The Alpha Tauri sys blog @fangedspacebunnysys - Tumblr Blog

All about us:

Our most frequent fronters are in blue. Other very active members are in pink. In white are active members that aren't around as often. In red are dormant headmates.

#text #intro #links to blogs #some share blogs

These muscles are against us

Which ones? All of them

#text #🦉#these are the stiff cramping ones #not shown others that hurt for zero reason but aren't tight

A sys fav food, mushrooms. We love them.

#text

I changed my username on all my other platforms, if you want to follow me on IG, tiktok etc, search @crimson.spine (thank you Kanae for the

Hooty hoo

#picrew #🦉#playing with picrews with Bambi to distract him

sacred-portal

Kai: "I will find you in every life. 😄" (threat)

#text #💖#every sys has to have at least one menace #he says some of the oddest things #he's a headache and a half #speaks in riddles half of the time omfg

boozinbroads

fuckyeahchinesefashion

wooden rabbit sculpture by chinese artist 潮舒木雕

fibro-memes

crimesagainstflesh

What a way to wake up

Nothing like getting jumpscared by a shirt you associate with your rapist around the anniversary date where he almost killed you. Fuck, thought we got rid of that when we got rid of the shorts...it must have been packed away and we missed it. Low-key want to get black out drunk. As if that would help at all...

We've attempted to remove every piece of him from our life. Threw away his art and cropped him out of pictures. Got rid of some of the clothes we wore most when he fucked us, not like they fit us anyways. But we kept some clothes in case we ever did lose weight. The only thing we have left from him is a shirt he got us one christmas. It was a band we liked but he didn't. We really liked that shirt. He didn't show his true colors at that point yet, no bad energy attached to it. We've had it long enough, it's ours and has our energy. It's also a band that our cousin likes, we associate it more with her than anyone. Seeing anything other than that, that has his energy? Fucking hell, that shirt went flying across the room. I don't want to think of the things we did with him wearing that. It's his favorite color too.

I wonder if having this item in our room has been affecting us at all. Not like we could tell the average person that. They'd laugh and say if we forgot it, how would it still be doing anything? Tell me you're dead to feeling energy without telling me. It feels like it's his fault that thing attached to us. (It hasn't been back in 4 years, I think we're good now.) He was always messing with shit he shouldn't be and we told him that. Yet he had the nerve to act as if we were the ones walking the path of the dark side. Talking the 3 fold rule. (Besides that's Wicca specifically.) Mhm, I wonder how that would apply to an abuser and serial rapist. We have only ever tried to strongly protect, ward off and hide, and mirror/send back whatever is sent to us. We don't add hate back out there. How can you expect to get something positive out of negative energy? He never understood us. He was one of the few people we felt safe enough to tell we saw auras and he called us crazy to our face and when we got upset he kissed us to shut us up and next thing we know our pants are off. He never could wait for us to be done yapping. We wanted to have deep, meaningful conversations like we used to before our arrangement started. But he got what he wanted, he didn't have to pretend to care anymore. We gave him parts of ourself that he never deserved. He used us and discarded us without a second thought. He only ever came back around when he ran through anyone else that would fuck him. His only drive in life is to fuck and have someone play mom for him because of his own toxic relationship with his mother. It wasn't obvious in his 20's, but in his 30's and the same shit different woman? I pity anyone he ends up with and I pray that they get away from him. Brb going to scrub my skin off.

#text #💖#trauma dumping #puking my guts out

After getting some sleep it seems the intrusive thoughts have stopped. We mostly have a few certain ones that cycle through. We know how to handle those. We have gotten to the point that no matter how intense the feeling we can still roll our eyes at the thought. "Hmm, yes I don't think we'll be doing that." And brush it off. However, yesterday we had some new ones and they were very strong. We didn't want to tempt it, which meant we wanted to stay away from forks and butter knives. We haven't been eating much these days and staying away from that we almost passed out. Hit the ground but didn't lose consciousness. (We did eat after that.) Lack of sleep doesn't always trigger the intrusive thoughts but it seems that they are more likely to pop up.

