"I feel like there are two types of people in the world. The ones that get over their grief and move on and the ones that descend into some sort of endless misery." - Spencer Reid
♥Aquarius/♀/Canada/Single♥
✯Ojibwe/MicM'aq/Swedish✯
Guys! It’s been a long time and for that I’m sorry. I seriously need something to help me write...ideas/prompts just anything! Please halp me!! Criminal Minds or Supernatural only please!
I glance at Brooke, shaken out of my thoughts and send her a sheepish smile. "What's up?" I grab a fry off my plate and look around the small Burger King we're in. I quirk a brow when she sends me a concerned look.
"Are you okay?" Brooke's honey brown eyes are so full of concern, that I feel slightly guilty for day dreaming the past little while. "I know you haven't been sleeping lately, Ky."
I sigh and shake my head sadly. "Sorry Brookie. I'm fine...well maybe not fine, but I'll be okay..." I bite my lip and slide my hands through my raven black hair, tugging slightly. "I've been having nightmares." I don't elaborate since Brooke doesn't really need to know what the dreams are about. She doesn't need to know that I've been dreaming of my own death.
"Do you want to talk about them?" Brooke asks softly and I just shake my head. "You're sure?" She asks again and frowns when I just send her a small smile. "You're hard headed and stubborn; you know that right?"
"Nope, didn't know that at all." I chuckle and toss a fry playfully at her. I gasp when a shock shoots through me and my head throbs slightly. I growl softly and glance at Brooke who stands up and glances at me. "Demon..." I whisper softly and make my way out of the small restaurant. I turn into the alley beside the Burger King and change into my Spirit Animal to sniff out the demon. I wince slightly as I start changing, my limbs shrinking and bending into strong fore legs and back legs. Changing is painful but it's more of a dull pain, like a toothache then anything serious.
"Can you get his scent, Kylie?" Brooke whispers and I just look at her, locking my blue eyes on hers. "Yeah, yeah...I know." She mutters and sends me a smirk. "Think it may be Devon?"
'That's who it smells like.' I mind link with my best friend and sit patiently as she hooks a collar and leash around my neck, causing me to grumble softly.
"I know you hate the leash Ky, but you know what happened the last time you got caught without it." Brooke sends me an amused smile which causes me to huff at her in annoyance.
'How can someone mistake me for a dog, when I clearly look like a wolf?' I grumble which causes her to laugh.
"You have to remember that normal people can't usually see what's right in front of their face." She whispers to me and strokes my black and grey head. "Come on, lets go track Devon."
I woof softly and sniff the ground around Brooke's feet, trying to pick up the scent of the demon. I yip happily when I pick up the scent but also something else. I snuff out a breath and glance up at my bestie. 'Gun poweder and leather?' I leave out the part where that smell causes my heart to skip a pleasant beat.
"Another hunter?"
'I think so...' I start leading Brooke out of the alley and down the street, following the smell of demon, gun powder and leather. After about forty five minutes of tugging Brooke through this small Ohio town, I stop in front of an old Victorian house. I glance up at my best friend and tilt my head to the side when I spot the black Impala outside. 'Oh. My. God!'
"What is it, Furball?" Brooke looks down at me and quirks a brow when I start sniffing around the car.
'Remember how I told you that ever since I've been a little girl, I've dreamed of a man named Dean Winchester and his little brother, Sam?' I watch Brooke nod and huff out. 'Well, that's their car.'
"Hey! Don't let your dog piss on my tires!" I glance up and let out a startled growl when Dean Winchester steps out of the house. His shaggy haired brother behind him.
"I wasn't planning on it." Brooke sends the dark blonde haired man a glare. She smiles softly though when Sam steps forward and crouches down to pet me. "This is Ky..."
"What a beautiful dog...she's part wolf isn't she?" Sam glances in my eyes and I see amusement and intelligence in them. I decide to show off, so I lift my paw for the shaggy haired man to shake, causing him to chuckle.
'Which one's your Soul Mate, Ky?' Brooke whispers in my mind, watching as Sam pets my head.
'Dean...' I mumble at her and huff out another doggy sigh. 'Go figure he'd be a dog hater.'
'Wait until he sees you as a human...' She glances up at Dean and then down at me again. "So...are you guys from around here?" I know she's trying to be friendly and get them to like her. 'I bet he swallows his tongue when he sets his eyes on you...' Brooke grins and strokes my head. 'Ten bucks.'
'You're on, Brookie Poo.' I yip at her and walk over to Dean who is staring at me with a bemused smirk on his lips, so I stand up on my hind legs and lick his cheek. Brooke chuckles and I let my tongue loll out of my mouth as I sit down in front of the stunned man.
"We're actually just stopping through...we're driving 'cross country." Sam smiles at Brooke and I can't help but notice the sparks between them.
"I'm Brooke..."
"I'm Sam, and this is my brother, Dean."
I start sniffing around Dean's feet, and feel my chest swell when he lays his hand on my head. I glance in his eyes again, locking mine on his green ones. "I've never seen a dog with such human eyes, before."
Brooke just smiles and kneels down to stroke my muzzle. "Sometimes there's more to something then what meets the eyes." She stands up and I bark as if in agreement. "Well, I should probably go..." She locks her eyes on Sams and smiles. "Hopefully we run into each other again before you guys leave town."
'Devon is definatly around here and I think he's after the Winchester's.' I keep pace beside Brooke as we walk towards our motel. 'There's also another dark pressence...perhaps we should show up tonight...give them a hand?'
"What do you think we're dealing with?"
'Besides Devon? An angry spirit...'
"Well Furbag, lets get some rest since we're going to be hunting tonight." She sends me a smile. "Sounds like a whole bunch of fun."
'You have no idea.'
-x-
"An antique shop? You're serious?" Brooke groans as I follow her up the stairs into the old Victorian House where we met Dean and Sam. I glance around as I enter the house, keeping an eye out for the brothers and our demon friend.
'I know, I know...creepy antiques and spirits...yadda yadda.' I grump at my best friend and sneak into a room full of mirrors, Brooke following me. 'Keep your guard up...Devon's close.'
"What about the boys?" Brooke asks and gasps when two shadows appear in front of us.
"What are you and your mutt doing here?" Dean growls out angerly. "...and who the hell are you talking too?"
"We're hunters..."
"We're?" Sam asks and glances down at me with a question in his eyes. He gasps when I just woof at him and summon my human form.
The white light surrounds me and after a few seconds, I send the two guys a smile. "Yes, we're." I hold out a hand to Sam and chuckle when he just looks at me. "I'm Kylie."
"What the hell is going on here?" Dean demands and glances from me to Brooke.
"We're hunting a demon named Devon..." Brooke mumbles and gasps when said demon appears behind the brothers.
"Look out!" I summon my angel blade and push past the brothers, using my power to shadow myself so Devon can't see me.
"I gotta help Kylie, we'll explain later." Brooke growls out at Dean and rushes after me.
I see Devon in front of me and send a White Wave at him, freezing him so he can't move. "Hiya, Devon...fancy seeing you here."
"Let me go, you whore!" The demon grunts at me in an effort to get out of the spell.
"I'll let you go as soon as you tell me about Azazel." I summon another angel blade and send the demon in front of me a smirk. "I'd start talking Devon..."
"I don't have to tell you anything, you half Angel slut!" The black eyed demon draws his own blade and attempts to rush at me, forgetting that he's being held there.
"Half angel?"
I whip my head around and look at Sam and Dean who are bloody but okay, so I assume they defeated the evil spirit. I gasp when I'm tackled to the ground and my breath is knocked out of me. I struggle against Devon and scream out in pain when he sticks his demon blade into my left side. I grip one of the angel blades in my hand tightly and push it up against Devon’s stomach, piercing the demon. I watch the demon disappear and grip my side which is gushing blood. "Fuck..." I pant out and groan against the pain.
"Kylie!" Brooke rushes forward and pushes my hand away from the wound, studying it. "We should call Gabriel..."
"I'll heal Brooke...I just need to focus past the pain...but I can't heal here..." I grit my teeth against the pain and send a forced smile towards Dean and Sam. "I should probably explain..." I struggle to stand up but whimper in pain as my side throbs. "I'm half angel..."
Brooke hooks my arm around her shoulders and helps me stand up. "Kylie is the 'Child of Promise' and-"
"...humanities hope of survival." Dean finishes and stares at me in amazement. "Our father talked about you...and wrote about you in his journal." He steps towards me and nudges Brooke away so that he can pick me up in his arms. As he steps near, I feel a tugging in my chest and I know it's because my soul knows that his soul is near. "I've dreamed of you, Kylie. I mean, I've seen you grow up as I slept..."
"I can explain that but I need..." I wince a bit and glance into his green eyes. "...we need to get out of here. The police are coming and I really don't think we can come up with a good enough excuse to explain why we broke into an Antique shop." I feel so exhausted that I can't help but lay my head on Dean's shoulder as he carries me to the Impala.
"Can you explain why you turn into a dog?" He asks softly and I groan in frustration.
"I turn into a wolf..." I grumble and shoot a glare at Brooke when she chuckles. "My mother was a shape shifter...not the kind that you two are familiar with but a Lakota shape shifter."
"There's a difference?" Sam asks softly and I can't help but smirk at the way he's watching Brooke walk.
"My mother was what is called a Niyanoka. A Niyanoka can only turn into one animal. An animal that they dream about their whole lives. My animal is a wolf..."
"What animal was your mom, Kylie?"
I smile at Dean and reach up to stroke his cheek softly. "My mother...she could turn into raven. She was the Wise woman of our Lakota tribe." I whisper softly and sigh sadly.
"What happened to your mom?" Sam asks and I can't help the small snarl I let out, causing the youngest Winchester to frown.
I struggle against Dean, who places me on my feet when we reach the motel room that Brooke and I are sharing. I grip my side and unlock the door, stepping inside. "I don't want to talk about my mother." I grumble and fall to my knees as my power pulses through me.
"Kylie?" Dean asks and goes to rush towards me but Brooke grabs him by the shoulder and shakes her head.
"I'm okay...it's part of healing." I gasp out as the pain of healing coarses through my blood. I whimper as the darkness starts to surround me and I know that within a few moments, I'll be unconscious. I glance up and meet Dean's eyes through my pain filled vision and send him a weak smile. "The wound is worse then I thought...Brookie, fill the brothers in on what we're doing and....just everything." I gasps again as the white light burst from my body and I fall back, sleep overtaking me.
Okay, this is my first Supernatural fan fiction I’ve like ever written. Basically I’ve used some words and stuff that I’ve got from a novel I read which I can’t remember the name of. It’s packed up in a box with my other books right now because I’m in the process of moving in with my boyfriend. Anyways, I’m using my own silly version of Nephilim and shape shifting as well as the soul mate thing. I don’t own crap and just like using my imagination. Enjoy...at least try too and please no bashing.
~Introduction~
Ever since I was a little girl, I've always known that I was different. I've always known that I was a Nephilim. You may not know what that means, so let me explain. A Nephilim is made when a 'Son of God' and a 'Daughter of Man' have sex and create an offspring. Basically, I'm what Heaven considers an abomination, and to add even more confusion into the mix, I'm also a Shape Shifter. I'll explain that in a few minutes.
My father is the Archangel, Gabriel aka The 'Trickster'. He is called the Trickster because he likes to trick and prank unsuspecting people. My father's pranks aren't meant to be mean though, since most of the time they have a lesson to learn. This is how Gabriel met my mother, she was one of his unsuspecting persons. Mama always told me it was love at first sight when she laid eyes on the Angel.
My mother was the one who first told me about her and my father. I was seven years old and I guess I was being curious and asking about why daddy wasn't around. Mama sat me down and cuddled me against her as she told me the story of how she and Gabriel met and fell in love. She told me that daddy was 'Special' and had a very important job. That was the first night I met my father and we've had a bond ever since.
When Gabriel showed up that night, the first thing I noticed about him was that he glowed. I could see his Halo, even though he was in a Vessle. A willing human who allows angels to occupy their bodies. When I mentioned that he glowed, he lifted me into his arms and that was when I noticed his eyes. His eyes were like my eyes, so light blue that they looked almost white. Dad calls the color of our eyes, angel blue.
I should probably explain a bit about my mother before I carry on. My mother was a Lakota Indian and was what is called a Niyanoka. A Niyanoka is a shape shifter who takes on the form of an animal, only one animal their who lives. The Niyanoka dreams of their animal Spirit Animal when they are first born and follow the advice and wisdom they share. They usually have their first transformation at the age of fifteen. Niyanoka are also Guardians of the Spirit World, which is the Lakota's version of Heaven. My mother, Briar Dawn Johnson was a Wise Woman and the last of her kind, until I was born.
In Lakota legends, there is a prophecy that a girl will be born who will save mankind. This girl is called a Inanoka, which loosely translates into Nephilim. The thing is though, the Inanoka isn't just part angel, they are also part shape shifter.
I've been hunting things in the Supernatural world since I've been seventeen. I picked up an angel blade at the age of seventeen to avenge my mother. I've been a hunter for the past six years and I've seen almost everything that you hear stories about. I've seen Vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, and demons. I've also seen witches, warlocks, familars and Wendigos. There are so many things out there, things not even discovered yet.
Currently my best friend and I are hunting for a demon here in Toledo, Ohio. This demon knows another demon that I have a gory history because this other demon is the one who killed my mother. Azazel is his name and I know that Brooke and I are not the only ones hunting for this demon. This night, a part of my destiny is going to show up, in the name of Dean and Sam Winchester.
Tonight I'm going to meet the boys I've been dreaming about my whole life. Another thing I should probably explain about being what I am, is that there is a thing called a Soul Bond. Basically, I have a soul mate and if I don't meet him before I'm twenty six, I will lose my powers and possible my life.
Dean Winchester is my soul mate, and both of us have a Destiny to fulfill, the only thing is that I'm scared of is falling in love. The reason is because I have a secret that nobody knows yet and I plan on keeping it that way for as long as I can. I just hope that I can stay strong and keep it to myself.
Triggers: Cursing, Physical Violence, mentions of Rape. Nothing too graphic.
Note: Part Two of my Hotch x Reader series. This is the [Song] used and just a really quick question, should I add smut to the next part? It’s maybe a month and a half after this one shot. Aaron and reader have gotten to know each other better. Let me know? Please.
[Safe and Sound]//[Lighthouse]//
I'm only one call away/I'll be there to save the day/Superman got nothing on me/I'm only one call away.
It's been three weeks since I've been back in my apartment with Thor and I don't know if I'm happy or not. I can't even figure out how I'm feeling because everything is just blank. I'm an emotionless zombie and that's scarying me because besides being a bit of a book worm, I'm usually pretty out going.
I can't say that I'm completely emotionless because there is one thing I'm always feeling and that's fear. I'm constantly scared to the point where I sleep with the lights on or if it's a bad night, I actually sleep in the bathtub while Thor sleeps on the floor beside it.
Currently I'm curled up on my couch with Thor laying beside me. We're watching cartoons and I can't help but sigh because I've hardly left my place since I've been back. I watch as Thor looks longingly at the door, so I decide that it's time for me to take him out. "Lets go for a walk boy."
Thor lets out a happy bark and jumps off the couch, rushing to the door to pick up his leash off the floor. He brings his leash to me so I can clip it on his harness before I grab my sweater and tug it over my head frowning slightly at the weight I've loss. I sigh and grab my keys, pepper spray and cell phone before walking out my front door. "Come on, boy. Lets go to the park so you can run." I click to the dog and chuckle when he stares into my eyes with his tail wagging.
As I step out of my apartment building I shiver slight at the chill in the air and glance around nervously. I start walking even though my chest is tightening due to my anxiety, so I start singing softly to myself to keep myself from over thing.
"I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord but you don't really care for music, do ya?..." I sing as I walk Thor towards the park, keeping my voice low enough that people won't stare at me.
I tug the hood of my sweater over my head as I make my way towards one of the benches near the playground so I can watch the kids play like I used too before the kidnapping.
Sitting on the bench and watching the kids causes me to relax a bit and lean back as Thor lays his big head on my lap wanting me to stroke it. "You're a good boy, Thor." I murmur and glance up when someone sits next to me on the bench, feeling my anxiety start rising as the man looks at me.
"Hello."
He sends me a smile and reaches out to shake my hand but I just grip Thor's leash tighter and glance down at my lap. I start singing softly again, trying to calm myself down. "...Well it goes like this the forth the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift, the baffled king composing, Hallelujah..." I whisper to myself, causing the man to reach out and place a hand on my shoulder. Thor growls low in his throat and I start to stand up to flee until I hear a child's voice calling Thor.
"Thor!"
I glance up and see a little boy with dark hair smiling as Thor looks between me and the boy. I start trembling when I hear footsteps behind me and a hand rests on the small of my back. "Relax..."
Call me baby, if you need a friend/I just wanna give you love/C'mon, c'mon, c'mon/Reaching out to you so take a chance.
