
Masterlist
A/N: So I came up with this idea while I was talking to a friend and watching the Witcher. So right before the feast Jaskier asks Geralt if Witchers ever retire and Gerald says they do when they get old and get killed. Which lead me to think, hmmm does this mean that Witchers never age? If they don’t then that means they hunt monsters until they die. So I thought what if Geralt had finally killed all the monsters, then what? He would just continue his existence cause there are no natural predators to a Witcher anymore and this is what came to mind. A Geralt that never aged along with Jaskier who also stopped aging for reasons to be explained and you the reader as a witch. Let me know what you think, and if you want me to write them during a specific time or doing something. Let me know, my head cannon is that they’re responsible for a lot of things that happened. SORRY for the long intro, now on with the show!
Pairing: None just nice platonic relationships between three best pals
Words: on the shorter side with only 1,768
Masterlist
A/N: So I came up with this idea while I was talking to a friend and watching the Witcher. So right before the feast Jaskier asks Geralt if Witchers ever retire and Gerald says they do when they get old and get killed. Which lead me to think, hmmm does this mean that Witchers never age? If they don’t then that means they hunt monsters until they die. So I thought what if Geralt had finally killed all the monsters, then what? He would just continue his existence cause there are no natural predators to a Witcher anymore and this is what came to mind. A Geralt that never aged along with Jaskier who also stopped aging for reasons to be explained and you the reader as a witch. Let me know what you think, and if you want me to write them during a specific time or doing something. Let me know, my head cannon is that they’re responsible for a lot of things that happened. SORRY for the long intro, now on with the show!
“Jaskier’s home” you said while moving to go unlock the door so that Jaskier could barge in like he did every day, there was one time you forgot to unlock the door and not only would Jaskier never let you live it down after he slammed himself against the door, but Geralt had also laughed so hard that day that it would forever be ingrained in your memory. He didn’t laugh often, or at all for that matter so that had been a rare treat. You moved to go pick up your laptop and things that were scattered around the dining table while Geralt grunted and went to go check on the mac and cheese that was cooking in the crockpot, it was his turn to cook today after all. Suddenly the door burst open and in strode the famous bard.
“I’M HOME” yelled Jaskier at the top of his lungs. You would think that with how often he yelled that loudly that his vocal cords would have been damned by now but alas I guess the healing was something that came with when that witch ‘cursed’ him all those years ago.
“We know, you tend to almost break down the door every time you throw it open” grumbled Geralt while you moved around setting up the table so that the three of you could enjoy dinner together, something that had originated sometime in the 18th century if you remembered correctly but it was really hard to pinpoint when exactly considering how long you all had lived at this point.
“Aren’t you lucky then that I have absolutely not muscle in any part of my body as as to not hurt the door, unlike someone I know that stockpiles it like flour in 18th century France” jabbed Jaskier right back causing you to snort in amusement, you’d think that after living together for so long that they would treat each other with more love but not even 600 years, give or take a few, could mend somethings. Although admittedly this was how they showed their love for one another.
“Well you would know wouldn’t you Mr. ‘I wanna be part of King Louis court it looks so fancy and I can probably make a lot of money out of it playing my songs. So I’m going to go to France by self’. How many times did we have to save you from the guillotine?” questioned Geralt while turning off the crockpot and then looking at Jaskier with a smirk on his face.
“I lost count after 5” you added laughing when you saw the look of betrayal on Jaskier’s face. Before it quickly morphed into a smug face.
“It doesn’t even matter because I’m alive and, guess whose song is number one on the charts again” bragged Jaskier while doing a little happy dance. You would think that after the first time this happened, he would have lost some of the excitement but it’s never a boring day with those two. Although admittedly it was a lot worse the first time this happened because he wouldn’t stop bragging for YEARS afterwards. Luckily it died down, although he still celebrated with the same dance every time. Laughing and shaking you head while you sat down to eat you remembered that you probably shouldn’t be surprised that his songs were this popular you forgot sometimes that this was the same man that made ‘Toss a Coin to your Witcher’ famous in what was basically all of Europe at the time which in itself was an impressive feat considering that things were not as wide spread as they were now.
“Yes, while we’re glad that you found your calling as a song writer I still don’t get why you won’t become a singer again, you have a good enough voice” You stated while waiting for Geralt to bring the food to the table and Jaksier to finally sit down. “You’ve done it before, we know you can do it” You continued as Jaskier sat down and rolled his eyes at you.