Feels like we can breathe again. I don't know what is going on with us but one night of missed sleep is now hitting us like three nights of missed sleep. It appears that the week long migraines that were piggybacking are done too. Finally. It's clear that we need more rest...as if we do much else. Yes, this is the sign of a perfectly abled-bodied person that's lazy. (/s) Not only are we sick of ableism mentally, it's wearing us down physically. If we can't get on disability by ourself, looks like we'll have to see about a lawyer. Our doctors and medical charts should be enough to prove it, but no you have to play chess and the government is at an advantage. We really hope all the reading and listening we've done will be enough to get us through it. We need to write up exactly what we need to say to their doctor. We need to prepare ourselves for going for an appeal. There should be a way to transfer all our pain to any of those, "well if you're disabled you have nothing to worry about," people and then start screaming in their face and shoving paperwork at them. Set them on a timer, because the timeframes are very limited. And when they mess up throw all their hard work in the garbage and go. "Guess you're not really disabled lol get to work." Just so they know how it really is. They purposely make it difficult for a disabled person to do. Why? Because they don't give a shit, they don't want to support anyone. For that matter sometimes it feels like all the work will be for nothing. I'm sure that as soon as they can they're going to cut funds for disability too. Life is exhausting. There needs to be more than 24 hours a day just so we can get a solid sleep every once and a while.

#text #🦉#I know they call it crashing out...is that why everything hurts like you've been in a car crash?#brb going to puke up my spine

This has been helping with our hip and low back pain. Got it from a local witch. We're thinking of making our own batch. Our skin is super sensitive to a lot of topicial stuff. We had a few muscle rubs that used to help but we developed bad reactions to all of them. (We had one we used since childhood, absorbine jr. It was the best! But one day it gave us a chemical burn over our whole back.) We've been looking for anything that could help. This stuff doesn't burn at all but takes the edge off. More numbs out a little bit. She makes one for nausea we're thinking of trying.

#text #💖

Goes on insta for a second and sees a friend of our cousins' tried to add us. Clicks on profile and scrolls through. I got no clue who you are dude or why you tried to add us. Delete.

We've been burned way too many times by their "harmless friends." Uh huh, our cousins have never been single around them. They are the self-proclaimed nice guys that hate women but think they deserve one. They're just as abusive and boundary crossing as meat heads. Only they're nerds that think they're smarter than you. (Newsflash, they usually aren't. But how could a woman be as smart or smarter than them?) They're creeps, predatory. We would not have ever became friends with our abuser if it wasn't for them. The same cousin that introduced us to him dated the guy we were best friends with and in love with in high school. She has a history of dating any guy we say we like. I need to stop talking about her before I burst a blood vessel...

We had one of the nice guys that invited us to his place to hang out in his dungeon. Yes, he called his bedroom his dungeon. That would be the first time we would be together privately. After a 'date' we didn't agree to. We were simply getting to know him, and he kept insisting it was a date. We tried to pay our own way and even said, "it's not like this is a date," but he wouldn't let us pay. Afterwards we told him we didn't feel any sparks and for that matter we weren't looking. Which leads to the hanging out at his house. He wanted to watch a movie and cuddle. Um...excuse me?! What part of not interested did he not understand? He said friends can cuddle. Yeah...after you know them. This would be the second time seeing him and he was pushing that. After I firmly said I will not go over there if he's going to do that, he pretended to drop it. Because all the red flags were flying, we had no intention of going over ever. But we wanted to see how much he'd tell on himself. (We do enjoy calling people out on their bullshit.) We asked if we came over if we could bring a friend and he was perfectly fine with it...when he assumed it would be another girl. I said, "oh my best friend *insert male name* loves Batman too." Suddenly he got uncomfortable about having a man over. Huh, I wonder why that would be. I said if it's friends just hanging out why does the gender of the friend I bring matter? He got quiet. I said how it would be great to get to know each other and hey, he could gain even another friend. He was suddenly going to be "busy" the original night he wanted to see me. I told him what a shame because we were both looking forward to watching Batman with another fan. I asked when he would be free next and he never got back to me. 😂 It was so fucking funny. Oh, don't like being pursued by a pushy person? How does that feel? I know what those intentions were, he got caught red handed. He was a big guy, probably thought he could overpower two girls. But another dude? Probably not. Dude, you weren't slick at all.

Another dude, that we did like from many years before from afar, was one of their friends. He re-entered our life because of our cousins. Once we got to know him, he was too pushy. We made out a lot on our first date. An actual date. Which was fine with us, we enjoyed that. Morg had his head in the clouds. They had a lot in common, he was really nice, and he was Morg's type. But after the date he was saying something about the kissing and we had to confess we've never kissed with tongue before that day. He straight out called us a liar. ... But we weren't lying he was our first and we really liked him. Ofc right away he hits us with the "no way you're a virgin." Once again, um yeah, we were. He then says he can't wait for us to give him head if we're such a natural. He might as well have thrown a bucket of ice water on Morg. He was crushed and felt objectified. This man that Morg had admired distantly for five years. There was no 'if you' it was 'when you.' He was already expecting us to put out and soon. He was a few years older than us and kind of made fun of us for not having had sex with anyone yet. He acted like it wasn't a big deal to lose your virginity and it would be better we did it sooner because being 18 and a virgin still is embarrassing and we were behind in the dating game. (We think virginity is a stupid cishet concept, but we still wanted things to go on our terms. We wanted our first to be someone we had a deep connection with. It didn't have to be love, but just something. At least for our first.) We didn't go on a second date. That one really stung.