I shudder in relief when I hear Hotch's voice in my ear and almost whimper when he draws me into a hug shocking me. "I'm sorry..." I whisper frantically, hugging the man tightly.
"I honestly wish I knew why this man makes me feel so safe..."
I can't help but think to myself as I lay my head on Hotch's chest. I pull away and clear my throat nervously after a moment as I glance down at the little boy who is petting Thor. "I take it this is your son?" I ask the man quietly and watch as he nods. I send him a smile and kneel down so I'm eye level with Jack. "Hello, Handsome Jack." I send the boy a smile and hold out my hand for him to shake. "I'm [Y/N] and I wanted to thank you for looking after Thor for me while I couldn't." I hold out the leash for the boy to take and chuckle when Thor wags his tail happily. "You can play with him for awhile, if you'd like."
"Thank you, Miss [Y/N]!" Jack smiles up at me and then looks at Hotch to make sure he's okay with playing with the dog.
"Stay close and mind Thor okay, Jack?" I chuckle when the boy nods happily and rushes off with Thor trailing behind him. My chuckle causes Hotch to look at me and nod towards the bench I was currently sitting on. "So do you always sing when you're nervous?" He asks softly and brushes my hair off my forehead.
"It helps me to not focus on the bad thoughts...if that makes sense at all?" I glance down at my hands that are gripping my jean covered thighs. Hotch must notice that I'm tense because he places a hand over one of my hands causing me to look up at him.
"It makes more sense then you think, [Y/N]."
The two of us sit quietly on the bench, as we watch Jack and Thor. I can't keep the smile off my face as I watch the boy and dog run, roll and play in the grass. "Thor's really taken with Jack...Hotch."
"Aaron.."
"What?" I ask as I lock my [Y/E/C] eyes on his brown ones.
"Call me Aaron...for some reason it sounds better then Hotch coming from you." Aaron reaches out and cups my cheek in his hand, sighing softly when I cringe away.
"Sorry..." We both mumble at the same time, causing us to freeze and chuckle softly.
I blush and tuck my hair behind my ear, feeling ashamed that I've cringed away from the man who saved my life. "I...guess I'm still a little afraid of being touched."
"It's understandable [Y/N]...." Aaron murmurs and cups my cheek again this time grinning slightly when I don't cringe away. "See, getting better already."
"You're an everyday hero, Aaron Hotchner." I murmur and glance up into his gorgeous brown eyes. "You've saved my life and...you're helping me...I feel safe with you." I babble out, blushing bright red.
No matter where you go/You know you're not alone.
"You're not alone..." Aaron whispers and I see something flash in his eyes which causes my stomach to fill with butterflies. "How have you been?" He asks after a moment of our eyes staying locked and awkward silence surrounding us.
"I've...I'm scared. I mean, I've been afraid to leave the house and when I do I panic, or start too. I've started carrying pepper spray with me." I chuckle nervously, blushing when Aaron slips his hand over mine and weaves our hands together. "I...I'm drawn to you Aaron, but I don't kno-"
"Come for a coffee with me sometime, [Y/N]. Let me help you deal with your fears and we'll see how things go? I don't expect anything..."
I bite my lip as tears come to my eyes because my emotions are all over the place. "Aaron, I'm a mess...I've been...I just...you have a son and surely you don't want me too-"
My babbling causes Aaron to chuckle and press his lips to my forehead. "I'm asking you for coffee, not to get married [Y/N]. Relax and just for your information, you're not a mess." Aaron whispers, locking his eyes on yours which causes you to blush softly.
"I'd...perhaps we could do coffee at my place...I'm still not good with being out in public...I really don't want to be responsible for pepper spraying someone and then being arrested." I chuckle when Jack runs over and hands me Thor's leash as the exhausted dog lays down at my feet. "Well Handsome Jack, I think you tired Thor out." I grin down at the boy and ruffle his dark hair, causing him to giggle.
"Dad? Can we go get some ice cream?"
"Sure, Jack." Aaron leans down and whispers into his sons ear, grinning when Jack looks up at me with those big, innocent eyes of his. I just quirk a brow and shake my head a bit, knowing that the two are planning something.
"Miss [Y/N]?"
"Yes, Handsome Jack?"
"Dad and I are going to be gentlemen and walk you home." He reaches out and grabs my hand to help me stand up from the bench.
"Well, I won't say no to two Handsome escorts." I giggle which causes Aaron to smirk at me and takes Thor's leash from me. "I have two heroes..." I whisper which causes the boy to look up at me in wonder.
"[Y/N]..." Aaron whispers softly as we start walking, Thor walking companionably at the mans side.
"Daddy saves people...I want to be like him when I grow up."
"Your daddy saved me...and I know for a fact that you're going to be amazing, just like him." I kneel down and press my lips to Jacks forehead, causing the boy to blush a bit and look up at me with glowing eyes.
I'm only one call away/I'll be there to save the day/Superman got nothing on me/I'm only one call away.
We walk in silence for a few moments, Jack still holding my hand tightly in his. After we're almost to my apartment building I glance up and meet Aaron's eyes before taking the leash from him. I lean forward to press a kiss to his cheek before whispering in his ear. "Watch yourself Aaron, you and your son are prime targets for someone to fall in love with." I pull away and smile down at Jack who is staring up at me in wonder so I just kneel down and press a kiss to his cheek. "I want to thank you two kind gentlemen for seeing me home. You're my heroes..."
As I turn to step into the building, Aaron grabs my hand and tugs me against his chest. "Coffee? How about tonight if you're not busy. Jack is going to JJ's for the night to have a sleepover with her son Henry." I blush at the hopeful look in Aaron's eyes and nod my head. "Is around seven okay?"
"That's fine...have fun with your sleep over, Handsome Jack and I'm sure I'll see you again soon." I brush my hand through his soft hair and smile a bit sadly as I glance up at Aaron. "I'll see you soon, Aaron...and thank you." I walk into my apartment building and wave to the man and boy as they walk away. I sigh as I start walking up the stairs, Thor keeping pace beside me. "What am I getting myself into, boy?" I murmur and unlock my apartment door, slipping in and locking it behind me.
I grab Thor's water dish on the way to the kitchen and fill it with fresh water as I glance around the small room. "Do I even have coffee?" I ask myself and place the dogs dish on the floor. I groan and start pulling open cupboards in search of coffee. "I can do this..." I murmur to myself and can't help but grin when Thor barks his agreement.
Come along with me and don't be scared/I just wanna set you free/C'mon, c'mon, c'mon/You and me can make it anywhere/For now, we can stay here for awhile/Cause you know, I just wanna see you smile.
A few hours later, I fidget with the sleeves of my white cardigan as I hear the knock on the door. When I pull it open I see Aaron standing there holding a dozen light pink carnations, which causes my belly to fill with butterflies as he holds them out too me. "Aww, thank you so much. They're beautiful Aaron..." I whisper and stand on my tiptoes to press my lips to his cheek but he turns his head and my lips meet his in a soft kiss.
I gasp softly and step back but can't seem to move and it's then I realize that his hand is at the small of my back. I know that my eyes must widen a bit because Aaron clears his throat and steps back, a playful glint shinning in his eyes. "Sorry, and you're quite welcome [Y/N]." He reaches out and flicks my hair out of my eyes, sending me a small quirk of his lips. "Jack helped me pick the flowers. He said the pink ones were pretty like you."
I step away from the door, allowing Aaron to enter my apartment and chuckle when Thor rushes forward to greet the tall man, his tail wagging happily. I watch as the dark haired man kneels down and strokes the dog. "Thor really likes you, Aaron. It's a shock...he usually only likes females and kids." I start humming softly as I grab a vase out of the cupboard.
"Maybe he senses that I'm one of the good guys." Aaron watches me as I arrange the flowers in a vase, filling it with water and then centering it on the counter. "You seem to like that song." He murmurs as he steps behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder.
I blush, realizing that I'm comfortable enough with Aaron that I'm humming without even realizing it. "It was my father's favorite song." I whisper softly and measure out coffee for the coffee pot and glance at the handsome man over my shoulder.
"Was?" Aaron locks his brown eyes on mine, concern flickering through them.
"He died last year..." I send Aaron a sad smile and motion towards my small kitchen table, inviting him to sit. "I still expect him to walk in here the way he used to with out knocking." I grin and walk to my small fridge to grab milk and creamer out of it. I feel Aaron's eyes on me as gather up two mugs and the sugar to place on the table. "I miss him so much..."
"I'm sorry to hear about your father, [Y/N]. The two of you must've been close." Aaron grabs my hand as I walk by him and presses his lips to the top of my hand.
I blush a bit which causes Aaron's eyes to sparkle a bit mischieviously, so I poke the man in the forehead before grinning and shaking my head. "My mother walked out on my dad and I when I was just a baby...I don't even remember her face."
"You're father did an amazing job, with you. You're strong, beautiful and couragous."
I grab the coffee mugs and fill them with the now finished coffee and carry them to the table, sitting across the table from Aaron. I shake my head when he compliments me and sigh. "I'm none of those things, Aaron...I'm not strong, nor couragous and I'm definatly not beautiful..."
"I'm the one looking at you." He whispers softly as he cups my cheek in his big hand. "I don't know why you mesmerize me [Y/N] but from the first moment I laid eyes on you, something clicked with me."
"Aaron...I'm not sure...you're thinking...I don't know. You baffle me and fuddle my mind..." I shake my head and stand up to pace as I tug my hands through my hair. "I...you're my hero, Aaron and I hope my friend. I don't want to rush into anything or hurt you...or Jack..." I start shaking, knowing that I'm going to end up breaking down in front of Aaron.
The tall man stands up when he sees me starting to shake and wraps his arms around me. "[Y/N], you're not going to hurt me or Jack. I promise you that." Aaron shocks me and picks me up in his arms and carries me to the couch.
He sits down and cuddles me against his chest as I sob almost uncontrollably.
No matter where you go/You know you're not alone/I'm only one call away/I'll be there to save the day/Superman got nothing on me/I'm only one call away.
I don't know how long Aaron and I sit like that with me clenching his shirt in my hands as he rubs comforting circles on my back. I finally notice that I'm sitting in his lap and glance up into his warm brown eyes. "I'm sorry..." I whisper softly and turn to get up but he stops me by placing his hands on my hips, holding me on his lap.
"I'm not a doctor [Y/N] but I know when a person is heading for a break down, and you were long over due for one." Aaron smiles at me and reaches up to wipe the tears from my cheeks. "You're one of the strongest people I've know...." He murmurs and cups my chin so he can lock his eyes on mine.
I find that I can't turn away from Aaron's intense stare and lean in to press my lips softly against his. "I'm scared..." I whisper and reach out to place my hand on his cheek, sliding it up into his dark hair. "I'm scared, Aaron...because I have this longing for you...I'm so scared that I'm going to hurt you..."
Aaron kisses me softly but firmly enough to stop my words, causing me to gasp softly and wrap my arms around him. "You..." He kisses me again. "Are...Not..." Another kiss as his hands move to my hair. "Going...To..." He tugs my hair away from my eyes and kisses me once more. "Hurt...Me..." Aaron almost growls out as I just shake my head and crush my lips against his.
And when you're weak I'll be strong/I'm gonna keep holding on/Now don't you worry, it won't take long/Darling, and when you feel like hope/Just run into my arms.
I sigh after a few moments of kissing Aaron and pull back, standing up from his lap. I keep my back to the stunned man and tug my hands roughly through my hair. "I shouldn't be doing this...it's too soo...the rapes...oh God..." I whisper, frantically tugging on the ends of my hair.
Aaron watches me for a moment and must notice that I'm in the midst of a panic attack because he grabs my hands when I start sobbing and clawing at my chest. "[Y/N]?" He whispers places his hands on my cheeks so that he can force me to look at him. "Breathe..."
I take a deep breath and whimper as Aaron tugs me to him and hugs me tightly. "I'm sorry, Aaron..."
"I'm here as a friend, [Y/N]. I care about you and if you're not ready for this then I understand..." Aaron places his hands on my cheeks again and wipes my tears away with his thumbs. "I like you and we'll take things slow...you're not alone..." He whispers as he presses his lips to my forehead and pulls me with him when he sits back down on the couch.
"Thank you, Aaron..." I whisper as I yawn and shift so that I'm sitting beside the dark haired man. I lay my head on his shoulder as he wraps his arm around me, tugging me so I'm leaning against him. I reach out and hand him the remote to the TV and smile at him weakly. "My hero..." I murmur which causes him to chuckle softly and flick through the channels as I start dozing off.
"Get some sleep, [Y/N]." Aaron murmurs and strokes a hand through my hair softly, lulling me into a deep sleep.
I'm only one call away/I'll be there to save the day/Superman got nothing on me/I'm only one, I'm only one call away/I'll be there to save the day/Superman got nothing on me/I'm only one call away.
Triggers: Cursing, Physical Violence, mentions of Rape. Nothing too graphic.
Note: Okay, this is the first part of the Hotch x Reader series I’m writing. The series itself is still untitled so if you have an idea for a title, let me know. The song used is [Song]. The dog I’m using is based on my dog Thor who I miss dearly. He passed away a few years ago but I still think of him all the time. He was my best friend.
[One Call Away]
I remember tears streaming down your face/When I said, "I'll never let you go"/When all those shadows almost killed your light/I remember you said "don't leave me here alone"/But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight.
I don't know how long it's been since I've been locked in this small, musty shed. It's like I'm starting to forget what the sun feels like on my now sickly pale skin. I long to be outside in the fresh air, running around with my dog, Thor.
I sigh and draw my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around them. I can't understand why this crazy man has kidnapped me and locked me in this stupid shed. He keeps calling me by someone else's name but no matter how many times I tell him that I'm not her.
I'm not his Sarah, and no matter how much he tells me I look like her, when he's actually sane enough to realize that I'm not his dead wife, I’m not her. No matter how many times he rapes me and tells me he loves me, I'm still not her. I don't want to be her, but I fear I will be dead like her if someone doesn't find me soon.
In the time I've been in this shed, I've learned that this man was physically abusive to his wife. I've learned that she left him and when he found her a few towns over, he beat her to death. Now he thinks I'm his Sarah, and that I've come back for him, forgiving him or some non-sense.
I've stopped fighting him because when I do he just beats me harder and the rapes get worse if that's even possible.
I try to make myself as small as possible when I hear yelling outside of the shed and pray that it's not my kidnapper. I whimper when I hear a gunshot and feel the tears starting to fall down my cheeks as even more fear clenches in my chest.
"You know [Y/N], you've been here for God know's how long and you still don't know his name..."
I think to myself, shaking my head at my silly thoughts.
"Sure, the guy kidnaps me and I'm just going to walk up and ask his freaking name...'Hey, I know you're torturing me and all but can you tell me your name so I can have something to call you while I beg you to stop?' Right..."
"I'm going fucking insane..." I mumble to myself at the thoughts running through my head. I sigh deeply, laying my forehead on my knees, hoping against hope that whoever is yelling outside is a Savior and not my Torturer.
I jump up in fear, backing myself into the wall when the shed door bangs open, and a dark haired man walks in wearing a bullet proof vest and a dark blue FBI jacket over it. I glance at the gun in his hands and whimper softly causing him to look at me.
I cower a bit and fall to my knees, wrapping my arms tightly around them when he steps towards me, putting his gun back into it's holster. "[Y/F/N] [Y/L/N]?" He asks quietly as he kneels down just a foot or two away from where I'm curled up. He watches me nod and he smiles a little bit as he holds out a hand to help me up. "Can you walk?" He asks softly, causing me to nod. "We have someone outside whose waiting for you. He's a little eager to see you." The Agent chuckles when someone starts cursing outside and Thor runs in, barking like crazy. "Thank God you aren't standing up...he's a big boy whose been a great help to this case."
"Thor!" I whisper out on a sob when I see my Siberian Husky rushing towards me. "Thor..." I wrap my arms around my boy and sob into his neck as he allows me to hug him tightly. After a few moments I push the dog away and hold out a hand to the Agent who takes it and helps me to my feet. "Thank you..."
I grip the mans hand tightly, as if my letting go will make him disappear. He shrugs off his FBI coat and places it over my shoulders, before helping me outside. Thor rushes out ahead of us and I wince and shield my eyes with my hand as the sunshine causes my eyes to burn.
Just close your eyes/The sun is going down/You'll be alright/No one can hurt you now/Come morning light/You and I'll be safe and sound.
"Agent?" I stop walking and glance up at the Agent who has a hold of my arm to keep me from stumbling on my wobbly legs. "You never told me your name..."
"Supervisory Special Agent, Aaron Hotchner. I can't stop the small smile from forming on my lips because she sounds so official.
"Nice to meet you, Agent Hotchner. That's an impressive title by the way." I watch for a moment as Hotchner starts walking again. "How long?"