“I’ve already told you, it’s too much work and I make more than enough money this way, plus the last time we did this remember how hard it was to stage my murder?” he countered while Geralt placed the food on the table, sat in his chair and started serving the food to everyone.
“Eh I guess you’re right, It was cool though when you went on tour and we were able to tag along. Have you talked to Paul recently?” you continued while taking your plate for Geralt to dig into.
“No, he’s busy or something, also I’m still kinda upset. Not at him of course but at the queen, why didn’t the queen grant me knighthood as well. Lord knows we’ve known that family for years, plus Geralt helped them come into power! But nope she has to go and knight Paul, I wrote most of those songs you know!” huffed Jaskier while quickly spooning some mac and cheese into his mouth and chewing aggressively. You raised your eyebrows in amusement and shrugged.
“Perhaps” started Geralt, who had been quiet as of so far, “It has something to do with the fact that ‘you’” he said with air quotes around the you, “were ‘dead’ and thus she couldn’t really knight you” he finished off pointing his fork at Jaskier and then placing it in his mouth.
“She could have done it posthumous; she knew I wasn’t really dead” muttered Jaskier before continuing his assault on the cheesy noodles.
“Anyways” you dragged out hoping to steer the conversation elsewhere before Jaskier got too caught up. “so casting is finally done for ‘The Witcher’” watching Geralts reaction only to see him groan and throw his head back in frustration. Rolling your eyes, you continued. “So, they cast a British actor to play you, I think his name is Joe Batey? Resemblance is uncanny to you and his acting’s great, plus he seems to be able to capture your essence pretty well.” You continued as you watched Geralt try to make himself as small as possible to avoid the next question that was undoubtably going to come from Jaskier, which was not an easy feat considering how large Geralt actually was.
“That’s great! If you don’t mind me asking who got cast as Geralt?” Questioned Jaskier none the wiser as to why Geralt seeming very invested in his food all of a sudden and not the current conversation like he has been a few moments ago.
“Oh no one in particular” You started off watching Jaskier reach for his water and take a sip. “Just some actor that goes by the name Henry Cavill” At that Jaskier spit the little water he had in his mouth out causing it to go all over Geralt, and then proceeded to laugh like a mad man.
“You’re joking!” Jaskier managed to choke out in between his laughs while Gerlat grunted and slid his hand down his face to ride himself of the water that had landed no his face. Shaking your head no, you confirmed Jaskiers question, Geralt would be acting as himself. Once Jaskier managed to calm down a bit he asked a follow up, “how did you manage to get him to even audition, let alone take the role?!” now he looked like a teenager wanting to know how to the two most popular kids in the entire high school had gotten together. You looked over at Geralt expectedly waiting for him to answer.
“I lost a bet” was all Geralt muttered before Jaskier started laughing again causing Geralt to groan in annoyance and roll his eyes. “It’s really not that funny Jaskier” he tried hoping to calm the bard down just a tad. Gasping Jaskier now had Geralts full attention.
“Not that funny!?” he exclaimed dramatically, hand over his heart like Geralt had just said the most offensive thing in the world to him. “Forget ye not how you came into this predicament of even being an actor?” chuckled Jaskier while Geralt grunted under his breath. “That’s right, a bet, you lost a bet to me and now you lost a bet to (y/n), so I guess it’s safe to say that you probably shouldn’t bet anymore. Even if you were good at it before” finished Jaskier with a flick of his wrist before picking up his plate and washing it in the sink. Shrugging Geralt stood and started cleaning up the table before answering Jaskier.
“I suppose my luck finally ran out, although I think that happened when the witch cursed you with eternal life” Geralt smirked while bring up the dirty plates to the sink. Causing Jaskier to whip around and gasp dramatically at Geralt.
“I will have you know that I am a blessing to this trio that we have, isn’t that right (y/n)?” asked Jaskier catching you off guard as you placed the leftover in the fridge.
“uhhhhhhh” you hesitated while closing the door and turned to face them. “I would like to be excluded from this narrative?” You tried hoping that they wouldn’t drag you into this.
“Well I never!” huffed Jaskier. “I thought the writer of the famous Witcher novels would have more to say on this” he continued before turning back to the dishes.
“Flattery will get you nowhere” responded Geralt while handing Jaskier more plates to wash while he finished clearing off the table.
“It used to” mumbled Jaskier while aggressively scrubbing a patch of cheese on one of the plates before placing it in the dishwasher. You leaned against the counter next to him before responding.