The two examples I gave? BFFs, they openly admitted to giving each other tips for both dates. Like, if one of them couldn't get us maybe the other could. 🤮 That was the first time we got targeted like that, but it wouldn't be the last. Sometimes I wonder if they put bets on us. Which one we would go on a date with or fuck. We turned them all down.

Morg only went on one date (with a different guy) after those two, probably because of that actually. That was in 2011. It was a wonderful date, saw Black Swan and went back to his place to talk for a few hours. Then we made out and humped like bunnies with all our clothes still on. He let us set the pace and never pressured us. We had known him for years and one day we figured out that our feelings were mutual. Any romantic or sexual feelings for him eventually faded as he became more like found family. His parents love Morg and our family loves him. Things shifted and it was for the better. We're glad we have at least one date that wasn't a disaster. But that set the bar. He saw us as a person first, that's what was different. It's a shame we couldn't see through the fakeness of our friend with benefits. He built up our trust solely to fuck us. He got a bargain, he could use us any way he wanted to and he didn't have to date us. Meanwhile he had multiple women on the side and none of them knew about each other. He didn't deserve to have any part of us. He didn't deserve to have anyone if he treats them like an object. And if he raped us, how many others has he? That's another subject...we aren't thinking of that today.

When we saw that rando, it was like the memories of every dude that wouldn't leave us alone hit all at once and we saw red. We're so done with cishet men. They actually shouldn't be going for us anyways. Unfortunately, many of them see nonbinary as 'woman lite.' It's no wonder Morg gave up on love. He wants to be more than just a body. He wants someone that will care about his comfort too. Someone who won't make us push through the pain and let us bleed out on the floor, then get mad at us for making a mess and force us to clean everything up when we're in severe pain. He never hit us, we know he wanted to. Somedays we wish he did, we would have left sooner...but it's in the past. No point on dwelling on what could have happened.

#text #trauma dumping #vent #🩸#🦉#💖#cry your eyes out Friday or something like that...#depression hitting full force #gee thanks rando man for triggering us #no message or anything just trying to add us fuck you dude our insta is private for a reason #10 bucks he missed that we're trans and would have a problem with that #It's my spiral and I'll cry if I want to

Damn, we did it again today. Something hit a nerve with cousin drama and all the guys we had to deal with because of them when some rando that they're friends with tried to add us. Just because you're friends with our cousins, doesn't mean we want to be friends with you dude. Actually given the track record, if they're friends with them but not our other cousin that's a red flag for us. Spiraled and wrote a shit ton again. Too personal to post. Well, at least the last half of it. One dude is in jail but the other two deserve to be too. Great friends our cousins have. (Sarcasm)

#text #🦉#I think punching the bitchy one once really good in the face would heal us...but we can't do that #it doesn't matter how much she's hurt us it really isn't worth #instead we have distanced ourselves from her back to the level we were in high school #we can be friendly but we will never trust her #I mean we only trust one cousin in reality

Fucking 2 hours and 45 minutes of sleep. *sigh* oh well, I'm used to it...it's unpleasant is all. Maybe we can manage a nap at some point if our body allows it. 🙄 It's throwing the biggest fit because it got a little hot out. Had to have caffeine for our migraine and now our heart thinks we're running while we're lying in bed. In the flattest, most sarcastic voice you can imagine, "I love being chronically ill. I never get tired of this shit."

#text #🦉#also caffeine triggers hot flashes so yeah fuck us right?#literally solve one issue and bam there's another like fucking wack-a-mole with illness or worse a hydra #I have to screech into the void every once and a while I'm okay now #need to listen to my angsty music and I'll be good 👍#Morg's mom said we need some cabana boys to fan us constantly lol I wouldn't mind that

When you start writing a post and end up spiraling and getting too personal so you have to delete it. Long story short, I don't think I'm ready to see my family again yet. I haven't seen them, except for Grandma and Grandpa, since Thanksgiving.

#text #💖#that last get together stressed me out horribly then had a cousin try to guilt trip me #they're all toxic and petty as fuck yet won't take serious things seriously

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