He turns and locks his brown eyes on my [Y/E/C] ones. "Excuse me?"
I sigh and walk towards the ambulance that I know is there to take me to the hospital. "How long was I gone?" I ask quietly and step back when an ambulance attendant rushes towards me. I whimper softly and try to hide behind the tall Agent.
Hotchner raises a hand to stop the attendant from rushing at me and turns so that his beautiful brown eyes are locked on mine. "You've been gone for two weeks."
Tears fill my eyes because it's seemed like so much longer. "I almost forgot what the sun felt like..." I whisper as I start to feel dizzy and sick to my stomach. "I honestly thought I was there forever...he thought-"
"Shhh...we need to get you looked after then you can tell me what happened, okay?" He watches me nod and places his hand on the small of my back to steer me towards the now patiently waiting ambulance attendant. "Be gentle with her..." He warns and sends me a small quirk of his lips before he grabs Thor's collar who attempts to jump into the ambulance. "I'll keep Thor with me for now and I'll see you up the hospital."
"Thank you again Agen-"
"Call me Hotch." He strokes my dogs head and turns towards where some people whom I assume are other Agents.
"Um...Hotch?" I ask nervously, feeling like a complete baby but I don't want to be alone with the males who are attempting to check my blood pressure and stuff. "I...could someone come with me?" I mumble meekly and shy away when a dark skinned man steps forward and tucks my [Y/H/C] hair behind my ear.
"Morgan...perhaps JJ could go?" Hotchner places a hand on Morgan's shoulder as he glances at a blond haired woman who just nods and sends me a smile.
"I'm sorry..." I whisper to the dark skinned man who just waves off my apology and sends me a smile. I send a shy smile at Hotchner who nods and waves as JJ climbs into the back of the ambulance with me, taking my hand.
"You have our boss mesmerized, [Y/N]." The blond looks at me and grins, squeezing my hand gently. "I'm Jennifer Jareau, but my friends call me JJ." I just nod and lay my head back against the flat pillow as she rambles on about gossip sites and other light hearted stuff. I finally relax enough on the way to the hospital that I fall into a restless sleep.
Don't you dare look out your window darling/Everything's on fire/The war outside our door keeps raging on/Hold onto this lullaby/Even when the music's gone/Gone.
I wake up when I hear a crash beside me causing me to sit up and groan when my body throbs in pain. I glance around to see what crashed, catching the sheepish look that Dr. Spencer Reid, another Agent of the FBI, sends me. "You're the noisy one of the BAU, aren't you Doc?" I ask, which causes the man to chuckle softly.
"Not usually but there's really not a lot of room in here for me to move around." He sends me another sheepish grin and holds up my empty Jello container. "I got hungry waiting for you to wake up so I ate your Jello..."
"Thief..." I mumble and poke him in the shoulder playfully. I've really bonded with Spencer in a short time because he reminds me of what I have longed for in a brother.
"The joys of being an only child..." I think to myself and sigh as I start feeling sorry for myself.
I've been in the hospital for two days now and I've yet to see Agent, Aaron Hotchner again but JJ and Spencer have been keeping me up to date on what's happening to Seth Barlow, the man who kidnapped me.
"Hotch is coming by later today." Spencer pipes up after he realizes that I'm withdrawing into myself which I've tended to do a lot in the past two days. "Just so you know...it's been him and his son Jack that have been caring for Thor."
"Jack?"
"Hotch's seven year old son." Spencer smiles and hands me the cup of water I'm staring at, wishing that it would somehow fly over to me so I don't have to move. "You do know that staring at an object won't make it magically appear."
"I can hope since my body feels like I've been run over by a moose...or cow." I wince slightly as I shift so that I'm sitting up. "So Hotch has a seven year old son? Has he been married long?"
Spencer sighs and places a hand over mine, squeezing gently. "Hotch's wife was killed a few years ago. An UNSUB..."
"His name was George Foyet..."
Both Spencer and I look up quickly as Hotch steps into the small hospital room causing me to blush slightly. Spencer gathers his things and nods to the older man before scurrying from the room. I watch as the dark haired man walks towards me and I can't help the little flicker of something that goes through my stomach as he locks his brown eyes on mine.
Just close your eyes/The sun is going down/You'll be alright/No one can hurt you now/Come morning light/You and I'll be safe and sound.
As I watch Hotch sit in the chair beside the hospital bad, I can't help but reach out and place my hand on top of his that is laying on the bed beside me. "I'm sorry..." I whisper softly, not sure that he even heard me until he slips his other hand over mine that his still covering his. "I...I'm so sorry..." I whisper again, tears slipping from my eyes as I grieve for a woman I've never met, a child that lost his mom and a man who lost a wife.
"[Y/N]...I've come to terms with it...it's been three years, so please don't cry." He reaches out and wipes the tears from my cheeks. "How are you feeling?" Hotch asks and squeezes my hand gently.
I send him a small quirk of my lips and sigh. "I really want to get out of here...I want things to start going back to normal..."
"Tell me what happened with Seth Barlow." Hotch commands softly, causing me to gasp softly and tug my hand out from under his, placing it on my lap. Thinking of the man who held me captive for two weeks causes me too feel helpless and weak. It makes me feel dirty and worthless.
"I told JJ..." I mumble and grip the blanket that is gathered at my lap tightly. Hotch must know that I'm starting to panic because he reaches out and grabs my hand gently.
"I want you to tell me...please?"
I just nod and glance down at my lap as I launch into the story of how you were kidnapped.
I tell the handsome man who is sitting beside me how I've worked in the small Cafe' slash Bookstore over on Main Street for the past four years. I explain how that it was my night to empty the garbage and close up shop. I tell him how I was grabbed from behind and knocked unconscious. I speak softly, almost whispering about the rapes and beatings, feeling the man tense beside me.
"He still thinks you're his dead wife..." Hotch murmurs and strokes his thumb over my palm, causing a pleasant little tingle to shiver up my arm.
"Why?" I ask quietly, causing the man beside me to stiffen a bit and lock his brown eyes on mine.
"I don't know what's going through his mind, [Y/N]....but you're safe now." Hotch strokes his thumb over my palm again and sends me a small smile.
"You have a nice smile, Agent Hotchner...you should do it more." I murmur and gasp softly, covering my mouth with my free hand. "I'm seriously going crazy...or my filter fell out while I was locked in that shed. Sorry..."
Hotch's eyes sparkle with humor as he reaches out to tuck my hair behind my ear. "My team tells me all the time, that I'm a tight ass." He quirks his lips when I chuckle softly. "Anyway, I talked to your Doctor before I came in here. You should be in the clear to go home tomorrow."
"Really?" I ask hopefully, feeling happy that I might finally get to go back to my apartment. "Hotch?"
"Hmm?"
"Thank you for looking after Thor...it can't be easy looking over a seven year old, working in the FBI and keeping a very hyper dog occupied."
"It's really no problem [Y/N]. Jack loves Thor and I'm actually thinking of getting him a puppy since he's been begging for one." Hotch glances up when my nurse walks in and starts taking my vitals, causing me to roll my eyes. "Someone doesn't like hospitals." He murmurs causing me to quirk a brow.
"You think?" I chuckle when he laughs softly. "I think they've taken more blood in here then I've lost while I was-" I trail off when I see Hotch's eyes darken with anger. "Sorry...my humor...is...I guess I'm not quite sure how to deal with all this. It still feels like it's all a dream if that makes any sense at all?"
"Have you thought about talking to someone? You've been through a lot in such a short time." He grips my hand a bit harder as he meets my eyes.
"I don't think I'm quite ready too...talk to someone about this. The thing is Hotch, I feel...worthless..."
"You're not worthless." Hotch murmurs and reaches up to cup my cheek in his hand but after a moment he pulls away and runs his hands through his dark hair. "If you're not ready to talk to someone, you can call me." He reaches into the inside pocket of his suit jacket and tugs out a card, placing it in my hand. "I have to go pick up Jack in a few moments..." He sighs and runs his hand through his hain again. "I always have my phone on so no matter what time of day it is, you can call me."
"Thank you Aaron Hotchner..." I whisper and watch as the man nods and walks out of the hospital room as if his ass is on fire. I stare after the handsome Agent, and bite my lip as my stomach fills with butterflies. "Oh for crying out loud, [Y/N]! Getting a crush on a freaking FBI Agent?" I tug my hands through my [Y/H/L] hair and pull it in frustration. "I've lost my fucking mind..." I whisper to myself, sighing deeply. "At least I'm safe though...”
"I hope..."
Just close your eyes/You'll be alright/Come morning light/You and I'll be safe and sound.
This is us at our best, and at our worst/And when we speak, does it feel unrehearsed?
"[Y/N]?"
You glance up from the book that you're reading and smile at your boyfriend of six months. "Hmm?"
Spencer Reid, the Supervisory Special Agent from the BAU of the FBI just smiles down at you and presses a kiss to your forehead. "I just wanted to see if you were alright because you've been awfully quiet today. Are you okay?" He asks softly, his hazel eyes fully of concern.
"I'm fine Spencer." You murmur and shy because what he doesn't know is that you've been doing a lot of thinking the last few days. You know deep in your heart that the man that is staring down at you is it for you. He's the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with, but lately he's seemed distant and you know that you're not helping matters. You sigh again and tug your hands through your [Y/H/L] hair.
Cause where I wanna be is far apart/From where we are, from where we are/And I thought I found the place where we could start/Talk from the heart, talk from the heart
Spencer and you met six months ago when you quite literally walked into him at small bookstore down the street. You wince slightly at the memory of walking into him and your frozen hot chocolate splattering all over his dark blue shirt and black tie. You remember blushing like crazy and babbling out one apology after another.
"I love you, Spencer." You whisper and lock your [Y/E/C] eyes on his hazel ones, smiling hopefully as he just smiles and nods.
"Me too, Sweetie."
You sigh deeply, standing up from the couch to walk towards the bedroom that you and Spence share. You're feeling frustrated that he hasn't said the "L" word in the six months you've been together, and you know that part of the problem is his work. Spence tends to keep you at arms length because he's afraid you'll be hurt or worse.
But you just say I'm perfect/Say I'm pretty/Say I'm worth it/But if you really care for me
"[Y/N]?" Spence follows you into the bedroom, grabbing your hand and squeezing it gently when you don't answer him or turn to face him. "Did I do something wrong?"
He gives your hand a small tug so that you stumble back and he wraps his arms around you. "You've been distant lately, and I've tried to keep quiet but I'm scared I'm going to lose you."
You bite your lip for a moment before turning around and facing the man you love. "Spence...can I ask you something important?" You watch him nod and chew your lip again. "Do you see a future with me?"
You sigh and shake your head when the hazel eyed man gasps softly. "[Y/N], you're such a beautiful person inside and out...." Spencer gulps and scratches the back of his neck. "I don't really want to think about the future because I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow." He murmurs which causes you to hiss out a breath in frustration.
"Spencer!" You almost growl out, fisting your hands together not really sure if you want to punch the man standing in front of you or bang your head off the wall. "Forget it Spence..." You huff out and turn away from him to grab your sweater off the back of the chair. "I love you...but I won't wait forever..." You whisper over your shoulder before walking towards the door. "Don't forget you gotta leave for work in twenty minutes."
Say love/I want you to say love/I want you to say love/When I say "love you"/You just say "me too"/But I want you to say love
You leave the man standing there with a shell shocked expression on his face and storm down the stairs. Once outside in the cool, spring air you let out weary sigh and start walking. You're not sure where you're going or what you're going to do but walking helps to calm you down.
As you walk, you ignore your cell that is ringing because you know it's Spencer and you know that you're still to angry to talk to him. 'What's so bloody hard about saying I love you?' You think to yourself as you get lost deep in your thoughts. You don't realize you're being followed until you hear a twig snap behind you.
You reach into your pocket to grab your cell, but before you can pull it out you're grabbed from behind. Your phone rings and you pray that you've managed to press the talk button as you let out a scream when you're thrown to the ground with a dark haired man towering over you.
"So you're one of the BAU's bitches, huh?" The mans deep voice growls out as he lowers himself down to pin your arms with his legs. When you don't answer him, he backhands you across the face, causing you to gasp out in pain. "You've been helping them, haven't you slut?"
You shake your head frantically as you try to squirm your way out from under the man. "I don't know what you're talking about! I don't work for the FBI!" You scream out when the man tangles his hand in your [Y/H/L] hair and slams your head on the ground.
"You're lying you bitch!"
That's the last thing you hear before your head explodes in pain as he slams your head down again and darkness surrounds you.
It feels like we can't get out of first/When we do it's like we're stuck in reverse, oh
"[Y/N]?"
You groan when you feel a hand stroke through your hair causing you to wince when it hits the bump on the back of your head. "Oww..." You open your eyes and see Penelope Garcia sitting beside you. "Penny? What are you doing here?"
"The guy caught me on the way to my car."
You sit up and glance around the small room that you and Penelope are locked in. "Are you injured?" You ask softly and look your best friend up and down looking for wounds.
Penny hugs you gently and you sigh in relief that she seems to be okay. "They're going to find us, you know." She whispers as you just sigh again and shake your head.
"I don't doubt that they'll come, Penny...Spence and I had a fight...well basically he stood there while I bitched him out." You sigh again and stand up to pace the small room. "I'm just so freaking frustrated..."
Penelope locks her eyes on yours and sends you a tired smile. "He loves you, [Y/N]. You do know that some guys have a hard time-"
"I know he cares for me, Pen but...I just...it'd be nice if he said the L word...I mean...I just don't know." You sigh again and sit back down beside your best friend.
You both look up quickly when the door to the small room flies open, revealing both Spencer and Derek Morgan. "You girls okay?" Derek asks as he kneels beside Penny, searching over her for injuries.
Spencer rushes over to me and slides his hands in my hair to tilt your back to examine the bruise that is on your cheek from being back handed. "[Y/N]..." He murmurs and rests his forehead against yours.
Penny pushes Derek away as the two of you struggle to stand up with the boys hovering. "Did you get both of the men?"
The two guys glance at each other in confusion. "Both men?" Spence asks as he glances in your eyes.
Cause where I wanna be is far apart/From where we are, from where we are/And I thought I found the place where we could start/Talk from the heart, talk from the heart
You shove Spencer out of the way when you notice movement in the doorway, watching as a dark haired man holding a gun appears. The gun goes off as you shove the man you love, the bullet catching you in the right side of your chest.
Penelope screams and rushes forward as you collapse on the floor, pain screaming through your chest and rib cage. You wince when another gun shot sounds and look around frantically to make sure Spence is okay.
When you see the he's okay and that he shot the UNSUB you let out a relieved but painful breath as everything seems to become a blur. "[Y/N]?"
The voice is spoken so softly, you begin to wonder if you imagine it until a hand gently cups your cheek. You wince against the pain the is shooting through you and lock your eyes on Spencer's. "I'm sorry..." You whisper but before you can say more he's leaning down to press his lips to yours.
"Help is on the way, sweetheart...stay with me okay?" He murmurs and winces as he presses what looks like Penelope's scarf to the wound, causing you to whimper.
"I'm tired Spencer..." You murmur as your head begins to feel heavy from the blood loss. You lift your hand up and press it to his cheek, trying to smile at him. "I didn't mean what I sai-"
"Shh..." Spencer grabs your hand and presses his lips to your palm before nuzzling it. "It's okay..."
"I love you...." You whisper softly, feeling the darkness closing in on you, causing you to finally give into it and fall into the abyss.
But you just say I'm perfect/Say I'm pretty/Say I'm worth it/But if you really care for me
You wake up with a small groan as your head throbs and your chest tightens. You look around the room frantically, trying desperately to remember where you are. Sterile white walls surround you and the pale pink curtain is gathered at the head of the bed, causing you to realize where you are, in the hospital. You feel a hand tighten around yours and glance down to see Spencer's hand enveloping yours. "Spence?"
"[Y/N]...how are you feeling? Are you in a lot of pain? Want me to call for the nurse?" Spencer asks frantically, standing up to stroke a hand through your hair.
You try to chuckle but it comes out a bit raspy, making you aware that you're extremely thirsty. You attempt to grab the cup of water sitting on the table in front of you but Spence grabs it and brings it to your lips allowing you to take a sip. After a moment of drinking you sigh and grip Spencer's hand again. "I'm okay..."
"You saved me..." Spencer murmurs causing you to lock your [Y/E/C] eyes on his. "I'm so sorry, [Y/N]." He leans down and presses his lips against yours in a soft kiss before he sits beside you on the bed. "I never realized how much you meant to me until I seen you laying there covered in blood..."
"Spence..." You murmur and press your hand to his cheek as he looks down at his hands that are clenched together in his lap.
"Just listen for a few minutes okay, [Y/N]?" He lays a hand over the one you're using to caress his cheek and weaves your fingers together with his.