“To be fair it was a different time and in the stories I wrote you aren’t exactly immortal” you said before pushing yourself off the counter to make your way upstairs. “Anyways, the network wants me to have the pilot scene finished by tomorrow, so I will see you guys later” you excused yourself before making your way up the stair but not before hearing Jaskier start to bother Geralt again.
“Hey Geralt which do you think was the better of these two songs I wrote, Bohemian Rhapsody or Thriller?” started Jaskier, hearing Geralt grunt in annoyance you knew this would not be over soon.
“It don’t think it’s important” answered Geralt, while you heard Jaskier sigh in annoyance.
‘It’s very important and you know it! Some of my best work….” Jaskier trailed off as you made it into your office and shut the door. Never a dull moment with these two.
Y’know what would have been infinitely funnier? If they actually went through with the whole “Jaskier is immortal” thing and nobody ever acknowledges it. Jaskier just failed to mention it and Geralt being Geralt he just doesn’t notice that no matter how much time passes Jaskier just does not age
At some point someone asks them how long they’ve known each other and Jaskier casually answers “about 115 years, time flies don’t you think” and Geralt just has a good scream
I think it was before I started posting story concepts on tumblr but I had an old concept called ‘apocalyptia’ which was a dark comedy about a world where every apocalypse movie premise happened simultaneously
The big joke was that all these HUGE disasters cancelled each other out. A bunch of shit flooding kept the zombies contained. The super intelligent apes stopped global warming. The leather-clad motorcycle murder gangs intimidate the alien invaders.
Everything sucks in like 8 overlapping ways but it’s just become the norm at this point. There’s a guy named Cannibal Jack that people trust to cook for them for some reason.
The main character is a recluse with a shotgun who just wants to sit in her shack and give cynical advice to passing young people, but unfortunately, her younger brother and only surviving family member is a conman with his fingers in every stupid decision being made within a ten mile radius
The brother’s name is Sal, which is short for SOMETHING but he changes his answer every time. He seems to think this qualifies as an alias, and bizarrely, it usually works. Notable ‘definitely Sal’s real name’ options include Salt, Salmon, Salamander, and Salad.
His sister’s name is Marian, occasionally called Misery Marian. It is a running joke that young characters think this is a reference to her bad attitude, but anyone who actually CALLS her that is clearly terrified of her for some unspecified reason.
Sal’s got an on-again off-again business partner by the name of Kent Bardsley, who is just.... SO irresponsibly horny. Sal’s motivation is money, but Kent’s is sex. He keeps getting run out of town for sleeping with important people’s wives. He’s an idiot, but he’s not a conman like Sal, he just helps him with his schemes as an in to towns so he can visit his assortment of fuckbuddies.
The joke of Kent’s character is that the ‘apocalypse’ he’s part of is conservative scaremongering about sexual freedom destroying society. He gets a last name because while Sal calls him Kenny, Marian calls him ‘Bardsley’ with deep contempt.
There’s an alien named Glipix who is investigating why the invasion failed and her analysis tends to boil down to ‘damn bitch you really live like this?’
Kent is really into her but his flirting goes right over her head. Marian’s the only one she respects anyways.
I have a mental image for a TV opening where it’s Marian at like. 12. watching some apocalypse happen through a window and saying “The world ended when I was a girl...” in a really serious tone, and then it pans out to show like 6 other apocalypses happening and her voice turns sarcastic and she says “about thirty fucking times, actually.”
—Marian is 46 and spent her 20s and early 30s as a mad max style motorcycle gang member. ‘Misery Marian’ was her moniker while she was LEADING one of these gangs.
—Sal and Kent are somehow unaware of this.
—Sal’s apocalypse is capitalism. Also Godzilla.
—I’m not kidding about that, Sal and Marian’s parents were killed by a giant dinosaur that still sometimes shows up to bother Sal.
As you can see, I have completely changed EVERYTHING. A while ago I was talking to someone about how I wanted a little more freedom with what I was writing and then I thought. WAIT, WHY CAN’T I DO THAT?! So I thought that it would be a good idea to expand myself so this was born. I hope you guys like it and especially the fact that it’s not only Lucifer centered anymore. I look forward to writing for you all in the near future! Thanks for following! I love you all! I have something in the works coming up so I hope you guys will like it once I’ve got the first part ready!
A/N: Ok guys this has literally taken me a good few months to write and I’m gonna be honest it might have gotten away from me and honestly I am so proud of it so I hope you guys like it.
Summary: The heater in the bunker is broken and it’s the middle of winter. The reader can’t keep warm despite her best attempts. Time to call in reinforcements.
