creating @fangsmark-blog - Tumblr Blog

my mind is hurting me again. i am jealous, terribly jealous of others. i feel so lonely because im not in an institution right now. noone is lynching me, annoying me, irratating me. i just cannot exist with myself right now. i am not stimulating myself to respond in front of others.

this is the chapter in which you struggle to see your worth. patience my love. i’m so used to my own train of thoughts. pains will come and go. take me seriously love. i keep calling people to fill in the void of sadness and disconnection from myself. each day is difficult because time is an illusion and an enemy to my mind. i crave to be distracted and reminded of my humanity and my flaws. that my search for perfection and for social engagement is nothing more than a ruse, an unattainable goal

The streets came rushing back to me. The smell. Medicine. Typing. You are good at anything they say. I had the same conversation with my dad, him trying to lecture me on the future. Plan for the future. I resent him. I think he can see the hate in my eyes. Yet, he gives me money because I am his daughter. Blood relations are strong. I have not learned my lesson or I don’t know. A lot happening once.

when i stopped feeling confident about my future, i started looking online for job alerts. in the end, i was just spamming myself with these emails containing jobs that i cannot even take.

I can communicate really well, haha!

challenged her thought

week 1

narratives fervor communicate avoiding monkey king

week 2

week 3

11.6.16

I dont want to do art anymore. I dont see things anymore. I dont have that positivty to feel my life outside of this box. I’m not really preparing myself for the future. I saw my dad today

12.28.16

During my fall semester off recovering from lower jaw surgery, I quickly became uncomfortable with my unscheduled time that felt wasted as I dwell on my inadequacies––first-generation, single mom, low-income, and the list goes on and on. I soon realized that especially during difficult time, self-doubt traps me in a mirage of mazes, with each path leading to another dead end. Thoughts of what I am not and cannot be cloud my judgment, slowly chipping away my self-esteem, my ambition, and resilience. Only my own individual will can alter my perspective and take away the fog.

remember 10.25.2016

behind on work.

working behind. finding truths in the invisible. mirroring your disease. your brain is your lover. you can move and see. yo ucan worry but the worries will not be. extract the feelings of hopelessnesss because it does you no good. it does not show the hues, the language tongue you have become. it does not show the miracle that is yourself. you matter.

10.24.16

I'm freezing I'm depressed. I went out but my mom sucks the life out of me. I want to believe that it is all going to be good that life is fine, but it’s not right now. My mind is my enemy and I don’t know where I am going. I don’t where my art. I just want to feel good about myself again, but yeah, I want to cry. I thought I was fine, but perspective. Right now what the fuck do you want to do. You look like a damn soccer ball right now. Classes schedule you got to keep going. Let’s make sure you understand that you can write. You can speak. You are fine. There is no questioning that is fine for you right now. Do not let the lens of depression hurt you like that.

You have done so much and right now you don’t where to go, but let me tell you. You got this. You are strong. Do not let your mother’s world destroy your love to yourself. Patience, my friend. I know it’s hard. I know you want to..you want to feel better.

👉👈 (at Wesleyan University)

close up shot of one of my recent works as i finished this piece, i remember someone telling me "life is magical." and i'm starting to truly believe that. i try to put that in my art, so others can also feel the magic i see. Title: Disbelief Medium: Watercolors, Charcoal 18" by 24" 2016 (at Wesleyan University)

fantastic graphic design skills right? #fangsmark

#fangsmark

💜💜💜 (at Wesleyan University)

can u guess which two colors i mixed to make this? (at Exley Science Center)

what would u do with yourself if u figured out that u need nobody for the world u want to be at your feet?

welcome to my world. (at Wesleyan University)

it's not about my gpa It's not about the classes im taking it's not about how many things im doing it's not about who my friends are It's not about cultural capital It's not about activism as an aesthetic It's not about wesleyan it's not about the problematic shit that happens in the world it's just not about. #art #fangsmark (at Wesleyan University)

#art #fangsmark

Grade A AA Artist Activists 💜 @oceang_ (at Wesleyan University)

first sculpture that i gave space for. i gave away/sold the rest. #art #sculpture #orientalism #bicultural #identity #dynamism #hiddenhistory #unveiled #fangsmark (at Wesleyan University)

#hiddenhistory #bicultural #art #fangsmark #orientalism #dynamism #unveiled #sculpture #identity

Only three left for tonight #fangsmark (at Wesleyan University)

#fangsmark

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