Say love/I want you to say love/I want you to say love/When I say "love you"/You just say "me too"/But I want you to say love
"I was so afraid to fall in love with you, [Y/N] because of what I do...because of who I am. I was so fucking afraid that you'd end up hurt because of my job but even holding back you still managed to get hurt." Spencer takes a deep breath and glances into your eyes, his own filling with tears. "I don't know what I would've done if I lost you."
But you just say I'm perfect/Say I'm pretty/Say I'm worth it/But if you really care for me
"I love you, [Y/N]." He whispers and tugs you gently so that you're pressed against his chest. "I love you..." Spencer murmurs again as he presses his lips to yours and you feel his tears drip onto your cheeks as he continues kissing you softly.
"I love you too, Spencer Reid." You whisper against his lips as you thread your hands into his hair. "I don't want to lose you, but I understand that you have a job to do. I want to be there to support you...I want to be there for you when you're hurting..." You say as you kiss him again, your own tears mixing with his as they slip down your cheeks.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to say that I love you, [Y/N]...I thought pushing you away was-"
You shake your head and press a finger to his lips to shush him. "Spencer, shut up and just hug me." You send him a small smile when he quirks a brow at you. "I love you, you silly man...and I forgive you."
"I love you, [Y/N] and I promise that I'll never stop saying it."
Say love/I want you to say love/I want you to say love/When I say "love you"/You just say "me too"/But I want you to say love
Note: Soooo this is super short and I’m sorry for that. I just wanted to get it done before I slacked off like I’ve been doing to my other stories. I seriously need someone to keep poking me or something so I stop procrastinating. Must.Work.On.Stories! Anyways enjoy this crappy drabble <3 Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms, step-moms, grandmoms, aunts, foster-moms, sisters...etc!
"Be good my Little Bird...I love you."
You wake up with tears in your eyes as the voice of your mother fades from your sleep foggied mind. You let out a quiet sob, knowing that this day is going to be hard for you since it'll be your first Mother's Day without your mom. You sigh softly and curl up, hoping to fall back to sleep for a bit.
You cuddle into the blankets, stealing your husbands pillow to hug against your chest as you hear the door creak open. There's another First about this Mother's Day for you, and that's being a mom to Aaron Hotchner's son.
You close your eyes as the boy tiptoes to the side of the bed and gingerly sits beside you. You love Jack and when you married his father, making you his step mom it made you the happiest person in the world.
"Are you awake, Mama?"
You smile and open your eyes as Jack, your step-son crawls into bed beside you. "I'm awake, handsome Jack." You stretch and sit up to kiss the five year olds forehead. "Where's daddy?" You ask and glance around the bedroom already knowing that he's probably making a mess of the kitchen.
"Making breakfast..." Jack trails off and frowns a bit as he gets lost in his thoughts. "Why were you crying mama?"
"I'm just sad, kiddo." You murmur and wrap the boy in a hug. "I love you." You whisper and kiss his cheek. "Lets go get some breakfast before daddy blows up the kitchen..." You grin at Jack when he giggles and hugs you tightly.
"I miss Nana too, mama..." Jack whispers as he grabs my hand to walk to the kitchen with me.
You kneel down so that your at Jack's height and place a hand on his cheek. "I know you do, Jack. She may not have known you very long, but she loved you and your daddy so much." You smile and glance up when Aaron steps into your line of vision as you glance up over Jack's head.
Aaron looks between you and his son, smiling softly as he steps towards the two of you. "You guys okay?" He asks softly, concern reflecting in his gorgeous brown eyes. You know that he's slightly worried about you because you took the death of your mother hard when she passed away just six months ago. "[Y/N]?" Aaron asks again when you don't answer right away.
You stroke a hand through Jack's hair and smile sadly at your husband. "I'm fine, Aaron..." You stand from your kneeling position and sigh as Aaron presses a soft kiss to your lips.
Aaron grabs your hand and you watch as he sends a wink to his son who grins up at you with mischief glowing in his eyes. "You two are up to something..." You mutter and quirk a brow. "If the kitchen is a mess I'm not cleaning it."
"Don't worry, Sweetheart...the kitchen is safe." Aaron grins and tugs you into the kitchen with causes you to gasp when you see the gorgeous pink and red carnations filling three vases.
"Happy Mother's Day, Mama!" Jack yells happily and you can't help but let out a small sob as you remember your father and you doing the same thing for your own mom.
You lean down and kiss Jack quickly and then step towards Aaron, keeping your [Y/E/C] eyes locked on his. "Thank you...thank you both." You choke out softly as you hug your husband tightly.
"I talked to your dad...he told Jack and I what you and him used to do for your mom...I thought we'd keep the tradition alive..." He sends you an unsure smile and kisses you gently.
"I love it...and I'm so sorry I'm crying so much..." You sigh and place a hand on your belly. You realize that now is probably the best time to tell Aaron and Jack the news.
"I need to talk to you and Jack...it's kind of important." You giggle when a look of concern crosses your husbands eyes. "I'm fine...I promise." You sit down and grab Jack, hauling him so he's sitting on your lap. "This has been a Mother's Day that is full of Firsts...my first one without my own mom..." Aaron kisses your forehead causing you to smile up at him. "It's also my first one being a mother myself."
"I love you..." Jack hugs you tightly which causes you to laugh and ruffle the boys hair.
"I love you too, Jack." You send Aaron another smile, but when you meet his eyes, you notice his eyes are glowing as if he knows what you're going to say. "It's also the first Mother's Day that I'm pregnant." Jack looks up at you a little confused so you lean down and kiss his cheek. "In about seven and a half months, you're going to be a big brother."
You chuckle when Jack jumps off your lap with a woot and runs around in excitement. "Can I call Henry?" He asks, wanting to call his best friend who just became a big brother three months prior.
"Go ahead." Aaron nods towards his son who lets out another whoop and rushes to the living room. When Jack is out of the room, Aaron tugs your hand and pulls you from the chair. "Pregnant, huh?" He gives you a sweet kiss and slips his hands into your [Y/H/L], [Y/H/C] hair. "I love you, [Y/N] and I promise that we'll make you happy forever."
"I know you will, Aaron...I love you more then the stars in the sky..." You whisper as Aaron lays a hand over where the baby the two of you made is nestled, safe and sound. "You, Jack and this baby...are my universe." You murmur and kiss your husband quickly as you hear Jack coming back to the kitchen.
"Aunt JJ and Henry are on their way over..." Jack rushes in and wraps his arms around my legs. "Is the baby a boy or a girl? How big is it? I hope it's a boy!"
You glance up at your Aaron who suddenly has an overwhelmed look on his face at all of Jack's questions, causing you to chuckle. "Jack, lets eat breakfast and we'll answer your questions."
As the three of you sit at the table and start eating the breakfast Aaron made, you can't help but look around and smile. You miss your own mother so much it hurts, but being and becoming a mother takes away some of the pain.
Okay, I know I haven’t been as active as I should be but my life is a little hectic at the moment and I’m struggling writing anything other then Hotch one shots right now. Aaron Hotchner just won’t leave me alone lol! Anyways, I have a few song fiction one shots coming at you.
Say Love [ReidxReader] [Done!!!]
Safe and Sound [HotchxReader]
One Call Away [HotchxReader]
Lighthouse [HotchxReader]
Beautiful [HotchxReader]
Out of The Woods [ReidxReader]
Stone Cold [ReidxReader]
P.S. I actually just got inspired to write a mother’s day drabble. :D Of course it’s HotchxReader :D
Rating: M for cursing, and a tiny bit of smut. You might have to squint to see it.
Words: 2200+
Pairing: Hotch x Reader
Triggers: Physical Abuse, Cursing
Note: Yeah, this is one of those one shots that I couldn’t get the hell out of my head. So yeah, the song used is Nightingale by Demi Lovato. Also Hotch is a little out of character...maybe not...I don’t know my anxiety is high tonight so I’m over thinking everything LOL!
I can't sleep tonight
Wide awake and so confused
Everythings in line
But I am bruised
I need a voice to echo
I need a light to take me home
I kinda need a hero
Is it you?
"Okay guys, you'll be briefed more on the plane. Wheels up in thirty. [Y/L/N], can I talk to you for a moment?"
You glance up from the file in your hands and bite your lip nervously as you take in Aaron Hotchner's expression, praying that he's not in a scolding mood. "Sure Boss..." You murmur softly and fidget with the ring on the middle finger of your right hand. "Is anything the matter?" You ask softly as the dark haired man sits beside you.
"No...I just wanted to see how you're doing. You've been pretty distracted the past few days. I just wanted to make sure you're okay."
You slip your hands into your [H/L], [H/C] hair, and sigh softly. "Everything's fine, Hotch. Thanks for asking though." You send the dark haired man a smile but you know that he can see that it's fake. You watch as his brown eyes fill with concern. "Really Hotch, don't worry so much. I promise that I'm fine..." You lie quickly and stand up to walk out of the Briefing Room.
"You know that we're here for you."
You turn and nod your head slightly. "I know...and thanks." You step out of the room and walk to your desk in the Bullpen to grab your go bag. You roll your eyes when you see Spencer sitting in your chair, spinning in it. "Really, Spence?" You can't help but grin at your best friend who just shoots you a small smirk.
"So when are you going to tell him?"
You quirk a brow and tilt your head to the side a bit. "Tell who what?" You ask innocently and groan when Spencer points towards Hotch's office. You gasp and start stuttering as Spence chuckles. "Spencer, I have a boyfriend remember?"
'An abusive one, more or less...'
You think to yourself, getting lost in your thoughts of the most recent fight that your boyfriend and you have gotten into. You wince slightly when Spencer places his hand on your shoulder to jar you from your thoughts.
Your best friend must see you wince at the contact because he pulls back and tugs your shirt away from your throbbing shoulder enough to see the dark bruises from your boyfriends fist. "What the hell happened, [Y/N]?"
"I tripped and whacked myself pretty hard when I landed. Lets go, we don't want to be late." You know that Spence, Garcia and Derek suspect that you're being beat at home even though you have been trying to convince them that you're not.
You watch as Spencer just rolls his eyes and lets out a frustrated sigh as he walks ahead of you out of the Bullpen.
'[Y/N], you can't stop them from finding out much longer...'
You groan and follow Spence, once again getting lost in your thoughts.
'I don't want them to think of me as weak...'
I never see the forest for the trees
I could really use your melody
Baby I'm a little blind
I think it's time for you to find me.
"You stupid Bitch! I know you were out fucking your precious boss last night!"
You whimper when your boyfriend grabs you roughly by the arm and shoves you into the wall behind you. "You've lost your fucking mind!" You scream as he slams you into the wall again. "I was on a plane coming home from a Goddamned case!" You close your eyes and brace for the backhand that I know is coming.
It's been a little over three weeks since Hotch has talked to you in the Briefing Room and since you seen any of your friends in your free time. You know that they're getting worried about you because you've finally just started to ignore the questions about the bruises. You're avoiding them and you know that they know it.
"Liar!" He roars and before you know it you're on the floor with your boyfriend on top of you.
You try to scream for help as he batters and beats your body but as you go to open your mouth he grabs your throat and cuts off your airway. You struggle against his hold but get no relief so you start praying to whatever higher power is listening as your vision starts to tunnel.
'I'm going to die...'
That thought echos through your mind and you're filled with a sadness about leaving all the people you care about.
'If only you told someone about what was going on you idiot!'
After what feels like an entire lifetime, your boyfriend is thrown off you and someone is kneeling next to you, stroking your hair softly. You shake your head a bit, trying to break through the fogginess in your mind. You finally lock your eyes on the person who is stroking your hair and gasp softly when you see Hotch. "Hotch?" You whisper, your voice sounding hoarse and raspy.
"Reid, call for an amb-"
You reach up and place your hand on Aaron's cheek and shake your head. "I'm okay...nothing's broken."
"[Y/N]..." Aaron mutters and helps me sit up, bracing a hand behind my back causing me to wince. "How long?"
"It doesn't matter..." You murmur quietly, suddenly gasping when Hotch grips you by the shoulders gently, yet firmly. You sigh when you see the look in his eyes. "It's been about two months..."
Can you be my nightingale
Sing to me
I know you're there
You could be my sanity
But bring me peace
Sing me to sleep
Say you'll be my nightingale.
"Why didn't you come to us? You must know that we would've help you [Y/N]..." Aaron stands up from kneeling beside you and holds out a hand for you to take. When you grab it, he helps you stand up and leads you over to your couch. "Sit there for a few moments while I go call the police." He glances at Spencer and nods towards where you're sitting. "Make sure she doesn't move..."
Spencer sits besides you and sighs softly. "What am I going to do with you?" He murmurs and glances into your [Y/E/C] eyes and gingerly wraps you in his arms, hugging you gently.
You whimper when the bruises decide to throb, causing Spencer to frown and pull back from you. You see the concern in his eyes as he finally takes in the dark marks that are forming on your face and neck. "[Y/N]...just...why?"
You stand up, even though you know that your boss is going to be pissed off that you didn't heed his word and pace a bit. "I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want you all to think I was weak." You whimper softly, staring down at your bare feet.
"You silly girl..."
You glance up when a black suit clad Hotchner steps in front of you and pulls you into his arms. You let out a small whimper as your sore body protests being hugged. "I'm not a child, Aaron Hotchner." You practically growl out at the man and quirk a brow when you realize that your boss is hugging you. "Erm..." You back away and send the man a nervous smile. "You guys can leave if you want...I'll be fine here."
"I'm staying here with you. You shouldn't be alone [Y/N]." You look at Hotch in shock and quickly peek over at Spencer who is grinning like an idiot. You just roll your eyes at your best friend and sigh softly.
"I'm a big girl, Hotchner..." You stress at the older man still standing in front of you.
"[Y/N]." Hotch mumbles and you toss your hands up in frustration pacing away from the man who then whispers to Spence.
You shake your head and turn to walk towards the small closet that is right next to the bathroom so you can grab the mop and clean up your blood that is currently splattered on the floor. You know that if you don't keep yourself busy you're going to break down. You're exhausted from hiding from your friends and keeping what was going on a secret and trying to stay strong all the time. You're exhausted from the pain that is currently pulsing through you with every beat of your heart.
Somebody speak to me
Cause I'm feeling like hell
Need you to answer me
I'm overwhelmed
I need a voice to echo
I need a light to take me home
I need a star to follow
I don't know.
"[Y/N]?"
You don't know how long you stand there staring at the door of the closet, but when Aaron says your name you just glance towards him, feeling the walls that are holding your emotions back, crumble. On a sob you fall to your knees, letting out a pain filled whimper as your sore body moves quickly to curl in a fetal position. You lay there in front of the little closet, sobbing until Hotch kneels down and picks you up bridal style as if you weigh almost nothing and carries you to the couch.
He sits down with you in his lap and lets you cry against his chest until it seems like you have no more tears left inside you. "You okay?"
You pull away and move shift so that you're now sitting beside Aaron. You glance up into his eyes and blush when he just sends you a small quirk of his lips. "I...I don't know if I'm okay, Hotch."
"Aaron."
"Huh?" You ask tiredly suddenly feeling drained.
"Call me Aaron."
"Oh...okay." You stare down at your hands awkwardly, not knowing what to say to your boss.
"I'm here if you need to talk [Y/N]." Aaron murmurs close to your ear and wraps an arm around you to pull you back a bit until you're once again resting against his chest.
You wince when Hotch slips a hand over your back, but he stops when he hears the sharp intake of your breath. "There's nothing to talk about, Aaron..." You whisper and try to hold back the small sob that clogs your tender throat.
"You know better than that."
You just sigh and look up into Aaron's face, seeing the patience and kindness in his brown eyes. "I know the signs of an abuser. I just didn't let myself believe that I was the one in that situation." You slip your hands into your hair and tug it slightly in frustration. "I was an idiot, Aaron."
Hotch shifts so that he is facing you completely. "[Y/N], you're not an idiot..." He reaches out and places a hand under your chin so that he can make you look up at him. "You thought you loved him..."
"That's a lie...I didn't think I loved him." You sigh deeply and stand up to pace again, trying to find the courage to confess your feelings to the man sitting on your couch. "Aaron...I basically was just dating him to try to help get over the feelings I've had for someone else."
I never see the forest for the trees
I could really use your melody
Baby I'm a little blind
I think it's time for you to find me.
"Who do you have feelings for?" Aaron asks you with a knowing gleam in his eyes and you can't help but blush and look down at your hands tangled together in your lap.
"I really don't think I should say..." You whisper softly, chewing your bottom lip gently as you feel Hotch's gaze bore into the top of you head.
Aaron places a hand under your chin once again forcing you to meet his beautiful brown eyes. "If you don't say, how will you know if he doesn't feel the same way?"
You lock your eyes on Aaron's and gasp softly as he pulls you in for a gentle kiss, his hand moving from your chin to rest on the curve of your cheek. "What...are you saying?" You ask shyly, afraid of getting your hopes up and being made a fool off.
"You tell me first...who do you have feelings for?" Aaron asks softly leaning forward a bit so that his breath caresses your cheek.
"You..." You whisper, shivering a bit from his breath tickling you and bite your lip gently. "I'm sor-"
Your words are cut off by Aaron's lips desending on yours again, but instead of a soft kiss, it's a bit harder and rougher. "What if I said I had feelings for you too?" He whispers in between kisses as his hands gently stroke down your back.
You pull back a bit, blushing when his hands stop moving and rest on your hips. "Hotch..." You murmur on a sigh and attempt to stand up because of the frustration going through you. You're so afraid he's just trying to make you feel better. As you go to move, Aaron's hands grip you tighter holding you down. "Maybe you should just go..."
"Do you want me to go?"
"No..." You whisper and before you can stop yourself you're pressing your lips to his in a frantic kiss. You fist your hands in his dark hair as you slip your tongue past his lips to stroke against his, causing him to gasp.
Hotch pulls back a bit and stares into your eyes before picking you up. As he stands your legs automatically wrap around his waist. "Bedroom?" He whispers in your ear causing you to shudder in anticipation.
You press your lips against the pulse point of his neck and giggle as Aaron starts cursing quietly as he carries you to your bedroom. He drops you gently on the bed and stares down at your for a moment before he leans down to kiss you again. "Are you sure about this, [Y/N]?"
You send Aaron a smile and nod your head. "Just be gentle..."
I don't know what I'd do without you
Your words are like a whisper cutting through
As long as you are with me here tonight
I'm good…
Hotch sends you a smile and shrugs off the black suit jacket that he seems to live in. You reach out and start undoing the buttons on his with shirt hastily, locking your eyes on his when you finally undo the last one. You push the white material off his shoulders and softly graze your hands over his chest.
Aaron slips his hands under the light blue tank top your wearing and tugs it over your head, tossing it to the floor behind him. You watch as he winces and glance down to see the bruises covering your stomach. "Damn, [Y/N]..."
You know that if you don't do something, Aaron'll stop so you sit up on your knees and kiss him quickly. He quirks a brow when you pull away and you send him a smirk. "If you stop Aaron Hotchner, I swear I'll shoot you with your own gun."
He chuckles and kneels down to grab his white shirt causing you to frown as fear starts to consume you about being alone. "Listen, I'm not comfortable making love to you when you're battered up like this. So you're going to put this on..." He hands you his shirt and smiles softly. "Then we're going to order take out and watch bad movies on Netflix."
"You're not leaving?" You can't help but ask, the touch of fear that surrounds you, leaves as quickly as it comes.
"I'm not leaving..." Aaron leans down and kisses you softly as you slip on the shirt he was wearing.
"Aaron?"
"Yes?"
You blush and bite your lip gently. "I really do care about you..."
"I care about you too, [Y/N]...I have for awhile." He sends you a sexy smile as he grabs your hand to pull you off the bed. "Now lets go pretend to watch movies..."
You giggle and press a kiss to his cheek. "Pretend, huh?" You curl up on the couch after ordering from your favorite take out place with Aaron curled up beside you.
Can you be my nightingale?
Feels so close
I know you're there
Oh, nightingale
You sing to me
I know you're there
'Cause baby you're my sanity
You bring me peace
Sing me to sleep
Say you'll be my nightingale
Note: This is a one shot based on the song Piece By Piece by Kelly Clarkson. Right now my father and I are starting to work on our relationship. There’s been a lot of hurt on his part and this is my way of dealing with that hurt. I love my father and growing up I was always a daddy’s girl but as I grew it was like my dad started to pull away. Anyway...this story sucks so forgive me.
And all I remember is your back
Walking towards the airport
Leaving us all in your past
I traveled 1500 miles to see you
Begged you to want me
But you didn't want too
"[Y/N], are you almost ready to go?"
I glance up at my husband of a year and smile when he leans in, pressing his lips to mine. "Yep." I chuckle when he places a hand on my slightly rounded belly. "She's restless today..." I lay my hand over Spencer's and reach up with my other hand to caress his cheek. "I'm grateful that Hotch is allowing us these few days off."
"Are you nervous?" Spence asks, a bit of concern gracing his eyes as he locks his hazel orbs on my [Y/E/C] ones.
I sit on the edge of the bed where I've been packing a duffle bag of clothes and accessories for our trip to [Y/Birth/P]. It's been over ten years since I've seen my father, so Spencer and I have decided to visit him.
I sigh softly and tug my fingers through my [Y/H/C], which causes Spencer to sit beside me, grabbing my hand in his. "I'm more scared then nervous, Spence." I whisper and rest the hand that Spence isn't holding on my belly.
"We don't have to go to see your father [Y/N]. We could go somewhere’s else."
I shake my head and kiss my husband quickly before standing up and walking towards my bag. Spencer is quicker and grabs it before I can, causing me to shake my head at him and huff in annoyance. "I'm pregnant, not dead." I stick out my tongue at him which causes him to chuckle. "I need to face my father, Spence...I need to have my say with him."
I watch Spencer grab his own bag and then follow him out of our apartment. I lock the door and rest my head on it for a few seconds before sighing deeply. I walk down the stairs leading outside of the building Spence and I live in, suddenly lost in thought. I start thinking about the last time I seen my father, the day I graduated high school.
"[Y/N]?" I shake my head to clear my thoughts and send Spencer a sheepish grin.
"Sorry, Doc..." I murmur and slip into the passenger side of the car, glancing to the side as Spence slides into the drivers side. "I was thinking about the last time I seen dad."
"You don't talk about your father much. I assumed it was because he never showed up to our wedding. I just realized that even before our wedding you didn't talk about him much." I bite my lip for a few seconds, thinking about the reason why I've never told Spencer much about my dad. "You don't have too-" He must notice my internal struggle because I notice him tense up slightly.
I shake my head as Spence starts the car and we pull out of our parking space. "I just don't know where to start...I know that both mama and I told you about my dad leaving when I was a little girl." I wince slightly when a twinge of pain goes through my chest when I think of my mother how died just a few short months ago.
"You never told me why he left, maybe you could start there?"
"He left because he got another woman pregnant and decided he'd rather take care of her and their baby." I growl out and wince when I realize how bitchy I sound. "He never looked back until mama contacted him to attend my high school graduation. Dad, he showed up but he only stayed for the night and left the next day."
"Did he call you after he left when you were young?"
"He sent me a card on my sixteenth birthday..." I shake my head and sniffle a bit when Spencer places his right hand over mine that I have resting in my lap. "I don't know why he didn't love me, Spence."
But piece by piece
You collected me
Up off the ground
But you abandoned things.
"[Y/N]..." Spencer mutters softly and squeezes my hand before bringing it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the top, his eyes still on the road.
I shake my head and send him a sad smile. "Spencer, it's okay. Really it is because I accepted it a long time ago." I lean back against the seat and press a hand to my small bump and glance at the side of my husbands head for a moment. "Thank you..." I whisper softly squeezing his hand that is still holding mine.
He sends me a quick look and I chuckle softly at the confusion in his eyes. "Spence, you're basically the first male that I've let into my life since my father walked out. Knowing my father had an affair...it stuck with me and my mom...never meeting someone else...I thought that all men were going to leave me."
I wrap my fingers with Spence's, squeezing his hand again. "My mom never told me the real reason my father left. She tried so hard to talk nice about him, but even as a kid, I could see the hurt and betrayal on her face." Spence sends me a small smirk and I know he's going to comment on how observant I am. "I was observant even at six." I chuckle quietly and yawn, smiling sheepishly at Spence. I pull one of my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around it. "I was a Bitch to you when I first joined the team, Spencer...I never apologized for that."
And piece by piece
You filled the holes that you burned in me
At six years old and no
He never walks away
He never asks for money
He takes care of me
He loves me.
"You weren't that much of a bitch..." He sends me a smirk and I giggle when I see that twinkle in his eyes. The twinkle that causes butterflies in my stomach and makes my heart feel lighter. "I finally won your heart though, didn't I?" Spence grins at me and pats my knee.
"That's why I'm thanking you, Spence...you kept fighting me to let you into my heart...I just don't understand why you've fought so hard for me." I frown slightly when my craving for strawberry milkshakes come back and I sigh.
"I fought so hard because I love you, [Y/N]. You're one of the smartest people I know, and you actually understand what I'm saying..." Spencer shots me a smile as he pulls into a McDonald's drive-thru to order me a shake. "Most of the time anyways..." He chuckles when I playfully smack his arm. "You're a great listener, and you've got the patience of a saint. You're playful and fun to be around, even when you're grieving..." I watch as his eyes fill with sadness and I know it's because he misses my mother also. "My mother loves you, which is a huge deal for me..."
"I love your mother too, Spence. She's an amazing lady, and mama really liked her. She was a comfort to mama..." I whisper quietly as Spence pulls into a parking space to eat his burger. I know he can see the tears that are silently sliding down my cheeks. "I miss my mom Spence and it hurts so much knowing that she never really moved on from my father." I take a drink out of the cup that Spencer hands me and sigh contently as the sweet taste hits my mouth. "I was scared that what happened to my mom would happen to me...I think that's why I fought so hard to keep away from you also..."
I bite my lip for a few seconds before glancing into Spencer's hazel eyes, grabbing his hand and placing it on my stomach where our baby girl is nestled in my womb. "Spence, promise me that if..."
"[Y/N]..." Before I even know what's going on, Spence has his lips pressed against mine in a deep yet gentle kiss. His hands fist in my hair and he tugs my head back gently to lock his eyes on mine. "I know what you're going to say and I promise both of you..." He presses a hand to my belly and kisses me again. "I'm never going to leave you."
"I love you Spencer..." I murmur when I wrap my arms around him, sighing contently when his hands rub my back gently. "Is it wrong that I want to know why...?" I trail off when Spence presses his lip to mine again, silencing me.
"[Y/N], you need answers so you can move on...you deny it but you're hurting." He reaches out and strokes my cheek gently. "I just worry because I don't want to see you get even more hurt..."
"I'll be fine, Spencer...I promise." I yawn and send my husband a sheepish smile. "Go figure that I'd get tired before we hardly get started on the driving."
"Get some sleep, love." Spence leans in and kisses my cheek before he pulls out of the parking lot. "I'll wake you in a few hours, okay?"
I nod my head and yawn again before resting my head against the window. "I love you, Spence." I whisper before falling into a deep sleep.
Piece by piece
He restored my faith
That a man can be kind
And a father could stay.
"[Y/N]?"
"Don't wanna get up..." I mutter softly and swat at the hand that is shaking me. I open my eyes when I hear a chuckle beside me and see a smiling Spence staring down at me. "Time is it?" I croak out due to my throat being dry.
Spencer hands me a bottle of water and glances at his watch while I drink deeply. "It's just after three thirty." He murmurs and kisses my forehead softly. "Did you sleep well?"
I nod my head and lay my hand over Spencer's which is laying on my belly. "I slept great..." I glance out the window and gasp softly when I see the sign announcing that we're entering my hometown. "We're here?" I watch my husband nod and sigh. "I really slept for four hours?"
"Yes you did. I'm glad you slept [Y/N]. I know you've been struggling to sleep lately." Spencer leans in and kisses me gently, slipping his hands into my hair. "Remember that we can leave anytime you want..."
I can tell that Spencer is starting to stress a bit so I just reach out and place my hand on his cheek. "Relax, Doc..." I send him a grin and gasp softly when a flutter goes through my belly. I giggle and grab his hand placing it on where the baby just kicked. "She's kicking..." I murmur and stare up into Spence's hazel eyes, which are shining with happiness.
"I think it's still too soon for me to be able to feel it..." He mumbles and brushes his lips against mine. "I hate seeing that haunted look in your eyes..." Spence mumbles against my lips. "Are yo-"
I roll my eyes and sigh in frustration. "I know what you're going to say, Spence. I need to face him...I'll be fine...the baby will be fine...I promise." I send the man I love a small smile and kiss him gently. "Trust me..."
"I need you to give me directions on where to go from here, [Y/N]."
I tug my fingers through my hair and sigh softly as I start giving Spencer directions to where my father lives. I feel bile rising to my throat as we drive closer and closer to my father’s house. 'Are you really ready to face him?' My mind screams at me, causing me to bite my lip nervously.
I stare out the window as Spencer drives our car up the driveway of what I assume is my father's house. When the car stops, I step out of the car and wrap my arms around myself to control the trembling through my body. I turn away from the house for a few moments as Spencer wraps an arm around me, murmuring in my ear softly to calm me down.
"[Y/N]?" A voice asks behind me and I spin around to face the man who left my mother and I all those years ago. He steps forward out of the open door and walks towards me, his eyes which are the exact color of mine shining brightly. "Is it really you?"
I nod my head and back up slightly as he approaches Spencer and I. I see a flash of guilt enter my dad’s eyes and sigh softly. "I'm...sorry..." I murmur and look down at my feet, an awkward silence lingering in the air.
And all of your words fall flat
I made something of myself
And now you wanna come back
But your love isn't free
It has to be earned
Back then I didn't have anything
You needed
So I was worthless.
"I'm so sor-" My father starts to say but I just hold up a hand, staring into his eyes.
"Can we talk inside?" I place a hand on my belly as she seems to somersault in my womb causing me to gasp softly.
"Are you okay?" My father asks as he leads Spencer and I inside, motioning us to make ourselves comfortable in the huge living room.
I ignore his question and sit on the brown leather couch, Spence sitting beside me. I grip his hand in mine as my father sits across from us, making himself comfortable on the matching love seat. "This is my husband, Dr. Spencer Reid of the FBI. We've been working together for the past two years, but now that we're married I transferred to a different department."
"I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the wedding..."
I hold up a hand and shake my head as tears fill my eyes. "Don't...make excuses dad. You walked out of my life twenty-two years ago and never looked back." I can't help but growl out when my father attempts to apologize. "Why dad? Why did you leave us?"
"[Y/N], you don't understand what was going on...your mother-"
I jump up off the couch and march over to the man who was married to my mother for a little over ten years. "Don't bring mom into this! You're the one who left us because you got your mistress pregnant." I snarl out and feel a bit of satisfaction coarse through me when I see the shock register across my father’s face. "Yes, I knew and before you say anything bad against mom...she never told me. I figured it out on my own." I press a hand to my stomach where my baby girl is nestled safe and sound. "Mom always talked about how wonderful you were, dad. She still loved you even after your ripped her heart out..."
"I couldn't leave Jean to care for a baby by herself!" My father defends and I just laugh darkly, causing him to sneer at me.
"So you left your wife and six year old daughter behind?" I ask softly as tears finally start trailing down my cheeks. "You could've helped Jean care for a baby, dad and still kept us in your life. Mom...I never told her that I knew the truth until just before she died." I glance at Spencer who is watching me prowl around my father's living room, and I see the sadness in his eyes. He knows that I'm hurting and I know that he wants to ease my pain. "She apologized to me for you..."
"[Y/N]...I'm so-" My father stands up and grabs me by the shoulders to stop my pacing.
When I look in his eyes, I see regret and hurt flashing through them. I shake my head and turn away from the man. "Why didn't you love me enough to stay? All I wanted was a phone call or a letter...I just wanted some sort of contact from you to let me know that you loved me...at least a little." I whisper out and lock my eyes on my husbands, who stands up and embraces me in his arms.
"I do love you, [Y/N]...I just didn't know how to get you to allow me back into your life..." My father whispers softly, placing a hand on my shoulder and turning me so that I'm facing him.
I see the tears in his eyes and sigh softly, placing my hand over his on his shoulders. "That's no excuse..."
Piece by piece
I fell far from the tree
I would never leave her
Like you left me
She will never have to wonder her worth
Because unlike you
I'm gonna put her first.
I stare at my father for a moment before sighing softly again. "I'm pregnant..."
"I'm going to be a grandfather?" My father asks excitedly and I can't help but quirk a brow at the happiness in see in his eyes. "Do you know what you're having?" He asks quietly.
"Yes...we're having a girl." I murmur, my eyes still locked on my dads. "We want you to be a part of her life...but I...I won't let you hurt her like you did me. Either be in her life or don't."
"Mr. [Y/L/N]? I just wanted to say that [Y/N] is an incredible woman and I love her more then life itself. She's strong, loving and oh so smart...she didn't have you growing up but she needs you now..." Spencer murmurs to my father as he tightens his grip on my hand.
"Spence..." I murmur and shake my head slightly. "It's his choice if he wants to be a part of our life...of our daughters life." I lock my eyes on my fathers again and send him a small smile. "I would like to give him another chance..." I finally open my arms to the older man in front of me.
"Thank you [Y/N]..." My father murmurs as he embraces me in his arms and presses a kiss to my forehead. "I'm thinking of moving closer to you and your young man." He whispers and I pull back slightly to smile at him.
"That'd be great dad..." I hug my father again as memories of mom comes into my mind and I finally let go of the tears I've held back all these years.
"I'm so sorry..." My dad whispers and just tightens his hold on me. "I should've been there..." He repeats over and over until I finally calm down enough to pull away. He stares at me for a few moments and smiles softly. "I'm sure you and Spencer are tired. Why not stay here for the night and we'll talk about everything." He steps away from my husband and I, making his way to what I assume is the spare bedroom.
I glance at my husband who smiles at me then towards the direction my father just went. "Sounds good to me..." He wraps an arm around my shoulders and kisses the side of my head. "I'm proud of you, [Y/N]."
"I love you..." I whisper to him and place my hands on his cheeks as I lean in and press my lips to his. "Thank you for coming here with me..."
"I love you both so much..." Spence places his hands on my belly and kisses me again.
I glance up when we hear a throat clear and I giggle a bit. "Sorry...I..." I just shake my head and blush when my father chuckles.
"Go and rest up you two. We have a lot to talk about."
I send my dad a smile and grab Spencer's hand to pull him towards where my father is gesturing.
It'll take some time, but I think this is the first steps to fixing something that was broken so long ago.
"He'll never walk away
He'll never break her heart
He'll take care of things
He'll love her
Piece by piece
He's restored my faith
That a man can be kind
And a father should be great...
Piece by piece."
Rating: I’m going to rate this with an R rating just in case.
Words: 2900+
Pairing: Hotch x Reader
Triggers: Sexual Abuse, Drug Addiction, Feelings, Abuse
Note: This one-shot is based on this [Song]. I’m so sorry this is rushed at the end. I was getting extremely frustrated with not posting anything in a while. I’m rushing through Piece by Piece also since it’s almost done. I’m sorry, I really am. I have no excuse as to why I haven’t posted anything besides that I’m starting a new anxiety medication and it’s making me a little...weird. Please forgive me.
You got what you wanted
Didn't you?
Don't know where your heart is
But mine's bruised
You knew when you started
That I'd lose
The blood on the carpet
Is not you.
All you feel is pain as your back slams into the brick wall behind you. The UNSUB who has been stalking you, JJ, Penelope and Emily. He has been keeping tabs on the four of you for the past three months, causing the BAU to be stressed to the max.
He's been sending pictures to the men of the BAU, showing you and the other girls going out to dinner and just having girls night out. The men have been protecting you as best they can but this night, you were feeling a bit suffocated so you decided to take the short walk to your car alone. It was a huge mistake you berate yourself.
'You dumbass!'
'Moron!'
'Stupid...'
You never thought that you'd be attacked while walking to your car that is parked just down the street from the FBI building you've just exited from about twenty minutes ago. You guess nobody ever expects to be jumped and dragged into a dark ally to be raped and beat to an inch of their life.
The only thing that you can think about is that you're glad that it's you and not one of the others. You always seem to act before you think when it comes to those you care about. Both Reid and Hotch like to tell you time and time again that you're selfless which can be a huge risk to your life.
You stare at the man who has you currently pinned against the wall, trying to focus on something that makes him stand out. A clue that you can tell the others to help catch him. The man has gray eyes, and it's the only thing you can see in the darkness, not that you'd be able to see much anyways, since he's all in black and has a ski mask on.
The pain in your back mingles with the pain that is flowing through your hips, thighs and private area due to the rape you just endured. You know you have a mild concussion and a cracked rib or two. You stare into those gray eyes, trying to be strong and not let the fear that is currently flowing through you show on your face.
You pray to every Entity you can think of, even some that you've seen in movies, just in case that maybe, just maybe they can somehow hear your pleas.
-x-
I tried to wash the scars and marks
From under my skin
But you're etched in me like stone.
"[Y/N]?"
You glance up quickly, shaken out of your thoughts and see your boss's brown eyes staring into yours. "I'm sorry, Hotch. I guess I was lost in thought." You send him a small smile, and you know that he can see right through it so you sigh, glancing down at the small stack of papers laying in front of you on the table. "Was there something you needed?"
You and your fellow BAU members are heading back from a case in New York, and you're feeling anxious due to not sleeping. You can't sleep when you're away from home, something that's changed since the attack.
'Who needs to sleep anyways? It's so over rated...' You think to yourself, once again getting lost in your thoughts.
"Talk to me [Y/N]."
You shake your head again, trying to clear the film that is clouding your mind. "Hotch, I'm perfectly fine. It's just been a very long day and the case...it really stressed us all out." You bite your lip when he sits beside you, glancing around to make sure everyone else is busy. 'Lies!' Your mind screams and you close your hands into fists to stop the shaking.
It's been six months since the attack, and you've been struggling with an addiction to the sleeping pills the doctor prescribed to you after the whole ordeal.
"I know that you're struggling with something..." Hotch whispers and you focus your gaze to his again, trembling even more. He watches as you shake your head and he reaches out to place a hand under your chin to stop it from moving. You attempt to flinch away but he just stares into your eyes. "Talk to me..." He commands quietly and you just whimper, tugging your hands through your [Y/H/C] hair.
"I haven't slept since we've left..." You whisper quietly, your hands still tangled in your hair.
You gasp softly when Hotch moves closer and wraps an arm around you, tugging you so that your head is resting on his chest. You struggle against him for a few minutes until he murmurs to you quietly.
"[Y/N], just relax for a bit. We'll talk about this more when we get back home." He whispers softly and you're shocked that Aaron Hotchner is being so affectionate with you in front of the others.
"Hotch-"
"[Y/N], just go to sleep for awhile okay? No arguments for once..." He strokes a hand through your hair and you just nod your head, starting to feel relaxed as he wraps the arm around your shoulders a bit tighter. Before you know it, you fall into the exhaustion that seems to be consuming you.
-x-
You can't save me (yeah yeah)
You call it love
But still you hate me? (yeah yeah)
Lord I try and I can't say no
You're the pain and the medicine
One taste and I'm numb again
You can't save me (yeah yeah)
Lord I try and can't say no
You wake with a start and glance around quickly, feeling slightly muddled. Your sleep foggy mind tries to remember where you are but you can't seem to remember much of anything. You struggle to sit up, fear clenching your gut in it's hold, causing you to whimper softly.
You finally manage to sit up, throwing your legs over the side of the couch and start panting as the fear continues flowing through you. You feel the anxiety attack coming on and sob, falling to your knees beside the sofa in an attempt to curl yourself smaller, hoping to hide yourself from whatever danger may be waiting for you.
"[Y/N]?"
You struggle to move back as the light flicks on and you see Hotch standing there. "Hotch..." You all but jump up and rush into his arms, sobbing as you grip the back of his shirt tightly.
"You're safe..." He murmurs as he wraps his arms around you in a tight hug. "We're in my office, I didn't want to wake you up after the jet landed so I carried you in here." Aaron pulls away and brushes your hair out of your eyes, locking his on yours. "Are you okay?"
"I...it was so dark..." You murmur, feeling ashamed that you're afraid of the dark so you pull away from the dark haired man hugging you and turn your back to him. "I'm sorry...I'm being stupid."
Hotch watches you as you pace his office, his eyes serious and glowing with worry. "I'm sorry about leaving you in the dark, [Y/N]. I didn't know..."
You wrap your arms around yourself and suddenly feel chilled. You sigh and sit on the couch where you were currently sleeping just a few short moments ago. You feel edgy because you're badly craving the sleeping pills that are currently sitting in your go bag.
It's been three days, twelve hours and forty-two minutes since you've taken a pill so you glance around for your bag, frowning when you can't find it anywhere's in Hotch's office. You sigh and fist your hands in your hair again, agitated that someone is seeing you at a weak moment. "I..." You start pacing the office, feeling Aaron's eyes on you as you stalk. "I'm sorry, Aaron..." You finally mutter after a few moments, suddenly feeling ashamed. "There's so many conflicting...thoughts going through my mind right now...just..." You trail off when Hotch stalks over to you and slips his hands into your hair. His brown eyes lock on yours and you suck in a breath as he leans forward and presses his lips to yours in a soft kiss.
-x-
A moth to a candle
That's me to you
I was never this fragile
Or consumed
I'm covered in shrapnel
Through and through
And I wish I knew how to
Hate you
You pull away and bite your bottom lip, trying to read the emotions that you see in Aaron's eyes. "Hotch..." You whisper softly and before you can think about what you're doing, you're tangling your fingers into his black hair and tugging his face back to yours so you can kiss him again.
'You do know that you're kissing your boss, right [Y/N]?'
You gasp and pull away quickly as realization dawns on you. "I'm so sorry Hotch!" You whimper softly and hide your face behind your hands, trying with everything in you to hold the tears back that are threatening to fall.
Your hands are shaking from withdrawl and you're shocked about how you kissed your boss. Your thoughts are spinning in your mind and your emotions are a complete whirlwind. Before you even register what you're doing, you fall to your knees and sob as it feels like the world is consuming you.
"Hey, it's okay [Y/N]..." Hotch murmurs as he kneels beside you and attempts to pull you into his arms but you cringe away.
"Just...don't touch me...please." You gasp out, locking your tear filled eyes on Aaron's. "I...can't do this...I can't taint you this way. I'm sorry." You stand up to walk out of your boss's small office but stop when you feel a hand on your shoulder.
"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours, [Y/N]?" Hotch murmurs as he turns you around so that you're facing him. His eyes stare into yours intently causing you to blush a bit. "You've been fighting alone for the past six months, let me in..." He almost begs, pressing his lips to your forehead. "You've hidden it well for the first while, but everyone is starting to see it."
"Hotch, there's nothing anyone can do. This is a battle I need to fight on my own." You chew on your bottom lip, not realizing you've bitten through the skin, causing it to bleed a bit. "After the attack, the Doctor prescribed me sleeping pills...for the first bit they helped..." You sigh deeply and glance down at your feet. "They stopped working after about two months. The nightmares...they started getting worse so I started sleeping less, even with the pills. I started taking more pills to help sleep but they just...stopped working." Before you can stop yourself you start telling Aaron everything, feeling lighter and lighter as more and more comes tumbling out of your mouth. "The pills...I hate taking them. God Hotch, I can't stop taking them though."
Aaron wraps his arms around you and steps backwards towards the couch, sitting down so you fall into his lap. "Why do you keep taking the pills if they're not helping you?"
"It's just that they make me numb for awhile. Like I'm outside my body, so I don't have to think about...everything." You bite your lip and take a deep breath. "When I fell asleep on the jet, that’s the most sleep I've gotten in about a week. I usually only sleep two or three hours a night before the nightmares come...I also can't...sleep in the dark. I usually leave the bathroom light on in my apartment." You send Hotch a small grin and glance down at your hands that are still trembling a bit. "I haven't taken any pills for three days...the longest I've ever gone without them."
"[Y/N], I'm taking the pills away from you..." Hotch murmurs and presses a soft kiss to your neck. "We're going to get you off them, I promise..."
-x-
I try to wash the scars and marks
From under my skin
But you're etched in me like stone.
You shake your head, feeling completely overwhelmed by the emotions running through you and holding back for so long. "Why do you want to help me so bad, Hotch?" You whisper quietly, not even sure he heard you until he leans down and kisses you lovingly.
Aaron quirks a brow at you and smiles a bit. "Do you really need to ask?" He sighs when you just nod your head. "[Y/N], I tried to ignore the feelings I've felt for you, especially after the attack." He rests his forehead against yours, his gorgeous brown eyes staring into yours. "I've fallen in love with you..." He whispers softly and you pull back a bit so that you can place your hands on either side of his face. "That's why I want to help you. I hate seeing you in pain..."
"Aaron..." You whisper and tangle your finger in his dark hair so you can tug his face closer to yours so you can kiss him softly. "Thank you..." You murmur and sigh contently when you feel a bit of weight lifted off your shoulders. "I've...been struggling with my feelings for you Aaron. Especially since the attack..."
"You're feelings?" Hotch asks me softly, causing me to grin a bit when you see the unsure flicker in his eyes.
"I fell in love with you, Aaron Hotchner the first day I laid eyes on you at David's." You giggle a bit when you remember the first time you met the man in front of you. "Actually, I thought you kind of looked like a tight ass..."
"A tight ass, huh?" Aaron chuckles as he leans in and captures your lips in a kiss, before he tickles your sides.
"Kidding aside..." You stand up from his lap and bite your lip nervously. "I seen you with Jack and just...my heart melted, Hotch. You're raising such an amazing young man...and when you turned those dark eyes on mine when Rossi introduced us...I was lost...and maybe a little intimidated..." You send him a silly grin, feeling happy for the first time in a while.
-x-
You've got your chains wrapped
Around me so tight
Give me enough
Just to keep me alive
I try to run
But it hurts everytime I try
Lord I try and I can't say no
"[Y/N]?"
"Yes?" You ask, basking in the little bit of happiness you're feeling.
"Come home with me tonight?"
"Aaron..." You murmur softly and bite your lip as you stare into his intense eyes. "I...don't know."
Hotch stands up and wraps his arms around you. "I don't want you to be alone...I want to make sure you're okay...Jack can be a handful sometimes but-"
"I'll go home with you...and Jack isn't a handfull, Aaron. He's just a little boy." You smile fondly at the memories of the first time you met Jack. You love the child so much and you know that he likes you. "He'll be a great distraction..." You send the man in front of you a shaky smile which he must notice.
He cups your face in his hands and presses the softest kiss on your forehead. "We're going to be fine..." Aaron whispers, slipping his hands into you hair to tug your head back. "You're going to be fine..."
"When you say it...I believe it." You clasp your hands behind your back, stepping away from Hotch a bit. "Hotch...promise me that you won't let me...give up."
"I promise [Y/N]..." He kisses you again and wraps an arm around you to lead you out of the office. "First thing we're doing when we get home is flushing your pills." Aaron nudges you playfully and presses a kiss to the side of your head. "That's one of the first steps to recovery..."
"Actually the first step is admitting you have a problem...and wanting help." You chuckle softly and lay your head on his shoulder as you both walk towards the bullpen. You see your bag sitting on your desk so you grab it on the way by and stop walking after a moment. "I can do this..." You whisper quietly as you reach into the bag and pull out the small bottle of pills. "I want to do it now, Aaron. I want to be rid of them."
"Lets go then." Aaron follows you into the ladies bathroom, watching as you uncap the bottle and stand before the toilet. You dump the pills feeling as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, even though you're trembling.
Hotch sends you a smile as you look up at him. "I did it..." You sob out, surprising yourself with your tears.
"You did it, [Y/N]." Hotch grabs your hand and tugs you out of the bathroom. "Lets get you into bed. Tomorrow's a new day..."
"Lets go home Hotch..." You murmur as you both walk to his car. "I...hope I'll start sleeping again..."
"I'll be there to chase the nightmares away..." Aaron murmurs and starts the car, pulling out of the parking lot.
"I love you..." You whisper as you lay your head back against the seat, closing your eyes as the man beside you grips your hand.
"Love you too..."
-x-
You can't save me (yeah yeah)
You call it love
But still you hate me? (yeah yeah)
Lord I try and I can't say no
You're the pain and the medicine
One taste and I'm numb again
You can't save me (yeah yeah)
Lord I try and can't say no
"Mama?"
I glance down at Emma and Jack who are staring up at me with big eyes. I glance around the supermarket and sigh softly when I don't see anyone I know. I swallow and bite back the lump in my throat as I drop the pregnancy test in the cart. "Yes, kiddos?"
"Can we have pizza for dinner?" Jack asks, causing me to send him a grin and nod.
"What kind of pizza should we make?" I ask as I steer the cart towards the dairy aisle to pick up cheese.
Emma grins at Jack who just grins back, their eyes twinkling mischieviously. "Pepperoni!" They both yell in unison causing me to chuckle.
"Well okay then...shall we pick up something for dessert or should we make cupcakes?" I chuckle again when the kids grin and I know they're going to vouche for cupcakes. "Well, lets go get the ingredients so we can get home to start, what do you think?"
I glance at the test in the cart for a moment before taking the kids through the aisles to pick up the stuff we need. When we're done I lead them out to my car and sigh softly, as I help Emma into her carseat and Jack into his booster seat.
When the children are situated in the car I put the grouceries into the trunk but not before I slip the pregnancy test into my purse so only I know it's there. After arriving back at Aaron's house I roll my eyes when I hear Thor and Kia barking at the door. "At least they make good guard dogs..." I mumble to myself and get out of the car to grab the kids and bags.
When we're all situated inside, I turn on Emma's 101 Dalmation movie and smile at the kids when they settle on the couch with the puppies between them. I know they'll leave me to make the pizza dough so I decide to start on that and take a pee break after I leave it to rise. As I'm making the dough, I gasp softly when images of Aaron holding a new born baby with black hair, and my nose. "Oh God..." I whisper as tears stream down my cheeks. "I'm pregnant..." I rest a hand on my belly and tremble slightly in fear and excitment. "Shit....." I murmur softly and sigh before finishing up the dough, leaving it to rise. I check on the kids and see them still watching the movie so I walk to the bathroom just off the kitchen to pee on the stick.
After it's done I place it on the back of the toilet to wash my hands and set the timer on my watch for five minutes. I don't look at the taunting stick at all until my watch beeps and take a deep breath. When I see the two plus signs I shake my head and drop it in my purse when I hear a small knock on the door.
"Mama?"
"Yes, Jack?" I step out of the bathroom and smile down at the little boy. "Do you need something, little fox?"
"I'm hungry...Em is too." He grins up at me and I kneel down to press a kiss to his cheek.
"Well lets see what's here for the two of you to snack on." I walk to the fridge and rumage around until I find a bag of grapes and a couple of tanderines. I peel the tanderines and place the pieces on two plates, adding some grapes also. I decide that the kids need something to drink so I pour them each a glass of apple juice. I take it into the living room and place the snacks and drinks on the coffee table. I notice the movie is over so decide to put another movie on. "After this movie we'll start putting the pizza's together, okay kiddos?" I pop Finding Nemo into the DVD player since that's another movie both children like and walk back to the kitchen to knead the dough again and start on the cupcake batter.
After the movie and after the kids help me make the cupcakes and the pizza, we finally sit down and wait for Aaron to come home. I sit in the rocking chair and grin when both kids crawl into my lap and ask me to tell them a story. I giggle and shake my head, kissing each one on the cheek. "I don't know any stories...I do know an old Lakota lullaby. Will that do?" I watch Emma and Jack nod and smile up at me. "I'm going to do it in Lakota first then I'll sing it in English." I hum softly and start rocking gently, thinking about the baby nestled in my womb and the children in my lap.
"Cante waste hoksila ake istima
Hanhepi ki waste
Cante waste hoksils ake istima
Hanhepi ki waste"
I glance up when Aaron steps into the living room, a soft smile on his lips as he sees the kids in my lap. I send him a small smile and hum again softly.
"Good-hearted boy, go back to sleep
The night is good
Good-heart boy, go back to sleep
The night is good..."
"Daddy's home..." I whisper into Jack's ear and giggle when he jumps off my lap and rushes over to his father.
Aaron looks at Emma who is being a little stand offish and holds his arms out for her also which causes Em to squeal in delight and rush over to the tall man. "Daddy?" Em asks and I can't stop the small gasp and the tears that fill my eyes as Aaron kneels down and places Emma on her feet.
He glances at Jack for a moment and whispers into his sons ear, grinning when the boy smiles brightly. "Emma..." Aaron kisses her cheek and locks his eyes on mine over her head as the little girl hugs him tightly. "I love you two so much..." He whispers and releases them so he can stand up to walk over to me.
"Hey..." I murmur when he kisses me softly and wraps his arms around me, tugging me to his chest. "How did you make out with the case?" I ask and stroke a hand through his hair.
"We caught them, but they're not being charged." I peck him on the cheek and walk towards the kitchen, Aaron following behind me. He grabs my hand and stops to shove another movie on for the kids. "The little boy...he died of SIDS. The mother thought it was her fault and the father...he tried to take the blame. They buried the boy in a plastic bin with his favorite blanket and teddy bear. They are just kids...They didn't want him to be alone..."
I turn the oven on and brace my hands on the counter as I let out a huge yawn, feeling tired. "The kids and I made pizza and cupcakes for dinner...we thought you might need cheering up..."
"You're acting funny, Laila. Are you okay?" I see the concern flash into Aaron's eyes and just send him a smile as I nod.
"I'm fine...I just feel a bit sick is all." I send him another smile and watch as he looks at the cupcakes reaching out to grab one but I slap his hand away playfully. "No dessert until after you eat your dinner." I chide teasingly which causes Hotch to swoop me into his arms and kiss me deeply. "I love you..." I whisper as I stroke a hand down his cheek and wrap my arms around him when he sets me back on the ground.
"I love you too, Lai." Aaron places a kiss on the back of my neck and nuzzles it softly. "I'm going to have a shower...I'll be back to help with dinner in a few."
"Go relax, Aaron...I've got this." I kiss him before he walks out of the kitchen and sigh softly. "This is going to be interesting..." I murmur to myself and sigh again as I slip the pizza into the oven.
-x-
"You've been awfully quiet tonight, sweetheart."I look up from the list I'm making for things I need at the restuarant and sigh softly. I see Aaron quirk a brow when I sigh again so I decide that I need to tell him about being pregnant. "We need to talk...""I suddenly feel like I'm back in high school and my girlfriend is going to dump me." He sends me a nervous smile that causes me to chuckle a bit and lean in to kiss him."Sorry, if you want to live the single life again, you'll need to dump me." I whisper and grab his hands tangling my fingers with his. "Aaron..." I bite my lip and shift so I'm sitting on my knees in front of the brown eyed man. "I'm pregnant..."I watch as his eyes go blurry for a moment and then before I can say a word he picks me up and hugs me. "You're sure?" I nod and quirk a brow when he hugs me again. "When did you-""I took a test today...and had a vision of you holding a new baby...black hair...my nose." I grin a bit when he kisses me and hugs me once again."We're really going to have a baby?" He watches me nod and I can't help but open myself up to his emotions because of the joy radiating off of him. "Is it a boy or girl?"I cross my arms and send Aaron a bemused look. "Do you really think I'm going to tell you?" I chuckle when he tickles me and presses a kiss to my forehead."You get to know while I don't?" He grumps playfully and I just send him a smirk, poking him in the belly."Actually, I couldn't tell if it was a baby boy or a baby girl." I confess and shrug when Aaron kisses me again. "I guess my visions want it to be a surprise." I bite my lip and tug my knees to my chest staring into Hotch's eyes. "Are you really okay with this? I mean, it's like everything is happening so fast.""Laila...you're everything that I could have hope for." Aaron smiles and kisses me gently. "I love you so much and I couldn't be happier...I also want to ask you something..." He kisses me again and places a hand on my cheek. "Will you and Em move in with Jack and I?"I smile and stretch out my legs as I take Aaron's face in my hands. "Emma and I would love too." I giggle when he tugs my legs so that I'm laying flat on my back and he's sitting over me. "Aaron?" I ask softly when he just stares at my flat belly for a few moments, not saying anything. I gasp when he tugs my shirt up, gathering it just under my breast and leans down to press a kiss where the baby is nestled. I see the love in Hotch's eyes and reach up to press a hand into his hair, smiling as I send the image of him holding the baby into his mind."That's amazing..." He gasps out softly and lays a hand on my belly, kissing me on the lips. "So...how do you think Jack and Emma are going to take the news?"I chuckle and slide my hands to Aaron's cheeks then lean up to kiss him. "I think there may be a bit of jealousy with Emma but Jack is going to be amazing.""Are you happy, Laila?" Aaron asks softly and kisses the tip of my nose as he slips his hands over my breasts under my shirt, causing me to gasp softly. I sit up a bit and tug my shirt over my head and slip my hands down Hotch's chest and nip his neck gently. "I'm wonderfully happy, Aaron." I kiss him deeply and slip my tongue past his lips to dance with his as I slip my hands into his boxers and softly run my hand down the lenght of his cock, swallowing his gasp. Aaron grabs my hands and pins them above my head with one hand and uses his other to tug my sleep shorts off and then frees himself of his boxers. I send him a feline grin and lift my hips to stroke my opening against his cock, causing him to growl at me, and I can't help the pleasure that fills me as his eyes darken to almost black. "Vixen..." He growls again when I arch my hips taking his tip into me."Fuck me, Hotchner." I command quietly and dig my nails into his back as he slips into me quickly, causing me to gasp and wrap my legs around his hips. I push him back and straddle his hips, slipping his cock into me again. I slide my hands into my hair as his find my hips and I ride him hard and fast.After Aaron and I are spent and laying back panting on the bed, he wraps an arm around me and tugs me against his chest while kissing my hair. "Is it okay if I tell David?"I giggle which causes Aaron to tickle me and then place a hand over my still flat belly. "Aaron, it's your baby too..."He gives me a sheepish smile and kisses me again as he strokes over where our child is nestled. "I thought you might've wanted to wait for awhile before I told anyone.""I don't want to wait, Aaron..." I murmur, feeling pleasently tired as Aaron wraps his arms around and cuddles me against his chest. "I'm willing to adopt Jack...if-""I'm working on getting the paperwork, Laila. Jessica is helping me...and she wants to meet you...well have a conversation with you since you've only talked to her in passing while picking up Jack." Hotch watches as I shake my head slightly. "You're scared?"I chew my bottom lip for a moment and sigh softly. "I'm not scared...I just...I'm dating her dead sisters husband." I sit up and lay a hand on my currently queasy belly. "She probably hates my guts..." I whisper out and nuzzle Hotch's hand when he places it against my cheek."It's the opposite....she's excited to meet you." Aaron tugs me so that I'm laying back down and cuddles against me. "Maybe we can have her over for dinner during the long weekend?""That'd be nice..." I murmur, yawning a bit and laying my head on Aaron's chest."Get some sleep, Sleepy Head..." Hotch chuckles when I cuddle closer and press my lips to his neck while he plays with the tips of my hair."Mama!"I sit up when I hear Emma scream for me and Aaron gets up to go with me. I shake my head and send him a smile. "I'll go...be back in a few minutes." I grab Aaron's disguarded button up from the floor and shrug it on as I shimmy my sleep shorts on under it. I button up a few buttons leaving the bottom of the shirt open as I step into the room that Aaron has given Emma and pick her up out of the bed. "Mama's here, čónala kimimila..." I murmur as she lays her head on my chest, sobbing softly."Mama, sing?" Emma looks up at me with her big blue eyes and I send her a tired smile as I yawn again. "What do you want me to sing?""Lullaby?""Okay, my sweet girl..." I curl up in the bed with Emma and cuddle her against my chest as Aaron peeks in, carrying Jack who must've woken up when Emma screamed."Lullaby and good night, in the skies stars are brightMay the moon's silvery beams, bring you sweet dreamsClose your eyes now and rest, may these hours be blessedTil the sky's bright with dawn, when you wake with a yawn..."I watch as Aaron lays Jack beside Emma and helps me climb over the two children so I can sit in his lap. When Jack is settled in beside Emma, he wraps an around around her and my heart warms. I hum softly and rest a hand on my belly where the new baby is growing."Lullaby and good night, you are mothers delightI'll protect you from harm, and you'll wake in my armsSleepyhead, close your eyes for I'm right beside youGuardian angels are near, so sleep without fear"Hotch wraps his arms around me, resting his hands over mine on my belly and leans me back against his chest. I see Jack watching us with a smile on his face so I reach out and poke his nose, causing him to grin wider."Lullaby and good night, with roses be-dightLilies o'er head lay thee down in thy bedLullaby and good night, you are mothers delightI'll protect you from harm, and you'll wake in my arms."After the two children are asleep I yawn again and smile sleepily up at Aaron who picks me up in his arms and carries me into our bedroom. As he carries me I continue humming softly, deciding to sing a bit more."Lullaby and sleep tight, my darling sleepingOn sheets white as cream, with the head full of dreamsSleepy head close your eyes, I'm right beside youLay thee down now and rest, may your slumber be best..."I trail off when Aaron kisses me and lays me gently in our bed, slipping his hands under the button up I'm wearing to brush against my sides and belly. "I love you, Laila..." He whispers and kisses me again gently before laying down beside me and cuddling against me."Love you too, Aaron..." I mumble as I turn on my side and snuggle against his chest falling into a deep sleep. I moan a few hours later when my stomach rolls and I have to make a beeline for the bathroom. I whimper and lay my flushed forhead against the cool porcline of the toilet, glaring slightly when Aaron stumbles in with a grin on his face. "Not a word..." I moan again as I retch once more and curl up on the bathroom floor."Feel better?" He asks softly and kneels beside where I'm curled up, sliding his hand into my hair, removing the strands that are hanging in my face. I lay my head in Hotch's lap when he sits down and strokes a hand down my back.I sigh softly and sit up after a few moments, glancing into Aaron's eyes. "I forgot until just now how bad 'Morning' sickness was for me when I was pregnant for Emma." I moan when my stomach rolls again and place a hand on it, glancing at the watch on my wrist, seeing that it's after 4 am. "I don't think I'll be able to get back to sleep, so I'm going to go read in the living room." I go to stand up but Aaron tugs me down so I'm straddling his lap. "Aaron, you have to be up for work in a little over three hours...go back to sleep.""Laila..." He nuzzles my neck and presses soft kisses to my cheek, causing me to sigh contently and wrap my arms around him. "Come back to bed with me for a bit..." I nod and stand up again, grabbing the glass off of the sink and filling it with water to rinse my mouth out. When I'm done, I giggle when Hotch picks me up in his arms and carries me into the bedroom. He drops me on the bed playfully and flops beside me, wrapping his long arms around me. I kiss the man beside me and slide my fingers through his hair, smiling when he closes his eyes and sighs contently. "Go to sleep, Handsome..." I murmur, pressing my lips to his forhead and continue stroking my hands through his hair."I love you, Laila." Aaron mumbles sleepily causing me to chuckle quietly and sigh contently."Love you too, Aaron."
"Miss McKenzie?"
I glance up from my writing and smile a tiny bit when I see Doctor Spencer Reid standing in the doorway. "How many times do I have to tell you? My name is Autumn."
Spencer sends me a warm smile and sits in the chair beside the bed, glancing down at the notebook my hand is laying on. "You look a bit better today, Autumn."
The FBI agent has come to visit me everyday since I've been here in the hospital. I'm not sure if it's because he's friends with my brother or if he's just being friendly since I can't seem to read the man.
"You're too kind." I mumble and notice that he's carrying a Burger King take out bag. I grow excited in hope that it's for me so I send him a beaming smile. "If that's for me, I'll kiss you..." I giggle as I trail off when the dark haired man blushes and runs a hand through his chin lenght hair. "...on the cheek..." I finish and chuckle when he pokes me in the forehead playfully.
"Maybe I should eat it instead and let you eat that awful hospital food." Spencer grins when I pout slightly and push the notebook towards him as he puts the bag down.
"Dr. Reid..." I whisper quietly and glance up from the notebook to look into his soulful brown eyes. "I...can you read what I've written?" I bite my lip and fight back the tears that want to fall. "I...know that it's supposed to be my thoughts and stuff but I just...I-"
"Autumn, call me Spence remember." He locks his warm brown eyes on my green ones and reaches out to tuck my hair behind my ear. "Are you sure you want me to delve into your thoughts like this?" He asks kindly and I just nod my head, glancing down at the Whopper and fries that are laying on my tray.
"If you don't want too, I understand. I just want someone I can trust to know...what it was like...I feel so alone..." I whisper and suddenly gasp when Spencer's hand is covering mine. "I can't talk about this to Jace...because I know it will make him angry...and I just don't think I can handle anymore anger from my brother right now..."
"Autumn, I'll read it and you can trust me. I promise." He opens the notebook and glances at our hands quickly, turning mine so that he can lace our fingers together. I pick at the fries that are on my table and look up when Spencer squeezes my hand softly.
Spencer Reid and I know each other a little bit from talking at the bar and grill my brother owns. He and his fellow BAU Agents came in one night and I was their waitress. Since that night, Spence and the others come into the place at least once a week when they're able, though I haven't seen the others for a while now.
I nibble on a fry and can't stop my thoughts from going back to the two weeks that I was locked in Seth's grandfathers hunting cabin. I tremble slightly and Spencer must feel it because he glances up from the notebook and reaches out to tuck my hair behind my ear again. I shy away a bit and smile sadly because it's automatic for me to flinch lately. "I'm sorry..."
"You're brave..."
"Brave?" I ask softly, an eyebrow quirked. "I'm not brave, Spence...far from it." I sigh and glance up when my brother walks in carrying Liam. "Liam!" I hold my arms out for my nephew and wince slightly when Jace lays him in my arms. I smile down at the baby in my arms and coo at him when he gives me a drooly grin. "Hey handsome."
Jace sits down on the end of the bed and sends me a smirk. "Spencer, why is it that everytime I show up you're always here talking to my baby sister?" He grins at the shaggy haired man who flushes and slides a hand through his hair.
"Jace, leave poor Spence alone." I jiggle the baby and grin down at him when he giggles. "I've missed you so much, baby boy." I lean down and kiss his cheek as I look up at Spencer. "Spencer's actually been helping me..." I murmur when both men look at me and the baby giggles.
"So how's work going Spence?"
"It's been going good, Jace. We just solved a big case in California before-" Spencer cuts himself off and glances at me holding the baby in my arms. I see a small look of longing in his eyes and send him a sad smile.
"Before all Hell broke loose?" I finish for the flustered man and chuckle when Liam reaches for Spencer. "Oh, so I'm being replaced, hmm?" I jiggle the baby playfully before handing him over to Spencer. "I see how it is little man..." I poke Liam in the belly and smile when he bounces slightly in Spencer's arms. "I want to go home, Jace." I murmur softly and bite my lip to hold back the tears that suddenly want to fall.
"I know, kiddo." Jace mumbles and scootches so that he's beside me on the bed wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "We'll take you home soon..." He places a kiss on the side of my head and strokes his hand through my black hair. "I want you to come live with Erin and I...we discussed it earlier-"
"Jason Matthew McKenzie!" I painfully push my brother away from me and glare at him. I wince when Liam starts crying from my loud voice and sigh softly. "I'm not moving in with you and Erin..." I mutter angerily and lock my eyes on my brothers. "I love you Jace, but I just can't..." I sigh again and slide my fingers through my hair in frustration, whimpering when the right side of my chest throbs from the movement. "I can't explain it..." I clench my fist together and bite my lip as I glance down at my lap, feeling disgusted since I can't voice my feelings.
I feel a hand lay over mine squeezing softly. The action causes me to look up at the person who is gripping my hand and see Spencer staring at me. I whimper softly when I see the understanding in his brown eyes. "Autumn, Jace is here to listen to you...it's hard right now but you need to try explaining yourself." He squeezes my hand again and sends a smile towards Jace who is looking between Spence and I with a quirked eyebrow.
"I need to face this Jace...I need to go on living my life normally because if I don't...Seth wins..." I feel the tears fall down my cheeks, and can't stop the small sob that escapes. "I'm scared...but I can't hide anymore..."
"Autumn..." Jason whispers and gathers me in his arms, stroking my back softly. "You're right and I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you first."
"I love you, big brother." I whisper and can't stop the chuckle that escapes when Liam grabs a fist full of my hair, pulling it while squealing happily. "I love you, too Liam." I smile at Spencer when he hands me the baby and strokes my cheek softly.
"I need to get going but I'll be around tonight or tomorrow." He sends me a shy smile and pats my brother on the shoulder before he turns to leave. Spencer stops suddenly, walking back to me quickly and pulls out a card with his cell number on it. He hands it to me and leans down to kiss the top of my head as he flushes and exits the room quickly.
I glance down at what is written on the card and smile softly.
‘Remember, you’re strong and beautiful.’
I place a kiss on my nephews cheek and bounce him playfully in my lap. "How's Erin?"
Jace shakes his head and sends me a smirk as he takes Liam from me. "Oh, no you don't Autumn. Just what is going on with you and Spencer Reid?"
I shrug my shoulders and chuckle when my brother gives me his 'I know something you don't know' look. "Why are you looking at me like that? Dr. Reid offered to...help me by listening or in this case..." I motion towards the notebook laying on my hospital tray. "...reading some of the stuff that happened." I trail off and bite my lip as a shiver goes down my spine when I think of the two weeks I was Seth's prisioner. "He's a nice guy, Jason."
"I know he's a nice guy, sissy..." He grins at me and locks his brown eyes on mine. "Spencer has a bit of a crush on you..."
"You're just talking out of your ass, big brother." I chuckle when my brother gives me the finger and I stick my tongue out at him. "I really like Spencer, Jace...I just...with everything that's happened, how can he even look at me, ya know?"
"Autumn, you're beautiful and I'm not just saying that because you're my sister." Jace kisses the side of my head and grins when Liam mimicks him. "See, Liam agrees with his daddy." He sets the baby on my lap again and strokes a hand down my hair. "You're going to be fine, Sis." Jason whispers and picks up Liam again. "Erin says she's going to come up later tonight and sit with you for awhile. Says she has a few things she needs to discuss with you."
"Jason-" I trail off and bite my lip as a sob clogs my throat so I clear the lump by coughing slightly. "You should bring Liam home." I send my brother a pleading look and he smiles softly, understanding my need to be alone to cry.
"Love you, little sis." Jace leans down and kisses my forehead and I see the sadness in his eyes as he bundles Liam up and walks out of the room.
"Love you too, big brother..." I whisper to his retreating back and sigh softly, glancing down at the notebook. I chew my bottom lip for a moment before I pick up the pen and start writing again.
I start writing about the one fear I've hidden since I've first held Liam when Jace brought him in. The one thing that would be a constant reminder of what Seth Barlow did to me.
-x-
October 10th[Afternoon]
It's been an interesting and very weird day so far, and it's only just after lunch time. Spencer stopped by for a visit and agreed to read what I've written about the ordeal with Seth. I know it seems silly that I feel safe allowing Spence to read what happened, but I trust him. I don't know why I trust him, because I know that some people wouldn't trust a soul in my situation but I just...sense something about him. I know in my gut that he won't hurt me or break my trust if he can help it. I think that's what I need right now.
Jace is doing his best but I can't handle the anger he's trying so hard to hold back. I know he feels guilty that he never realized what was going on sooner but he shouldn't. Maybe the guilt he feels is his way of coping with everything?
We all have different ways of coping I guess...writing may be my way of dealing with my emotions and feelings. I say 'may be' because I don't know if it will help me, but I at least want to try. I don't like this empty, edgy feeling...I feel alone, and almost...dead inside. Does that make sense, Dr. Reid? To try to make more sense, I feel things but I don't want too...I think?
There's one thing that's really worrying me right now, and I'm not quite sure how to go about fixing it. It dawned on me when I was holding Liam, I just...couldn't voice my concerns with Jace here because of how I know he'll react. Hell, I'm kind of worried how I'll react because there'll be nothing I can do...
God, what if I'm pregnant with Seth Barlow's baby? What will I do? What can I do? There's so many thoughts going through my head and I'm just so confused.
The rapes...it's hard to talk about and I'm not certain if I'll ever be able to talk about how brutal they were...I still hear my own voice screaming, echoing in the back of my mind. I can still feel his hands and mouth every wheres, even when I slip into sleep.
Could I possibly be carrying a spawn of Seth? I'm so scared to find out but I need to know. I have to know because to be completely honest here, I don't think I could...love it.
That makes me a horrible person, but how could I love it? How? What if it has his eyes or his nose? Those dull gray eyes that will forever haunt me.
I'm scared...
-x-
I lay the pen down and sigh softly because admitting that I'm scared has left me feeling muddled. I glance around the small, private room that I'm in and notice the card Spencer gave me laying on the table. I smile softly and pick up the card, holding it in my hands, debating on whether or not I should call the man.
'An idiot is attempting to reach you...'I gasp when my cell phone goes off, alerting me that my brother is calling me. I chuckle and answer the phone. "Hello Jace. Why are you calling me already since you've just left like twenty minutes ago?" I chirp in a sing-songys voice."Cute, Autumn. Is the ringtone you use for me still the idiot one?" "Yes..." I giggle when he sighs, because I know that he's now rubbing his forhead in annoyance. "So, what do you want?" I grin and I hear him chuckle softly because he can hear it in my voice."I just wanted to let you know that Spence is on his way back to see you and he has a little surprise for you..." I quirk a brow when I hear the smile in my brother's voice."A surprise?" I ask softly, suddenly feeling extremely curious and look up quickly when I hear a knock on the door to my room. "Call me later, Jason. Love you." I hang up the phone as Spencer walks in with a meek smile on his face. "Hi Spence." I send him a shy smile and watch as he sits beside me on the bed."Jace called you, didn't he?" "Yeah...sorry, he can be a bone head." I send the nervous man a smile and gasp when I notice something moving in his jacket. "Spence?" I ask softly when he just struggles against whatever is crawling in his coat."Autumn, Emily's cat had kittens..." He reaches behind him and scratches his neck nervously and I can't help but reach out and place my hand on his cheek to focus his attention back to me. He clears his throat and I just send Spencer a smile when he unzips his coat, revealing a little orange and white kitten. "I...uh... smuggled one in for you."I just stare at the man for about thirty seconds and before I can stop myself, I start bawling as I throw my arms around him. Spencer freezes when I fling myself at him and pulls his head back slightly so he can look into my eyes. "Autumn, if you don't want her-"I shake my head and take the kitten from Spencer's shaking hands, nuzzling her against my cheek. "Don't you dare!" I sniffle and send him a smile. "Sorry...I'm kind of emotional...and this is the best present ever..." I watch as the kitten curls up in my lap and I stroke the mans cheek again. "Spence?"He locks his brown eyes on my blue ones and lays his hand over mine on his cheek. "Yes?"I lean forward and press my lips softly against his and tuck his hair behind his ear. "Thank you..." I whisper quietly and then kiss his cheek. "Thank you..." I whisper again and can't stop the sob as he gathers me in his arms and hugs me."You're very welcome.” Spence kisses my forehead and chuckles softly when the kitten mews at us for squishing her. "She needs a name...""Faith..." I murmur as the kitten brushes against Spencer's hand, marking him as hers. "Faith suits her, don't you think?" I lock my eyes on his brown ones and send Spencer a smile. I watch as he smiles back at me and glances at the notebook laying open on my table."Writing again?" He asks curiously and I just nod my head. "How do you feel?" "Empty..." I bite my lip nervously and pick Faith up to cuddle her against my cheek. "You can read it..."Spencer picks up the book and reads over the words I've written. When he gasps softly I feel my belly tighten up in fear, but he must notice me tensing because he reaches out and strokes my cheek. "You're not a horrible person, Autumn." He wraps an arm around my shoulders and I can't help but lay my head on his chest as he snuggles me closer. "You're brave, and you're not alone...remember that.""I'm scared..." I can't stop the words from trembling out and the small sob that follows it. Faith looks up at me and mews softly, nuzzling my hand as I stroke it down her fur."Autumn..." Spencer kisses the side of my head and places a finger under my chin to force me to look up at him. "You're going to be okay...I promise." He leans forward and brushes his lips against mine softly. After a few seconds he strokes a hand down my cheek and I know that he's attempting to make me comfortable with him."Spencer?" I ask softly and lock my blue eyes on his soulful brown ones. "Thank you...just for everything." I bite my lip and hand him the kitten back, knowing that he's going to have to smuggle her out. "Do you think...when I get out of here, we can hang out or something?" I ask quietly which causes him to smile and tuck Faith into his jacket again."I'd like that." He kisses my forehead again and I see some humor twinkling in his eyes. "Emily told me that two cats are better then one...and I think Faith needs a sister." He grins when I just quirk an eyebrow and shake my head, holding back the laugh that wants to bubble out."Fine, I'll take Faith and another one...if it's a girl, we'll name it Hope...okay?" "Wouldn't have it any other way..." He murmurs and leans down to kiss my cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay Autumn?""Okay, Spencer..."As he turns around to leave the room, he smirks over his shoulder. "Get some sleep..."I watch as he leaves and sigh softly as the nurse walks in with a silly grin on her face. "Lover boy bring that kitten with him?" She asks and chuckles when I sputter and bite my lip nervously. "I have eyes, Autumn. Now do as the Doctor says...go to sleep."I just nod and nuzzle the stuffed wolf that Jace bought me for my last birthday and sigh softly as I finally give into the sleep that I've been putting off.
My name is Autumn Rain McKenzie and I'm twenty-three years old. I live here in Quantico, Virginia in a small apartment on South Street. I have an older brother named Jace who is twenty-eight and who is married to my best friend, Erin who is twenty-six. The two of them have a six month old son named Liam and I don't think I can love anyone more.
Jace and I are really close for being siblings, but growing up, all we really had were each other. You see, our parents died when Jace was twelve and I was seven. We lived in Foster Care which was no walk in the park, but the system managed to keep us from being seperated until Jason was old enough to leave. I'm grateful for that because without Jace, I surely wouldn't be around today.
I don't really feel like writing about that story right now, because this entry is leading up to my most recent...problem?...struggle?...issue?...I'm not really sure what to call my latest adventure?
Whatever this thing should be called, I'll get to it now, I guess. It's hard to write about because for one, I'm scared of what Dr. Reid is going to say and for another, I've never delved this deep into my relationship with 'Him'. I don't know if it's because I'm ashamed or if I think I deserved it.
When I say 'Him' I'm refering to my ex-boyfriend. The one who is sitting in jail right now because he tried to kill me. I'm jumping to far ahead of myself here, so let me back up a bit.
Seth Barlow and I met just six short months ago at my brother's restaurant. The Roadhouse Bar and Grill is a pretty popular place and I really enjoy working there. The tips are good and they have an open mic night, so when the urge to sing hits me...sorry, veering off topic here. I met Seth when I was his waitress one night. I suppose I could say that I fell in love with him, but if I'm being honest here I don't think I loved him. I also think he knew that which is why he started to hate me.
I will admit that I thought I loved him, but as the relationship went on my feelings began to change. They started changing after the first night Seth hit me. It was just three weeks into our relationship and we'd just come back from hanging out with Jace and Erin. It basically happened because Erin's brother was there, which shouldn't be a big deal because Mark and I went to high school together. Seth didn't like the fact that I kissed Mark on the cheek, because when we got back to my place he called me a slut and shoved me into the wall, driving his fist into my face.
Seth apologized after, but things changed; almost as if he enjoyed hurting me. It was always over little things, such as my clothes or make-up. If I wanted to see my brother, especially when Erin first had Liam, he'd accuse me of sleeping around. The fact is though, I've never slept with anyone before Seth.
It's not that I didn't want too, but being in Foster Care can sometimes make a person go a little crazy, especially when you're still there after your brother leaves. Things happened and afterwards I focused on my school work more then having friends or boyfriends. I ran when I was eighteen because I couldn't stand it anymore.
Back to Seth...The beatings got worse as time went on, and even though I never told Jace at first, I think he began to suspect about five months into the relationship. I stopped making excuses for the bruises and just avoided answering any questions he and Erin would ask.
I finally confessed everything the night Seth raped me. I was sitting in my apartment getting ready for bed. Seth had told me he was going to stay at his own place that night, and to be quite honest I was glad. I was planning on breaking up with him the next day but he showed up, drunk and stoned. We argued and I finally told him I was done, that I couldn't handle the beatings anymore. He freaked out and tossed me into the mirror, causing it to shatter and smash to the floor. I don't remember a lot about the beating because after the mirror he shoved me to the floor, kicking and punching me. My head hit pretty hard and I blacked out for a while. I came too when he was grabbing my breasts and undoing my jeans. I was bleeding and the pain in my stomach was unbarable, but the thought of being raped was like a knife through the chest.
My back was cut up pretty bad from the glass and as he raped me I wished one would pierce into an artery and I'd bleed out. God, I wanted to die then because of the pain, the fear and the hate I felt for myself. I felt dirty, weak and worthless. When it was over he spat on me, and told me: "You'll never be rid of me, bitch. I'll kill you."
Those words scared me and the look in his eyes made my decision for me. When he left, I managed to get up from the floor and with the blood still streaming down my back, I went to the bathroom to wash up. I couldn't recognize myself anymore and that scared me more then Seth. I was becoming a shell of myself and I couldn't let it go on. After washing my face I grabbed a sweater and left my apartment. I was in pain, bruised and bawling when I finally reached my brothers house.
When Erin answered the door, I thought she was going to pass out because when she described me, I looked like death she said. She called Jace down and when he seen me, he called the cops. I don't remember much of the police visit but I do know that I confessed everything that Seth had done. I know that the police left after taking my statement and they brought him into the station when they caught him, less then an hour later.
They held Seth for three days in lock up and put a restraining order against him. He wasn't aloud within thirty feet of me and for about a month things were sort of peaceful.
A month is all it lasted, and here I am again. Only this time I'm sitting in a hospital room, writing in this notebook and listening to the beeping of my IV machine. I've been here for three days so far and I really want to go home, but due to the fact that I'm dehydrated and that I have a bullet wound in the right side of my chest they won't release me.
Dr. Reid of the FBI is the one who gave me this notebook. He told me to write down my thoughts, my feelings. He said it may help me deal with the things that were done to me when Seth had me captive for two weeks. I don't know if I'll ever be able to talk about the things that were done to me, Spencer. It's like it's burned into my mind.
I feel so lost and confused. I feel hopeless and ashamed. Mostly though, I feel like I deserved this for some reason. I feel so...different.
I feel like I'm broken and I don't know if I'll ever be able to be put back together. Will I ever truly be okay again?
Autumn Leaves is a story about a young woman named Autumn who Spencer knows a bit because he’s friends with her brother. I can’t really write too much without giving the story away. There are going to be parts that are written in italics because Autumn is writing in a journal. Also there’s a pregnancy and yes, Spencer and Autumn kind of rush into a relationship. Bleh. I started writing this awhile ago.
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, or anything involving the show except my Original Characters: Autumn, Jace, Erin and Liam
Rating: Mature
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Drama
Title: Autumn Leaves
Pairings: Autumn.x.Spencer
Hey guys! I’m really struggling with my smut writing...so basically Good Times part 2 is about half done but I’m not confident in my smut so...yeah. Anyone have any advice? Also does anyone want a drabble or something?
gummygunk
amandla
gracieabrams
prguitarman
areudirty